Textpan V: Yoda Coda

This was originally heard in Deadpan 144: Gross.

Do you think for Yoda’s last birthdays, his family lit 800 candles on a cake and sang “to you, birthday happy”?

What if Yoda was also dyslexic?

Do you think Yoda uses that creepy Darth Vader tree for storage when he’s not training a student? Like that’s where he keeps his hedge trimmers?

Do you think Yoda even notices when his toilet on Dagobah overflows?

Do you think Yoda would have preferred to just die in peace, without having some punk jedi acolyte badgering him with questions during his final moments?

Wouldn’t Yoda have quadrupled his credibility if he’d grown in a mustache and goatee?

Forget earmuffs, does Yoda’s species wear earsocks in winter?

What is Yoda, 20 inches tall? How the hell could you throw a pitch into his strike zone?

And if he didn’t use any force powers, who’d win in one-on-one basketball, Yoda vs. Mini-Me?

Do you think Luke Skywalker still has the ghosts of Yoda, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and Anakin hanging around him, even after the Empire is destroyed? Dispensing advice, wisdom, and encouragement as he goes through day-to-day activities? Building that extra room on the house, uncomfortable bowel movements, clipping nosehairs, helping the kids with algebra homework, negotiating with jawas for droids, having sex with Mara Jade. . . What would happen if he called the ghostbusters on them?

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