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Out in the Scrolled

Time management fail on my part. There shall be audio in a new post coming soon.

1,542 thoughts on “Out in the Scrolled”

  1. Crap joke in a firsty. I’m on fire today.

    A vacationing penguin is driving his car through Arizona when he notices that the oil pressure light is on. He gets out to look and sees oil dripping out of the motor. He drives to the nearest town and stops at the first gas station.

    After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around town. He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, decides that something cold would really hit the spot. He gets a big dish of ice cream and sits down to eat. Having no hands he makes a real mess trying to eat with his flippers. After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks the mechanic if he’s found the problem. The mechanic looks up and says “It looks like you blew a seal.”

    “No no,” the penguin replies, “it’s just ice cream.”

  5. Just re-watched “Tomorrow Never Dies”, part of my quest to watch every Bond film from beginning to end.
    Besides being as good as I remembered it being, I had TOTALLY forgotten that Sheryl Crow did the theme song. IMHO it is one of the Top 10 all time best Bond themes and I don’t know why I didn’t even remember it.
    Also, the ending credits song “Surrender” by K.D. Lang also kicks Bond soundtrack a$$

    Also, they should have given Michelle Yeoh her own spin off franchise. I’d go to the theatre to see further adventures of Agent Wai Lin!

  7. Attended a Retro Video Game Expo today with Pix and the kids. Much fun was had! The 4 of us played a few levels of Gauntlet at the true arcade machine. Other arcade highlights:
    Pac Man, vector graphics Empire Strikes Back, and Rolling Thunder.
    The biggest nostalgia kick, however, was the Asteroids knock off on the Vectrex system.

  9. Finished the ‘Bad Ass trilogy’ tonite. You know… the awful films starring Danny Glover and Danny Trejo?

    Here’s the Lo Pan verdict:

    Bad Ass – Yes!

    Bad Ass 2: Bad Asses – Not quite as “Yes!” but still actually fun!

    Bad Asses on the Bayou – what a piece of fucking shit.

    Cannot wait for Bad Asses in Bangkok. Assuming the actually make it.

  11. True fact: Soulier thinks he’s a hot shot musician because he is nominated for a Western Canada Music Award. I, personally, don’t think he’s a real musician until women start throwing their underware at him. 😉

  13. I watched Spartacus: Gods of the Arena last night. This is the third series I’ve been impressed by Jamie Murray. I might be developing a little crush.

  14. FInally got to the Season 4 Finale of “Breaking Bad” last night.
    That seems like a really good place for them to have stopped the show. For this show it was a “high” note.
    I almost don’t wan’t to watch the last season. Given the character’s past performance … this can only end badly.

  16. Hello, everyone! Welcome to the Deadpan boards, Soulier!

    I’ve had a project to work on each of the last three weekends in a row, counting the current one. (I work last-half-of-the-week shifts, so my ‘weekends’ are Sunday through Tuesday and every other Wednesday.) Here’s what I’ve been up to:

    Aug. 16-18: Type up the contents of 900 raffle slips to make a customer contact list for the local Renfest (yes, they are paying me to do this)

    Aug. 23-26: Beta-read a book manuscript for a friend (this one was completely pro bono)

    Aug. 30 – Sept. 1: Deep-clean my apartment (they’re spraying for pests on Tuesday the 1st, so I really have until tomorrow night)

    That’s my life lately. I’ve had some creative projects going on, too, but nothing ready to share yet.

  17. Judging by a lot of the reviews, I’m pretty glad I gave up on Dark Matter. I still have to watch the last couple of episodes of Killjoys.

    Anyone else watched the premiere of Fear The Walking Dead? I really liked it.

    • I saw the first of the “Dark Matter” double feature SciFi was showing Saturday night.
      It was okay I guess. Based on one episode, I’d say it felt like a thinly fleshed out re-boot of Firefly.

    • I watched the first episode of Fear the Walking Dead (second episode is waiting on the DVR until tonight). It makes me realize how brilliant it was to start the Walking Dead with Rick waking up in the hospital after all the shit had gone down. The first episode was way too much family drama. When the parents were stuck getting off the highway I thought, alright the shit is finally about to go down. No such luck. The whole process is taking way too long. I will, of course, give it a few more episodes before I decide whether or not to continue watching.

  21. Ah, here’s where you folks have gone hiding! Well, I’ve found you again and I’ve got my polka balls ready this time!

    Welcome Soulier! Joe’s apologized in advance, so that’s good. That just means it’s now my turn to apologize for Lo Pan.

  28. So I am unimpressed with taste of the UHT milk I recently bought.

    However I did find it amusing that UHT milk is sold refrigerated in the USA because consumers don’t trust milk that isn’t stored in a fridge (if Wikipedia is to be believed).

    Ummm ok.

  29. My turn for a bad joke:

    A woman is cooking eggs in the kitchen when her husband comes running in…

    Immediately, he sees the eggs and gasps in horror. “Be careful! CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh, my GOSH!”

    The wife, startled at her husband’s violent reaction, dashes to the fridge to get some butter.

    “You’re cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW!”

    The wife, concerned by the status of her husband’s mental state, forgets about the butter and goes running to the eggs.

    “WE NEED BUTTER! Are you CRAZY??? Where are we going to get the butter? They’re going to stick! HURRY!”

    The wife runs to the fridge

    “CAREFUL about the eggs! CAREFUL. You NEVER listen to me when you’re cooking! Never! Turn them quickly! Oh not that quickly, don’t you know how to cook? Are you insane? Turn the DAMN EGGS!”

    At this point, the wife starts crying, since she has no idea what to do.

    She gasps “What is WRONG with you? I know how to cook eggs.”

    The husband simply smiles, remarks “I just wanted to show you what it feels like while I’m driving with you in the car”, and leaves.

  30. Then there is this little beauty I saw:

    Dear America,
    You elected George H.W. Bush – we gave you Celine Dion
    You elected George W. Bush – we gave you Nickleback
    You elected George W. Bush – we gave you Justin Bieber
    Do not elect Donald Trump. You don’t want to know what’s coming next.

  34. /PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT/
    Consumers Union has launched a new campaign to pressure the phone companies into giving every customer free robocall blocking. The technology exists but the phone companies are looking out for the intere$t of others.
    If you’d care to sign their petition!

    Go to https://consumersunion.org/end-robocalls/
    Or type EndRobocalls.org into your browser.

    • As someone that works in the telecom industry, I have to say this won’t work, or at least not well. That’s why robocallers are called “bad actors”: they don’t obey the rules. Better tools will improve blocking, but they won’t stop robocallers.

      • Now that you say that, the jump in maturity and sound from Kill Em All to that may be just as great.

        Honestly because theyve become such a caricature of themselves its hard to remember that they truly were pioneers that created 2 masterpieces of not just metal but music in general

  68. As noted last night, I saw Aussie Pink Floyd for the 4th(?) time now. Great as always – – I already can’t wait to see them again next year.

    For the first time, though, they had an opening act: Led Zeppelin 2. They had the look down, and it seemed like young Robert Plant had been cloned to create their vocalist. My cohorts were less impressed with them, though. The songs were good, but not album perfect. One guy said they should have been called, “Lot Sloppin”.

    • Crazies gonna Craze!

      I have been glad to see some self identifying Christians mentioning how this whole issue was covered and resolved over 2000 years ago when Jesus was quoted as saying “Render unto Caesar that which is Caesars.”
      ie ….. Dude, if you’re gonna play in the man’s sandbox you gotta play by the man’s rules.

      Thus pointing out that this clerks actions are of her own making. In the terrorist world I think she is what’s known as the “lone wolf”.

    • We switched to DirecTV a few months back. I don’t know how it compares to Dish, but the image quality was noticeable over cable. Over the last six months we had one storm that was strong enough to impact viewing. Overall, I much prefer it to cable.

      • Cable company keeps dropping out on me. Both Internet and Cable 🙁
        Streaming Netflix has become painful. It used to be really good. Then a new company bought mine at the end of last summer. They dropped BBCAmerica on New Years and almost immediately the Netflix Streaming became problematic.
        My next door neighbor and my neighbor across the street both dropped these clowns within the last 2 months.
        Unfortunately the alternative cable company doesn’t offer BBCA. One of my neighbors has also reported that heir service drops out as well. Dropped out for 30 minutes just a week ago.

        So I am looking at the Satalite guys but it seems I would still need the Internet service of my sketchy cable providers.
        I am afraid the whole scenario is sub-optimal. 🙁

        • DirecTv and AT&T are now linked. I have DirecTV for cable and AT&T for internet. Same bill. You might be able to get internet through AT&T.

  76. Today’s movie is Hybrid

    The PVR write up: Mercenaries infiltrate a secret laboratory and come face to face with the results of horrific experiments involving human and alien dna

    I smell an Oscar in the making

  137. My boss has asked me to go to Edmonton in a couple of weeks to represent us at the Alberta Publisher’s Awards. That means I have to go out and get a dress.

    The good thing is, we’re guaranteed to win as all the books in the Spec Fic category are ours

  138. Justa: I see that Person of Interest is now on Netflix. I’ve added to my list.

    We canceled dish about 18 months ago, put a HD antenna on the roof. And haven’t looked back

  142. We’ve been with DirecTV for some 15 years now and generally been happy with it – especially the picture quality compared to what we see family and friends have with cable, DISH, and U-verse.

    Now, for internet, we’ve been using U-verse since moving to the new house. It works well, though AT&T refuses to let me give them more money by offering me the higher speed tiers. We’re currently maxed out on the 45Mbps tier. Has been plenty good for streaming.

  155. Van, how is your face? I meant to post this early this morning and the day has gotten away from me. The old country remedy for lost/pulled tooth pain in my family is to steep a tea bag and put it on the sore spot for a few minutes. It stings at first but does numb the pain quickly.

    Xox

  156. Just reading that GoFundME has issued a policy to keep people like our least favorite KY Court Clerk from reaping financial benefit from hateful or criminal actions.
    I hope this is true.

  158. CW: Last Passenger

    A thriller set on a train.

    The set that is the train carriage seems a bit old fashioned for a film set in the 21st century.

  163. Happy belated birthday, Ed!

    Feel better soon, Van!

    I have a feeling September is going to be ‘sort through all the random stuff I was forced to move in the process of cleaning my apartment’ month. I know it will feel good to not have some of this stuff hanging around anymore. 🙂

      • People at your school were walking around with home made weapons and attacking each other in the yard? Did you go to school in a prison?

  166. Crap joke for the day:

    A friend to another, “what are the names of your dogs?”The she responded that one was named Rolex and the other Timex.Her friend said, “Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?”
    “HellOOOooo,” answered the blonde. “They’re watch dogs.”

  171. Crap joke for the day:

    A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced Up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane. He soon realized She was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took The seat right beside his. Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, “Business trip or pleasure?”
    She turned, smiled and said, “Business. I’m going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston.”
    He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen Sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs!
    Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, “What’s your Business at this convention?”
    “Lecturer,” she responded. “I use information that I have learned from my Personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality.”
    “Really?” he said. “And what kind of myths are there?”
    “Well,” she explained, “one popular myth is that African-American men are The most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait. Another popular myth is That Frenchmen are the best lovers, when actually it is men of Mexican Descent who are the best. I have also discovered that the lover with Absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck.”
    Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed.. “I’m Sorry,” she said, “I shouldn’t really be discussing all of this with you. I don’t Even know your name.”
    “Tonto,” the man said, “Tonto Gonzales, but my friends call me Bubba”.

  177. Bonus crap joke:

    I went to the doctors suffering from premature ejaculation .

    He said “it must be very stressful for your wife ”

    I said “to be perfectly honest it’s getting on her tits

    • So many good ones. I’d have trouble picking a favorite.
      I do remember this one though Van. Just the other day I was trying to describe the basic idea to someone.
      It’s been so long since I had head it, I couldn’t remember which podcast it had been on.

  189. Ready to feel old?

    Its now been 3 times as long between Metallica’s Black Album and now than from Kill ’em All to the Black album.

    Youre welcome.

  200. Crap joke for the evening;

    A pub’s closing and a totally plastered customer struggles to get to the door, then to walk home, despite only living a few hundred yards from there. He literally crawls on the pavement all the way back home, drags himself up the stairs and eventually reaches his bed after two hours. He wakes up the next morning, and his wife tells him:
    “You were really drunk last night weren’t you?”
    “Yeah, why? How do you know?”
    “You left your wheelchair at the pub.”

  201. Yesterday I pulled my hair back in a ponytail and told hubby I could take scissors and simply cut off my ponytail and my hair would be amazing. He wasn’t convinced and asked me not to do it. He obviously doesn’t watch the same movies and tv I do.

    • I hope you kept count:

      One for sorrow,
      Two for joy,
      Three for a girl,
      Four for a boy,
      Five for silver,
      Six for gold,
      Seven for a secret,
      Never to be told.[1

  212. crap joke –

    A guy comes home from work to find his wife packing her bags. “Where are you going”, he asks.
    “I’m going to Vegas. I found out I can get paid $500 there, for things I do with you for free.”, she replied.

    A few minutes later the husband starts packing.” And what do you think you are doing?”, the wife asks.

    His reply? “I’m going to Vegas too. I want to see how you are going to live on $1000 a year!”

  215. 25 Years ago today we were introduced to Will Smith as an actor.
    “Now this is the story all about how my life got flipped turned upside down….”

  225. Hubby and I have talked about “cutting the cord”. We have decided the only thing standing in the way of getting rid of cable is the BPL and F1 races he watches. If we can find a way to watch those, time shifted not live, I’m sure we could cut our cable bill in half.

  227. Soulier, had to move gaming to Sunday didn’t you? 😉 Now we have an empty day that another friend wants to fill up with their time. That’s two days in a row we will be people-filled. *sigh* Having all these games is not necessarily a good thing :cth:

  252. The girl overseeing the self checkout mush have been bored. As I’m scanning in my groceries, she proceeded to tell be all about her gull bladder surgery last week. Even after I was done, paid, and loaded my groceries she continued talking to me about it so I couln’t (politely) leave when I was ready. It was very strange.

      • I’m fine with chatting. It’s just usually inane stuff about the weather, and stuff like that. I think having a discussion on your gull bladder surgery is a little personal for someone you don’t know standing at