836 thoughts on “Scroll Pun

  1. I got you
    Got my own dimension
    You look like a perfect specimen
    Best of them
    Take you to my heaven
    Come and be my vessel
    I see your potential
    It’s electric
    It’s so electrical

  2. Crap joke for the day:

    On a transatlantic flight, plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it.

    Screaming, she stands up in front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”

    For a moment, there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

    Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

    The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches. He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers:

    “Iron this.”

  3. So, after months of on-and-off reading through the 1900+ pages of the Knightfall story, I finally made it to the anti-climactic ending. I got it on a huge discount from Comixology, so it’s fine. I wouldn’t recommend dropping the $90 just to read the Batman vs. Bane story.

        • The “Dead Sea Scrolls”.
          Very old writing in a language that still (more or less) exists.
          The circumstances leading to these things surviving for nearly 2000 years is as interesting as the content which varies.

          So what really struck me is looking at these exhibits which show what little traces we have of early human civilization from just a few thousand years ago … and then you go down the hall and see an exhibit showing a vast plethora of life from MILLIONS of years ago.

          Unless we start petrifying humans, there will be little trace of us a million years from now.

  4. I swear to Hockey God… if the Avs miss the playoffs by ONE point I am burning these playoff tickets that I technically don’t have because they are electronic and not a physical medium! I’ll do it I swear!!!

  5. https://mobile.nytimes.com/2018/03/29/opinion/roseanne-reboot-trump.html

    I thought of EssBee, who’s a Roxane Gay fan.

    Me, I never ever liked Roseanne or what I saw of her show. Tom Arnold’s war stories about their marriage (maybe shouldn’t have aired publicly, but) were alarming. So it’s a non-issue for me; I was never going to watch.

    Still, I don’t think that everything is a political act. If you enjoy Chik-Fil-A, Roseanne, CNN, The Dixie Chicks, etc. – – then you should without guilt. But do be aware of all aspects of it. And if you choose to boycott, then I support that too.

    My take. Some will disagree, and that’s cool.

      • So the new laptop is 2 in 1 convertible thingy.

        So you can change it into a tablet by bending the screen all the way back so it points in the opposite direction to the keyboard and this switches the keyboard off.

        So you end up with a bulky tablet, that is unweildy to actually use (this is a 14 inch screen ..I dread to think how larger screens would handle) and a keyboard that is completely unprotected from whatever surface you rest the tablet on.

        Who thought this was a good idea?

        I tried it once and I doubt I’ll ever use it in tablet mode again.

        Thankfully it works nicely as a laptop…

  6. Billboard Hot 100’s Top 20 Songs Of 1989
    1. Chicago, “Look Away”
    2. Bobby Brown, “My Prerogative”
    3. Poison, “Every Rose Has Its Thorn”
    4. Paula Abdul, “Straight Up”
    5. Janet Jackson, “Miss You Much”
    6. Paula Abdul, “Cold Hearted”
    7. Bette Midler, “Wind Beneath My Wings”
    8. Milli Vanilli, “Girl You Know It’s True”
    9. Will To Power, “Baby, I Love Your Way/Freebird Medley”
    10. Anita Baker, “Giving You The Best That I Got”
    11. Richard Marx, “Right Here Waiting”
    12. Boy Meets Girl, “Waiting For A Star To Fall”
    13. Debbie Gibson, “Lost In Your Eyes”
    14. Gloria Estefan, “Don’t Wanna Lose You”
    15. Warrant, “Heaven”
    16. Milli Vanilli, “Girl I’m Gonna Miss You”
    17. Roxette, “The Look”
    18. Fine Young Cannibals, “She Drives Me Crazy”
    19. Bobby Brown, “On Our Own”
    20. Phil Collins, “Two Hearts”

  7. If you didn’t catch the Supernatural / Scooby-Doo crossover last week, it would be well worth your time to watch it online. It was really well done.

  8. I gave in to my baser instincts and picked up Far Cry 5. This is also funny because hubby asked if he should get it and I steered him to Just Cause 3 instead (which is currently on sale on Steam). If Just Cause 4 was out I would have picked it up

  9. https://io9.gizmodo.com/rogue-ones-gary-whitta-tells-us-his-plans-for-a-last-st-1824988120

    While I’d prefer new great ideas, instead of endless reboots of every damn thing, I’d actually be OK with this. The original has some charming scenes, but doesn’t really hold up.

    But the old guy in me dreads that the video game hero will be selected from some PlayStation tournament, sponsored by SonyTM. My inner old guy holds out hope that the game will still be an old-fashioned arcade cabinet.

    • Yes, but in order to listen to inner old guy, they’d have to take the Tron: Legacy path with an old game cabinet that gets discovered in an abandoned arcade, ignoring the internet and the world of multi-player connected gaming it provides.

      Now, I actually enjoyed Legacy, along with Wreck-it Ralph. But, I think it would be more plausible for a Last Starfighter reboot to be based on some interconnected space combat sim that everyone is playing, but no one knows is actually a recruiting/testing tool for Starfighter Pilots.

    • I really hate the heavy cutting but I get it. In fact they had to even put a disclaimer on this one. Also I am 10000% certain they thought this was going to be Ozzy singing.

      *maybe they mention this. I haven’t watched the whole thing yet

  10. Infinity War coming soon! I downloaded the Infinity compendium through a free trial, but I’m a little intimidated. It’s 1.1 GB, 850ish pages, and so far, it’s a mishmash of Marvel storylines from the past 10 years, and I have no idea what’s going on, and not a lot of motivation to dive into all that. I’ll probably give it a shot. Or I’ll skim through. Or I’ll go back and reread Infinity Gauntlet.

  11. Mornings no Pan
    Our smoke alarm decided to start chirping last night. Luckily it was before bed. It’s a wired in alarm with a sealed battery backup. That means, we’re going shopping for a new smoke detector today

  12. Our main floor has 10 ft. ceilings. Every time we change a light build we tell ourselves we need a taller step ladder as hubby and I are both short enough we have to balance precariously near the top of the ladder to reach the ceiling. Last night, we went through that process to remove our beeping smoke detector. Today we go to the hardware store to get a new smoke/co2 dectector. Did we get a taller step ladder at the same time? Of course not, that would be too sensible

  13. Text I received: we have to cancel gaming tonight
    Me: that’s ok since we weren’t gaming tonight anyway
    Him: are you sure? When we’re we going to game?
    Me: May
    Him: that’s good. It works better for us anyway, since we can’t do tonight

    I have friends who don’t know how to read a calendar

  14. I really remember hating U2’s “Numb” when it came out. In fact I was so sick of U2 at that time that I remember hating all of Zooropa just on principle.

    Reality is Numb is a pretty good song and Zooropa is a pretty good album.

  15. Why do today’s parents (of teens) not know how to communicate with other parents; to get the kids together?

    *shakes fists in the air*

  16. I greatly enjoyed “Ready Player One”. Yes, it is a shallow movie, but it was a lot of fun. It also stayed rather true to the spirit of the book while diverging quite a bit. I also thought the movie did a better job at building the other characters, though the ending wasn’t quite as good.

  17. Funny. The MVP award for this season has only 2 feasible candidates: McKinnon of Colorado and Hall of New Jersey; both players on teams that barely squeaked into the final playoff Wild Card positions for their conferences.

    • Someday You’ll be shedding your tears and then you’ll cry over me.
      Someday I’ll be loosing this fear. OOOHH

      This is actually quite good

  18. I have a pitch for a sitcom. Every episode, one or more of the characters tells a lie, and the rest of the 22 minutes, they go to absurd lengths to preserve the lie. Comedy gold!

  19. Today’s movie is the Netflix film, The Ritual
    The write up: Four friends with a long standing – but strained – connection take a hiking trip into the Swedish wilderness, from which they may never return.

    So the next time someone tells you, “take a hike,” think twice.

  20. Polar bear sleeps in his little bear skin and sleeps very well I’m told.
    last night I slept in my little bare skin and I got a heck of a cold
    Ahchoo

  21. You know, I was ok with this movie

    Not with the way Deadpan reset itself. Or suddenly changed so I now have to scroll down after each post. But hey *shrug* that’s life when you live in a box.

  22. So, I’m going in for some tests on Thursday (nothing exciting to worry about). For one of these tests, not only must I fast for a least eight hours, I cannot drink water or other liquids, brush my teeth, or anything.
    As the nurse put it, “you cannot put anything in your mouth before hand”.
    Do you know how many thoughts I had to censor when she said that?

  23. As someone who doesn’t keep up with politics or with #45 (his past and current treacheries); I did watch the Netflix docuseries on him. Really interesting stuff. He still makes me vomit a little every time he talks or walks or smirks, though.

  24. The new Ghost song/video “Rats” is beyond what I hoped for. Let’s see how the record plays out overall. Thank the baby Jesus!!!!

    • After 2 100-degree days, elder daughter and I went out for a walk last night, and we were shivering in the wind. I checked the temperature on my phone: 73 degrees.

  25. The episode of Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee with Sarah Jessica Parker in the old Country Squire Wood paneled station wagon is fantastic.

    Also, I think Jerry may have nailed my baldness strategy.

  26. Ghost Stories – Brit horror film

    It was a bit shite.

    I’ve been told it was originally a play and it works better in that format.

  27. All right, you maggots, listen up! I haven’t verified it, but I’m seeing reports that R. Lee Ermey has died, best known as the sergeant in Full Metal Jacket and the commanding Green Army Man from Toy Story. Sad news, if true. He was one of a kind.

  28. Crapjoke for the day:

    A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so she complained to the butcher. “don’t worry, ya ,” he said. “I’ll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping.” Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher’s voice boom over the public-address system: “Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store.”

    • Sad news. “Night Court” was must see viewing at my childhood home as well. In a weird twist of fate, I’m headed to Asheville, N.C. this Thursday for unrelated reasons.

    • Well, crap! That show was very much of it’s time, but man was that crew on Night Court good for many years of laughs in my youth.

      • True, it hasn’t aged well, but I have a ton of fondness for Judge Harry, Bull, Dan, Markie Post, and the crew. Night Court was the racy show that completed the Thursday night, after Cosby, Family Ties, and Cheers.

  29. This video of a guy making sushi, while his cats watch is pretty cute and interesting (making of sushi rolls); but the cats get a little too close to the food for my liking. Also, what does the guy do with the screw?! He never shows us!!!

    https://youtu.be/Hgiu9cqph5Y

  30. Three statisticians go hunting.
    The first statistician misses the deer by two feet to the left
    The second statistician misses the deer by two feet to the right
    The third statistician celebrates because they hit it.

  31. I’m doing a ComiXology Unlimited trial (see above). Just did The Fade Out, which was pretty cool noir.

    I’ve pulled some comic series recommendations online, but I’ll take em from you, if you got em.

      • So kidding. Unfortunately funds have taken me out of the comic game for about 6 months now, but I can give you some of my recent faves… I’m sure you’ve heard of most

        Descender
        Monstress (a damned must)
        Saga (a must)
        Chew (a must)
        Revival (a must)
        Royal City
        Black Hammer (please read this)

        • I can add a few to that as well

          Black Science
          I Hate Fairyland
          Locke & Key
          Low
          Tokyo Ghost

          If you are a Hanna Barbera fan, Scooby Apocalypse is the best of the DC Cartoon comics

          • OMG Low is a goddamn depressing miracle of a book. Black Science is a must too, tho I stopped a while ago due to said funding

          • I haven’t read a bunch of these, so I’ve added them to my list. Monstress awesome with absolutely stunning art. But, many of these can’t be read or sampled with the Unlimited subscription. The first volumes of Saga, Revival, and the first 3 of Locke & Key are.

            As for interesting Unlimited titles you might want to try…
            – all of the original Battle Angle Alita (v1-9)
            – Rachel Rising (v1-5) from Terry Moore
            – Walking Dead (v1-10)
            – Lazarus (v1-3)

            I won’t talk about Star Wars since we’ve talked about that plenty already.

          • Thanks, everyone! A bunch of those are not available on Comixology Unlimited (as noted by ditto). . . and and a bunch of the ones that just have the first few issues available (now you see the true purpose of CU: pay money to get series previews and want to spend more money).

            But I will check out the ones I don’t know.

            I do share the love for Saga and Monstress.

          • I’ve heard some good things about “My Favorite Thing is Monsters”. That’s also available via Unlimited. And yes, it is very much a means to get you to buy more. 😀

  32. I just looked myself
    Straight in the eyes and saw
    That I had to move
    To higher places
    So I took my courage
    In both hands and
    I pushed off the ground
    With all my might

    • Oh man, this makes me miss Warrel. I respect the guys gave their honest opinion and had to admit the brilliance of the music and the lyrics. Warrel can be very polarizing as a vocalist, of course, I’ve always loved his voice. Nevermore wasn’t the kind of band most can listen to and “get” with one listen. Welcome to the end my friend, the sky has opened.

  33. I was so proud of myself. I thought I finished the catalogue turns out, I missed an entire section.

    I know what I’m doing on Monday. It’s a good thing it’s not due for another month.

  34. Legion season 2 is deliciously going off the deep end…which is saying something considering season 1.

    I also like what their doing with this final season for The Americans.

    FX is on fire as a network.

    • Well since they got the Lombardi trophy last season they think they are the shit. Philly fans have always been absolutely irritating and insufferable.
      By the way how the hell do you score five goals at home and lose by 3 still?

      • I recognize that the majority of Philly fans aren’t awful people. There were lots who stayed til the end and cheered for their team in defeat – – but Philly definitely has (one of) the highest concentration(s) of trashy losers.

      • They did come out with a second edition which fixed a few of the bugs. (i.e. the swimming pool on the second floor is now a hole in the second floor that drops you to the pool below).
        You can also check out Board Game Geek. That’s usually the first place we go when we buy a game as there will be corrections and fixes to the game posted.

    • It turned out to be a special night. Guitarist Glenn Tipton has been permanently sidelined by Parkinson’s, but he came out to play the final 3 songs in the set with the band. Which included the one Judas Priest song you know: Breaking the Law, Breaking the Law.

  35. So… Bob Dorough, who wrote the math schoolhouse rock songs as well as Conjunction Junction and Lolly, Lolly, Lolly has passed away at 94.

    https://www.nytimes.com/2018/04/24/obituaries/bob-dorough-jazzman-with-a-hit-kid-music-series-dies-at-94.html

    But, I feel it’s important to recognize this guy as a great jazz musician that wrote a lot of other stuff besides Schoolhouse Rock (as much as I love it). So here are two other songs he wrote:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h7TEmZMseOw

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1nipOTHolhk

  36. Hmmm. I seem to have only done two of the six items I wanted to get done today.

    In my defence, one is waiting for the bookstore to open, one is waiting on an email, one is waiting on a parcel that should arrive some time today, and the last one is just me procrastinating.

  37. Proud of AZ teachers for their march on the capitol today. I doubt it will phase our nutter government, but I hope I’m wrong.

    Bumped into the dad of one of my daughter’s friends last night at the supermarket.

    Me: “Hey, if the teachers are still on strike next week, then maybe we can get the girls together during the day.”
    Him: “Sure, although I don’t know about that teacher strike. They’re already overpaid, and they only work 9 months out of the year. You know I heard a guy on the radio who broke it all down.”
    Me: *Stares off into the frozen meats.*

  38. So I don’t want to lose any friends here. . . . but I watched the first 3 episodes of Trailer Park Boys, and I can’t say I loved it. It had some funny moments – – it’s kind of got a Clerks in Canada vibe – – but I don’t get why so many of my friends and Rush and Martin Brodeur are fans.

    Should I keep going with it?

  39. Your crap joke for the day:

    After an extensive study ,it’s been reported tonight that the place in the world with the lowest levels of cholesterol is Staten Island.

    • I can see this growing on me. Parts, especially the beginning, are Pixiesque so I get what you mean. The harder part reminds me of Weezer.

  40. I went to see the Alan Parsons Project last night. The second half of the show they did the entire I Robot album. Fucking phenomenal show!

  41. Hubby is on a “two day retreat”. I ask how it can be a retreat if it’s just at head office and he’s coming home to sleep. He rolled his eyes and said they were feeding him supper. I don’t think the higher-ups really understand what a retreat is.

  42. Happy First of May, all! I got the last blueberry scone they had at Starbucks today. I won’t be eating it until later this evening, though – I have been working overnights and sleeping during the day for a month now. Same job, just a different shift, and I actually like it. It was time for a change to my routine, and this fits the bill perfectly.

    • That’s crazy. Microsoft’s distribution model shouldn’t be protected by law and he didn’t break copyright as the original owners still needed their registration code to reload the OS. The take away from this is refurbish old computers with Linux.

  43. Sorry to let you down, skeptical friends. I’m trying a chiropractor tomorrow. Enough is enough with this back pain shit.

  44. As i sit here with The Baby, she has a full tummy, atm, and now she hangs on me like a treefrog.

    A treefrog who snores, snorts, and giggles in her sleep. It really doesn’t get any better than that right there, folks. Squee.

  45. So it looks like Weird Al is closing every set in every city with a different cover song. He did “It’s The End of the World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)” at the last show. He’s done “Viva Las Vegas” one night and “I Wanna Be Sedated“ another. And holy crap, “Sunshine of Your Love” must have been strange and amazing.

  46. Crap joke:

    A mother is have the sex talk with her daughter and her daughter asks about the penis.

    “Well there three stages to a man’s penis.

    18-30 the penis is like an oak tree. Strong and unbending.

    30-50 the penis is like a birch tree, not so strong a bit bendy

    50-70 the penis is like a Christmas tree, Dead from the root up and the balls are only for show”