1,148 thoughts on “Un99

  1. Your crap joke for a Monday Morning:

    A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge plate, which the tourist eats with relish. The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more scrumptious.The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small balls on a big plate. The man asks, “What gives?”And the waiter says, “Senor, the bullfighter doesn’t always win!”

  2. CP: Remembrance Day — God Is An Astronaut

    I heard of this song because of “Life”. Great musical direction in that show. I never would have heard of this band otherwise. Despite the name, the band is not Christian rock. They are ambient post-rock electronica, whatever the hell that means.

  3. O good grief!
    CNBC is still passing along the “Obamacare will cost jobs” lie.

    The actual CBO report said “that Americans would choose to work less, for various reasons, and that if you translated the fewer hours worked into full-time jobs, it would equal 2.5 million by 2024 (2.3 million by 2021).”
    It did NOT say that Obamacare would cost the country 2.5 million jobs. These are not people that will be fired. These are NOT jobs that are going away but Republicans and the press seem bound and determined to continue to report it as so! Those jobs will still be there and someone will have to be hired to do them.

    How is it that the current administration is so comparatively BAD at this “propaganda” thing?

    http://talkingpointsmemo.com/dc/obamacare-cbo-report-jobs

  4. So! Olympic Hockey!

    Folks have until Tuesday at midnight to pick one of the remaining countries for the Men’s Olympic Ice Hockey.

    It looks like your opponent has many options, should their team lose:

    -Record themselves singing a snippet of a song chosen by you, for play on a future Deadpan or Unshow.
    -Take and submit a photo of one object from a (group-approved) list of 3 items chosen by you, to be posted on the Deadpan Flickr and Facebook page.
    -Record themselves for 60 seconds while watching a movie chosen by you, for play on a future Deadpan or Unshow.
    -Listen to a song chosen by you and record an Earbuddies-style response for play on a future Deadpan or Unshow.
    -The burn of flakeshame.

  5. I never heard of Michael Sam before this morning, but I started the day on my drive to work with a little more hope for humanity than before . . . the local jock talk radio (The Fan) talked very positively about him coming out, etc. I’m glad to know I still have a capacity to be pleasantly surprised on these matters!

  6. As it currently stands:
    Your Olympic Men’s hockey teams:

    Austria
    Canada -Ryah
    Czech Republic -EssBee
    Finland -ditto
    Latvia -UsedHair
    Norway
    Russian Fed. -Lo Pan
    Slovakia
    Slovenia
    Sweden -Jack
    Switzerland
    United States -Desert Pixie

    Vanamonde has also agreed to pick a leftover team.
    Now’s probably the time to start thinking about your second team, if you want one.

    • If it comes to second teams I want Norway. I already know that my option, should my teams loose, will be the cook/eat an ethnic dish. Unless the list of group approved items to take a picture of turn out to be very interesting and unique, then I can split my options if both teams loose or even do more than one option if only one team looses.

  7. And to reiterate: here’s the COMPLETE list of options for losing teams:

    -Record themselves singing a snippet of your team’s country’s national anthem, for play on a future Deadpan or Unshow.
    -Take and submit a photo of one object from a (group-approved) list of 3 items chosen by you, to be posted on the Deadpan Flickr and Facebook page.
    -Record themselves for 60 seconds while watching a movie chosen by you, for play on a future Deadpan or Unshow.
    -Listen to a song chosen by you and record an Earbuddies-style response for play on a future Deadpan or Unshow.
    -Cook/eat an ethnic dish by winning team home country (Olympics) and write post about experience on boards *OR* make an audio recording with details of your experience for play on a future Deadpan or Unshow.
    -The burn of flakeshame.

  8. OK…. so for Sweden, I’m designating:
    3 Photo options:
    -An IKEA Allen wrench.
    -A Stieg Larsson book or DVD/Blu-Ray case.
    -Something Muppet-related (preferably the Swedish Chef).

    Movie:
    -Splash

    Earbuddies song:
    “Windowpane” by Opeth

  9. And for Russia…

    Food:
    -Beef Stroganov (store bought or prepared. doesnt matter. just wash it down with a splash of vodka and cranberry)

    Earbuddie song:
    -“Moscau” by Rammstein

    Movie:
    -Spies Like Us

    • What’s funny about that is I’ve been listening to the Order 66 podcast, which is dedicated to the FFG Star Wars role playing game “Edge of the Empire.” The hosts are the creators of Eons and plug it from time to time.

  10. Czech Republic rules:

    -Cook/eat a Bramboraky (potato pancake) and wash it down with a Pilsner Urquell (if you’re a drinker). Post photo doing this to FB page, or link here; OR write a post here about doing this.

    -Post a picture of either the Kafka section at the library or bookstore, or you holding a copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being

    -Watch any of the Czech movies listed here – http://usa.istreamguide.com/genres/czech-movies and PBP here

  11. “Bon Jovi was actually a big influence on Primus back in the day. Basically, the influence was that we wanted to make music that was the polar opposite of Bon Jovi.”

    -Les Claypool

  12. Do any of you guys have a good universal remote control you’d recommend? I got my dad a Logitech Harmony about 8 years ago that he LOVES, but it’s time for a replacement (and I don’t want to spend $300).

  13. For Canada
    Song – In Klezskavania by The Plaid Tongue Devils
    Movie – Silver Streak with Gene Wilder (yes there are other films that were filmed in Calgary, I just chose this one to be random): If not this movie I will also accept an episode of ReBoot. (The last season was the best)
    Food – Either Ginger beef (invented in Canada you know) or Ketchup flavoured potato chips (yuck!)
    Picture of: Maple syrup, Pablum (invented in Canada too), or DVD of ReBoot cartoon show

  14. So – RE: Olympic Men’s Hockey – I am going to leave the ethnic food obligation blank. Be creative with the meals, if your team loses to Sweden…. And also – – feel free to play with as many of the “consequences” as you wish.

    You guys might wanna start considering your secondary teams… Rhett, Van, I’ll randomly assign your teams from the leftovers tonight, unless you decide you want to pick someone.

  15. I want to play! I want to play!! (I hope it’s not too late to sign up!)

    I will claim Slovakia, because whichever team I claimed for the 2010 Games got beaten by Slovakia, and singing Slovakia’s national anthem was a blast. 🙂

    I’ll figure out the tasks for my country sometime later.

    Good night, Pan.

  16. Austria -Rhett
    Canada -Ryah
    Czech Republic -EssBee
    Finland -ditto
    Latvia -UsedHair
    Norway
    Russian Fed. -Lo Pan
    Slovakia -Amy (SloVAKia, not Slovenia)
    Slovenia
    Sweden -Jack
    Switzerland -Vanamonde
    United States -Desert Pixie

  17. …and for the United States of America…

    not for the faint of heart….

    National Anthem- a Karaoke version of Roseann Barr’s Star Spangled Banner

    Photos:
    1. Dress up as an immigrant (from country of your own origin) from the 1800’s
    2. Pose with Ronald McDonald at your local (Olympic sponsor) McDonalds
    3. Your youngest family member, holding a rifle, which was used to kill tonight’s dinner

    Movie:
    Gone With the Wind

    Song:

    “Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen

    Food
    Make your own rendition of a Hamburger, Fries and a Milkshake

    Curling Pants:

    I will design curling pants for the losing country.

  18. Car question, guys. I’m smelling antifreeze when my defrost is on re-circulate. There is no white smoke, no leak in the cab or on the ground. Should I take it to the garage?

  19. So before you take it in, check the coolant level in both your reservoir and your radiator (when the car is cold 🙂 ). Add if need be. If it still keeps up you may need to take it in to make sure you dont have an internal leak or crack in heating core (which I doubt if your car still heats up).

    I hate cars. I really hate taking them in on a whim since there’s ALWAYS something wrong with them as far as the garage is concerned

  20. For Finland…

    Photo: pic of you with Fin flag in any way you want.
    Music: how about a remix of Ed singing his Finland song.
    Food: go to allrecipes.com and pic any Finnish recipe
    Movie: watch Iron Sky

  21. CP: last Saturday’s Only A Game (NPR Sports). The analyst predicts that three of these four countries will medal in men’s hockey:

    Canada
    Sweden
    U.S.A.
    Russia

  22. How about some random foods/photo items/songs IF your victorious opponent has no assignments?

    Photos:
    Block of cheese (any kind), some kind of skate, something fur-lined.
    Songs to sing/Earbuddy:
    “A Small Victory” – Faith No More, “I Am A Viking” – Yngwie Malmsteen, “Brand New Key” – Rasputina.
    Movies:
    “The Money Pit”, “Let the Right One In”, “Little Odessa”.

    Other suggestions?

  23. Watching the news. One of the top stories is how the Canadian women’s hockey team beat their “arch rivals”, the US

    Does that make my time on Deadpan an act of peace, or betrayal? :cheerful:

  24. This is silly. During the broadcast, when referring to the hockey game, not once did we play against the US. We played our arch rivals, our nemesis, and our plain old rivals. I find it all very silly

  25. You know (and this may sound jingoistic but I dont care) Team U.S.A cant win for trying. If they get the most medals in the Olympics its “oh well of course they did, theyre supposed to. big whoop”. If not its “oh look, they suck, bwah ha ha”. I dont get it.

  26. OK. So I lost on the first round. But, dammit, I did a lot of research on Latvia to make up my assignments so I’m going to list what the losers would have had to have done if my team hadn’t flaked out in the first round.

    Food:
    Herring in a Jacket – http://www.learnlatvianonline.com/popular-latvian-recipe-herring-in-a-jacket
    or Pork Hocks in Aspic – http://www.latvianstuff.com/Jelliedmeat.html

    Movies:
    Black Swan or 2 episodes of Lost Girl with Ksenia Solo
    or White Nights with Mikhail Baryshnikov

    Song:
    Lauris Reiniks – Aš Bėgu (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D2sFGsjBjRI)

    Pictures:
    Coco the Clown (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coco_the_Clown)
    The Inventor of Nitrate fertilizers Wilhelm Ostwald – so, a picture of fertilizer
    Any building by Architect – Gunnar Birkerts
    A picture of a reasonable facsimile of any of these items made of mashed potatoes would also have been acceptable.

  27. Tomorrow in men’s hockey:
    Group A:
    – SVK vs USA (7:30 am EST)
    – RUS vs SLO (7:30 am EST)
    Group B:
    – FIN vs AUT (3:00 am EST)
    – CAN vs NOR (12:00 pm EST)

  28. Jack: what’s the plan for the unassigned teams? We’ll leave them as wild cards and go with your random punishment plan? I kind of like that idea.

  29. So far, the people/punishments I DO NOT have is:
    Austria – Rhettro
    Slovakia – Amy
    Switzerland – Vanamonde

    I have two unassigned: Norway and Slovania

    Does that sound right?

    Once we decide the rules on how/what game(s) are counted towards your loss, I’ll mark the assignments on my spreadsheet once losses start happening.

    • I cast a vote in favor of counting the first round matchups.

      I also cast a vote in favor of Bunny’s Punishments Spreadsheet. Thank you, TEB. Do you have the general, non-assigned consequences in your list too?

      • Yes Jack, I went with your list for that.

        If you’re counting first round match ups then:
        EssBee (loss to Sweden) must do one (or was that two?) of the following:
        Picture An IKEA Allen wrench.
        A Stieg Larsson book or DVD/Blu-Ray case.
        Something Muppet-related (preferably the Swedish Chef).
        Movie Splash
        Song “Windowpane” by Opeth

        Used Hair will have a punishment too (loss to Switzerland) but we are waiting to hear back form Van on what that will be.

        • EssBee can choose any 1 or more of those things, or she can also choose to make some ethnic Swedish dish and tell us about it (in audio, pictures, long post, etc.)

          If Van never does come up with consequences for a loss to Norway, then UsedHair can choose a task from the general, non-assigned list (I’d include Lo Pan’s Yakov Smirnoff essay there too, in addition to anything else people legitimately suggest).

    • Near end of the 2nd:

      Russia 3 – Slovenia 2
      Russia is outplaying and outshooting Slovenia, but clearly has goalie problems.

      Slovakia 1 – USA 7
      Team USA has found their legs in the 2nd and are dominating the game. Slovakia has had some good chances, even on the power play, but USA’s goal tending has been solid.

  30. OK Rhett Because you lost to Finland, you must do one (or more) of the following:
    Photo  pic of you with Fin flag in any way you want.
    Music how about a remix of Ed singing his Finland song.
    Food go to allrecipes.com and pic any Finnish recipe
    Movie Iron Sky

  31. Tomorrow’s games:
    CZE vs LAT @ 3:00 am EST
    SWE vs SUI @ 7:30 am EST
    NOR vs FIN @ 12:00 pm EST
    CAN vs AUT @ 12:00 pm EST

    Women’s quarter finals begin on Saturday.

    • We actually had a chance at some passes for a Robocop screening, but chose to check out a tai chi class instead. I don’t know if Pixie agrees with that decision, but I’mma stick by it. Especially since the screening tix were not guaranteed. And it’s Robocop.

  32. My stupid tax program didn’t like that my screen fonts were set to smaller than the default. I had to change them for now. Will be happy when tax season is over and I can change my settings to the way I like them, not how a stupid program tells me to.

  33. A lot of similarity in this game and the game earlier today. I think Norway wants to score first and rely on their defense & goaltending to try and win.

  34. Your crap joke for the day :

    During a recent password audit by a company, it was found that an employee was using the following password:

    MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyLondon

    When asked why she had such a long password, she rolled her eyes and said:

    “Hello! It has to be at least 8 characters and include at least one capital.”

  35. CW: Olympics on NBC – Men’s Freestyle Skiing Final

    They just showed highlights of the men’s hockey games. I see my team (Slovakia) lost to the U.S., so I will be completing one or more of Pixie’s challenges in the near future.

    Speaking of which, here are the challenges you can choose from if your team gets defeated by Slovakia. (I have two links, so I’m going to break this up into two posts to avoid getting tossed into Murgatory.)

    —————————————

    National Anthem:

    Sing the Slovakian national anthem. (I sang it for the last Winter Olympics, and I believe UsedHair did, too.)

    Photos:
    1) Yourself, holding up a GPS unit (a Slovak shares credit for for developing the system)
    2) A parachute
    3) A helicopter
    Source: Wikipedia page listing Slovaks with significant achievements

  36. Whaaaaa? A werewolf movie where a young person discovers what they are and has to come to terms with being… a thing of another species? I haven’t seen that since… about half the werewolf movies ever!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XznXx7JdxlQ

    Wait, wait, wait… this has a young person who’s parents are murdered and he has to… no, that’s not it

    OK, OK, there is one werewolf that is particularly bad and the young werewolf with a conscious is pitted against…

    Seriously? Why not just call the movie something like “Wolves” to indicate that it is a rehashed pile of… oh…

  37. Speaking of Valentines –
    I just saw a pop-up ad for “all-battery.com” exclaiming their Valentines Day sale.
    I don’t know whether to laugh or show solidarity by nodding in a slow, knowing manor.

  38. Rhettro Lost to both Finland and Canada so:

    For Finland:
    Photo  pic of you with Fin flag in any way you want.
    Music how about a remix of Ed singing his Finland song.
    Food go to allrecipes.com and pic any Finnish recipe
    Movie Iron Sky

    For Canada:
    Song In Klezskavania by The Plaid Tongue Devils
    Movie Silver Streak with Gene Wilde
    an episode of ReBoot
    Food Ginger beef
    Ketchup flavoured potato chips
    Picture Maple syrup
    Pablum
    DVD of ReBoot cartoon show

  39. Used Hair lost to both Switzerland and the Czech Republic so:

    For the Czech Republic:
    Food Bramboraky (potato pancake) and wash it down with a Pilsner Urquell (if you’re a drinker)
    Picture Kafka section at the library or bookstore
    you holding a copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being
    Movie any of the Czech movies listed here – http://usa.istreamguide.com/genres/czech-movies and PBP here

    For Switzerland: T.B.A. (Van?)

  40. Amy lost to the USA so:
    National Anthem- a Karaoke version of Roseann Barr’s Star Spangled Banner
    Photos: 1. Dress up as an immigrant (from country of your own origin) from the 1800′s
    2. Pose with Ronald McDonald at your local (Olympic sponsor) McDonalds
    3. Your youngest family member, holding a rifle, which was used to kill tonight’s dinner
    Movie: Gone With the Wind
    song: “Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen
    Food Make your own rendition of a Hamburger, Fries and a Milkshake
    Curling Pants: Pixie will design curling pants for the losing country.

  41. Vanmonde lost to Sweden so:

    Picture An IKEA Allen wrench.
    A Stieg Larsson book or DVD/Blu-Ray case.
    Something Muppet-related (preferably the Swedish Chef).
    Movie Splash
    Song “Windowpane” by Opeth
    Food Any Swedish food

    Also Van, if you want to come up with suitable punishments for those who lost to you, I would be a happy bunny :cheerful:

  42. Men’s hockey:
    SVK 1 vs SLO 3 (final)
    USA 1 vs RUS 1 (end of 2nd)
    SUI vs CZE (12:00 EST)
    SWE vs LAT (12:00 EST)

    Women’s hockey (doesn’t count for our game) quarterfinals:
    FIN 2 vs SWE 4 (final)
    SUI 1 vs RUS 0 (3rd)

  43. The commentators have been doing a good job this year. They talk fairly about both teams. At least that part of NBC coverage has improved. 🙂

  44. Your crap joke tweet of the day:

    @David_Heb: “Excuse me, but do you know the name of the largest artery in the human body?”
    “Aorta.”
    “Well, let me know if you remember.”

  45. Non spoiler USA-Russia comment.

    After watching most of the replay I’m not sure the team who won was the better of the two teams. That being said I think they were the smarter today.

    • I’m not sure either, especially since I think it wasn’t a well played game. I think this was the first challenge for both teams and they didn’t handle it very well.

  46. Okay as promised, punishments if your team gets beaten by Switzerland:

    Sing the Swiss Psalm, which is the national anthem of Sweden, there is an english translation on wikipedia.

    Photos:
    Take a photo of yourself near a cuckoo clock (although not invented in Switzerland the country is associated with them)
    or a Swatch (swiss brand of watches)
    or a Swiss Army Knife.

    Film:
    The Eiger Sanction (parts of the film are set in Switzerland)

    Song:
    Long Stick Goes Boom – Krokus (Swiss hard rock band)

    Food:
    Muesli
    White Chocolate (first introduced by Nestle)
    Absinthe (originated in Switzerland).

  47. So, now that it’s made it to Redbox, I’ve finally watched the much hyped/reviled movie version of Ender’s Game.

    I have to say, especially compared to the book, the movie felt more lie a Sportscenter highlight reel rather than a coherent story with characters.

  48. Watched “The Last Stand” starring Arnie, Johnny Knoxville, and Forest Whitaker.

    I now need a moment to completely forget that I just watched “The Last Stand” starring Arnie, Johnny Knoxville, and Forest Whitaker.

    • I’ve heard really good things, so I plan to go and see it this coming Thursday. (I’ll be off that day. This next week is my second of two weeks on a modified schedule, so I only work Sunday – Tuesday.)

  49. Hi Guys

    Just popping in but did have a question. If you want me to post punishments every day. How long should I wait to avoid spoilers to those that have to time shift?
    I think I’m going to start posting the next day instead of the same day, which is what I’ve been doing.

    Would that work better?

    • Great Divide is an excellent brewery with a large tradition of masterpiece brews. I dunno where they went wrong with this one. Again tho, I dont like grapefruit or farmhouse ales as it goes. Oh look… it seems its ME who went wrong. Heh.

  50. For those of you NOT following along with the world of Indoor Track & Field, Renaud Lavillenie has set a NEW World Record in the Polevault – 6.16m (like maybe 20′ 2.5″).
    The old record (6.15m) belonged to Sergei Bubka, one of the USSR’s last super cyborg athletes, who set that mark 21 years ago!
    So let’s hear it for determined, little (like 5’8″) French men!

  51. Some people have commented that since multiple “teams” from a country can be entered in other sports (e.g. China & figure skating), why shouldn’t Canada enter more than one team for hockey?

    I think it’s an interesting question, though I’d rather Canada not do that.

  52. 3 out of 5 Coyotes are in the top 4 seeded Olympic teams.
    Woot!

    Now, if the Phoenix Coyotes could be in the Top 4 Seeded NHL Teams…

    :-/

  53. I know music sales have gone down, and that a lot of bands have resorted to licensing agreements for product placement. Still, I’m incredibly disappointed to hear Rush’s “Working Man” used in a fucking Walmart commercial. Sigh.

  54. Rhett – Lost to Finland and Canada:

    For Finland:
    Photo – pic of you with Fin flag in any way you want.
    Music – how about a remix of Ed singing his Finland song.
    Food – go to allrecipes.com and pic any Finnish recipe
    Movie – Iron Sky

    For Canada:
    Song – In Klezskavania by The Plaid Tongue Devils
    Movie – Silver Streak with Gene Wilde
    – an episode of ReBoot
    Food – Ginger beef
    – Ketchup flavoured potato chips
    Picture – Maple syrup
    – Pablum
    – DVD of ReBoot cartoon show

  55. EssBee – Lost to Sweden and Switzerland

    For Sweden: – already fulfilled

    For Switzerland:
    Movie – The Eiger Sanction
    Song – Long Stick Goes Boom – Krokus
    Food – Muesli
    – White Chocolate (first introduced by Nestle)
    – Absinthe (originated in Switzerland).

  56. Ditto – Lost to Canada:

    Song – In Klezskavania by The Plaid Tongue Devils
    Movie – Silver Streak with Gene Wilde
    – an episode of ReBoot
    Food – Ginger beef
    – Ketchup flavoured potato chips
    Picture – Maple syrup
    – Pablum
    – DVD of ReBoot cartoon show

  57. Used Hair – Lost to Switzerland, Czech Republic, Sweden

    For Switzerland:
    For Switzerland:
    Movie – The Eiger Sanction
    Song – Long Stick Goes Boom – Krokus
    Food – Muesli
    – White Chocolate (first introduced by Nestle)
    – Absinthe (originated in Switzerland).

    For the Czech Republic:
    Food – Bramboraky (potato pancake) and wash it down with a Pilsner Urquell (if you’re a drinker)
    Picture – Kafka section at the library or bookstore
    – you holding a copy of The Unbearable Lightness of Being
    Movie – any of the Czech movies listed here – http://usa.istreamguide.com/genres/czech-movies and PBP here

    For Sweden:
    Picture – An IKEA Allen wrench.
    – A Stieg Larsson book or DVD/Blu-Ray case.
    -Something Muppet-related (preferably the Swedish Chef).
    Movie – Splash
    Song – “Windowpane” by Opeth
    Food – Any Swedish food

  58. Amy – Lost to USA, Slovania, Russia

    For USA:
    National Anthem – a Karaoke version of Roseann Barr’s Star Spangled Banner
    Photos: 1. Dress up as an immigrant (from country of your own origin) from the 1800′s
    2. Pose with Ronald McDonald at your local (Olympic sponsor) McDonalds
    3. Your youngest family member, holding a rifle, which was used to kill tonight’s dinner
    Movie: Gone With the Wind
    song: “Born in the USA” by Bruce Springsteen
    Food Make your own rendition of a Hamburger, Fries and a Milkshake
    Curling Pants: Pixie will design curling pants for the losing country.

    For Russia:
    Food – Beef Stroganov (store bought or prepared. doesnt matter. just wash it down with a splash of vodka and cranberry
    Song – ”Moscau” by Rammstein
    Movie – Spies Like Us

  59. Vanamonde – Lost to Sweden

    Picture – An IKEA Allen wrench.
    – A Stieg Larsson book or DVD/Blu-Ray case.
    -Something Muppet-related (preferably the Swedish Chef).
    Movie – Splash
    Song – “Windowpane” by Opeth
    Food – Any Swedish food

  60. I’ve been playing around with the new Star Wars role-playing game, “Edge of the Empire.” It uses a set of unique dice that not only determine whether a role succeeds or fails, but also if there is a beneficial or detrimental side effect. The side effect is independent of the main roll, so it is possible to successfully complete a task but put things in motion that make things harder for you next time or the reverse. It is up to the game master and the players to suggest what those positive or negative effects are, but the goal is enhanced story telling. To get more familiar with the system, I played through the first encounter with three pre-generated characters: Pash, a human smuggler, Lowhhrick, the wookie hired gun and 41-Vex, a colonist droid. The first encounter takes place in the city of Mos Shuuta on the planet of Tatooine.

  61. The three renegades are trying to escape their former “employer”, the crime boss Teemo the Hutt. When Pash learned that a recently docked star freighter named the Krayt Fang recently arrived at the space port, he knew that the time was right for he and his friends to escape. When the guards were distracted with a game of cards, Pash, Vex and Lowhhrick made a break for it. After being chased through the hot desert streets of Mos Shuuta, the three ducked into a local tavern in an attempt to hide from their pursuers. Though tired from the chase the cool air of the tavern offered a momentary relief from the heat outside. Pash takes a moment to survey the tavern. A Devaronian bartender pauses and looks your direction. His devilish features are intimidating, but his look of unsurprise seems to indicate that they are the first renegades to enter his place. Other than the bartender, a Twi’lek dancer continues her routine uninterrupted on the stage at the far in of the room. There are many tables but only a few patrons strewn throughout the tavern’s common room and a row of booths on the right side.

  62. Pash runs up to the dancer. “Look darling, no time to explain. We’ve got a few unfriendly sorts looking for us and it would be all the better if they didn’t find us.” Pash said. The Twi’lek peers into the scoundrel’s green eyes intently. Pash puts 20 credits in her hand. “Please.” he whispers. “Quick, behind the curtain.” the Twi’lek exclaimed and then returned to her dance.

  63. 41-Vex watched as Pash ran in the direction of the dancer. That didn’t surprise him as he had calculated there was a 97.43 percent chance he’d engage any female in the room. During his calculations he noticed a door behind the bartender that he determined was most likely a storage closet. The sound of his muscle servos emitted a high pitch whine as he sprinted and hurtled over the bar and past the bartender. The Devaronian glanced his way, but decided it wasn’t worth the effort to stop him. He figured once their pursuers arrived, either they wouldn’t be found and would leave quietly, or they would be caught and shoot dead, in which case they still would be leaving quietly. Vex opened the closet door and shut it behind him. The closet door had a standard electronic lock that he was familiar with. He pulled the smooth steel multi-tool from his leg storage compartment and placed it above the lock. Moments later two light clicks followed by a louder clap sound told him the lock engaged. “They’ll have a hard time finding me in here.” Vex thought. “We might just survive this yet.”

  64. The wookie cast an imposing silhouette in the dark tavern. It wasn’t Lowhhrick’s nature to hide from his enemies. He pulled the large vibro-axe from the leather straps on his back. It was well worn with a few broken notches from some of his more memorable battles. However, he was a sitting target while standing in the middle of the common room amongst the empty tables. He ducked into one of the booths to his right. As luck would have it, this particular booth had a wall covering made from the fur of an animal very similar to the wookie’s own. The Devaronian barkeep glanced at Lowhhrick with a huge look of surprise on his face. The wookie was practically invisible in the dark light of the tavern. So shocked was the Devaronian, he didn’t notice the entry of three large Gamorrean guards.

  65. The troupe of green skinned, pig faced Gamoreans started walk about the bar. The shortest of the three, grunted orders in his native tongue. The two subordinates, looked at each other and griped their bone breaking weapons tightly. The bartender, still looking in the direction of Lowhhrick, snapped out of his wonderment to see a short Gamorrean plod towards him. He squealed out some questions for the barkeep, but the Devaronian just shrugged. The skinnier of the two remaining thugs walked toward the stage area while the other, wearing a distinctive white vest looked under tables directly in front of the wookie. Lowhhrick couldn’t temper his actions anymore. He leaped from the booth directly on top of the vest wearing Gam and knocks him unconscious in one blow.

  66. The cry of the wookie was so loud Vex could feel the whole closet vibrate. “Now or nothing.” Vex thought. He quickly unlocked the door to see the back of a short Gamorrean immediately on the other side of the bar. With lightning reflexes Vex fired a bolt from his light blaster hitting “shorty” directly in the arm. The Gamorrean leader spun around gripping his arm in pain with a look of hatred directed at the droid.

  67. Pash peered from behind the stage curtain, watching the skirmish unfold. He watched a relatively thin Gamorrean approach the stage spin around in horror as his friend was knocked flat by a wookie, seemingly appearing out of nowhere. Without thinking, Pash pull his blaster free, jumped under the blue skinned dancer and blazed a shot at his pursuer. In a burst of heat and sweat, the slim Gam cries out as his jacket catches fire. The bars patrons scatter behind the closest tables and booths they can find.

  68. The head Gamorrean decides he doesn’t want to tangle with the wookie. Instead he jumps over the bar to engage the droid who shot him moments earlier. With a heavy thump, the Gam slams onto the counter and slides to his feet on the other side. A few glasses fall and shatter on the floor causing the bartender, who smartly stepped aside of the Gam, to frown. Thinking the droid an easy target, the short Gamorrean, swings his club back mightily to give the droid the hit of his life, but in doing so he accidentally gets his club stuck in the decorative banister mounted on top of the bar.

  69. Lowhhrick the wookie, bursts out in laughter at the sight of the clumsy Gam. His laughter was cut short when he was hit by a table kicked by the slim Gamorrean behind him. The jolt causes the wookie to trip and fall to the floor, his vibroaxe lands several feet away from him. Moments later he is struck with the full brunt of the Gam’s club.

  70. Before the Gamorrean could take a second swing at the wookie, a red tinged blaster bolt whizzes past his nose. As the Gam turns to see a human scoundrel on stage, Lowhhrick rolls to his left and reclaims his ax.

  71. The short Gam behind the bar frantically tries to free his weapon. The unblinking droid sets his weapon to stun and in a blue flash “shorty” falls to the floor.

  72. In one motion, Lowhhrick leaps from the floor and hits the remaining Gamorrean directly in the face. The Gam’s head turns violently followed by a large crack sound. The Gam falls into a chair, it splinters and collapses into many pieces. All the Gamoreans lay silent.

  73. A slow clap can be heard in the direction of the bar. The three refugees see the red skinned bartender smiling at them. The Devaronian bartender approaches and laughs a brittle little laugh. “i guess you’re folks who need to get of the planet in a hurry. The good news for you is that I happen to know that there’s a freighter in landing bay Aurek right now. The bad news is that it’s captain, Trex , is an associate of the Hutt’s and won’t just let you on. The other bad news is that the reason I know it’ still in the landing bay is that it has a broken hypermatter reactor igniter and won’t be flying anywhere until it gets a new one. I bet Vorn over at the junk shop has one. He then points at the door . “Now get out of my cantina.”

  74. Your crap joke for the day :

    A young girl came home from a date looking sad.
    She told her mother, “Charles proposed to me a few minutes ago.”…

    “Then why are you so sad?” her mother asked….

    “Because he also mentioned he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn’t believe there’s hell!”

    Her mother replied, “Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we’ll show him how wrong he is.”

    • Interesting aside – my neighbor started Law School this year and I was talking to him when he was home at Christmas and he mentioned that the Mcdonalds/Coffee case was one they had studied.
      He said that anyone who ever actually got to SEE the evidence photos of this woman’s burns would never make fun of that incident again. Third degree burns. Her whole lap and crotch area, yellow and red with huge blisters and skin coming off. Permanently scared.
      She was handed a cup of coffee that for some reason was WAY above what would be considered normal temperature and as she got it in her hand the lid, which was not fastened, came off.

      So it was her against a multi-billion dollar company that immediately dispatched PR people to all the talk shows to belittle her story and mock her with the “ow the coffee burned me”.

      Guess which version of that incident the public ever got to hear? I know which version I believed until I talked with my neighbor.

      • I’m not here to make fun of that woman but there’s a point where you just cant be ignorant of your surroundings. If the coffee was really too hot…fine. Sobeit and good for her. But this isnt a billion dollar corporation (its the band equivalent of a mom and pop store)getting sued for something they have been doing at their shows for THIRTY PLUS years. For the woman to claim ignorant is bullshit.

        • Sorry. I don’t know anything about the fishbone incident other than what I just read in that article so I’ve nothing to add to it.
          Your mention of the coffee thing though suddenly reminded me about what I had just learned so … less a comment on your opinion of the fishbone thing and more of a “Hey! That reminds me” sort of thing.
          It is another uncomfortable reminder though, that what we really “know” about most things is only what our corporate overlords want us to know.

          • Random thoughts on this, from a few different angles:
            -As someone who is generally anti-McDonald’s and pro-Fishbone, my sympathies lie in different places.
            -The facts did come out in recent years about the McScalding coffee incident, and it does sound like the woman’s life and health were forever affected. Your hot beverage shouldn’t be dangerous enough to cause permanent injury.
            -If you’re near the stage for a general admission show for bands like Fishbone, you know that bodies will be flying.
            -Would she have sued another concert-goer, if they’d landed on her head?
            -Pure remote speculation: her injury list seems a little fishy. NPI.
            -If someone were to dive on your head at the supermarket and cause serious injury, I think you’d have a case.
            -One should also avoid getting kicked in the head by Lawrence Fishburne.