467 thoughts on “UnDeadpan Unshow UnXmas

  1. And, so, Merry Christmas to all in Deadpan. My presence as well will be sketchy the next few days. My presents, on the other hand, are going to be unwrapped will all due speed.

  2. Thanks Jamie! Welcome to Deadpan. Happy Holidays to you and your family.

    Cj, that is a really great thing to say 🙂 I deeply appreciate the good people in my life, and Deadpan is an amazing community of good people.

  3. Welcome, J3!

    Van: Sorry to hear about your dad. I know what it is like. *hugs*

    Merry Christmas to all. Enjoy the time with your families, cuz that’s what it is all about.

  4. Merry Christmas everyone — like all of you I’m thinking of Van today.

    Cj, you took the words out of my mouth – I am grateful for all of you and for this community.

  5. Happy holidays to LostRalph, Jamie, marlodianne, and everyone else in the Deadpan crew!

    Van: *hugs*

    Currently, at my house: Presents opened. Chocolate croissants eaten. “A Christmas Story” is on the TV. Family is happy. 🙂

  6. Sorry about your Father’s bad news, Van. Best wishes to him. We’re here for you throughout, brother.

    I hope everyone enjoys their day. I’m looking forward to visiting some good friends.

  7. Gifts are open. Breakfast/Brunch eaten and cleaned up. Kids are hyped on sugar. Many pictures have been taken. It’s raining, but it’s a beautiful day.

    I’m prepping the kitchen for the 2nd wave of guests. Board games in my future I hope!

  8. That was a really cool episode. Color me impressed. JJ and whoever put together at the Charlie Brown deadpan Christmas special rocked.

    I open my gift early because I wasn’t sure if I’d be home for the holidays. I have are he found it very useful. Thank you.

  9. I’ll chime in on what Trucker said about the Unshow.
    Maybe it is just because I am so familur with so much of the material used … but for me, this Ep had a very comfortable feel to it. Like the way the 100th showing of your favorite holiday special does.
    … and Trucker’s SSanta bit was warm and wonderful in that “Bing Crosby by the fire side” meets “The Osbournes” sort of way.

    Thanks everyone for pitching in and thanks for running it Jack.
    🙂

  10. It was my first time hearing all of it and I thought it was great. I really enjoyed it.

    I’m exhausted. Just thought I’d share. Happy and exhausted.

    *hugs* to all.

  11. Morning Deadpan.

    I hope Santa was good to you all.

    Congrats to Van for beating me at Scrabble. (I have yet to win a game.) As well as extra thoughts to him and his family.

    *extra hug for Vanamonde*

  12. Ok, New Game (I have actually removed some of the questions because they asked for too much information to give on the net in my mind):

    YOUR SPY NAME: Lee Cantrell
    (middle name and current street name)

    YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: Joan … (sorry don’t have a favourite candy)
    (grandfather/grandmother on your dad’s side, your favorite candy)

    YOUR GAMER TAG: Black Panther
    (a favorite color, a favorite animal)

    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: Lee Edmonton
    (middle name, city where you were born)

    YOUR STAR WARS NAME: Dei (um… mom legally changed her name several times, not sure which is her maiden name) Ree
    (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)

    PORN STAR NAME: Fluffy Ogden
    (first pet’s name, the street you grew up on)

    SUPERHERO NAME: The Black Neon
    (“The”, your favorite color, the automobile your dad drives)

    YOUR ACTION HERO NAME: Kirk Eggs
    (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)

  13. Apparently its my curse to really fuck up any given holiday.

    I did spend the last half of yesterday devouring “The Shack” by William Young. It’s heartbreaking, then surprising yet close to overly heady, and then it becomes really surprising and satisfying. Since it’s found in the “Christian Fiction” section, I doubt anyone is likely to check it out, especially considering its about a man who’s lost his daughter to a child serial killer years later gets invited to the place she was murdered to have a conversation with God. Sounds cheesy, but the book is anything but… And truth be told I’m not sure it even belongs in the “Christian Fiction” section, the book is pretty anti-religion, even with Jesus flat out saying he’s not a Christian.

    But in any case, it was an excellent book.

  14. on the 2nd day of xmas my true love gave to me, the remaining DVD set of star trek the original series I needed to complete the set that I just never got for some unknown reason

    on the 1st day of xmas my true love gave to me a whole amazon box full of cheesy vampire porn!!

    ok.. that doesn’t match the song at all does it?

    now let me catch up here…

  15. Dub: I’ll check that out. It sounds interesting. I think if you liked that, you might enjoy “An Instance of the Fingerpost” by Iain Pears. It’s a murder mystery told from 4 perspectives. Each time the story is retold, it is turned on its head. There is religion, philosophy, and intrigue all set in the English post-civil war period.

  16. Ed got firsties? Van getting firsties is about as definite as Van winning the GJB around here

    Unxmas Unshow seems to be in my iTunes and in working order captain

    Welcome Jamie3!!

    Van- take all the time you need. Deadpan will be here if you need a laugh, or a place to vent. Take care of yourself.

    glory holes?

    That xmas card was too funny 🙂

    I am glad to see many of you had a good xmas. Ours was wonderful. We went to Hughs brothers house and celebrated with his whole huge crazy family. It was fun. Saturday we go to celebrate with my family. My parents both work at hospitals and were working both xmas eve and xmas.

    Dub- a good book is a good book no matter what its about. I’ll read just about anything myself.

    and now I will play along with bunnys name game

  17. YOUR SPY NAME: Claudia Dearborn
    (middle name and current street name)

    YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: Josefina Reeses
    (grandfather/grandmother on your dad’s side, your favorite candy)

    YOUR GAMER TAG: Black Panther _ i’m just leaving bunnies cuz I agree with it
    (a favorite color, a favorite animal)

    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: Claudia Chicago
    (middle name, city where you were born)

    YOUR STAR WARS NAME: dim osa hug (I have no pet so I just used hugh)
    (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)

    PORN STAR NAME: Snowflake Michigan
    (first pet’s name, the street you grew up on)

    SUPERHERO NAME: The Black Passat
    (”The”, your favorite color, the automobile your dad drives)

    YOUR ACTION HERO NAME: Tony Cannoli (LOL)
    (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)

  18. YOUR SPY NAME: John 177th
    (middle name and current street name)

    YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: Marco Crisp
    (grandfather/grandmother on your dad’s side, your favorite candy)

    YOUR GAMER TAG: Black Tiger
    (a favorite color, a favorite animal)

    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: John St. Catharines
    (middle name, city where you were born)

    YOUR STAR WARS NAME: Cat Tes Ken
    (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)

    PORN STAR NAME: Missy Bendingroad
    (first pet’s name, the street you grew up on)

    SUPERHERO NAME: The Black Charger
    (”The”, your favorite color, the automobile your dad drives)

    YOUR ACTION HERO NAME: Neo Prime Rib
    (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)

  19. oh wait actually the last film I watched was Day the Earth Stood Still but Hugh and I have given it Highlander 2 status (ie- it doesn’t exist in our reality)

    So I guess my Action hero name is actually Klattu Cannoli

    BUT since that movie doesn’t exist the last movie I saw WAS Iron Man , so Tony Cannoli it is

  20. YOUR SPY NAME: Garrett Muriel
    (middle name and current street name)

    YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: Joe Sees
    (grandfather/grandmother on your dad’s side, your favorite candy)

    YOUR GAMER TAG: Blue Cheetah
    (a favorite color, a favorite animal)

    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: Garrett Royal Oak
    (middle name, city where you were born)

    YOUR STAR WARS NAME: Has Ett Gin
    (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)

    PORN STAR NAME: Sphixy Dallas, LOL
    (first pet’s name, the street you grew up on)

    SUPERHERO NAME: The Blue Crossfire
    (”The”, your favorite color, the automobile your dad drives)

    YOUR ACTION HERO NAME: Bruce Peanut Ball
    (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)

  21. YOUR SPY NAME: Elanor Linalou Ranch
    (middle name and current street name)
    (used the street my parents’ house is on, because it sounded better than “Second Avenue North”)

    YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: Jean Reeses
    (grandfather/grandmother on your dad’s side, your favorite candy)

    YOUR GAMER TAG: Purple Dolphin
    (a favorite color, a favorite animal)

    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: Elanor Fontana
    (middle name, city where you were born)

    YOUR STAR WARS NAME: Bow Ght Tem
    (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)
    (I no longer have the pet referred to here, but I used to)

    PORN STAR NAME: Whale Shelton
    (first pet’s name, the street you grew up on)

    SUPERHERO NAME: The Purple Civic
    (”The”, your favorite color, the automobile your dad drives)

    YOUR ACTION HERO NAME: Martin Rice Krispies
    (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)
    (LOL!! Yes, Grosse Pointe Blank was the last film I watched.)

  22. YOUR SPY NAME: Anne Calypso
    (middle name and current street name)

    YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: Wilda Red Vines
    (grandfather/grandmother on your dad’s side, your favorite candy)

    YOUR GAMER TAG: Green Poodle
    (a favorite color, a favorite animal)

    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: Anne Scottsdale
    (middle name, city where you were born)

    YOUR STAR WARS NAME: Fei Son Dat
    (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)

    PORN STAR NAME: Sandy McKellips
    (first pet’s name, the street you grew up on)

    SUPERHERO NAME: The Green Avalanche (My dad loved the big trucks!)
    (”The”, your favorite color, the automobile your dad drives)

    YOUR ACTION HERO NAME: Donna Tamale
    (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)

  23. YOUR SPY NAME: Vincent Shea (middle name and current street name – close enough)

    YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: John Jelly Belly
    (grandfather/grandmother on your dad’s side, your favorite candy)

    YOUR GAMER TAG: Black Platypus
    (a favorite color, a favorite animal)

    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: Vincent Rahway
    (middle name, city where you were born)

    YOUR STAR WARS NAME: Man Ger Gan
    (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)

    PORN STAR NAME: Speedy Dermody
    (first pet’s name, the street you grew up on)

    SUPERHERO NAME: The Black Audi (My dad loved the big trucks!)
    (”The”, your favorite color, the automobile your dad drives)

    YOUR ACTION HERO NAME: Hal Eggs
    (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)

  24. YOUR SPY NAME: Lee English Oaks
    (middle name and current street name)

    YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: Homer Hundred Grand
    (grandfather/grandmother on your dad’s side, your favorite candy)

    YOUR GAMER TAG: Red Elephant
    (a favorite color, a favorite animal)

    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: Lee San Antonio
    (middle name, city where you were born)

    YOUR STAR WARS NAME: kle sto ein
    (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)

    PORN STAR NAME: Misty Pilgrim
    (first pet’s name, the street you grew up on)

    SUPERHERO NAME: The Red Rav Four (four what?)
    (”The”, your favorite color, the automobile your dad drives)

    YOUR ACTION HERO NAME: Korben Sirloin (just watched The Fifth Element on Blu-Ray)
    (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)

  25. There, the last of the rebates are filled out an in the mail. I generally avoid them when I can, and I only put up with them from reliable retailers. This time around, it was just a few from Amazon and Newegg.

  26. YOUR SPY NAME: Sue Valentine
    (middle name and current street name)

    YOUR MOVIE STAR NAME: Vera Reses
    (grandfather/grandmother on your dad’s side, your favorite candy)

    YOUR GAMER TAG: Green Cat
    (a favorite color, a favorite animal)

    YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: Sue (Colorado) Springs
    (middle name, city where you were born)

    YOUR STAR WARS NAME: Olyineger
    (first 3 letters of your last name, last 3 letters of mother’s maiden name, first 3 letters of your pet’s name)

    PORN STAR NAME: Jo Jo Pueblo
    (first pet’s name, the street you grew up on)

    SUPERHERO NAME: The Black Rabbit
    (”The”, your favorite color, the automobile your dad drives)

    YOUR ACTION HERO NAME: James Lazagna
    (first name of the main character in the last film you watched, last food you ate)

  27. Actually, Jack, neither of my guys is too fond of all the time I spend with the square thing. The younger one will frequently will glare at me, wailing, and stomp of the keyboard. She sees it as a clear case of petting the wrong kitty. 😀

  28. Hissyfit (the younger) is also the one who has spent the past two years diligently protecting my feet. Really. She only leaves for quick snack breaks.

    She doesn’t know what monster is attacking me, but if will alone could kill it and make me all better, my girl a’ done it.

  29. OK tech toy nerds!
    Another Christmas, another dirty Santa exchange, ANOTHER $50 Best Buy gift card!!
    I now have like $380 worth of these things!

    So do I go for the upgraded iPod(I have a 2nd Gen 40gig) , iTouch, the Harmony One remote, or the HD TiVo ????

    Toys toys toys!

  30. I was playing a game of Laser tag earlier today (The pheonix LTX pistols ROCK!!!) and a cat who usually wants NOTHING to do with humans kept going up to hiding combatants and mewing loudly to be petted … signing that combatants death warrant !
    Cats!

  31. Hi CJ!
    I actually still love my OLD 40gig iPod. Of course it doesn’t do video or pictures.
    The iTouch would do that. Does the iTouch have an earphone jack? Does it record any audio or video?

  32. I loves my touch also. Yup it has an earphone jack. It will do everything your iPod does and soooo much more. Because it it touch and motion sensitive you can get a whole bunch of cool apps and games for it.

  33. It also has a build in GPS so some of the apps (like the restaurant and movie guide and finder) will zero in on your location and give only the local information.

  34. Mine doesn’t. But that doesn’t mean one isn’t available (or an external one). You’ll have to look that up. I know Vanamonde uses his iPhone to connect to Deadpan and Facebook. It’s the same thing, just without the phone part.

  35. Yes, to everything TEB said. No phone or recording capabilities, but does all that the iPhone can do pretty much as long as wifi is available nearby.

    I have a digital camera and a cell phone with a much lower rate so I don’t have an iPhone and probably won’t unless I can still have my Verizon on it.

  36. Good morning. I’m going to share.

    I was born with a birth defect where my feet faced the opposite direction than they should. So, it was “corrected” by nailing my shoes to a two-by-four and that’s how I learned to walk; with my feet in these shoes on a board. Because of this, I have little to no cartilage in my knees and during the cold weather, they tend to go out. Last night, both of my knees caved due to spending time outside in the cold. I’m ticked off because I’m trying to take down all my Christmas decorations and put them back in the garage and my knees are killing me!

    I could have surgery, but it would basically require the replacement of both kneecaps and would have to be re-done about every 5 years. My knees are fine 98.5% of the time, but the cold makes me crazy!

    Thanks for listening! 🙂

    I hope Van is doing OK. I miss seeing his posts.

  37. Hope you’re feeling better CJ. I’m assuming, being in a warmer climate is better than in the north on your knees.

    Van is keeping us updated on his FaceBook Page. Most of his time is spent with family and at the hospital with his dad. Unfortunately, it’s only a matter of time…

    All thoughts and warm hugs are with him.

  38. Just heard the latest Evo@11:

    Superhero wrestling is a great idea
    I don’t think you’re a pussy, Jack.

    now to read ditto’s article.

  39. TEB: Thanks and thanks – – — AND thanks for the Van update. Those of us without FB were unaware. I miss having him around here too, and I feel for the pain he’s going through. Van, we’re here for you, brother.

  40. Watching the Junior Hockey. Current score, 5 minutes into the third, is 11 – 0 in favour of Canada vs. Kazakhstan. Should I start celebrating it as a win yet?

  41. Now playing the CDN national anthem. Any bets for the
    Canada/US game? Loser has to record themselves singing the winning national anthem and send it in to Jack…?

  42. I’m not much of a singer, but sure! Remind me, Bunny.

    We’re back home, and glad for it. Lots of family visiting – accomplished. There is nothing but crap on TV tonight. We tried watching Miami Vice and turned it off after 10 minutes. We watched 30 minutes of Ghost Rider before giving up on it. I think I’ll just finish Mythago Wood.

  43. Oh, and my Secret Santa gift is finally enroute, so if you haven’t seen anyting from your DPSS giver, it’s probably me, and you may see it Tuesday or Wednesday…

  44. Morning Pan!

    Back to work today – blech. Also started a new workout routine – ugh.

    Not many takers on my bet, (thanks EssBee and ditto) I see. Keep in mind, nothing says you have to bet on your own country 🙂

  45. Morning, Deadpan!

    I’m off this week too, so am just getting out of bed.

    I heard from Van that he’s holding it together, but nothing more than that. I’m keeping him in my thoughts today.

  46. According to my latest spam mail, the IRS screwed up my last tax return and I’m owed a large refund. Too bad I don’t file with the IRS…

  47. Van guessed at my FB daily idiom – I consider this a good thing as he hasn’t for a couple of days.

    I do think he’s ghosting at the Deadpan though, as he seems to know when updates are put here on the board.

    As such, I very much encourage warm wishes and virtual hugs.

  48. I only know the English version of the CDN anthem, I don’t expect more than that – in the VERY likely event someone has to sing it.

  49. Well Pan. I’m off to buy a new door knob for our back door. Stupid cold weather did something to the lock and we can no longer get our keys to work.

  50. TEB – I have no idea what the to sides are competing in but if it’s some sort of “Water Boarding” and “Old Men shooting other old men in the face with a shot gun” competition … I’d have to give the edge to the U.S.

    I also may need to brush up on my CDN anthem lyrics.
    I recall it as being something like –

    “Oh Can-a-da
    Your weather can be cold.
    You are – waaay – up North
    And your flag has a leaf on it.”

    … I’m afraid the next verse gets a little sketchy for me.

  51. I think it is more like…

    Oh Dead-a-pan
    Our home and native board
    Jack Mangan rules
    The whole pod-i-o-verse…
    With glowing hearts we load the page
    To submit our greasy nipples
    From far and wide, oh deadpan
    We comment incessantly!
    Jack’s episodes are just as much fun
    Oh deadpan, we comment incessantly
    Oh deadpan, we comment incessantly!

  52. Being the John Tesh / Yanni wannabe that I am, I got a cool Yamaha keyboard for Xmas. You can expect me to torture.. er enlight the board with some amaturish samples at some point.

  53. I don’t think I can hit the high notes in that Nipple song, Dan, but I’m down. I wonder if the tablature is available anywhere online.

    ditto, that Oh Deadpan/Canada was brilliant :).

    Rhett, I own a Yanni CD. I will admit to liking some of that guy’s music. And his mustache.

  54. That’s some mustache! I actually like some new age-ish stuff. Although for keyboard music I tend to like the Wendy/Walter Carlos stuff. 🙂

  55. Back from replacing my backdoor lock, and lunch.

    Now to the comments:

    J0e: We talking about the World Juniors Hockey taking place in Toronto right now. (http://www.iihf.com/)

    Jack/Rhettro: Can I join the slightly abashed faced club and admit that we too have a Yanni CD?

    Rhett:What type is your Yamaha? I have a Roland RD-700 that I just love

  56. TEB: It’s a Yamaha PSR-E413. It’s really cool, loaded with all sort of stuff. I mainly got it to explore a few more musical possibilities as well as being able to create backing tracks for playing guitar. I have no previous keyboard experience however. LOL One of the cool things I did with it was to upload Tron & Symphony X MIDI files to it. Sounds great. 🙂

  57. Is it a full 88 keys? (I suppose I could look it up).

    I had a piano that had a broken sound board so I replaced it with the keyboard a couple of years ago and don’t think I’ll go back.

    Mine has a setting called “spaceship” on it (or something like that). I like to do the Close Encounters theme using that setting.

    I have some piano and organ in my background but mostly fool around. It’s been awhile since I’ve tried playing anything for real, so I don’t think I’m much good any more. Unfortunately, it’s NOT like a bike; if you don’t keep it up, you do lose it.

  58. Keyboard new age: I’m a huge fan of Mike Oldfield. Tangerine Dream is also the shiznit. And you can’t forget Jean-Michel Jarre.
    Rhett- that Yamaha sounds like a lot of fun. (I’ll leave the “organ” jokes to someone else).

    J0e – I think you need to finish your version of “Oh Canada” 🙂

    EssBee, there is no 3rd Terminator movie.

  59. I was ok with the third Terminator movie. What i like best was the fact that they followed what was always said and destroyed the planet. That’s the one thing that bugged me about the first two movies was the paradox they were creating by trying to change the future and make Skynet never exist and the ruling by the robots not happen. If that’s the case, then the terminator could not come back and try to take out Sarah Connor, The kid would have never been born, etc.

    At least the third movie tried to bring it back and remove that paradox, and didn’t try to cop out with a “happy ending”

  60. TEB: As you discovered, it’s a portable, i.e. less than 88, which is fine by me as I’m not even a novice player yet. LOL My wife though is quite good. We have a real upright piano in our house that is badly in need of tuning. She’s happy that the Yamaha will never go out of tune.

  61. I need some validation:

    I got the new tax program in the mail today and am now eagerly loading it onto my computer. My husband says I’m weird and the only person in the world who gets excited over a tax program. Tell me he’s wrong.

  62. Quicken rules my world and I would be lying if I said that I didn’t enjoy doing my own taxes a little bit.

    On another note, I’ve always loved Tangerine Dream. I really should update my music collection as I only have them on cassette.

  63. Yup been ghosting TEB.

    Thanks again for the hugs and kind thoughts.

    Me and my family are just waiting for the end. At least my Dad is no longer in pain.

  64. Add me to the Yanni club. We’ve got a few here. And, I agree with Jack: Mike Oldfield and Tangerine Dream are great. I don’t, however, have any Jean-Michel Jarre, but I do have Phillipe Glass.

  65. As for piano, I’m working on relearning everything that I’ve forgotten over the past 5 years. I wasn’t that far along to begin with, but I plan to make a more serious effort this time around.

  66. (wow, a lot to say to get caught up) Congrats on number 100, Dan and Cj!

    Van, I’m glad to see you here again. You have my email – and my Skype info. Use em as needed. My sincerest sympathies and condolences for what you and your family are going through now.

    Smarty Hotties – – all 3 of those pics are awesome, including the overlord Hugh one. You guys have really carved out an incredible, unique creative style. Very cool.

  67. Look at this, I go back to work for a day, and the Deadpan explodes! I, too, must lay claim to several Yanni CD’s. I think “Live at the Acropolis” remains one of my favorites.

    In that vein, I must again recommend Gnomusy:

    http://www.gnomusy.com/enter.html

    Glad to see Van making an appearance. And even a Smarty Hottie sighting! And congrats CJ, on making the big 100.

  68. Thanks everyone 🙂

    ditto- we checked out that site. Very interesting work they do. We are both big surrealism fans.
    We hate to admit it, but seeing what other artists are up to is making us insanely jealous 🙂 We hope 2009 will be the triumphant return to the art world for us.

    We live in this really cool artist community neighborhood here, and they are constantly having art shows. Its so exciting, and there is so much great art coming out of here, but it also makes us very jealous. We’re itching to get our recent work out there.

  69. So we patted ourselves on the back and said: Wow, we managed the whole holiday season without using plastic “money.”

    Then I found myself driving down the road, turned on my wipers (which had been acting slightly oddly) and suddenly the driver’s side wiper was pointing into traffic. Never a good thing, but especially in Minnesota in winter. Took it in, had the wipers fixed, and the annoying rattle that seemed harmless (broken stabilizer) and the much-overdue oilchange. $637 to the plastic.

  70. Sorry to hear about your automobile issues, JB (Autooo mooobeeel)

    Today I’ll be purchasing paint for my front bathroom. My MIL is aching to paint it for me. I’m going to let her.

    My 3-year-old son is trying to make himself a jelly sandwich.

    It looks like it’s going to be in the 60’s again today.

    ♫ Yahoo I’m a Retard ♫

  71. JB, that sucks!

    I just hooked our old DVD player to our old stereo, and wow! Hearing DVDs is a great concept.

    I inherited a Total Gym and have decided that if I can’t figure out how to set it up, it might be too dangerous for me to use. Luckily, dad’s coming over tomorrow.

  72. OK
    Time for another “Ask The Deadpan!” posting.

    Is there a word (and if not … can we please create one) that means,
    “I have heard what you just told me so you don’t need to say it again, it’s just that I have absolutely nothing to say about the topic and would rather not just make inane comments about it that would lead to yet another pointless conversation that would best be reserved for a Cohen Brothers film.” ?

  73. Example – You are warming up turkey left over for your relatives who are staying with you and they suddenly say “There is a new container of Kewl wHHip in the refrigerator.”
    No one has ask for this desert toping on their turkey and in fact to this point there has been no talk of a desert topping shortage. This would seem to be just a random thought that made it to their vocal cords.

    If you just go about your business, they repeat the comment because they think you didn’t hear them.
    If you respond “Oh” or “Okay” or “I see” they think you are being short with them.
    If you form an answer as a complete sentence it seems to signal that you are really INTO this topic and a mind numbingly inane discussion of that container and it’s predecessor will ensue.

  74. I think when the chorus sings “scaramouch, scaramouch, will you do the fandango?” in Bohemian Rhapsody, what they’re really saying is “yes, yes I know you see a little silhouetto – now shut up”.

    So try “scaramouch”, the next time you find yourself in that situation, j0e.

  75. Joe, isn’t that what um-hmm is for? You know, the barely vocalised semi-moan, usually used between spouses, that means ‘Yes, I heard you sweetie, and thanks, really, but, you know, I just don’t give a…crap.’

  76. Another fun one is the “Repeat anecdote teller.”
    Anyone have one of them over the Holidays.
    A few of us on the receiving end have made a game out of it to try and maintain sanity.
    You get a point for every time you are present as this person tells the story. You are NOT allowed to prompt the story … but generally, no help is needed. (insert emoticon with eyes rolling back into skull)

  77. The Buffy Between the Lines episode I wrote has finally had it’s script released. It is awesome beyond all recognition. Uh, by that I mean it doesn’t suck.

    But I suppose all those who happen through here regularly will have to wait to hear the produced ep, aside from that Brian Brown fella…

  78. Wow.

    I just found out that a married couple who I’ve always thought were just perfect are getting a divorce. That’s officially 4 divorces in 1 year for the people I know. I know a lot of people, but that’s still too many.

  79. JOe: I’ve always used “I see.” If you say it in a disinterested enough voice, people tend to leave you alone.

    Of course, sarcasm + “How nice” works fine too. 😉

  80. Shortbread cookies are good late-night snacks. They make me happy.

    The Slimfast commercial on my TV while I eat aforementioned shortbread cookie does not make me happy.

  81. Thanks for trusting us with this deeply personal pain, Van. I’m so sorry for your loss. 🙁 Anything you need, please let me know. You have my friendship and my condolences and sympathies, brother.

  82. You have my condolences as well, Van. Having gone through that, what feels like recently, myself – I can understand your pain and know that words are not enough. My you and your family have comfort in knowing that he is at peace. Much love and hugs to you.

  83. I’m so sorry, Van
    I know its hard to look ahead, but new years has a funny way sometimes of making you feel like you are starting over. No matter whats happened to you and what you are looking forward to, its a rebirth of sorts I guess. Keep on living and moving forward like your father would of wanted you to.

    As for me, I am hoping 2009 is the year we finally destroy Hugh’s cancer. We are starting the year with guns blazing, so we are probably going to be MIA after today for a bit.

    So, happy new year everyone. Keep looking forward to what the new year can bring. And Van, celebrate your fathers life and the good memories.

    ok, sorry this post is all so fucking serious and shit 🙂

  84. Morning Pan

    Today is the day of the game. 4:00 my time (3:00 Deadpan time).

    I have ditto and I on the Canadian side
    EssBee, JB and J0e for the US.

    Any other takers?

  85. Amy, I’ll write my “7 Things” thing when my parents leave. They are arriving here this morning and staying through tomorrow lunch. I’ll probably be sparse(r) around here until then.

    CP: Evo @ 11 #20. Nice to hear you, Jack. I just finished #19 and really enjoyed hearing you too, Cj. Debbie cracks me up.

  86. Sure, I’ll do Canada Sweden, too. Not sure when the Canada/Swede game is (will look it up). I’m also not too worried about singing the Swede National Anthem because I know I’ll win 😉 (so make sure you brush up on your CDN Anthem)

  87. Sorry J0e. Just looked it up. The Canada/Sweden game was yesterday.

    Canada lost 3 – 4. do I still have to sing the anthem since the game happened before the bet was made?

  88. TEB, I think that site’s translation of
    “Du gamla, du fria, du fjällhöga Nord,
    du tysta, du glädjerika sköna!” from the Swedish national anthem is inaccurate.
    It should be:

    “Death to false metal. Satan comes from the North,
    Shop at Ikea, use allen wrenches or taste steel!”

    Something like that.

  89. So, new betting schedule:

    Canada vs US = ditto, myself vs. JB, EssBee
    Canda vs Sweden = myself vs. J0e

    Any other takers?

    (I better back off before I commit myself to singing every national anthem attending 🙂 )

  90. Of, course, everybody better bone up on their Canadian National Anthem as I have no intention of actually having to sing myself.

  91. Speaking of taste, apparently Red Bull now makes a cola, which I had to buy a can of out of curiousity.

    I occasionally drink regular Red Bull, which tastes like Strawberry KoolAid mixed with metallic ass. Never stops me tho.

    This one is actually very good as colas go. Won’t replace my Coca Cola, but probably ranks above RC for my second favorite, assuming it lasts as a product. Would be plenty good with Rum.

  92. The ump gets them in a circle and then they have a puck-off and push the thing around with their wickets till someone gets it in the basket. There is also something about a “blue line” but that might only be if you are penalized.
    Oh, and they take fight breaks.

    I went to a hockey match once. I remember they served beer and there was this girl with a fur lined parka and these boots. … and they served beer.

  93. And btw – to be serious for a moment – that was a beautiful post from the Smarty Hotties this morning. If you guys are still lurking, then you know that Deadpan is always behind you 100%. You’ll be missed during your hiatus.

  94. That’s what always bugged me about The Postal Service’s song “Nothing Better.” The line about the “goalie tending the net in the third quarter of a tie-game rivalry.”

    Quarter? Soccer is halves, and hockey three periods. Is there a sport with a goalie that is measured out in quarters?

  95. Yes, beer seems to be an essential at a hockey game (although I always drive so therefore do not partake).

    Can’t speak to the hot chick, though. Not what I’d be looking at…

  96. Although I’m not a great fan, football seems a far more appropriate name than soccer for a game that mostly involves using your foot to kick a ball.

  97. There’s currently no beer at collegiate hockey games, at least here in MN…

    They were considering a plan to serve alcohol in premium seating and luxury boxes, but that has been controversial, and I’m not sure if they will go forward with it.

  98. I saw J0e’s post that said, “Oh, and they take fight breaks.”

    And for some reason I read it as “Oh, and they fake tight breasts.”

    I had to go back and re-read everything after that.

  99. From the ad copy –

    “Each bottle of this delicious carbonated grape drink is crafted with care… and a slight feeling of breathless anticipation. As Tentacle Grapeâ„¢ slides smoothly down your throat you’ll feel refreshed and full.”

  100. I agree with J0e. Enjoy your cross-over into the new year and keep those you love around you and safe. Dan and I will be among friends and enjoying the chance to share this evening with them!

    We wish you all the best! XOXOXOX

  101. Well Pan. Half an hour until the puck drops. unfortunately this is prime supper making time, so I’ll miss the first period. Will give updates after that 🙂

  102. ditto: Wow! Congratulations! Catching up on JapanesePod101 is one of my goals for the coming year.

    T minus 7 hours 29 minutes until the new year here in California. (I went home for Christmas vacation.) My family will be celebrating New Year’s Eve by going out to dinner at Romano’s Macaroni Grill.

  103. To add insult to injury, I have strangers trying to Skype me saying “we should be friends!

    *grumble, grumble… I’ll show you friends… grumble*

  104. That was a cheap shot US. One player on the bench stuck out his stick and hit a Canadian player. The commentators say there may be suspensions over this

  105. I think I want to give vocal lessons to the Minnesota team. “I’d like to teach the Wild to sing…”

    Ok I know I was reaching for that one.

  106. Canada vs. US, Van. If Canada wins, EssBee and JohnBoze will sing the CDN national anthem. If the US wins, ditto and I will sing the US anthem.

  107. Not available in your region
    Sorry, the video you are trying to watch is not available in your region.

    Bah! Thanks for the attempt though, Bunny. I have a page from iihf.com keeping me updated. And your play-by-play 🙂

    I’ll probably watch the Winter Classic at a sports bar tomorrow.

  108. I guess that’s the difference between Canada and the US. The Canada TSN website is playing it live, I guess it’s not as big of a thing in the State.

  109. Not that it matters, as far as the website goes for me, TSN Canada TV is also playing the game.

    If you want anything more in depth, Jack I have Skype on Ryah Lee in Calgary

  110. Thx TEB 🙂 But – I should be getting my act together for NYE festivities. I can keep checking in here and on the constantly-refreshing scorepage. We should probably be linked on Skype anyway though.

  111. Meanwhile… We are part of an internet sheet music thing. My husband has just downloaded some stuff from the newest Ozzy Ozborne album and is busy playing that.

  112. Oh, My, God. Just saw a Cialis commercial. It was following a news story about a couple that has been missing for four days.

    Four days? Is that even possible?

  113. ooohhh. Next up. Calgary Flames vs. Edmonton Oilers. Won’t do the play by play for this game, though.

    I’m sure you’ve had enough 🙂

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