This was originally heard in Deadpan 144: Gross.

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Do you think for Yoda’s last birthdays, his family lit 800 candles on a cake and sang “to you, birthday happy”?

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What if Yoda was also dyslexic?

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Do you think Yoda uses that creepy Darth Vader tree for storage when he’s not training a student? Like that’s where he keeps his hedge trimmers?

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Do you think Yoda even notices when his toilet on Dagobah overflows?

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Do you think Yoda would have preferred to just die in peace, without having some punk jedi acolyte badgering him with questions during his final moments?

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Wouldn’t Yoda have quadrupled his credibility if he’d grown in a mustache and goatee?

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Forget earmuffs, does Yoda’s species wear earsocks in winter?

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What is Yoda, 20 inches tall? How the hell could you throw a pitch into his strike zone?

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And if he didn’t use any force powers, who’d win in one-on-one basketball, Yoda vs. Mini-Me?

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Do you think Luke Skywalker still has the ghosts of Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Anakin hanging around him, even after the Empire is destroyed? Dispensing advice, wisdom, and encouragement as he goes through day-to-day activities? Building that extra room on the house, uncomfortable bowel movements, clipping nosehairs, helping the kids with algebra homework, negotiating with jawas for droids, having sex with Mara Jade. . . What would happen if he called the ghostbusters on them?