Jack Mangan's Deadpan #89: The Hover Queen

show notes

Deadpan vacation offer — (thanks, Brad P)
Fight the Podcast
Podcast Promo Show promo
Mike Nelson Deadpan bumper
Justa J0e Vegas VM I
Deadpan definitions (thanks, disgruntled scientist)
Deadpan Comment storage (thanks, Trucker)
The return of Highbrow/Lowbrow – In the Men’s Room
::::Urinal Man Templates
Fox’s Deadpan bumper is incredibly cute
Justa J0e Vegas VM II
Justa J0e Vegas VM III
Unrelated thought
You’re still in the running towards becoming America’s Next Top Model
Stolen Paragraphs
::::Paul Maki
::::Leann Mabry
Justa J0e Vegas VM IV
disgruntled scientist VM
Trucker Overdrive in Gauntlet
Rhettro’s Iron Pan bumper
Greasy Sp-
Leann’s Hover Queen rant
-oon Comments
Justa J0e Vegas VM V
Stolen. . . .lyrics? from disgruntled scientist
Wanna lyricsmash
Justa J0e Vegas VM VI
1:01 of conversation with Leann Mabry
Big Outrobabble in Little China (Thanks Kurt, AKA Dirt McGirt)
Don’t let anyone treat you like an inferior
Greasy Jelly Bean
Jack Mangan live original music: “Empty Bottle”
Justa J0e Vegas VM VII
You’re still in the running

385 thoughts on “Jack Mangan's Deadpan #89: The Hover Queen

  1. Holy crap, I should have stayed cozy in bed.

    But ironically, nature called, I got up, and while I was up, I released this episode (somewhat) ontime. Now, off to grab a few hours of sleep.

    Goodnight moon.

  2. “Peeing like Superman…..”

    If you guys are ever listening to the news on a Thursday morning, and hear about a massive wreck on 610 in Houston, you’ll know I’ve finally been killed in a fit of laughter while driving in.

    I’m afraid we’re going to have to put a warning sticker on the podcast.

  3. Morning Pan!

    Quick hop in before going for brekkie with my Boo.

    Did we all watch the lunar eclipse last night?

    Went to a preview showing of Vantage Point. It was quite good. We really enjoyed it.

  4. Jack: Awesome episode! I haven’t laughed that hard in a while and I’m totally bummed I missed out on last night’s comment asplosion.

    Andrea: LASIK, we had a pretty long discussion on the topic on one of the comment strings. Is it still there to be searched?

    Anyway, bullet points:
    1. Disclaimer: Your body, your eyes, your decision.
    2. I had LASIK and had a totally positive experience and I would do it again.
    3. Brian Brown had complications, something to do with “rogue cells” and has had many surgeries to correct it. But, his eyes are still healthy overall. He would be a good person to talk to about the risks.

    Leann: Flashing is always encouraged.

  5. Leann is so not deadpan. It’s a great point/counterpoint to Jack. I was going to say that She’s the ying to Jack’s yang…but given the deep analysis of the mens room….well…it takes on a whole new meaning.

  6. If you want to totally confuse your spouse…

    every time you are about to go into a room. Before you do, raise just one side of your shirt several times (the right side if you’re going to the right, the left side to go left). Then, every once and a while just stop for a few minutes and raise your top (both side) up and down a few times.

    When asked, simply say, “they your flashers”

  7. In the news today…

    Police in Wetaskiwin didn’t have to do much work when they arrested a drunk driver on the weekend.
    He had parked his car next to their offices and wandered inside.
    Police discovered the man as they drove by early Saturday mornign to respond to an unrelated call. Although the police office was locked, the lobby was open.
    “There was a vehicle parked about 10 feet outside our front door.” Constable Mark Scheck said yesterday.
    “The gentleman had walked int the front lobby and he was displaying many indications of being intoxicated.
    “So at that point we did take him into custody… It’s pretty unusual,” he said from Wetaskiwin, about 30 minutes south of Edmonton.
    The 28-year-old man has been charged with impaired driving.

    – Calgary Sun

    So was the driver being smart or stupid?

  8. So this morning tried to get my cable TV box activated.

    After waiting 10 minutes, the lass on the end of the line states “Sorry Sir, but the serial number of that box is not in our records, we can’t activate the TV box”

    But you sent the box out

    “Doesn’t matter sir, we can’t activate it and will have to send you another box”

    ..and so on.

    What bloody waste of resources.

  9. Sounds like a British phrase to me.

    Arizona stills seems to be under the effect of the Leann Syndrome. It rained really hard last night and thundered loudly enough to scare my young daughter. Mountains in AZ aren’t supposed to be green, it’s unnatural.

  10. I imagine that understanding sleep would be a requirement of a sleep tech right? LOL I feel a need for a greater understanding as well… ZZZzzzzzz

  11. But after listening to the podcast I’m now curious to who has let fame go to theirs heads in the podcasting world.

    Then again ignorance is supposed to be bliss.

  12. Oh and never shake a can of latte (the ones with the widget in to aerate the coffee mixture) unless you want to end up smelling of coffee.

  13. “who has let fame go to theirs heads in the podcasting world.”

    That would be me.
    I no longer do lunch with myself and won’t even return my calls.
    I’m pretty “upitty” if you ask me.

  14. A feel better Joe, I found out it wasn’t me. I got it on good authority that it was actually Dan the Nose Hair Guy from the “Speaking of Nose Hair” podcast. Of course you can’t really blame him, one your fans recognize you as an expert on nose hair, it hard to see yourself as on the same plane as everyone else.

  15. “I feel better Joe, I found out it wasn’t me. I got it on good authority that it was actually Dan the Nose Hair Guy from the “Speaking of Nose Hair” podcast. Of course you can’t really blame him, once your fans recognize you as an expert on nose hair, it’s hard to see yourself being on the same plane as everyone else.”

    ^As written if I actually proof-read anything I wrote.

  16. not having stuff that piss you off, I understand…

    Feeling like you have said all you need, I understand…

    Not having a new topic, I understand…

    I just hope you tell us about what change in Podcasting that has up set you? I am sure that lot of people are upset thinking there the ones that made you leave…

    I just hope tell us the whole story next deadpan…

    music playing::..
    “Your so vain. I bet you think Leann reteired because of you…”

  17. Rhettro in regards of “Mountains in AZ aren’t supposed to be green, it’s unnatural” live here 30 years then we can talk. Until then don’t take anything for granted.

  18. I’m watching “The Tonight Show” from last night on the TIVO (Colbert is in reruns this week, damn him!)

    They’re doing “Battle of the Jaywalk Allstars” where they do a Jeopardy like Q&A game with some random 20 something losers that they find on the street.

    Be warned, if you’re children end up in this game, you’ve earned yourself a big helping of FAIL.

    You know, I almost think this has to be something scripted. It’s hard to believe people could be this completely clueless. I think I’m going to go have a drink now and weep for the future.

  19. We’ve been watching the debacle that is the examination of the Clinton/Obama debate last night. (a debate that pretty much decided nothing, but did get boos at Hillary at one point and in the end Hillary actually said something profound, which confused everyone) And then on the Today show this morning she completely snubbed Meredith Vierra’s interview by not answering any of her questions, just talking about how she’d make a better president.

    I know the Xerox thing made the papers, I hope the Today show thing does at some point. That was just plain rude.

  20. Well then you aren’t old. I am now going to tell that to your bones.

    Attention Mr ditto swoon’s bones. You are NOT old. I repeat you are NOT OLD!

  21. E-ze-kiel cried, “Dem dry bones!”
    E-ze-kiel cried, “Dem dry bones!”
    E-ze-kiel cried, “Dem dry bones!”
    Oh hear the word of the Lord.

    (tune ascends up in half steps, as in midi)

    The foot bone con-nected to the (pause) leg-bone,
    The leg bone connected to the (‘) knee bone,
    The knee bone connected to the (‘) thigh bone,
    The thigh bone connected to the (‘) back bone,
    The back bone connected to the (‘) neck bone
    The neck bone connected to the (‘) head bone
    Oh hear the word of the Lord!

    Dem bones, dem bones gon-na walk a-roun’
    Dem bones, dem bones gon-na walk a-roun’
    Dem bones, dem bones gonna walk aroun’
    Oh hear the word of the Lord

    The head-bone connected to the neck-bone,
    the neck-bone connected to the back-bone
    The backbone connected to the thigh-bone
    the thighbone connected to the kee-bone
    the kneebone connected to the leg bone
    the leg bone connected to the foot bone
    Oh hear the word of the Lord

  22. well since Im chatting myself up lemme tell me about my latest good news!

    Kate Nash is coming to Chicago and I get to photograph her! *swooooon*
    I haven’t had a good gig since She wants revenge

    in other smarty hottie news: I signed up for a new kind of yoga: Bikram yoga. Im quite excited about it. I loves doing me yoga.

    what else I got.. ummm… not so much else 🙂

  23. ok emails answered
    comment asploded on Deadpan
    Going to go take care of some errands and then meet up with the better half of the Smarty Hotties now 🙂
    you all take care, we might be play by playing this weekend. No promises 🙂

    This Smarty Hottie is outta here yo!

  24. I introduced my wife to a friends friend. She is lesbian, and when we were introducing her the friend said, “A.K.A. The Pussy Whisperer”

    I kinna want my wife to check that out. She just might because later she was all, “O-RLY?”

  25. I was getting ready for lunch, but got pulled into a meeting that lasted 45 minutes past noon. I have an eron I need to attend to so I’m leaving work early. I’m guessing I’ll skip lunch and snag something later. Bummer, me hungry now.

  26. I used to love Bird Eye’s brunchies, sausage meat and eggs wrapped in bread crumbs.

    Thankfully for my health, they stopped making them.

  27. I just got back from my psychologist. She doesn’t believe I tried to commit suicide. She believes I’m far too inteligent, that if I’d wanted to commit suicide I’d have made a much more convincing attempt. She says what I did equates to “trying to play Russian Roulette with a water pistol.” She says the drugs I used weren’t remotely capable of ending my life and that I clearly knew that. She says I have a strong history and a classic case of undermedicating myself. She said if anything, I need to be taking more drugs. But she’s glad that at least I’m self aware enough to make this attempt to get better and get by on what I’ve got.

    Thought you guys would like to know.

  28. The update is much appreciated, Dub.
    I’m glad you got a professional opinion. I’m glad you’re probably not suicidal.


    Be careful of any advice that excuses dangerous behavior, man. No repeats.
    Just saying.

    OK, sorry for the public tough love, homey.

  29. Clinton has been borrowing words from a lot of sources. According to CNN, her final statement in last nights debate that got her applause was taken from a speech her husband made in 1994. So yeah… hypocrite.

  30. Ok the next person to talk about politics gets a beating from me.
    Or at least be careful about what you say, and realize when it comes to politics and religion you will have more people who disagree with you than do. It’s a personal choice based on YOUR own personal experiences and knowledge.


    Don’t make me turn this car around.

    And Dub, I cannot tell you to take more or less of whatever. Of course, a natural approach is more desirable but not always fast enough or good enough.

    I too have done the same shit, many times, and worse. I hear you man. I would say listen to YOU.

    You are NOT stupid.

    And I got your email, just haven’t had time to respond properly.


  31. well, the other issue I care very deeply about other than roe v wade is freedom of speech, so I think anyone can say what they want as long as they are willing to listen to everyone elses opinion.

    go ahead and Clinton bash all you want, I still would vote for her. Praise George Bush as our greatest president ever and I will still hate his guts.

    no one should feel bad for their opinion. I sure as hell don’t. All opinions are welcome.

    Ok Hugh and I have much research to do online now

    have a good night pan

  32. Opinions are like assholes… Everyone has them.

    Also the Zulu tribe use to take very long and sharp pointed sticks and insert them into the assholes of the British who tried to take their land, and then while they were still alive prop them up on the outside of the territory as a warning. Gravity of course would slowly force the pole through the soldiers body, killing them very slowly and extremely painfully.

    This is roughly what I go through every time I visit Hollywood Video. My therapist says this is anxiety. My doctor thinks its something physical. All I know is it sucks.

    What sucks is I could have been one of those delegates going to Denver in August. That really would have been awesome. Potentially one of the most historic moments in America in the last fifty years, either way, and I had to miss out because I can’t walk even approach my front door without the urgent need to hide in a bathroom.

  33. Leann,

    We’re all friends here. No two people on the planet will see eye to eye on religion, politics or what side the toilet paper should face (it should come off the front by the way). I’m happy to hear everyone’s different points of view, it helps me evaluate my own views. Other people do not have to bring their views in line with mine to be my friend.



  34. I’ve went off season DVDs when I reaslised I just don’t have the time to rewatch old shows when there are so many good new ones each year.

    But I’m enjoying the ride with Lost.

  35. The only recent thing I’ve seen at the theater was “National Treasure 2”, which while not Oscar worthly was a fairly enjoyable escapist flick. I like Nicholas Cage in cheesy action movies. Other than that who knows. I wouldn’t mind seeing Jumper, but I’ll probably just wait for the DVD.

  36. I have seen “Nat Treas 2” as well and would say you pretty much hit it on the head. It’s fun but of little substance. Sometimes that’s all you want.

    I thought about seeing “Jumper” but I have now seen 3 reviews that had the same basic complaint with it. That it is a really good premise but it just never goes anywhere with it.

    I am interested in this “Parsipne” (I have no idea how to spell it) animated film. It has gotten some positive buzz.

    Hmmmm – where can I get ME some positive buzz?

  37. Well, I’ve discovered two things today.

    One, I’m officially sick and tired of this years political campaign, and as far as I’m concerned I’m now and always have been supporting Ron Paul.

    Second, Battlefield Earth has finally been surpassed in Razzie count by Lindsey Lohan’s I Know Who Killed Me. Officially making it the new heavy weight champion of the Worlds Worst Movie Ever. Which amuses me, because I saw that movie a couple months ago, and I really thought it had the power to knock Battlefield off its high horse. (or shetland pony, whatever it is it rides)

  38. Well I found Jumper to be enjoyable fluff. Don’t expect too much and you should find it ok. Considering what they did to the book’s plot, fans of the book may start frothing at the mouth after seeing it though.

  39. I offer the Smarty Hotties to j0e and he isn’t awake/around to knows it

    Hugh sez: wait… you offered BOTH of us

    yeah, is that ok?

    Hugh sez: *thinking* oh what the hell, yeah I’ll do j0e


    Hugh sez: j0e is one lucky son of a bitch

    word, yo

  40. Well my sweet Deadpan.. we iz contemplating some play by play action

    think you can handle it?

    Hugh sez: better lube up pan!

    🙂 lol
    we are ass fucking the pan?

    Hugh sez: thats how the pan likes it

    yep, its one of THOSE nights in Smarty hottie-ville tonight pan

    Hugh sez: it was all that yoga/tai chi/budokon we did today.. made us all horny

    umm.. how does that work?

    Hugh sez: oh what teh fuck, breathing makes us horny


  41. Hugh and I started tai chi and budokon today

    I was pathetic

    Hugh sez: no you weren’t. I was pathetic in yoga

    no you weren’t. I might not do the budokon again though. I liked the tai chi a lot

    Hugh sez: the tai chi was fucking cool

    it wuz

  42. 1988 was a good year.. or wait was it?

    How old was I in 88?

    Hugh sez: you wuz 15 mama… you were a hot little 15 yr old. I wuz 19

    why thank you! Holy shit baby, we were illegal in 1988

    Hugh sez: oh fuck! The only thing that kept me out of jail and on the child molester lists is that your parents didn’t know they could of had me arrested.

    Oh man and my mom totally would of had you arrested

    Hugh sez: and she would of asked them to cut my dick off

    she totally would of 🙂

  43. “historial comments”



    its ‘taking the bull by the horn’, Jack

    Happy Chinese New Year peeps

    that wasn’t an assload of intro babble

    Load my ass more!!


    Hugh sez: Good night pan, Dre and I gots to go load her ass more

    🙂 I knews what I was saying

  44. climb into my spoon!!!

    from I have no idea thread..

    mr ditto swoon: phat ditto
    rhettro: LOL
    Trucker Overdrive: big boobies
    dubshack: Hrab thing
    vanamonde: pervy poster

    Greasy Spoon Nipples Udder Bangles Susanna Hoffs Dickens Comments Cockles Spooges Comment-a-palooza shitzus donkus through Deadpan 88

    Smarty Hotties® – 12
    The Energizer Bunny – 9
    justa j0e – 8
    Mr ditto swooon – 7
    Rhettro – 6
    Dubshack – 6
    Leann 2.0 – 4 +1 bonus
    Vanamonde – 4
    Alvie – 3
    Rhettro – 3
    Jeremy- 3
    Ed From Texas – 3
    WNDR wolfie – 2
    Thomas – 2
    Addie in boulder – 2
    Lost Ralph – 2
    Jackamo – 1 (even though it doesn’t count according to him)
    Amy Bowen – 1
    Trucker Overdrive – 1

  45. is Jack coming back after the music

    Darth Vadar!!! *swoooooon*
    I totally would fuck Vadar

    Hugh sez: I don’t know who you are!!

    what you mean?

    Hugh sez: oh yeah actually now that I think about it.. tall, deep voice, all in black, slightly sadistic… he is perfect for you Dre


  46. Hugh sez: speaking of football…

    *eye roll*

    Hugh sez: … as I was saying before little miss anti-football rolled her eyes, We signed Rex Grossman to another year. I guess we are giving him 1 more chance

    so if he fucks up, he is out?

    Hugh sez: seems so.

    I guess he is the best we have right now huh?

    Hugh sez: well he actually did the best this past year.. which isn’t saying much with ho much we sucked this year 🙁

    awwww.. stupid Bears!

    Dear Bears

    you better do better next year or I’m gonna kick your ass. My Hughie loves you guys and he hates it when you lose. I can’t stand seeing Hugh unhappy. You have been warned


  47. Today, I walked my dog by the canal in my neighborhood and my puppy jumped in and swam around. She looked like she was having so much fun. So, I decided to jump in the canal with her. We both swam and had a great time. I don’t think we will get giardia.

  48. Just purchased the album through Amazon – my first digital download through them. Quite a nice system.

    You know what’s best – I can buy the damn thing once and put it on my and my wife’s computers with our totally separate libraries and Itunes accounts, just like if I had bought a CD and ripped it to each our our computers.

    Couldn’t pull that one with Itunes. Long live Amazon.

  49. Van: I love “Old Man’s War”. The second half is the best part.

    “Bloody Amazing that a computer built in during ww2 is as fast as a modern pc at some tasks”.

    Not really. Comparing a generic computer to a machine specifically designed for a single task isn’t a fair comparison. But, I get what you mean.

  50. For of you who have played Guitar Hero and are now thinking of learning to play the guitar for real, i.e. ditto. I have stumbled upon the perfect way to learn and it’s not Guitar Rising, although GR looks like it will be cool.

    If you own an electric guitar and a computer, you’re half way there.

    Buy one of these:
    Get a model for the style of music you’re interested in.

    Then buy this program:
    Guitar Pro is to guitar music as Microsoft Word is to word processing. It’s a program that lets you compose, print and play sheet music for the guitar and other instruments.

    Finally go to:
    You can download free Guitar Pro formatted music, use the search bar and look for any song you can think of. It’s probably there.

    So anyway, I plug in the Vox headphone amp into by electric guitar, I plug a set of headphones (Leann approves) into it and then plug my audio out port into the amp as well. Boot up Guitar Pro, load whatever music I’m practicing and play along with a complete band! Awesome! You can also isolate and slow down any hard sections and have them repeat endlessly. I may finally learn the two soloing sections of Iron Man. Big time fun. 🙂

  51. Looks like I’m in moderation for a post that reads suspeciously like a payed commercial announcement. LOL But it’s about the guitar and it’s cool, so I’m sure Jack will look favorably upon it. 🙂

  52. Glad you found the information useful Jack. I bought Guitar Pro mainly for printing music from the internet, and while I knew you could have it play the song for you, it never really accured to me to play along with it. And being able to slow down parts and have them repeat, amazing.

  53. Thomas, I would say start with Guitar Hero to learn basic rhythm. If you live in an apartment, wear headphones though. LOL If you get to were you can beat Guitar Hero on medium, you probably have enough skill to jump to the real thing and learn to cover songs at the very least.

  54. The last game system I had was a 2600 knockoff…just never been that much of a gamer, I’ll play a game occasionally with friends, but never had the interest in investing my time and money that way…

  55. At least you’re good at brewing. 😉

    ditto, are you using the controller that came with RB or are you using one of your GH ones. I use the wireless controller than came with GH3 for Rock Band. Been thinking of setting up the drums next.

  56. The hand cramps aren’t from the controller, though I have used all 3 (original, GH3, & RB). I’m just not used to having to switch cords that fast *and* use all 5 frets. I’m pretty sure I’m squeezing too hard too. I just need to get used to hard. Lots of fun though.

    Drums are fun, but I’m stuck on Blitzkrieg Bop on medium.

  57. So I finished `Old Man’s War’, really enjoyed it even though the plot in many ways reminded me of `The Forever War’ (especially the message sent by Jane at the end).

    I’m tempted to go and buy the sequels now, hopefully John Scalzi didn’t screw up the sequels like Haldeman did with the sequel to The Forever War by using god like aliens or aliens.

  58. I admit Van, having read the synopsys over at Amazon, I’m considering getting a copy of OMW. I still have the third book of the Riverworld series I need to finish first though.

  59. I totally failed to make a big deal the other day. Darcy and I took Fox to his first hockey game. The Wisconsin Badgers (my sister’s workplace) were in town playing the Minnesota Gophers. My parents are in Texas this month, so they gave us the tickets, very nice ones in the 20th row, just offset from center ice. The Gophers did not disappoint, dominating the first two periods and scoring four goals. The Badgers managed two in the third, but really seemed outmatched that night.

    Fox was pretty impressed by the game and general hullabaloo. We were pretty much certain he would pitch some manner of fit by the third period, but he made it through the whole game in good spirits, with aid of pizza and popcorn.

  60. Now this is true. There were plenty of good old-fashioned hockey penalties, slashing, hooking, roughing, crosschecking, unsportsmanlike conduct. No majors though, no fighting beyond a little tussle here and there.

    And the student section probably doesn’t help with their “Gopher rejects” chant…

  61. Morning Pan!

    In the news today, my husband shaved his beard. He’s going out of town on Thursday and his passport shows him clean shaven, so…

  62. In other news, the BC government is going to seize vehicles and sell them off to first time offenders of drunken driving. There are many people complaining about this but I think it’s a good idea. I consider it quite similar to radar cameras and red light camera. If you don’t break the law, you won’t have any problem.

  63. Well that’s definately true for me Ed. I love to golf, but between my young kids and home priorities it’s hard to make it out. Teresa likes to golf as well but is home bound for the same reason. I think once my daughter gets to be around 10 we will be golfing more.

  64. Daughter, you say Rhettro. Ha, ha ha. you THINK you’ll get out more. What will actually happen is you’ll be tailing her with a shotgun…

  65. In other news, I was able to ditch my coat for my morning commute today. Looks like we have finally reached the warm weather threshold here in PHX. May not need it again until the end of November. 🙂

  66. I think I already mentioned my intention of taking her to the firing range, I’m pretty sure it’s legal for 10 year olds to carry a concealed weapon in AZ. LOL

  67. That’s fine for her, but you’ll still want to tail her to see where she’s REALLY going vs. where she tells you she’s going 🙂

  68. I haven’t gone over to look at the weekend messages, but I, Judging from what J0e said, it’s more of a matter of “won’t”. My husband encourages me to go out for a day, and I encourage him but we are very happy to be in each other’s company that we don’t.

  69. Well the truth is, I like golf, my wife likes golf, my nine year old son likes golf. And the three of us would love to go out on the course and shoot a round, but my four year girl would run wild. So that means a sitter and that raises the cost of playing. I imagine some time in the future we will all be playing.

  70. I used to go occasionally to the driving range. That’s mindless fun.
    I dunno, maybe I’m looking at it the wrong way, but I would feel like an entire day spent on the golf course could have been put to better use. That’s just me.

  71. I have fond memories of my dad and I going golfing on some beautiful Sunday mornings. I really miss him.

    I personally can’t understand why people like to watch golf on TV. I also don’t understand why some people hate the sport so much. To each his own, I guess.

  72. Conversation went 2 different ways there, and I have to put in my 2 cents:

    Well, I think all relationships need a balance. You need to spend time together taking care of things in the house, you need hobbies you enjoy together and you should have hobbies you enjoy on your own.

    Key word there is balance.. not one of those should take over your entire life to where you are always away or starting to feel like a prisoner in your own home.
    As with anything in a relationship- compromise and communication is the way to solve such dilemmas.

    Now as far as golf goes.. personally not into it at all. Hugh likes to golf, but it really does take too much time. In the city there are are several public 9 hole courses the city maintains (there is no room in the city for an 18 hole course) he will do that when he can. 18 holes is too much to ask nowadays I think.

  73. at first I agreed with ditto’s comment, and then I remembered something and had to come back and comment on.. I don’t really understand watching golf on TV either, but that Tiger Woods sure is nice on the eyes 🙂 I could watch him for a while.


    Smarty Hotties out

    Happy Tuesday pan

  74. Little known fact: Calgary has the largest number of golf courses, per capita in North America.

    I personally could never get into the game.

  75. As for watching golf on television, I used to hate it. But then I discovered that it was actually a lot of fun if you had someone to root for. For me that person was Greg Norman, the best of the imperfect players. And when Tiger was just starting out, it was a lot of fun to watch. These days, there’s not a lot of drama in golf. I might switch it on to watch a few holes while I fold clothes. LOL

  76. TEB arrested or convicted when they sell the vehicles? There is a difference and frankly I have an issue of extreme measure of punishment as doing such. If you are ytaking away someone’s chance of making a living which would be the case here you are making the issue worse most likely.

    Golf fun hobby, but I never take it seriously or even consider it exercise. More like a good excuse for cigars and beer. I played regularly a while back, but the last few years I am lucky if I play 2-3 times a year. Ought to get back to that, hmmm maybe this weekend.

  77. TEB red light cameras and speeding cameras are great unless you aren’t driving the vehicle and your car gets tagged. All it takes is a scared teen to tear up the tickets and you get a bench warrent out in your name. It happened to my brother, so I have a real problem with ticketing the owner of a vehicle and not the driver.

  78. Same thing happened that a friend’s father had the company car, but it was community use during the day. They get a ticket for the car and his schedule showed he was in meetings all that day and couldn’t have been ticketed speeding 20 miles from the buisness, but they were going to give him the ticket.

    They were able to figure it out eventually but the company was all ready to through him under the bus.

  79. Politics is a lot like Golf.

    In golf, you try to put back spin on your ball to get it in the cup but in politics you can’t wash your balls while in public …

    Wait, …. er, how does that joke go again Jack?

  80. JOe it’s like golf in that you spend the day swinging uselessly at the same task over and over and at the end of it all you are right where you began? 🙂

  81. Thomas, I guess it’s different with me and my husband because we don’t let anybody else use our cars. Our younger daughter has shown no inclination to take up driving and our older has her own vehicle.

    Medical Alert: Golf has been linked to risk of strokes due to iron deficiencies.

  82. I once read a news article about how some had unearthed a pre-historic field resembling a golf course. They proudly noted that they had found the missing links. 🙂

  83. Well, today was lining up to be a good day…got the new Ghostland Observatory, got sleep… not much to do at work…

    alas I think I finally caught the icky flu that’s been going around.

    Good thing my immune system tends to be sooper dooper.

    Going home early though.

  84. Ok, I’ve got work to do. Maybe when my husband gets home I’ll see if he’s up to a little foreplay involving balls and holes 🙂


  85. I agree Joe, very Simon and Garfunkl-ee.

    Last weekend I stumbled upon a P J Harvey concert on cable. I had forgotten how much I liked P J Harvey.

  86. Good Morning Deadpan.

    Jack!!! – That’s 25 “obscure, 80’s pop culture/music reference” points for you! Booyah!

    Ed – I have to agree. Between this and Firefly/Serenity, if she doesn’t go on to bigger and better things … Hollywood just isn’t paying attention!

    Now … on with the day.

  87. Just read your Whitesnake reference Joe and I got it right off the bat. LOL

    My thought process was like:
    “Wow, I’m really clever!”

    followed by,

    “Wow, I’m really old!”

    I agree Ed, it would be a shame if Fox terminates Sarah Connor, but that is what they do.

  88. Dear Abby:

    My son’s girlfriend “Liza” had here breasts enlarged several years ago. Her entire wardrobe now consists of clothing with plunging necklines that expose most of her “assets”.
    Whenever there’s a family function, there “they” are for all to see. My husband and the siblings (all over 18) have talked about how uncomfortable that makes them.
    My son doesn’t have a problem with itm but I would like to know if there’s something you would suggest I could say – either to her or my son – to let them know how uncomfortable we are without making it sound like we’re attacking her.

    I bet her husband isn’t so much uncomfortable with these “assets” showing as much as he’s not admitting it to his wife 🙂

  89. I’d have to say way to go to the man. Not only did he get two women to join him for sex, but public sex at that.

    I see a porno movie in the making.

  90. I think I have the strangest cat in the world. She doesn’t like tuna, liver, chicken, shrimp or any other meat like table scraps but she likes Rice Crispy squares.

    go figure.

  91. TEB, I’m a bit confused by the Dear Abbie. Is the woman in question a girlfriend or a wife?

    Either way, at this stage, it looks like the son is viewing the situation as “look, I’m a stud, see what I’ve scored”.

    A few colorful comments from the father and other male siblings about what they would like to do with those assets will probably get the son to change his perspective real quick. The girlfriend/wife will probably be wearing a burka to family functions in no time.

  92. I guess you don’t want to make a thing of it, TEB.

    It depends on how she and your son would react. Maybe just a simple “Um, she should probably tone it down when she’s here” would do it.

    Jesus Weiner Poopie

  93. I think it’s the son’s girlfriend who is newly well endowed.

    Abby basically said, get over it. She spent a lot of money on herself and is right to want to show it off. If you want, turn the temperature down in your house and offer a sweater, that’s fine. Or sever lobster and offer a bib 🙂

    Lunch time!

  94. Well… I’ve given up my plan of catching up on every episode…. and am skipping straight back to this one….

    which means I can now say hello…


  95. You lost me Van.

    ditto, I’ve done something simular trying to diagnose my lost internet connection. Checked my firewall software, rebooted the PC reviewed internet settings. Turns out my cable modem was unplugged.

  96. An excerpt from “Lady Chatterley’s Tech Support” –

    “For at last the source of their failed attempts at coupling became clear. The true nature as to why her intimate time spent with him had failed to bring her to that place of heat and passion.

    This whole time, it was his fault: he neglected to connect the temperature control board’s panendermic semiboloid to the “up” end of his grammeter. Obviously, this caused very high levels of sinusoidal depleneration and, hence, strange readings.”

  97. I’m dying, Pan…

    If I go,this is what will happen when they find me:

    KNIGHT: There! Look!
    LAUNCELOT: What does it say?
    GALAHAD: What language is that?
    ARTHUR: Brother Maynard, you’re our scholar!
    MAYNARD: It’s Jeremaic!
    GALAHAD: Of course! Jeremy of Seattle!
    LAUNCELOT: Course!
    KNIGHT: What does it say?
    MAYNARD: It reads, ‘Here may be found the last words of Jeremy of Seattle. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Holy Grail
    in the Castle of uuggggggh’.
    ARTHUR: What?
    MAYNARD: ‘… the Castle of uuggggggh’.
    BEDEMIR: What is that?
    MAYNARD: He must have died while carving it.
    LAUNCELOT: Oh, come on!
    MAYNARD: Well, that’s what it says.
    ARTHUR: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn’t bother to carve ‘aaggggh’.
    He’d just say it!
    MAYNARD: Well, that’s what’s carved in the rock!
    GALAHAD: Perhaps he was dictating.
    ARTHUR: Oh, shut up. Well, does it say anything else?
    MAYNARD: No. Just, ‘uuggggggh’.
    LAUNCELOT: Aauuggghhh.
    KNIGHT: Aaauggh.
    BEDEMIR: You don’t suppose he meant the Camauuuugh?
    KNIGHT: Where’s that?
    BEDEMIR: France, I think.
    LAUNCELOT: Isn’t there a Saint Aauuuves in Cornwall?
    ARTHUR: No, that’s Saint Ives.
    LAUNCELOT: Oh, yes. Saint Iiiives.
    SEVERAL: Iiiiives.
    BEDEMIR: Oooohoohohooo!
    LAUNCELOT: No, no, aauuuuugh, at the back of the throat. Aauuugh.
    BEDEMIR: No, no, no, oooooooh, in surprise and alarm.
    LAUNCELOT: Oh, you mean sort of a aaaagh!
    BEDEMIR: Yes, but I– Aaaaagh!
    KNIGHT: Oooh!
    KNIGHT: Oh, no!
    MAYNARD: It’s the legendary Black Beast of aaauuugh!
    ARTHUR: Run away!
    ALL: Run away! Run away!
    NARRATOR: As the horrendous Black Beast lunged forward, escape
    for Arthur and his knights seemed hopeless. When, suddenly, the
    animator suffered a fatal heart attack. [ulk] The cartoon peril
    was no more. The Quest for the Holy Grail could continue.

  98. Wow… Horrace goes skiing was the first computer game i actually owned… Sorta like Frogger but with alternating ski runs…

    But the name came from a mobile tech forum i’m on. Most people had names like ‘DELL-User’ or IpaqForever… so using a name from a British PDA maker that most people had never heard of was kinda fun.

    Not as much fun as having your mind twisted inside out by 60 Deadpans in 2 months… but then few things are quite like that.

    Anyway, thanks for the welcome to the party…

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