1,205 thoughts on “The Man Who Scrolled the World

  1. Your crap joke for the day:

    A blonde decides to learn and try horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion. It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse’s mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse’s neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider. Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse’s pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off…

  2. I’m going to go ahead and admit I’m kind of nervous to meet you all. Excited but nervous. Okay, so I already know two of you in person and have talked to another a few times….

    Going back to stalking for now.

  3. Well Pan, I’ve had a very frustrating morning.

    My computer decided it doesn’t have a CD drive any more. I’ve re-installed the driver. Updated all the drivers on my computer. Did a malware and virus check and still, nothing. Looks like I’ll have to replace it once I get back from Deadpan mmmmmeetup

  4. Your crap joke for the day:

    A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.A farmer replied, “Joe’s mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died.”..”Well,” replied the man, “she must have had a lot of friends.”..”Nope,” said the farmer, “we all just want to buy his mule.”

  5. “Tusk is an overextended, tonally incoherent joke that would make viewers squirm even if it didn’t involve a bloody and demented medical experiment.”

    That’s from NPR.

    So I’ll ask you – clearly the AV club’s review was based on him hating Kevin Smith. Do you think a lot of the other scathing review are at all Kevin Smith biased as well, even at a subconscious level? Has KS fucked his reputation up that much?

    • I’m not really sure, but I think so. He’s not at the level of Shamalamadingdong, but he seems to have reached the point where people can’t separate his failures from himself. If he focused on creating something decent, he could probably turn it around, but it seems like he isn’t even trying anymore.

      • Its interesting that you say that because I think shamalama has more of a potential to turn things around than KS does. Shama has turned into a running joke but it seems people genuinely dislike KS. And considering his next film as another “Canadian horror” film (starring his daughter) I think he’s given up doing stuff for anyone else but him.

  6. Did a count. For Deadpan next week I have:

    Full sized candy
    9 Kinder Bueno (they come in two packs so that actually = 18)
    15 Kinder Surprise

    Halloween mini-packs
    24 Aero
    22 Coffee Crisp
    24 Smarties
    16 Caramilk
    14 Hawkin’s Cheesies

    Any thing else?

  7. And just to officially share: at this point there is a strong possibility that T Cat won’t be able to attend. Our dog is just too old and sick. Some one needs to look after him and T is being nice enough to take care of that. She will definitely miss seeing you guys again.

  8. All the fucking hypocritical, hateful, moronic things she said


  9. Well, I went to a REALLY interesting Biotechnology lecture tonight on Microbiomes.
    Kept expecting my Dad to show up but found out through text message about halfway through, that he was in the hospital.
    78 year old fell off a ladder. 2 broken ribs, some cracked vertebrae and a small bruise on the brain. They’re keeping him overnight in the ICU for observation. Barring some repercussion from the head hit, he should recover … if my mom lets him live.

  10. Hearing stories (from a medical perspective) of what items people can (& should?) put up their rectums, will *never* get old for this Pixie. I’m always up for a giggle… And a “holy shit! They ‘fell’ on to a what, doing what?!?!”

  11. Does Pandora know something I don’t know? I open up my work email and “Tubular Bells” as performed by Trans-Sylvanian Orchestra is playing.

    • The LOOOOOVE PAN! Soon Ill be making another run…

      Seriously though I had no idea this was happening. Kudos to the students for not taking this shit

    • I dont even know where to begin about my feelings towards people, organizations, governmental bodies, assholes, ignorant lame-O’s, etc. who think censorship is a positive or evwn a “pateiotic” belief. WTF!

      I’d like to think humans– mainly parents and educators, can explain and educate the youth on how to have a good moral compass, embrace history and grow from our mistakes, as individuals and as a nation.

      But who am I to have an opinion?

      • Well clearly that’s happened here since its the students that know enough to walk out and protest this. This gives me hope for the current, and perhaps the parental, generations.

        • You need all of the (legitimate) facts to come to the conclusions that make the most sense to you. Schools denying students access to “all” of the information prevents them from being able to make the best-educated decisions they can, and is absolutely censorship with an aim toward civil population control.

          Jesus, I am a cranky geezer.

      • Those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it .. wait … rich, entitled white guys in a ruling class who did what every they wanted to whomever they wanted … maybe “repeating the past” IS what this group is going for.

      • Morals and ethics? Is that a class in our education system? Seems like it should be, but I don’t see it on any of the curricula. Seems like the super-poor substitute is to have individual teachers implant their specific political agendas all willy-nilly. Why on earth would we want to teach our kids to fish and have them understand how morals and ethics are actually supposed to work?

  12. SO my dad has finally been moved out of the ICU.
    He fractured 9 ribes in 13 place, broke a piece off a vertebrae in his lower back and another off a vertebrae in his neck and had a small hematoma on his brain.
    All in all … could have been a life ending event but wasn’t.
    He should recover from those injuries. The big challenge is that he doesn’t get pneumonia from not moving around and taking deep breaths (due to the rib injures). The other challenge is that he is not the type to sit around. Ever. He had several caving trips planned for this weekend.
    At 78, if he is forced to sit still for 4 to 6 weeks it will crush his spirit. Of course, if we could keep him OFF OF LADDERS that would probably be good from here on out.

  13. Dammit I’m hooked on this Siskel and Ebert site. Maybe its the want of time more simple. Trying to leaf thru the local paper’s tv guide looking for the listing, or flipping thru the channels and blissfully coming across it.

    Or maybe I just miss the two guys.

  14. By the way, hubby likes you guys. I usually don’t buy Halloween candy until a day or two before the event because it mysteriously goes missing. I picked up a couple of boxes the other day so I could pick and choose some to take with me to Colorado. Of the items I didn’t take, I doubt there will be any left by the time I leave.

    …except maybe the Crunchies, hubby’s not a fan of those, but I like them so it’s all good.

  15. Okay so I promised you kids fun bacteria facts.

    – The Bacteria in us are GOOD. The vast majority anyways. Amoung many other things, the ones in our guts break food down into molecules for their own food but do it so well that there is plenty left for US. Without that bacteria we would likely starve to death.

    – Historically, bacteria were found by growing cutlers. Until just recently we thought there were 5000 species of Bacteria in us. Less then 5% of which can be identified by doing the “swab & culture” method, standard to most medical diagnosis.

    – Current DNA testing and identification has now identified 1 million species. It can do this accurately and within hours instead of the days that a culture takes.

    -Each of us has about 1000 different strains of bacteria in us and what we have is dependent on several factors including our immediate environment.

    -While you have approx. 37 trillion “human” cells in you, there are approx 100 Trillion bacteria cells per person.

    – The amount of bacteria in you would weigh about 2.5 lbs or 3 pints by volume.

    – They have recently discovered a link between a certain bacteria and obesity.

    – what we actually know about bacteria and MicroBiomes is incredibly small because the research has just started in ernest. Incredibly promising but but we are still trying to sort through “causation vs. correlation”.

    It’s all really interesting stuff.

  16. Through the magic of Jeremy from Seattle’s posts on the FB fan page, I seem to have some Ello invites to share. Anyone want in?

    (Ello is a new social media connector; ie, the current pigs trying to take Animal Farm away from the Facebook humans)

  17. Good start to season 4 of Person of Interest. Plus, they had a really good remake of 10 Years After’s “I’d Like To Change The World” at the end of the ep.

  18. Crap joke for the small hours:

    A boy walked in on his mom and dad having sex. His dad said “we’re making you a brother/sister” the boy replies “do her doggie-style, I’d rather have a puppy

      • I agree: good article. I tend to be dismissive when people like Stephenson use overly reductionist arguments regarding what is wrong today. Things are never so simple. So, I applaud the article’s author for taking a more nuanced view.

  19. So BA if you aren’t going to let me check in for the later flight why give me the option?

    I fear selecting 0 for checked luggage is going to get me searched again.

  20. WTF United? What do you mean I can’t print my boarding pass because I’m flying international? WestJet doesn’t have this silly restriction.

    *sigh* I really wish WestJet flew to Denver. They are the best.

    I guess I’ll have to wait until I’m at the airport before getting my pass.

  21. My dilemma tonight:

    Smaller backpack which everything fits with a tight squeeze but easier to carry.

    Or slightly large one, which has more external pockets (for pills and leads) but more bulky

  22. Man, this is really happening, isn’t it? At last the world will have proof that I haven’t been making Lo Pan up this whole time!

  23. So I’m in the departure area waiting to board the Flight to London.

    I’m looking at prices for stuff and wondering why anybody pays such high prices.

    Obviously they do as the shops are still in business.

  24. How an academic can be an ass:

    David Mitchell’s novelistic success, most recently with The Bone Clocks, is explained by UK academic Sarah Dillon (editor of a book of essays on his writing): ‘This is why his work is so addictive – he’s creating his own universe.’ (New York Times, 24 August) [DR] If only some science fiction or fantasy author had thought of that!

    -from the latest Ansible.

  25. Morning Pan

    It took me over an hour to get through airport security. They were very busy.

    However, this does mean less waiting time in the airport gate area so I’ll count it as a win

  26. Sounds awesome! I’m completely pack. Gotta get my sorry ass out of bed around 3:45AM to make my 6:00AM flight. Should be at Denver International around 9AM. See you guys soon.

  27. Cj and I are furiously rushing to finish work things and pack. Oh and I’m bringing a bottle of rye whiskey with me. Because I can.

  28. My best friends on the internet are gathering in Denver and I can’t make it. My best friend at work is now in Denver to attend the Great American Beer Fest and I can’t make it. My son lives just south of Denver and I’ve never been able to get out there to see him. I can’t begin to tell you how bummed I am not to be in Denver right now.

    But seriously, I hope the gathering goes great. Have a blast.

  29. You can’t escape from crap jokes:

    An 80yr old couple were seen shagging furiously up against a fence. For 40 mins they shagged like Bastards. Arms and legs going everywhere until they fell to the floor. wow she said “you didnt screw me like that 50yrs ago! To which the old man replied “50 yrs ago that fence Wasnt Fecking electric!

  30. I am heavy-hearted and telling you all about it here so you know why I may be weepy this weekend. I won’t be good at talking about it . . .

    Sly B’s beloved Grandma Linda died at 4:46 yesterday – just as I was preparing to head to the airport to collect Van. She was my friend, and treated me like her own as nobody else in my life has.

    Sly B will likely not be home tomorrow for the bbq, which will go on as planned with no arguments. She and her mom are headed to Southern Colorado this afternoon to help with arrangements and have some sibling time. She sends hugs and regrets for missing you all.

    Ok, carry on. Cannot wait to see you all this evening!!

    • Watch out for the Hell of Upside Down Corpses in Lo Pan’s basement.

      Speaking of — we’re currently in the Hell of Waiting For Everyone Else to Get the Fuck Off the Plane!! Woot!

  31. Relationship wisdom from Twitter:

    @Harkaway: Mrs H: It’s dark in this house.
    Me: Winter is coming.
    Mrs H: I will gut you with this spoon.

  32. Crap joke from Twitter:

    @saladinahmed: Superman to cobbler: “I need a new left boot. Red.”

    Cobbler hands him a black boot full of sand.

    “What’s this?”

    “A dark, gritty reboot.”

  33. I’m home. Now that my trip is over I can finally read and post on the Deadpan board.

    Hats off to Lo Pan and Ess for hosting and Ed and JOe for their wonderful gifts. You are all truly wonderful people and I can’t wait to do it again.

    • My almost but not quite as long wait begins.

      Turns out they changed the plane, which had a different layout from the replaced plane, hence the messing around with the seat allocation.

  34. Back home safely in KC. I hope everyone else has a safe trip back. Thanks again to everyone that hosted, drove, cooked, and otherwise contributed to a great weekend.

  35. So looking at the Icelandair plane behind me it appears you can fly directly from Denver to Iceland.

    You learn something new everyday…

  36. Home safe from another wonderful MMMMMeetup.

    I had a great time seeing everyone in person. Alvie and EssBee, thank you for co-hosting, and Rhettro, thanks for co-chauffeuring.

    Ed: Our Star Wars RPG continued after you left; I took over your spot, and we completed the mission thanks to some great teamwork and creative strategy. That was one of my favorite parts of the meetup. (The other one was exploring downtown Boulder.)

    Deadpan is the way. :happy:

    Good night, Pan.

    • Food (including amazingly good smoked pork), beer, hugs, Cards/Charades Against Humanity, elk, The Rockies, the hotel from The Shining, first-time meetings, reunions with old friends, museums, football, the zoo, the Junior Lo Pans, Star Wars RPG, downtown Boulder, Altitude Sickness, Kris’s BBQ, the hospitality of Kris and Alvie and family, great conversations, missing the Deadpanites who couldn’t be there, the round bought by JustaJ0e … and everything else I’ve omitted. I’d say it was a successful MMMmmmeetup.

  37. Well deadpan I’m back in Blighty.

    Managed to to catch a a kip for an hour.

    A few hours to kill before my connecting flight leaves.

  38. I had an interesting conversation with security once in Canada. Here’s how the conversation went:

    Were you visiting Colorado for business or pleasure?
    Pleasure? I have friends there.
    How did you meet your friends?
    Through an on-line group?
    Really? What kind of on-line group?
    Um, it started around a podcast we all listened to and became friends from there. There are a bunch of us that get together annually.
    Hmmm, What do the friends who live in Colorado do?
    One works for the Government…

    While truthful, I was looking at these answers from his point of view as was starting to become worried I might be detained. It was interesting to say the least.

  39. It was so great to hang out with all of you!!!! Come back any time.

    Thanks for the touching card too. Sly B made it home last night and read it/appreciated it.

  40. I wanted to thank everyone who participated in my Star Wars RPG game. My goal is to have the next module “The Long Arm of the Hutt” uploaded to roll20.net so we can continue this game via Skype. For those who are interested, Fantasy Flight Games has a lot of free support PDFs on their website. I would recommend downloading their free module “Under a Black Sun” and reading the first 18 pages as it goes through the basics of the rules. You can download it here: http://tinyurl.com/l387azn I would also recommend that you not read past page 18 because I may want to play the story with all of you.

  41. Once again, my boss thinks I’m the best person in the world. Another thing I did for her was apply for an operating grant from the government (which she never did). Not only was I able to get approval, the amount they gave us was twice the amount we were hoping for.

    Just call me Scotty.

  42. The replaced 777 had a newer video system with nicer screens and I wasn’t annoying the person in fornt as I used it.

    The Airbus going to Newcastle was a bit rickety though..lots of flickering lights and groaning metal.