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Jack Mangan's Deadpan #88: Roscoe

LSN kyuh kyuh kyuh

The Deadpan has landed (thanks, Vanamonde)
Introbabble
Into the Dark promo
Extended Living Deadpan bumper (thanks, Kurt aka Dirt McGirt)
Contents of the Energizer Bunny’s Medicine Cabinet (top shelf)
Far Point Media remix
poetfox’s mic check
poetfox haiku
Leann Mabry’s Lady Frankenstein bumper (thanks, Kurt aka Dirt McGirt)
Bathroom Boys tally
Get Your Geek Off (Jeremy from Seattle and Andrea Smarty Hottie) Deadpan bumper
“Ladies of Joplin”, an essay by Trucker Overdrive
Impossible Deadpan (thanks, Van! *ahem*)
Contents of the Energizer Bunny’s Medicine Cabinet (second shelf)
Ladies of Joplin tally
Deadpan is the Way — the Finnish Line (thanks, disgruntled scientist)
Jack & Leann Road Diaries (excerpt/snippet)
John Buccigross bumper
Repo Pan hangover
:::Paul Maki
:::me
Billiards
Contents of the Energizer Bunny’s Medicine Cabinet (bottom shelf)
Contents of the Energizer Bunny’s Medicine Cabinet tally
Trucker Overdrive’s “Ladies of Joplin” follow-up voicemail
Leann Mabry’s sultry Deadpan bumper (debut)
Greasy Spoon Comments
original Living Deadpan bumper
Roscoe P. Coltrane theory of elections
Call for content
Outrobabble
Original music: “Deadpan is the Way”
Deadpan concludes its podcast day

Apologies. No onpod GJB – winner announced in the comments.
And apologies, I was forced to upload this using Podango. We’ll see what happens.

If the feed doesn’t work. . . . . . . . then download it here.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

319 thoughts on “Jack Mangan's Deadpan #88: Roscoe”

  1. Not firsties.

    So far, so good with the feed!

    And sorry for the GJB-lessness in this episode. The winner was *drumrolldrumrolldrumroll*

    Rhettro! with his guess of 103 comments on the “I have no idea. . . ” thread. That was closer than the predictions of 210 and 123.

    Though Vanamonde also gets some kinda credit for guessing 400-something on the original comments page, before the server blew up.

    OK – someone can claim True Firsties now.

    Sorry everyone; I wonder if we’re in the clear now.

    Goodnight mush.

  7. Man, I cringed at the stupidity of the girls that guy met on his travels. That was Finnish and what she said was “Expressionless is better”

  8. So, I have a question for my US friends. You’re country basically spends an entire year gearing up to the election. You have these major primaries to decide who will run in the election for each party, then you have the election campaign itself.

    My question is – during this year long process where a leader is picked, does any work get done in parliament? Especially during a year when someone is running for re-election. It seems to me, so much time is spent trying to get into the system, no one is running the system.

    I know in Canada, this is often a complaint, even though we usually only have a couple of months of “electioneering”.

    Just a thought.

  9. No TEB, no work gets done during the election year. But that actually works out pretty well for us Americans because it means that they aren’t causing anyone harm. LOL

    Good show Jack, really good contributions. I must confess that I am a big fan of the Introbabble, so please don’t cut down it’s length. 🙂

    Leann’s contributions have left me hot and bothered, good job all around.

  10. Nice cabinet contents, but you neglected to give Buckley’s it’s full credit for us Americans. I think most don’t know of this magical syrup nor its unique advertising campaign…

  11. morning new pan!

    Well I would have to question the implication that our government does any work on non-election years 😉

    Haven’t listened to the show yet, but I have to 2nd Rhettro’s vote- intro and outro babble are my favorite parts of Deadpan. I love everyones contributions, but lets face it… Jack is why I listen. I like Jack’s “parts” *swoooooon* 😉 LOL

    I haven’t Jack swooned in a long time.

    Got lots o’ retouching work this morning, so of course I have done everything but work so far. I am a master procrastinator.

  12. No Andrea, I put the “pro” in procrastination. LOL

    Yep, the babble is good, more babble better. Love everyone’s content as well.

    I’m fighting a cold I think I caught from my son. Cold medicine is making me a bit loopy today. So if I seem a little strange ( more than usual) that’s why.

  21. TEB: As many times as I’ve cut myself while preparing veggies, I think I’ll pass on the Ginsue saber.

    I had the the same thought ditto, of course the upside of living under a Huckabee theocracy would be guitar playing would become more popular.

    There has actually been a lot of serious debate that a liberal can’t be elected without southern appeal. I nominate Leann.

  23. Jack, I take umbrage at your “deadpan now concludes…” music. It doesn’t pander to your international audience 🙂

  24. The feed works! THE FEED WORKS!!!!

    *does the happy dance*

    I’ve successfully downloaded both ep. 88 and Unshow 7 via iTunes. I haven’t been able to listen to Deadpan at work in weeks, but now I can! Hooray!

  27. Rhett, I think so. The only channel that ends is CBC all other channels are 24 hours. Even so, I’m never awake late enough to know what is played when they go off air.

  33. And reading further back. . .

    Welcome Mika!

    Rhett, thanks for your babble appreciation. And you too, Dre! Thanks for swooning at my parts too. (don’t sigh!)

    Thanks for the happy dance, Amy.

    I think the Roscoe thing came across as a bit partisan. I try not to favor either side. Really —– under this current 2-party control system, presidential candidates ought to be required to choose a VP running mate from the opposing party.

    I don’t think channels go off the air anymore. They just run infomercials overnight.

  34. Expressionless is Better! I love that (welcome Mika)

    It sounds cool – Expressionless is better, expressionless is better.

    Ok, now back to sucking dirt from my carpets 😀

  38. There, my upstairs carpets are dust, dirt and cat hair free. Now, to reward myself, I think I’ll have a piece of my daughter’s birthday cake 🙂

  47. Unlike the following song…thos folk singers have dirty, dirty minds:

    CUCKOOS NEST

    As I was a walking one morning in May
    I met a pretty fair maid and unto her did say
    I’ll tell you me mind, it’s for love I am inclined
    An me inclination lies in your cuckoo’s nest

    Some like a girl who is pretty in the face
    and some like a girl who is slender in the waist
    But give me a girl who will wriggle and will twist
    At the bottom of the belly lies the cuckoo’s nest

    Me darling, says she, I am innocent and young
    And I scarcely can believe your false deluding tongue
    Yet I see it in your eyes and it fills me with surprise
    That your inclination lies in me cuckoo’s nest

    me darling, says me, if you can see it in me eyes
    Then think of it as fondness and do not be surprised
    For I live you me dear and I’ll marry you I swear
    If you’ll let me clap my hand on your cuckoo’s nest

    Me darling, says she, I can do no such thing
    For me mother often told me it was committing sin
    Me maidenhead to lose and me sex to be abused
    So have no more to do with me cuckoo’s nest

    Me darling, says me, it’s not committing sin
    But common sense should tell you it is a pleasing thing
    For you were brought into this world to increase and do your best
    And to help a man to heaven in your cuckoo’s nest

    Me darling, says she, I cannot you deny
    For you’ve surely won my heart by the rolling of your eye
    Yet I see it in your eyes that your courage is surprised
    So gently lift your hand into me cuckoo’s nest

    This couple they got married and soon they went to bed
    And now this pretty fair maid has lost her maidenhead
    In a small country cottage they increase and do their best
    And he often claps his hand on her cuckoo’s nest

  70. wow that was a good 69

    I need a cigarette after that and then I am going to pass out in Deadpan’s arms

    Hugh sez: whataminute??? I thought that was me

    wait did we just have a 69 threesome with Deadpan

    Hugh sez: kick.ass

    damn we ARE good baby

    Night pan, hope it was good for you
    Nght mush, you can join in next time
    night Hugh
    night babe
    *mwa*

  75. In the news today:

    Jerusalem – A drug used to treat impotence could help Israeli fighter pilots operate at high altitudes, the Israeli military official magazine reported in its latest issue.

    It said a retired general plans to present to the air force with the results of a study he conducted on Mount Kilimanjaro in Tanzania.

    He found that tadalafil, the active ingredient in Cialis tablets, improved breathing in a thin atmosphere.

    An army spokeswoman said there were no plans to use any such drug.

    A statement added the phenomenon of chronic oxygen starvation experienced by mountaineers and the immediate oxygen starvation which pilots suffer at high altitude are different

    – Calgary Sun

    Gives “going up in a plane” a whole new meaning.

  76. Did you know: There are only eight major North American sports franchises whose team names do not end in teh letter “S” and none of them are in football.

    thso “s”-less team names are the NBA’s Miami Heat, Utah Jazz and Orlando Magic, the MLB’s Boston Red Sox and Chicago White Sox and the NHL’s Tapa Bay Lightning, Minnesota Wild and Colorado Avalanche.

    – Calgary Sun

  80. Ditto, I’ve got better things to look at than the daily Sun Slut 🙂 If I want to see a bunch of plastic dolls, I’m sure I can find some old barbies hidden away in the storage room.

  88. TEB on your earlier question from 4 years working for Congress yes a lot does get done those years. In fact it’s one of the largest years legislatively to get work done and try to look good for elections. The off years actually have a slower pace in general terms. As for the nature of what passes a more bipartisan bill on a major issue is likely to pass in an election year so they accomplished something important. Welfare reform comes to mind in 96 as a big bill in an election year, HIPAA is another example from the same year.

    Next point it’s Congress not parliament, parliamentary systems have the leader of the government, ours is picked seperately. Key difference. Long term impact is the elected leader draws more strength or weakness from the legislative body in the policy setting process in a parliamentary system. The US more devided system allows in theory for greater oversight of the executive. (remember I said in theory not practice people 😉 )

    Your poli sci lesson for the day….

  91. Don’t think I would appreciate that sound system. I’m quite happy using a 5.1 sound system for use with my 360 that cost less than 50 quid.

  94. Oh one other thing, when I say it’s busier election year I mean it’s a rushed pace because they cram as much work as possible into the work week and then head home on the weekends to compaign. The Congressional session often tries to finish the work sessions by election day on the first Tuesday of Novemeber (actually finish by mid-October if they can) so that means the normal work all needs to be done with two less months in the work year.

    The other factor that makes it busy is some of the Member’s DC staff will take vacation time to go work in the district on campaigns or do their daily work out in the district during the last month before an election. That way they can volunteer for the campaign. It’s also not uncommon for DC staff to go to a sympathetic PAC or the party’s building to help work the phones for the boss in the time leading to an election. So it’s not just just the everyday workload that is rather intense, but then the extra side work that appears in election years.

    While the campaign side work may sound harsh, if your boss doesn’t get reelected you lose your job too, so there is some motivation there for you. I know a guy who has lost three jobs to elections, but he is still there fighting for what he thinks is right. This is a guy with a family with two kids, that takes some guts. It’s one thing to it in your 20s single, but as a family man with morgage I have a hellova lot of respect for the guy.

  95. I look up, and I see
    The raising of an old hope,
    Brave and tattered.
    A shining knight with shining eyes,
    He shines around me brightly.

    So now, I say this is beautiful.
    I think you are strange.

    Belly — Low Red Moon

  96. What’s ridiculous and hideous, ditto? The home theater or the Sunshine Girl?

    Thomas, that is a pretty tough life, periodically worrying that your boss won’t get re-elected, knowing that the day will inevitably come.

  104. well of course there are problems with both, but the dude had a grade 2 astrocytoma. That needed to be taken care of immediately. If he was left to flounder in the system that could of easily upgraded into a non contained astrocytoma or worse to a grade 3.

    Im all for the Canadian way, as long as emergencies are handled as they should be. That guy needed to be given some kind of priority.

    okay sorry to bring the pan down.

    let me fix this…

  109. Oh ya, healthcare. I’m not sure I know what is best. On one hand you have O Canada’s healthcare for all, which makes since but it has horrible access times. On the other, you have the USA’s that is readily available but costs go up 25% a year. In the short term I think the US should pass laws that fix costs but overhaul how one needs to see a doctor. For example, 95% of the time the only reason I need to see a doctor is to get refills for on going prescriptions. I’d like the option of being able to get prescriptions like that refilled without his concent by simply filling out an online form that says my health has remained consistant and I deem my treatment effective. That would eliminate a lot of traffic.

    Beyond that if the could get a reign on the lawyers and insurance companies, they could then get a reign on medical costs.

    Normally, in a free market, things sell for what people will buy them for. Unfortunately, and I don’t have a good remedy for this, health insurance makes it easy for people to pay bills and that ability alone puts pressure to drive costs up. If we outlawed insurance, health costs would be a lot lower, but it doesn’t really help those less fortunate.

  110. I’m really a socialist at heart and a strong believer in free healthcare for everybody, but no system is perfect and the NHS is noway as good as MM makes out in Sicko.

  113. I’d be in favor of a unified healthcare system in the U.S. (one has to wonder, between the military, the various levels of government, medicaid, medicare, etc, how much of the population already has some government support for insurance)

    What was my thought? Oh, yeah – mandatory monthly weigh-ins and an annual fitness test. You can choose to eat what you like as long as you can pass the physical.

    Can’t keep from packing your fat ass? Then you pay extra to help cover your burden on society.

    Of course, there’d would need to be some exemptions for the truly disabled, but most of us are in bad shape because we’re too lazy to take care of ourselves.

    I think we’d also have to bite the bullet and outlaw tobacco. It can be argued that McDonald’s at least offers energy that your body can use. Tobacco brings only a lot of fucked-uppedness.

  114. Arguing over government paid health care is a bit like arguing over what color of dog poop you want in your front yard. We don’t have a government anymore in this country. We have people that create regulations to enforce laws on corporations. That’s all a government does. If we got national health-care it would be nothing more than a government signed contract with a health-insurance company or group of companies.

    Even if we had direct payment of health care by the government the insurance companies would still screw us because in the end the government is powerless to stop corporations.

  117. Good points all around.

    If people in your country are traveling abroad for medical treatment —
    If people in your country seek treatment for their medical conditions and are forced to wait an unreasonable/dangerous amount of time for any procedure or exam —
    and/or if people in your country are going into extreme debt/financial ruin as a result of medical treatment —
    then your healthcare system needs fixin’.

  124. As much problems as I have with healthcare in this country I think I’m against universal healthcare. Especially Clinton’s plan, where she basically makes it a Federal requirement to have it like auto insurance. What exactly does that solve, other than forcing us to give more money to these guys?

    I dunno how to fix healthcare I just know how to bitch about it. I know Leann gave me more info about Sleep Apnea and what to look for in a mask over email than the idiots my insurance company forced me to go through after my diagnosis. I know I have to travel to another state to see a doctor when I get sick, but when that doctor gets stumped on my symptoms he calls me from home on a Sunday night with ideas, as opposed to the corporate owned doctors here in Spokane. I went in with a massive migraine and came out with a perscription for an antipsychotic that actually made me physically violent. And the problem turned out to be a wheat allergy, something detectible with a simple blood test.

    I dunno. Some people in the health world deserve medals I think, and others need to be drug out in the street and shot. I dunno that Government regulation is the method to solving that.

    I know thats very Un-Democrat of me, and I’m still caucusing for Obama tomorrow, but I consider those seperate issues. I have to trust that when an idea like whatever these guys has is brought to congress, no matter what party is in majority they’ll carefully look it over and consider it before passing it. Thats why we have the system of government we have. As messed up as it is, sometimes its a good thing that things don’t get done. Because by that reasoning at least the bad things CAN’T get through.

    Of course I realize the Patriot Act nullifies my whole argument, but hopefully that will be gone soon one way or the other.

  125. I have worked in healthcare for 14 years, and I know that although this would be a good idea on paper, it would be bad in practice.

    What the idea would ultimately do would be mostly run good docs out of business because they already have their pay regulated by insurance companies, and let’s face it, they like their paychecks………which means you get quacks to go with your government issued insurance, and/or you will pay OUT THE ASS to go to a decent physician. So basically not much would change, except prices would jump up. 😛

    And would possibly put allied healthcare folks like me out of a job. Because although your sleep is quite possibly the most important aspect of your general well being and health, the government is already trying their hardest to replace us with computers as it is.

    I am not sure what the solution is to all of this, but I can’t help but to think, healthcare is a service not a given.

    *ducks under the table*

    Just my opinion here….they are like assholes.

  126. See thats what I’m worried about too. Running the good docs and good techs out and replacing them with graduats of Apollo College.

    I think the problem is the middle men and lobbyists, the people pumping hundreds of millions of dollars into the pockets of congressmen to get them to pass legislation like Medicare Part D, where its illegal for the government to negotiate with insurance companies. And part of me feels like its these review boards that work for the insurance companies and see this expensive new drug that works 90% better than an over the counter brand, and might actually save lives, but they decide the company won’t cover it because that will save them money.

    But still, I’m not seeing where this is a government problem. This is like a corporate values issue invading into otherwise good medical practice.

    Granted, there is a lot that could be saved through preventative medicine, and some insurance programs don’t even cover them. But I seem to recall one expert saying that if the government should do anything, it should regulate one basic healthcare coverage that every insurance company provide, and make it easy for everyone to have access to that level of coverage, but have other levels of coverage that people can choose from. And I dunno if that would work either. I just agree with Leann, I think this universal healthcare thing is just a bad idea. I don’t want my doctor being taken off my covered list because the government mandated that I see someone closer to where I live. The Rockwood Clinic here in Spokane, the nurses are all fucking robots and the doctors are flat out idiots who don’t even listen to a word you say, they just prescribe you with the wrongest shit possible. Like my wife had a spider bite that turned into a staph infection, and I took her to an urgent care clinic and from nine feet away the doctor said she was bitten by a hobo spider. Like, Spider EXPERTS couldn’t tell you what kind of spider it is by the bite. They’re morons around here.

    All though it does seem inherintly wrong that healthcare has become a “product” in this country, thats basically whats happened, and I don’t see them turning that into anything else. We’re a consumer culture now, and until we become the Roman Empire and throw Democracy out the window thats pretty much how its gonna stay.

  127. You know to clarify, I think what I meant was if insurance companies didn’t spend so much money trying to pump lobyists and congressmen maybe they could take that money and offer better premiums and coverage and still have a better profit margin.

  128. ummm.. well all I was trying to do was show how that poor guy got totally screwed over and how no matter where you live health care sucks ass and that there is no perfect fix in either system. They are black and white. We need a nice gray idea.

    and I don’t know about the rest of you but I already pay up the ass for good medical care. I think you would all shit bricks if you saw Hugh’s medical debt. Yeah he got great fucking care but we will be paying for it for the rest of our lives. We might as well go to medical school and cure cancer ourselves, it would cost less.

  129. The thing is… in any sufficiently complex system, like health care, there is no easy fix. People *love* the idea of an easy fix. Put a screw here and everything is better. But life doesn’t work that way.

    Everyone knows about gravity. You have two bodies (or planets) that, through gravity, mutually attract each other. Throw a third body in there and you have an unsolvable problem. In other words, things get complicated fast. And no matter what you do, you can’t make them simple again–short of nuking the site from orbit, but that’s beside the point.

    The best we can hope for is to intelligently try and improve things. Yes, that will end up fucking some things up, but progress always seems to be a case of two steps forward and one step backwards. Or not.

    The current system isn’t perfect. And there is no miracle system out there that we can apply to “fix” things. Heck, there is no such thing as a perfect system. The best we can hope for is to work for a system that succeeds most of the time. And even then, we’ll hear the horror stories of how the system has failed us.

  131. But I digress

    Hugh is taking me out for dinner & dancing tonight 🙂
    watch out Chicago, Smarty Hotties® are dressed to kill

    and ummmm… Hugh looks so fucking hot right now, methinks he just might end up being my dinner 😉

    Hugh sez: *blush*

    have a good night everyone

  135. I sooo miss the Mangan babies.

    sooo much.

    They haven’t even got to see the lights I put up on the ceiling in their room, or the pillows we made, or the curtains we made, or the Valentines I got them.

    Stupid ex.

    grrrrrrrrrr

    I want the Mangan babies!!!!!!!!!

    tweet

  136. Interesting stuff people. Last post about health care. I think if we could simplify the system of payment we would reduce costs. If we opened up the ability to import drugs from trusted companies we would reduce costs. I haven’t a clue how we would implement said simplification.

    Don’t be so hard on yourself in the weight department Phoenix Leann. It just takes time. I’m trying to loss about 8 pounds myself.

  137. Whouda thunk that the Deadpan’s lone right winger would be the only one open to universal health insurance 🙂

    Truth be told, I’m an engineer first, which means I want problems solved. At then end of the day, I’m not as concerned with whether the solution comes from the private sector or public. And, if one side has screwed things up, I’m willing to give the other side take a crack at it.

  144. Leann you are the new hottness!!! If I were a lesbian, you would need a restraining order.

    So take that 🙂

    Vanamonde: I will definitely have to catch Ashes to Ashes. I loved Life On Mars.

  158. I know we live in the windy city but holy smokes is it windy tonight. I had to hold onto Hugh or I couldn’t walk.

    One of those winds where you have to push against it just to remain standing

    Hugh sez: and it fucking hurt on the skin

    oh yeah we have to see how fast that wind is

  162. *ahem*

    something came up while getting refreshments so ummm….
    we apologize but there will be no play by play this evening 🙂

    and for the record I wasn’t even going to come back and say anything but Hugh insisted I say something came up

    and well… I have trouble saying no to him obviously

    night pan

  173. Alas, clicking on Dubshack’s blog posts takes me to an unexpected Myspace error. Hopefully, Myspace’ crack “technical group” will get right on it since it’s been automatically forwarded to them.

  175. Hey Jack, I have a theory as to how the Roscoe P. Coltrane theory might not apply to this years election.

    The key lies in the career of Larry the Cable Guy. Sure, his CDs and standup comedy give you a few laughs, but have you seen this guys movies? And he’s got ANOTHER one coming out this year. As shitty as his movies are, enough people out there are generating enough cash for them that Hollywood is actually saying they want more.

    So I propose that this season the hee haw candidate is Larry the Cable Guy. And since he’s not running for president, someone else might have a shot.

  178. Jack honey darling snootykins,

    Dude, I could not hear most of computer king’s thing. Can you bump him a little louder next time? At least so he’s at the same level as the rest of the podcast.

    kthanxbye

    Debbie

  179. Just finished reading the weekend comments – wow, glad I wasn’t here to get into the health care discussion (with my Boo at the Dr.’s monthly and trying to get government assistance, my rant would have been off the charts).

    As for the airplane incident Jack, It was at the other end of the city. Our neighbourhood isn’t on a flight path. (did you know: While having a population of just over a million people, Calgary’s footprint is the same size of New York City – a city several times it’s size in population)

    Ok, back to work 🙂

  180. Aww, Roy Scheider died. I liked him.

    Do you think his remains will be taken up in a helicopter (Blue Thunder) to be scattered in the ocean and given to the sharks (Jaws)?

  182. Ohhhh, a brown-out. kicked off work computer for the next half hour while system figures out that I’m no longer connected (stupid computer)

  185. Dub, I don’t care what time of the day it is, it’s too early to be puking green slime (ewwww).

    Hope you get better soon 🙂

  188. Yeah, due to a SNAFU at work, I only had 8 contracts to go over. That means I’m done my work for the day. Yea!! Now I won’t suffer “the rage” of a long day at the office 🙂

  189. Even though my office is really at home today. I guess it actually means I’m not tied to the work computer for the day 😀

    Now I think it’s time to think of breakfast. I’m off to find some food to shove between my “Jaws” (this RS day thing is not as easy as you’d think)

  191. Where is everybody? Except for a brief cameo by Dubshack, I’ve been all alone.

    Isn’t anybody out there to “listen to me”?, to talk to me, to love me…
    😥

  192. Fine! I’m leaving the Pan board for a bit as well. Will give you all one “last embrace” before I clean kitty litter and take out the garbage.

    Back in a bit!

  195. OMG the gas meter man is tall!!! He just came to read our meter. I know I’m fairly short but I was really straining my neck to look at him. I’d need to wear some “Stiletto”s just to look him in the neck.

    I’m not really a rap fan, Ditto so I didn’t listen to the entire piece of music, sorry.

    Kitty litter done, now to take out the garbage.

  196. Roy Scheider’s passing could be described as totally non-Airwolf. I always enjoyed his movies.

    Watched the final portion of the Grammys last night, Amy Winehouse did a fine job, I actually liked her voice better live than in the canned performances I’ve seen of her.

  208. Not forgetting Marathon Man, although only minor part for RS (he gets killed off early in the film), it’s one I remember (apart from Jaws) when I think of RS.

    Is it safe?

  226. pretty cool, ditto. That woulda been a perfect note for the Repo Pan! I’ll try to remember to mention it in an upcoming episode. Or someone could mention it in a VM *ahem*.

    Cult movie sequels tend to suck (Highlander 2, The Crow 2), but thisi s a different medium. Maybe it’ll break that trend.

  228. pAper chAse: Said the Spider to the Fly

    (Entry number one, I still hear the boots in the hallway)

    (Spider: )
    I want your head.
    I want your wicked parts.
    I want to wring out your evil thoughts.
    I want to eat out your bitter heart.
    I want your soul to sing six words harmony
    Of all the pigs that might tempt me.
    I know you’re sick alone and I’m telling everyone everything.
    So scratch it on the wall of your coffin on your sick day home:
    “And when your lover loves to cheat there’s another you can meet
    It’s a short pier, it’s a long walk home”
    You gotta show me where it hurts,
    There’s a beast and a burden
    Kicking, spitting on your bathroom floor.
    This is your life this is your life and
    When I’m done it’s over a little bit more.

    Good things die all the time,
    God bless your heart, vengeance is mine.
    “Kiss me like you mean goodbye,” said the spider to the fly.
    When all those times you thought that you were wrong, you were right.

    (Fly: )
    So if I fight the good fight will hairlines recede?
    Will lines deepen in face to craft a look of defeat?
    I feel the end is near my little Monday night whore,
    My little Saturday night became a Sunday remorse.
    When it’s all over America,
    The Godless game show heathens.
    This is your life, this is your life,
    At last my good friend we are even.
    I know I’ll never lose an arm, never stay up staring at the phone.
    I’ll never rot up with disease don’t you bury me and leave,
    Don’t you leave me in the ground alone.
    You gotta show me where it hurts, never creamate me to burn,
    Never chop me up and throw me to sea.
    You’ll never have to find the words they come spilling unrehearsed,
    But you and I will never find that peace.

    Good things die all the time,
    God bless your heart, vengeance is mine.
    “Kiss me like you mean goodbye,” said the spider to the fly.
    When all those times you thought that you were wrong, you were right.

    Good things die all the time,
    God bless your heart, vengeance is mine.
    “Kiss me like you mean goodbye,” said the spider to the fly.
    When all those times you thought that you were wrong, you were right.

    (Deep, Quiet Voice #1: )
    Came and laid across me, put his hand across my chest like he was listening to my heart ’cause at a point he said he was gonna eat my heart.

    (Deep, Quiet Voice #2: )
    He said he was gonna eat your heart?

    (Deep, Quiet Voice #1: )
    Yes, that’s…

  231. morning pan

    ditto I did see that wonderful song of the day yesterday 🙂 I was most pleased.

    Up early cause Hugh is going into work early today. Its supposed to be snowing all damn day today. I love the cold weather, I actually like being cold, its the snow that becomes so annoying to me in winter. I can take the cold just fine, I even prefer the cold. The snow though.. menolikey.

    Actually speaking of Gutter Twins, we be going to see their Valentines Day show in NY. Valentines Day in NY city with Hugh, AND Greg Dulli’s dulcet tones???? *swooooooooooooon overload*

    wait… is this snow going East? I better make sure we will be able to GET to NY in the first place.

    Well, thats it for me. Hope you are all good.
    Have a good day.
    Happy early Valentines Day to everyone
    Have a good week
    Smarty Hotties® won’t be back after the music this week.

  250. “Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we’ve just lost the picture, but what we’ve seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over — ‘conquered’ if you will — by a master race of giant space ants. It’s difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new insect overlords. I’d like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.”

  258. Greetings, Pan. I’ve been largely out of pocket this week as I’m in meetings all day.

    But, my phone once again proved it’s coolness this morning. A friend recorded a really bad quality broadcast of a song off the radio onto his Motorola Q. He plays the song on the Q and we let my enV give it a listen with the Verizon Song ID. To the surprise of us both, it is able to identify the song.

    If you have Verizon and one of the compatible phones, I highly recommend this free application:

    ttp://tinyurl.com/2drm7k

    Enjoy…

  269. Well TEB, maybe you are like the rain god from `So long and thanks for all the fish’, and all those clouds just want to cover you in snow…

  270. Actually, Van. I don’t mind the snow, it’s the cold that usually comes with it that I don’t like (which makes me the opposite of the Smarty Hotties).

    Our weather is supposed to get up near the freezing mark so it won’t be too bad. Shoveling is a nice exercise when it’s not too cold.

  275. There, snow is all shoveled. They say on the news the blizzard warning for Calgary has been cancelled so, with any luck, I won’t have to shovel again today.

  286. “DP friends?” Oh you mean dead pan. LOL We definately need more of you around these parts. I don’t own an iPhone or iTouch, but I’ve thought about getting an iPhone for the primary purpose of posting here.

  292. saw her again
    unless this day’s pretend
    there in the crowd
    she’s turning around saying
    “aw, stick with your friends
    break the pen they mend
    here in the tracks
    I’ll get you back in the end”

    with you gone
    I lost my peace of mind…
    we all walk on, walk on

    pains of loss
    enough to turn me off
    she’s by herself
    I want you well, ok
    barren you crossed
    the things you left for lost
    weighted and choosed
    that’s how it goes

    but, yeah, and I saw her again
    was a brick houses
    and when was it
    the first time outside our haunt
    that gray stone
    yeah put it to bed
    if you cared then she would still be your friend

    with you gone
    I lost my peace of mind…
    we all walk on, walk on

    Palomar — Our hand

  301. Speaking of curly hairs, it is a faux pas to leave the personal lubricate out by the side of your bed on the day the maid is supposed to tidy your house? I’m thinking yes.

  308. Yes, the beard is still in full and thick form here in Texas. I’ve taken the reasonable gamble that I won’t have to make any field trips (i.e. refinery or chemical plant) for a good while.

    We’ll see how long I get to keep it.

  309. I’ve managed to maintain my goatee for a while now. Though I’m wondering if it has anything to do with my not being able to shake this virus.

    That said… Hey Ed… How much will it take to convince you and anyone you know to help knock somebody’s ass out of this presidential race? eh? 😉

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