1,029 thoughts on “Ye New Scrollde Post

  1. Crap joke for the day:

    A flat chested young woman goes out looking for a new bra one day.She tries shop after shop trying to find a size 28A yet she can’t get one anywhere.Finally, in desperation, she tries her fortunes in a little unmentionables shop run by an woman who’s hard of hearing.“Have you got anything in size 28A?” asks the young woman.“What was that, dear?” says the old woman.The young woman repeats herself again.Still the old woman can’t hear her, so the young woman lifts up her T-shirt baring her breasts and says, “Have you got anything for these?”The old woman peers at the womans’s boobs and says, “No, dear. Have you tried Clearasil?”

  2. Yes, it was a strange crowd at the Rasputina show. Great stuff, though. I thoroughly enjoyed hearing a favorite hidden gem of the 90s in its entirety. And fortunately, we didn’t get quizzed.

    Cynful, did Vita and the Woolf open for them in KC? They were seriously impressive. The tiny club’s sound went belly-up for one song, so she performed some incredible unplugged tune with the guitarist. It was like we were suddenly in a quiet Tarantino movie scene.

    • Yep. Vita and the Woolf was seriously impressive. It too me a couple days to realize who her voice reminded me of. Adam (drummer) cracked me up so I had to give him good natured shit. Their first full length CD comes out between our bdays.

      I’m glad she didn’t quiz you all. It was pretty awkward. I think they were amazed that we were actually dancing and singing and not just shoe gazing. But the performance was phenomenal.

      Yay! We saw the same artists 1 week apart 🙂

  3. CW: Travelers E2

    Ok, on reflection the premise is riddle with plot holes (if they take over bodies of people who would have died they automatically change history as these people are saved).

    But those series has a good vibe so far, so sod the nitpickers…including me.

  4. I just ate my first Hot Pocket. Ever.

    After 18 minutes, it was still molten lava and I felt it down my Food Tube then into my belly. I’m guessing that “heat” will likely continue on into my guts.

  5. Pulled out the harpsicle for the first time since we moved in to the new place. It felt good. Except all my sheet music is in a box somewhere waiting for the basement to be done.

    Might have to do some Googling

      • It does go to demonstrate just how insanely difficult a challenge this is.

        A few years ago, India (I think??) put a satellite into orbit around Mars. It drove me nuts the way the uninformed press kept making a big deal about how it had only cost that country a few million to orbit a satellite compared to the hundred’s of millions it took the US to land a rover the size of a minivan, SAFELY on the surface.

        Besides the fact that India had basically used “off the shelf” technology instead of having to develop it from scratch as NASA had, the complexity of the two tasks (orbiting vs. landing) aren’t even close to being comparable.

  6. Twitter is full of a lot of crap but sometimes you come across a gem like a bloke discovering an obscure typewriter museum in Spain.

  7. Morning Pan

    Today started with me accidentally deleting everything in my in box. Now I have to go through my deleted items and pull out the ones I actually wanted to keep.

    *sigh* I know it’s Friday. Is the day over yet?

  8. Crap joke for the day:

    A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad.Her mother asks her what’s wrong.She says, “Bill proposed to me an hour ago.”Her mother asks, “Why are you so sad then?”The girl replies, “Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t even believe there’s a hell.”Her mother says, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”

  9. So according to a book review there is a ‘pudgy old man’ hypothesis to explain our longevity compared to other primates.

    Through the ages, old pudgy men, have been impregnating women (I guess they have to be rich pudgy old men) and keeping longevity genes in the gene pool.

    I had best put the lottery on this week..,

  10. So William Gibson tweeted this:

    Neuromancer was written in 1982-83, and a single Sinclair ZX-81 was the only computer I’d seen. Owner’s excitement struck me most about it

  11. Crap mini joke:

    The sheriff walks into the saloon and says to the bartender have you seen a man wearing a brown paper hat a brown paper shirt and brown paper trousers?

    Barman: what’s he wanted for?

    Sheriff: Rustling

  12. People go on about the perils of technology, but having a watch and a phone that do daylight saving laterations automatically never gets old.

    Goodbye BST, Hellooooooo winter.

  13. Soooo…… It’s moving time again in Deadpanland . This weekend is a non-stop pain in the ass, but we’ll soon be in a better place to host you when you come to visit. And one more thing. . .

    *thud*

  14. This morning was spent getting my mother into hospital because of a chest infection.

    So far, she appears to be responding to the treatment.

  15. So, any opinions on Guy Gaverial Kay? His is a name that has been on my list of those I’ve heard of but never gotten around to reading.

    Finally started Tigana on audiobook yesterday. This fellow has a pretty strong gift for prose so far.

  16. I worry for when we have to set our clocks back. Normally we get up around 5am but kitty likes to start her bugging us at about 4:30. If she doesn’t adjust to the clocks going back and starts bugging us at 3:30, we will be having words.

  17. Today’s movie is The Forest
    The PVR write up: while investigating the disappearance of her twin sister, a young American encounters the tormented spirits of Japan’s mysterious and legendary Aokigahara Forest.

    This entire pbp will be done in posts of two words or less

  18. Hubby just answered the door and said “good morning” to a bunch of kids. He doesn’t know why he did that but is rolling with it

  19. Crap mini joke:

    My mam didn’t believe me when I told her I could make a car out of spaghetti but you should of seen her face when I drove pasta

  20. Posted this on Facebook, but for those of us who aren’t Booking our Faces all the time:

    For those who might be playing along at home…
    The website has been pretty wonky lately. I discovered during my digging yesterday that hackers had managed to imbed 100K files in an unused directory in both Jack’s website and in BSP. Once I figured out that they were out there, I started hacking away at them and finally removed them all.
    I’ve got an eye on those directories and will clear them out if they bloat again. Just removing the files seem to have cleared a TON of traffic, CPU, Memory and disc writing operations, all of which were are capped at the hosting company and were being maxed out.
    Soooo, hopefully we’ll run smooth for a few days. If not, please give me a shout.

    • 5 You, David LoPan, Rhett Hastings and 2 others
      Comments
      Cynthia Fry
      Cynthia Fry Thank you Tony. Anything we can do on our end? Besides our friendly at home virus scanning/protection.
      Like · Reply · 1 · 29 mins · Edited
      David LoPan
      David LoPan Thanks T. Assholes abound, dont they?
      Like · Reply · 2 · 28 mins
      Tony Mast
      Tony Mast
      Tony Mast’s photo.
      Unlike · Reply · 1 · 19 mins
      Jack Mangan
      Write a reply…

      Jack Mangan
      Jack Mangan Tony Mast is the hero we need, not the hero we deserve.
      Like · Reply · 3 · 28 mins
      David LoPan
      David LoPan “Who are you??” I’M MASTMAN
      Unlike · Reply · 2 · 28 mins
      Jack Mangan
      Jack Mangan David LoPan I guess that’s better than BACKSEAT MAN.
      Like · Reply · 1 · 27 mins
      Tony Mast
      Tony Mast Needed my thinking cap for this one.
      Tony Mast’s photo.
      Unlike · Reply · 3 · 27 mins
      Jack Mangan
      Write a reply…

      Tony Mast
      Tony Mast I’ve got a scanner running on the site now, which will hopefully help. Otherwise, just keep enjoying the site.
      Unlike · Reply · 2 · 28 mins

  21. BTW, I put out the warning on FB, but I should also make the statement here:

    My Skype account has apparently been hacked. I haven’t logged onto it in weeks, but apparently, it’s sent out some bogus links to people today. I’ll take care of it tonight, but in the meantime, don’t open anything my Skype account sends you.

  22. My dad and Uncle Frank shared the same birthday, two years apart. Today, my dad would have been 76, and my uncle would have been 74.

    There were 4 brothers, all of them born in the Bronx, then moved to Roselle, NJ, at some point during childhood. My dad and two of the other brothers mostly stayed in NJ, but Frank spent the majority of his adult life in California. As a result, I met him once as a super-young kid (which I don’t recall), then again for the first time when I had just turned 21, when I set out from NJ with an old girlfriend to see the U.S. by car (a story for another time).

    It’s a shame that they weren’t all that close. That’s primarily on my dad; he was the classic, stoic, serious, emotionally-reclusive workaholic man of his generation. Even though he was born only two years later, Frank ended up being more of a hippy, before repurposing that mentality into a successful, lauded career as a California public defender.

    Different as they were, they were both fascinating, really neat guys in their own way – – and I miss them both.

  23. Watched The Boy yesterday. What a dumb movie. If you’re afraid of creepy dolls, watch this movie. After, all you’ll do is laugh whenever you see a creepy doll. *shakes head*

  24. Crap joke for the day:

    A guy is walking along the pier one day when he comes across an old man with his shoes off, trousers rolled up, legs dangling in the sea and fishing with an imaginary rod.
    The guy’s confused so he asks, “What are you doing?”The old man replies, “Fishing for idiots.”….“Sounds good,” says the guy. “Can I join you?”The old man says, “Of course you can. Sit down here next to me, son.”So the guy sits down and casts an imaginary rod out.Then he asks the old man, “So, how many idiots have you caught today, then?”The old man replies, “You’re the third this morning.”

  25. Sorry for Dad. He really have no Nicaraguan cousin. However if you have ever wanted to see pr0n starring James Gandalfini’s booms, you click her…

  26. I know Van said it was just ok but Doctor strange is getting damn fine reviews.

    Not as good reviews as Arrival tho. I’m, excited for that one. Sounds like it could be a surprise gem

  27. Crap joke for the day:

    This guy goes to the drug store with his young son. As they walk past the condom display, the boy notices them and asks his Dad, “What are these, Dad?”The man doesn’t believe in hiding things from his son and thinks his son is old enough to learn about such things so he says, “They are called condoms. Men use them for safe sex.”The boy looks at the display and notices there are packs of three condoms. He points to them and says, “Why are there three in those packets?”The Dad replies, “Those are for high-school boys – there’s one for Friday, one for Saturday and one for Sunday.”….“Cool!” says the boy, who then notices there are packs of six condoms and asks his Dad, “Then who are the packets of six for?”The Dad answers, “Those are for college men. There are two for Friday, two for Saturday and two for Sunday.”…“Wow!” said the boy, “Then who uses THESE?” as he picked up a twelve-pack.The Dad sighs sadly and says, “Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March …

    • I’ve only had the Iron Maiden, which is surprisingly tasty, though not that surprising, since Bruce Dickinson was directly involved. He tends to dive into his projects with everything he’s got.

    • Yeah that was a big deal here 6 years ago (and a constant conversation piece on Deadpan if I recall). Never did get around to seeing it

    • I watched the first 15-20 minutes of this on Netflix.
      I felt like, instead of being a film that was presented in a “quirky and surreal” way, it was trying way to hard to BE a “quirky and surreal” film.

      I have always thought I’d go back and try to catch the rest some day but it hasn’t happened yet.

      • I don’t know that I’ll ever understand the difference between a movie presented in a quirky and surreal way and a film that is trying to be quirky and surreal. A film maker that presents something in a quirky and surreal way has to try to be quirky and surreal in order to achieve their goal. Maybe the distinction revolves around trying and succeeding vs. trying and failing?

          • Maybe it’s

            “Hey, I have this crazy idea for a movie I want to make, but to do it right, it’s going to have to be quirky and surreal”

            vs

            “Hey, I want to make a quirky and surreal movie”

          • Probably a combination of both even in the best of cases. Salvador Dali and his are were definitely quirky and surreal by nature. But, he also worked very, very hard to make both his art and his personality become the essence of those qualities.

          • Thinking about it more, I can definitely see what you guys are getting at if I shift my thinking from quirky and surreal to “profanity”. When profanity is used in a gag or setup because it adds to the humor in some way or other, it can be a good thing. But when jokes or TV shows or whatever use profanity simply because they think the profanity itself is funny, it just comes out wrong. Sad example of where it fails miserably is: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Seth_MacFarlane%27s_Cavalcade_of_Cartoon_Comedy

          • Yeah, I don’t want to speak for J0e, but that’s how I took his comment. I’ve only seen the trailer for “Rubber,” so I can’t comment on the legitimacy of its quirkiness.

          • Yea the “cursing” thing is definitely on the track of what I think I was trying to relate.
            Sometimes someone has something they want to “say” in a movie … like maybe they are trying to show that someone is elated or sad or whatever … and for some reason the director thinks that the way to show that feeling is to suddenly cut to a bowl of eels. That’s weird and quirky (and also maybe not very effective).
            On the other hand maybe you have a film that is trying to BE weird and quirky so they start just coming up with weird stuff to throw into the seen to MAKE it weird and quirky.
            “Hey, we just found a bowl of eels in the prop truck you want to put it in the center of the next shot?”
            “Sure! … and find some puppets too.”
            In this is the example, things were added not because the director or writer thought they were a way to say something … but because someone on the set thought it would just be a weird and quirky thing to do.

            As for “Rubber”, I didn’t see enough of it to really be able to get a feel for which camp it feel into.

            Then there is that gray area that things like the original “Twin Peaks” fell into.
            David Lynch IS just an odd fellow. There were scenes though, (like the one in a conference room that featured a moose head on the table, dead center in the shot) where it felt like someone added weird stuff just because it would be weird … and yet for me it still worked. I really don’t know why.

  28. BTW – Dr. Strange met my expectations. I was entertained.

    To be slightly more critical, some parts really drew me in – a few had me wondering when the film would “get on with it”.
    I could have done with less Kaleidoscope.
    It’s like they paid a lot for that effect and by god they were going to get their money’s worth out of it!

    Still worth seeing though.

    Can anyone tell me what Mr. Lee was reading? By the time I realized they were making a point of having that be part of the bit, the shot was finished.

  29. Things I learned at Hogwarts:

    Madame Hooch must give the kids dramamine before their first lessons with their brooms.
    Pumpkin Juice is really just apple cider with cinnamon.
    Butterbeer is delicious frozen, hot, or just as a carbonated beverage.
    Wands are expensive. Ollivander must own three private islands by now.

  30. On the one hand, I just want the damn thing to be over…

    On the other, I’d love for a massive write in campaign of “None of the Above” and we try this again in six months with some better options.

    Now, where’s that cue ball?

  31. Seriously, Pannites…

    Research your doctors. Do not let any cardiologist, dermatologist, opthalmologist, surgeon, etc do anything to your body or your family member’s, without vetting them first!!!!!!!

    • Sometimes it’s best just to be there.

      When the Dragon was admitted to hospital they were going to pump her full of steroids, till I pointed out if they checked her records they would notice she has renal failure.

  32. I was able to find Uranus last night for the first in my new telescope. It took about 45 minutes of scanning because I couldn’t see it directly in the sky in my light polluted yard. Considering it took astronomers 170 years to “discover” Uranus as a planet after Galileo first observed Jupiter through a scope, 45 minutes doesn’t seem so long. Of course Herschel didn’t have Google Skymap for his Android.

  33. I kind of love that many of my friends have chosen to make or buy tacos tonight. This does not disclose any of my political leanings or choices 😛

    • The Klan got their man. I’m hoping that Trump is mainly hot air and basically said anything to garner votes but the realities of being president will temper him. But there is no way I can know this for certain. I used to think those final day preppers were a little paranoid, now I’m thinking they may have been visionaries.

      • America is screwed but it seems that half the country are Deplorables who need a good nuking anyway so I don’t weep for the end of the “American Experiment”. I’m sorry to be around to see the last chapter but hey, we had a good run. I do apologize to the other countries that we will take down with us. “Collateral Damage” they will call it.

  34. This is a guy who’s spoken enthusiastically about using nuclear weapons. His behaviors since the 70s have shown that he acts and speaks on impulse, without thinking, and has zero remorse or ability to learn when his little plans harm others. He’s built his campaign on hate and fear, and has promised to persecute certain groups of people.
    And it appears he will have carte blanche, with no branch of government able or willing to reel in his scariest plans.

    The jokes will come about just how fucked we really are, but not today.

    • Paul Ryan is already announcing that the first months of the new regime will be spent removing all of Obama’s regulations from the last 8 years. So much for trying to have safe air and water, reasonable working conditions and pay. So much for the economic recovery. So much for the 20 million humans who could finally have heath insurance and thus afford even basic health care. My older sister is one of those humans.

      Bigots, racists, and flat out idiots who now feel embolden and even justified in carrying out public displays of bullying can do so with little correction. The courts are being dismantled and re-packed with sycophant judges who support these ideologies. So even if someone steps in to stop the newly approved behavior, there will be little chance of prosecution.

  35. It’s not Trump anyone has to fear, it’s Pence and congress and the ideologies they are going to put in his ears. The power Pence is going to command is going to make Bush/Cheney look like child’s play.

    • Yes. The domestic side of the coin – there will be no one to stop that ilk from installing the totalitarian government they have so longed for.
      The Foreign side? Well I guess it’s all Putin’s call now. Though maybe this was all his call to begin with.

    • I think it’s unfortunately simple. They underestimated badly the misogyny (especially female led misogyny), anger, and fear of rural white America. It also seems that a larger than expected mass of under educated (not being derogatory there) young people took to the polls to vote Trump.

      Look Trump was never supposed to get past the first round of cuts let alone become the star quarterback of the team. He did the impossible tailoring his ticket to “forgotten” lower class middle white America.

      Also, while I will never belittle anyone for voting for someone if they truly believe in them, so many people not voting for either “just because” or simply assuming Hillary would win and not voting at all did not help the situation

    • Yep. McCain and Romney would have been bad presidents, with backwards, bigoted policies, but I don’t recall any open promises to persecute citizens and political opponents.

    • I would have felt disappointed in a Jeb Bush presidency, but at least he had a modicum of statesmanship. I try to console myself that inherent checks and balances will temper Trump. However, checks and balances didn’t temper W from going to war over nonexistent weapons of mass destruction. Who knows? I hope for the best, but it’s an open question. Republicans have no excuses now. They own the government. If things aren’t objectively “better” for country, they’ll have to no one else to blame.

    • In all honesty, I hurt so much, inside right now for my daughters.
      I’m a middle class white guy, if it wasn’t before … the system is now CLEARLY rigged in my favor. As it all goes to hell, I can ride along mostly unscathed and reap the rewards (unless the new social order leads to true civil unrest).
      However, I can not protect my daughters from the Deplorables.
      Those like Pence who have redefined Rape as “she was asking for it”. Those who will now put my daughter’s reproductive rights firmly in the tiny, creepy hands of the state. Those who not only firmly believe my daughters have no right to earn as much as a man for the same job … but that maybe they shouldn’t be in the work place to begin with.
      Currently, my daughters are surrounded by the male children of Deplorable parents who have taught them (directly or just though their example) that my daughter’s have no worth other than to be the targets of their misogyny. Until now these teens may have questioned whether that behavior was truly acceptable or at least kept their actions in check for fear of social ostracisation. Now though, they see this behavior is not only “main stream” but a path to “greatness”.
      This man has well documented bad behavior and not just the “hey, we all do crazy stuff when we are young” stuff but up to and DURING this election. He made little or no attempt to behave and it only gave him rock star like status amoung the Deplorables. What more validation do people with his “morality settings” need to feel like they have been given the full go ahead to behave as they see fit?

      Honestly, I hugged them both before they went to school this morning but I couldn’t look them in the eyes. I have no words to excuse how badly “us adults” have sold them down the river.
      The Deplorables run the whole show now, the House, the Senate, The Executive office and they will pack the courts with their lifetime appointed Deplorable judges. Absolutely none of the checks or balances that were originally designed into the system to protect it from “really bad things” will exist after January.

  36. Stolen from FB and to jJ’s point: if anyone still wonders why women don’t report sexual assault, remember that the wealthiest nation in the world just elected a president with at least 12 accusers of the same.

  37. Tonight is the first meeting of the condo association since we moved here.
    I was going to go but…
    Our complex has a community hall. I, foolishly, assumed the meeting would be in that building. Ha! Instead, they’ve rented a place on the other side of town. Don’t get me wrong, the other side of town is only a ten minute drive, I just think it’s silly since there is a perfectly good building within the complex that everybody could walk to.
    Now I’m not sure I want to go.
    I will have to think about it.

  38. Last ‘Y the Last Man’ book arrived today. It’ll be a nice escape and I think I’ll savor it.

    After all, if you can’t enjoy a book about the coming end of the world during the actual coming end of the world then what CAN you enjoy? Hmmm???

  39. Hey, Deadpan.

    Joe is right. I agree with you, too, Lo Pan.

    Never regretted not going into public service more.

    Let me know if you need anything. I want to help. For now, Internet hugs.

  40. Yes, we do need to stick together and support each other, even more now than ever.

    But when we’re roaming the apocalyptic wasteland, I’m totally calling the badass car with all the spikes on it.

  41. Well, I don’t know what to offer at this point. I voted for neither Trump nor Clinton and did a write in ballot here, so I can’t take credit either way. If pushed, I would have certainly voted for Trump over Clinton.

    We survived two Bushes, one Clinton, and even Obama. I have no doubt we’ll survive Trump as well. If he’s as bad as the left wing meltdown going on now in the streets fears, then in 2020 he and all the Republicans will be turned out in a landslide. I don’t think that will be the case, though I’m not convinced that he’ll be as effective as either his supporters hope, or his detractors fear.

    • “will be turned out in a landslide”

      I point back to the “absolute power” conundrum. In states where the Republican’s had this power during the last census, they have gerrymandered themselves into permanent power. Then to solidify it they have actively made it more and more difficult for anyone but their base to vote.

      “will be turned out in a landslide” is based on some sort of level playing field. That is not the way I have seen any of these folks operate and they will have all three branches of Government in their pocket. Given that level of power, 4 years of planning and their misguided delusion that THEY are righteous and are “saving” this country …Why would they allow themselves to be voted out?
      … and if they decide to game the system, what authority is there that could stop them?
      That is not a rhetorical question. Seriously, when you own the whole thing who is going to tell you “no”?

  42. Silly Americans.

    Despite the “your vote matters” rhetoric, the US is one of the few countries where a person can win the popular vote and still lose the election. This is the second time I remember this happening (Gore was the last time). Also, given the number of people who did turn out to vote; you get what happens when you don’t vote.

    As for Trump, I have the wait and see attitude.
    First of all, he doesn’t even take office for a couple of months so the world won’t end until then.
    Second, despite the Republicans having a house and senate majority, if Trump’s policies are too outrageous, there is the chance they won’t go through anyway. This was a problem Obama faced on much of what he wanted to do.
    And Third, *shrug* as Ed said, at worst, it’s only four years. The the person who succeeds Trump can go in and reverse everything he did, much like he plans to do with Obama’s stuff.

    • I agree.

      Every president has done good and bad things. Trump will be no different. And there is a whole establishment that he must work with in order to implement his actual policies.

      While I may not like Trump as a person, I think he has no choice to do things differently now that he will be President.

      Of course, I could be wrong….

    • This is actually the sixth election on the books where the popular vote and the electoral vote disagreed. Since the electoral process is how many of the politicians get their seats, they are not anxious to change it.

      Trump did seem to alienate much of the Republican party during his campaign, so I’m with you on the wait and see. Maybe the Canadians will take this opportunity to invade and we’ll have Justin Trudeau over our nation as well.

      If nothing else, a bunch more states passed marijuana laws so maybe our CO friends can finally stop seeing so many transplants 🙂

  43. Meanwhile, since it really should be all about me…
    I haven’t had contractors in my house for a week. While this is good in that I’m not cleaning my floors daily, it’s bad in that it’s another week added on until the basement is completed.

  44. We went to check what was going on in the basement the other day. Didn’t close the door behind us so kitty came down to take a look too. She found a pile of drywall dust and promptly rolled in it.
    Do you know how much brushing it takes to get white drywall dust from a black kitty?
    Also, as she came up stairs, she decided to rub against all the walls and cupboards so those had to be cleaned too.
    Silly kitty.

  45. I don’t want to say this on FB, because I don’t want to deal with a throng of people trying to argue with me, but it’s amusing (lack of a better word) to see all of the Trump supporters crying about being called racists.

    Sure, a vote for Trump doesn’t make you a racist or bigot – – but you voted to give the most powerful job in the world to a racist bigot. You can have your little “not a racist just because I voted for one” reassurance, but you certainly don’t deserve a pat on the back.

    Gahh.

    • Yeah, I agree. To be fair, people wouldn’t be saying some of this had not Trump acted in well documented ways.

      From the voting demographics, WASP voters, especially those without college education, voted overwhelmingly for Trump. Protest vote or not, it is up to Trump to prove he will be a leader for all Americans, not just his core voters.

    • They Might Be Giants –
      “Your Racist Friend”

      This is where the party ends
      I can’t stand here listening to you
      And your racist friend
      I know politics bore you
      But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you
      And your racist friend

      It was the loveliest party that I’ve ever attended
      If anything was broken I’m sure it could be mended
      My head can’t tolerate this bobbing and pretending
      Listen to some bullet-head and the madness that he’s saying

      This is where the party ends
      I’ll just sit here wondering how you
      Can stand by your racist friend
      I know politics bore you
      But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you
      You and your racist friend

      This is where the party ends
      I can’t stand here listening to you
      And your racist friend
      I know politics bore you
      But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you
      And your racist friend

      Out from the kitchen to the bedroom to the hallway
      Your friend apologizes, he could see it my way
      He let the contents of the bottle do the thinking
      Can’t shake the devil’s hand and say you’re only kidding

      This is where the party ends
      I can’t stand here listening to you
      And your racist friend
      I know politics bore you
      But I feel like a hypocrite talking to you
      And your racist friend

  46. So I’m about the Third of the way ‘The House of Shattered Wings’ by Alliete de Bodard. It’s set in Paris 60 years after a magical WW1 has lain waste to Europe. I just love the world building in this novel and I’m keeping my fingers crossed the ending doesn’t disappoint as it is book 1 in a series.

  47. It’s almost winter, my arms are covered when I go out, yet I still have load of freckles on my arms. Whats that all about? I don’t think I’m old enough for liver spots or am I?

  48. So today the Dragon asked me “will I get better?”

    So I had to explain that her conditions are degenerative and she shouldn’t wait to get out and do things

    There are times I hate having to be the adult.

  49. And on a more positive note, got to see the new international trailers for Rogue One that have some new bits.

    Can’t wait for this one!

    • I’ve actually avoided all but the first trailer (and the second one maybe?). I want to go into this as pure as Hoth snow.

      I just have to manage to not go blind or get frozen in carbonite before December.

  50. Also of note, I know nothing about the graphic novel Valerian, but the trailer that just came out is pretty wild. The Fifth, Element remains one of my favorites and this looks like Luc Lesson has cranked up the dialed and torn it off.

    And…. The Fifth Element is almost twenty years old….dammit.

  51. My only billiards post of the day.

    http://nypost.com/2016/11/09/the-one-scenario-that-could-still-get-hillary-into-the-white-house/

    I recognize the futility of this shit – – and I recognize the violent reaction that would erupt from Trump’s base, the long-term damage to our already hosed process, etc. etc. etc., but it would still be preferable to 4 years of an anti-science whiny bigot fearmonger.

    Feel free to disagree or agree or share the contents of your fridge.

    • The Ironic thing is that, given how the Deplorables just gushed about having a candidate that “wasn’t PC” and just “spoke his mind” and “FINALLY we had someone who told it like it is” …
      They should have to applaud this piece in it’s being frank and straight forward.

  52. https://www.wired.com/2016/11/security-news-week-trumps-win-means-cybersecurity/?mbid=nl_111316_p3&CNDID=42849476

    “Last month, we at WIRED posed the hypothetical: “Imagine if Donald Trump Controlled the NSA.” The notion at the time seemed unlikely but disturbing: A man who had called for his political opponent, Hillary Clinton, to be jailed; who casually stated, “I wish I had that power,” when asked about his invitation to Russian hackers to dig up her old emails; who even reportedly eavesdropped on calls between guests and staff at his Mar-a-lago hotel, would control the world’s most powerful surveillance capabilities.

    We won’t have to imagine that scenario for much longer: In two months, it will be a reality.”

    • New arena to be built in Tempe!
      What’s your take on this Rhett? I assume that’s going to be a little further for you to get to games now?

      • Well, considering it takes about a half an hour to get out of the current arena’s parking lot, the extra 15 minutes doesn’t seem so bad. Suck it Glendale.

    • 🙁
      I feel your pain. Well, not literally … at least not there. But yeh … I spend so much time now, trying to keep from ending up as one of those guys in the electric cart at the grocery!
      My neighbor and beer brewing buddy likes to say “Getting older … It’s not for the weak!”

  53. Your crap joke for the day:

    A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
    The wife asks, “Do you know her?”..”Yes,” sighs the husband, “she’s my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn’t been sober since.”….”My God!” says the wife. “Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?”

  54. I had a free evening in Humble, TX, a $15 Fandango gift card, and a short walk to a theater. It was a toss up between Arrival and Dr. Strange. Arrival won out and I was not disappointed. I agree with the slow burn comment above. Between this and The Martian, I’m hoping that thoughtful sci-fi is making a comeback.

    • According to the fine folks at CNBC, #NotMyPresident’s impending Trade War will harsh Apple VERY severely. So maybe you won’t have them antagonizing you too much longer.

      Of course their point was that a huge bulk of Apple’s business is in China and that many of Apple’s products are made outside the US … but isn’t that pretty much ALL mass consumed tech?
      So why they were only focused on how this will crash Apple was not explained.

  55. I do love that the price of the book is $300.00. I think if you go to someone’s house and they have this book on their coffee table, then they should be required to give you $300.00. Cash, check, or money order.

  56. Listening to “Be Good Radio – 80’s Punk Rock” this afternoon and it struck me that maybe this will be the one good thing to come from this disaster (apart from being a stark reminder that we should live everyday as if it were our last because, well, yeh ) … maybe we will get a resurgence of the Punk Rock scene!
    It’s birth was fueled (in part) by a youth that saw a crapy, limited future being handed to them by what they saw as Fascist regimes. That and the infamous “Doomsday Clock” that told us all we had just minutes before Global Nuclear war!

    So we got that going for us.
    These may be the “End Times” but just maybe they will have a good sound track!

          • Never read Dune?? Seriously?? You guys???

            Not geek-shaming here, I just thought it was legally required of all late 20th-Century teenage Sci-Fi fans to read this book.

            Book 1 alone is dense stuff. With that, and the versions of the movie and the Sci-Fi miniseries, it would really be the Ultimate Palooza topic.

          • I’m fine with political and religious intrigue in my fiction. Not so much in the real world.

            Dune was a game-changer for me in my late teens, although that was the only time I read it all the way through. I have picked it up many times since, though, to revisit over individual sections.

            I do love the terrible movie – – whichever version. And the miniseries is fine.

  57. Crap joke for the evening:

    WIFE:
    What would you do if i died?
    Would you get married again?

    Husband:
    No…how can I think of marrying?

    Wife-
    Why not?
    You would need company…for good and bad moments….please get married

    Husband:
    …oh Shona…you are so sweet….even after death u r worrying about me…

    Wife: so promise me, u will remarry if I die…

    Husband:
    Ok, ok, i’d get married again…just for you

    Wife:
    Would you live in our house with your
    new Wife…?

    Husband:Yes, but will never let her use your room.

    Wife:Would you let her drive my car ?

    Husband: no…
    its yours…I will keep it as your memory…and buy new one..

    Wife:Would you give her my jewelry?

    Husband:
    No..how can I…
    it has your memories attached
    I am sure she would want her own..

    Wife: Would she wear my shoes..?

    Husband: No, never
    her size is ‘7’, and yours is 9

    Wife:
    –silence-

    Husband:
    ‘Shiiit’…!!!

  58. Jack is a GREAT “modern” Dad and the above link is an interesting read, albeit shocking that it still portrays gender roles of the 1950’s, imo.

    It seems the 60’s and 70’s were about empowering women and women’s lib.
    The 80’s were about single, working moms.
    The 90’s were about broken families.
    The 2000’s focused on the Millennials.
    The 2010’s seem to focus on all genders.
    Maybe the 2020’s will be all about the Dads. (hinting at PAS recognition and advancement of treatment)

    just my very-tired-brain-cant-keep-my-eyes-open $0.02.

    Happy Deadpan

  59. Ok, tech deapannites, got a failed HD here from my NAS (first one ever for me as I normally have upgraded before they failed), what’s the best way of destroying it?

    The microwave is out as the Feds aren’t knocking at my door and I want porridge in the morning. No longer have a open fire, so that’s out, a hammer perhaps?

  60. The cat stole my office chair. I have four choices:
    1) work from my knees (which I’m doing now as I type)
    2) kick the cat off my chair
    3) steal hubby’s chair since he’s not using it
    4) call it a day and move on to reading a book in the livingroom.

    I know which one I’d like to do.

  61. Oh good grief.
    Sure kids, it’s all fun and games till some Democracy gets it’s eye poked out.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-intersect/wp/2016/11/17/facebook-fake-news-writer-i-think-donald-trump-is-in-the-white-house-because-of-me/?tid=sm_tw

    “I thought they’d fact-check it, and it’d make them look worse. I mean that’s how this always works: Someone posts something I write, then they find out it’s false, then they look like idiots. But Trump supporters — they just keep running with it! They never fact-check anything! Now he’s in the White House. Looking back, instead of hurting the campaign, I think I helped it. And that feels [bad].”

  62. They are suppose to be laying carpet in my basement tomorrow (don’t even get me started on that story). My basement floor is not ready. I will be more than a little upset with the contractor if the flooring people come tomorrow and they can’t put down carpet. This 6 to 8 week project is going over ten weeks as it is. If it’s longer, heads will roll.

  63. Finished Y the Last Man. I am so saddened. Seriously when a comic is this good and youve become best friends with the characters, it hurts when you reach the end and know there is no more. BRAVO Brian Vaughn and Pia Guerra. Bravo.

  64. When the credits finally
    Roll for this, the
    Worst story ever
    Told, don’t bother…

    Sifting through the names
    For yours or anyone you know,
    Unless they
    Were by chance a shepherd king…

    A virgin birth, a resurrection,
    A messianic prince or some
    Such childish thing.

    You can storm the edit suite,
    Or move to block its theatrical release,
    But I think we can safely guarantee…

    There will be no revisions to the script,
    Made on behalf of a supporting cast(e).

    ‘Cause history exalts
    Only the pornography of force,
    That of murderers and psychopaths.
    The rest of us, of course…

    Stricken from the narrative wholesale,
    A backdrop to their tale.

    As we, the two-bits,
    Are ushered on and swiftly off this stage with…

    The jawbones of asses,
    No stirring curtain call for the masses.

    No floral bouquet.
    No breaking of legs.
    No recurring role.
    No artistic control.

    And so in these days,
    In this terminal phase,
    It’s all left to chance.

    A piece of advice…
    If you’re cast on thin ice,
    You may as well dance.

    Do what you feel you must,
    But as for me I was not
    Put upon this earth
    To subjugate or serve.

    Propagandhi – Supporting Caste

  65. I am writing this note from somewhere in the woods in my Uncle Jack’s cabin where something is afoot and something has gone arye (sp).
    There’s a full moon out this black night and I hear distant howl.

    I’m trapped inside this cabin with no way out.

    Cuz
    I
    Failed
    To
    Escape
    .
    .
    .

    Moron #2

  66. Time for the annual
    Deadpan Secret Santa Gift Exchange Announcement Post!

    To anyone reading this who is either new to Deadpan since last year, or who didn’t see this on the Facebook group, every year, we do a Secret Santa gift exchange. On or just after Black Friday, I take my signup list and randomly assign each person on it a giftee. Everyone buys and sends their giftee a $10-20 gift, and receives one in return. Signups are now open!

    This is my signup list as it currently stands:

    Amy Bowen
    The Energizer Bunny
    Vanamonde
    Ditto
    Cynful
    Lo Pan
    Lejon from Chandler
    Rhettro
    Jeremy from Seattle
    Ryan H. (friend of the Bunnies)

    If you’re not on this list and want to be, please reply to this post!

  67. AZans have no idea what to do when a little water falls from the sky. A 1 mile-stretch of the 101 highway was jammed up with at least 4 different accident sites. At least 10 cars. Some of them pretty bad.

    Locals and non-locals, be careful out there.

  68. When you getting to know someone again and you begin to wonder if they trying to tell you something without explicitly telling you something or it’S all a figment of your imagination.. that.

    • Currently, we are planning on visiting our home town of Herington over Christmas week. I’m not sure if we’ll get a chance to make the two hour trip east to KC or not. If so, I’ll let everyone know.

  69. I would absolutely be interested in participating in more Paloozas of any sort.

    Rhettro: YES!!! Would love to do a Star Wars RPG session over Roll20, too. 🙂

    Happy two-days-before-Thanksgiving, all.

    • I’ll try and dust off the books and dice over the holiday and start planning the next few installments. That’s something I needed to do anyways.

    • Weird that they’re referring to the team as Lucasfilm, not Disney.

      I’d like them to do what’s best for the Skywalker story. As much as I enjoyed Episode VII, it kinda took a flamethrower to the near-perfect conclusion in ROTJ. I’d like Luke and Leia and the new generations of the family to resolve the new storyline just as well as the original trilogy did.

      I can’t imagine they’ll survive solely on standalones after this, though. Even if they move on from the Skywalker family, I’m sure they’ll try to launch some new epic – – just as HP is doing with the Fantastic Beasts thing, which seemingly will have very little of the Potter family and the Voldemort gang.

  70. Ok, now I have a reason to be grumpy. The contractors messed up my secret door. Ito only opens about a third of the way. I told them that was unacceptable as I wouldn’t be able to get anything in it. They are trying again.

  71. *sigh*

    My life is determined to be perpetually late. I ordered new glasses a month ago and they are still not here yet (just got off the phone with them). The basement is two weeks past time and expected to go a third.
    Anybody who knows me knows this is unacceptable. If I’m not early for something, I’m likely dead. When things/people are a little late, I go into a tizzy. Imagine what I’m like now.

    I think I now know why I’m grumpy.

  72. I made the mistake of spotting something that I think would make a good DPSS gift for person A but that will mean I won’t get that person this year.

    #notsupersticiousatallhonest

  73. Crap joke for the day:

    This is a story about a couple who had been happily married for years, the only friction in their marriage was the husband’s habit of farting loudly every morning when he awoke the noise would wake his wife and the smell would make her eyes water and make her gasp for air.
    Every morning
    she would plead with him to stop ripping them off because it was making her sick. He told her he couldn’t stop it and that it was perfectly natural. She told him to see a doctor, she was concerned that one day he would blow his guts out. The years went by and he continued to rip them out. Then one Christmas day morning, as she was preparing the turkey for dinner and he was upstairs sound asleep, she looked at the innards, neck, gizzard, liver and all the spare parts, and a malicious thought came to her. She took the bowl and went upstairs where her husband was sound asleep and, gently pulling the bed covers back, she pulled back the elastic waistband of his underpants and emptied the bowl of turkey guts into his shorts. Sometime later she heard her husband waken with his usual trumpeting which was followed by a blood curdling scream and the sound of frantic footsteps as he ran into the bath room. The wife could hardly control herself as she rolled on the floor laughing, tears in her eyes! After years of torture she reckoned she had got him back pretty good. About twenty minutes later, her husband came downstairs in his blood stained underpants with a look of horror on his face. She bit her lip as she asked him what was the matter. He said, “Honey you were right… all these years you have warned me and I didn’t listen to you.” “What do you mean?” asked his wife. “Well, you always told me that one day I would end up farting my guts out, and today it finally happened, but by the grace of god, some Vaseline and two fingers. I think I got most of them back in……………….…..”

  74. You know, I hired these contractors to do my basement for a few reasons:
    They were registered on the Better Business Bureau with an A rating
    The person who gave me the quote was friendly, polite, and not condescending because I was female
    They assured me they knew how to do secret doors and have done them in the past
    They could start the project quickly so they would be done before winter settled in

    While they have kept to their quote, everything else about this project has been nothing but headaches
    Today I am going to yell at my contractors and threaten them.
    Wish me luck

  75. What do you mean I have to wait 8 months for Valarian? It looks amazing. I’ll link the preview when I get in a stable place unless someone beats me to it

  76. So, finally got around to the new Star Trek film this weekend. I must confess to actually liking it. Did it have serious problems? Yes, of course even the best of Trek movies have serious problems.

    That said, this story and the actors this time around really felt like a Star Trek story, far unlike the stuff JJ Abrams put out with his efforts.

    • I expected to like the show, it far exceeded my expectations. They made a big deal out of last night being the final date of the tour, but I’d definitely recommend catching them on the next one.

    • They were playing the still reigning NFL champs ;P (albeit not for long)

      Seriously tho. That was a great game that the Chefs gladly took when Denver gift wrapped it, placed it under the tree, and said “go ahead guys, here’s an early present!

      • I actually haven’t been following football much this season and I doubt the Chiefs will be able to sustain this level of commitment here on out. But I can hope. 🙂

        • Apparently the current owners of the NY Jets were major Trump contributors.* If I regularly followed football or any of my money went to this team, then I guess I’d have a minor conundrum. As it is, my recent support has amounted to wearing my 1 Jets t-shirt and occasionally checking to see how they’re doing (last in their division) – – so no drastic changes needed.

          Ah well, I’ll always have Joe Klecko and Mark Gastineau.

  77. Today’s earworm is a good one. A VERY good one

    A Speculative Fiction – Propagandhi

    It describes Canada declaring war on the U.S. and some of the aftermath. It also won the first annual SOCAN Songwriting Prize for Canadian music back in 2006.

    I know most folks don’t usually find earwoms in punk/metal but for those here that do I think you’ll really dig it. Great lyrics, wonderful composition

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4HuWgP-hwCY

  78. Yesterday hubby slept in. He was suppose to be up early to do something with me but he decided to stay up late the night before so didn’t get up until rather late the next morning. Then he spent the rest of the morning grumpy because I wasn’t grumpy or upset at him like he felt I should be.
    Silly hubby :silly:

      • I disagree with a bunch of the article’s points about U2, but I do like Achtung Baby better than most of the albums that followed it. I’m with the consensus on U2: Joshua Tree is their peak. It’s even become common to refer to a band’s best album as their “Joshua Tree.”

  79. From a daily mash satirical article about Castro’s death:

    Political commentator Eleanor Shaw said: “Castro’s Cuba was admired by people all over the world who think access to healthcare, education and vintage cars is more important than free elections.

    Hahahahahaha!

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