521 thoughts on “Jack Mangans Deadpan #263: NYE

  1. Im surrounded by lots of elderly people, all of whom are waiting to get new hips and knees.

    Ahhhh Sun City, Arizona on a crisp winter’s morning.

  2. CP: Destroy Everything You Touch — Ladytron

    I picked up the greatest hits during one of Amazon’s holiday sales. If you love Metric, you’ll probably love this band too.

  3. I’m CR: The Passage — Justin Cronin

    He’s from your ‘hood, Ed. He teaches at Rice.

    I’d recommend this one, even though it took an odd “steal from Walking Dead” turn there for a minute. It’s a end-of-the-world story that’s unique and really, really well-written. I’m about 100 pages from finishing it and will definitely pick up the second book (it’s a trilogy – as yet unfinished), The Twelve, once I’ve finished A Memory of Light.

  4. First crap joke of the New YEar:

    A hippie gets onto a bus and sits next to a nun in the front seat. The hippie looks over and asks the nun if she would have sex with him. The nun, surprised by the question, politely declines and gets off at the next stop. When the bus starts again, the bus driver says to the hippie, “If you want, I can tell you how you can get that nun to have sex with you.” The hippie of course says that he’d love to know, so the bus driver tells him that every Tuesday evening at midnight the nun goes to the cemetery to pray to the lord. “If you went dressed in robes and some glowing powder,” says the bus driver, “You could tell her you were God and command her to have sex with you.”
    The hippie decides to try this out. That Tuesday, he goes to the cemetery and waits for the nun. Right on schedule, the nun shows up. While she’s in the middle of praying, the hippie walks out from hiding, in robes and glowing with a mask of god. “I am God, I have heard your prayers and I will answer them but you must have sex with me first,” he says. The nun agrees but asks for anal sex so she might keep her virginity. The hippie agrees to this and quickly sets about having sex with the nun. After the hippie finishes, he rips off his mask and shouts out, “Ha ha, I’m the hippie! ”
    The nun replies by whipping off her mask and shouting, “Ha ha, I’m the bus driver!

    • I know how you feel. Both KotoR games for $5 total. The Tomb Raider franchise for $15. Dark Souls for $20.

      I’m going to have to pass, though I want some of those. I have too big a backlog as it is.

  5. I have a very strange yet wonderful hubby. We usually split the house work. I told him, since I’m not working, I should, at least, take over some of his housework. He gave me these sad, puppy dog eyes and said, “but I like vacuuming”

    That’s very hard to argue with.

  6. (This bears repeating)

    Tonight’s episode of “Mobbed” is an awesome reminder of The Gift of Giving Life through organ donation.

    Get educated on becoming an organ donor or become an organ donor if you are not already. #DonateLife

    • little known fact
      Except when shot that way for comic effect, movies from the early years of the film industry were not originally “jerky” as they appear now.

      The “jerky” motion that is now attributed with old films is due to the use of an in-accurate frame rate when they were transfered to video.

      In the early days of film, when cameras were hand cranked, film speed rates were more of a “guideline” then “standard”. Often, the same company that shot the film would also process it and show it in their own theater using their own hand-cranked projectors. Thus, you had a variety of film speeds being used.

      Eventually, the frame rate standard of 24fps was adopted and then in the mid 1950’s a 2nd standard (because apparently “standard” means “more then one”) of 30fps (29.97) was adopted for use with film being shot for video broadcast.

      Curiously, if care were taken to transfer old movies at a frame rate that produced “normal” motion, most viewers would think something were wrong with it.

      Class dismissed.

  7. I made the mistake of putting the Spyro 3 (Playstation 1 game)in my PS3, then ended up playing the game for quite a while.

    I got 100% everything in the first two Spyro games but never in the 3rd one, think my challenge for this weekend is sorted.

    • I liked John Carter. Terribly marketed but a fun film. I did read (listen) to the original “A Princess of Mars” novel shortly before the movie came out.

      Too bad we probably won’t get any more of the stories.

        • Can’t say I was familiar with the actor before John Carter. Though, he did go on to equally dubious box office success with Battleship.

          And, while Battleship was pretty damn cheesy, I must confess I enjoyed more than the Transformers movies.

        • Wasn’t he also Gambit? He’s fucking horrible. I don’t need to repeat my views on Battleship. 🙂
          Still, I didn’t think John Carter was bad, definitely not as bad a its reputation. It helps to have waded through Burroughs’ original mess of a story, to appreciate that anyone made a sort-of coherent film out of it.

  8. It appears twitter may have demonstrated some shred of value. It also appears to have found signs of intelligent life, at least in orbit.

    Hailing frequencies open:


  9. CP: Engines of Our Ingenuity 2046: Beginning with Conclusions

    One of the better recent episodes. It talks about people constructing arguments based on foregone conclusions.

  10. Sister in-law update: It appears that our initial hopes that she would recover were misplaced. Even though Barbara’s heart condition is treatable, the length of time her brain was deprived of oxygen has left her severely brain damaged. She has brain stem function and her body responds to pain, but there is no higher level activity at all. Most likely she will stay in this vegetative state until she passes.

    • Nor the new version of Cortana. Other than that, I found the game enjoyable. I’ll skip all the multiplayer stuff. The clip at the end was pretty interesting.

  11. Crap joke for the day:

    A guy goes to a doctor and says, “Doc, you’ve got to help me. My penis is orange.” Doctor pauses to think and asks the guy to drop his pants so he can check. Damned if the guy’s penis isn’t orange. Doc tells the guy, “This is very strange. Sometimes things like this are caused by a lot of stress in a person’s life.”

    Probing as to the causes of possible stress, the doc asks the guy, “How are things going at work?” The guy responds that he was fired about six weeks ago. The doctor tells him that this must be the cause of the stress. Guy responds, “No. The boss was a real asshole, I had to work 20-30 hours of overtime every week and I had no say in anything that was happening. I found a new job a couple of weeks ago where I can set my own hours, I’m getting paid double what I got on the old job and the boss is a really great guy.” So the doc figures this isn’t the reason.

    He asks the guy, “How’s your home life?” The guy says, “Well, I got divorced about eight months ago.” The doc figures that this has got to be the reason for all of the guys stress. Guy says, “No. For years, all I listened to was nag, nag, nag. God, am I glad to be rid of that old bitch.” So the doc takes a few minutes to think a little longer.

    He inquires, “Do you have any hobbies or a social life?” The guy replies, “No, not really. Most nights I sit home, watch some porno flicks and munch on Cheetos.”

  12. So, I took advantage of a sale to pickup the first season of Homeland for $20 a few weeks ago. The wife and I watched all twelve episodes in about two days.

    Got to see the first episode of season 2 this evening as part of a free preview that Showtime is running. Dammit, I may have to break down and subscribe.

  13. Well it will give me more time to practice my music and more reading time. That’s a good thing, at least

    CR: City of Demons – Kevin Harkness

  14. Stupid coffee. I ordered 3 boxes of medium for my machine and they sent me 3 boxes of Pecan Praline. The packing slip says medium, the contents do not. What am I suppose to do with 3 boxes (equal to just over 100 cups) of Pecan coffee?

  15. Today’s movie is Detention. The DVR write up:

    A group of high school seniors flee a mysterious killer after being thrown in to a 12 hour detention by their hard nosed principal. Meanwhile, life in their small town grows increasingly surreal in this inventive horror satire

    • *SPOILERS*

      For me it fell apart when the young looper started remembering things the old looper should have remembered.

      I did a movie review on this one. I’m old. I’m cynical. I hate when movies try to do something cleaver and it winds up stupid.

      Other than the ending, which I felt was botched, I loved Looper. The ending ruined it for me.

      On a side tangent, I’m loving all the Prometheus youtube videos that ask question after question and poke fun at the movie. I think I’ve watched more minutes of reviews than the length of the movie 😀

        • There were several disappointments in the story. It could have been so much more. It’s not as disappointing as Prometheus, but it was still overly hyped and didn’t deliver.

          Some days I think I should stick to animated movies 🙂

  16. Well, my quest has failed. I finished the seventh Wheel of Time book today and I know there’s no way I’m to make it through all the others knowing the last book is out.

    I’m going to power through the second to last book to refresh my memory and then take on A Memory of Light.

    • That’s just what Sly B is doing, Ed!

      Me, I expect that brick to be at my doorstop when I get home from work today. Sq-to-the-uee.

  17. Well, I caved, and I’m wearing 2.50 Reading Glasses, bought at Target. (The strongest Target had on their shelves – – although I’ve seen up to 3.25 elsewhere)

    I feel kinda weird.

    • Wait… I don’t understand… plugging things in? What kind of world do we live in? I want my Tesla Coil! Everything should be alive without wires!

      Oh, sorry. Maybe I should wake up first 🙂

  18. Ok, without admitting to anything, let’s say it’s been years since I’ve had a Facebook account so am not up on any changes since then. Let us also say I wanted to follow a company on FaceBook. Let us also say I’m on their FaceBook site right now and I’m looking for a “friend” or “join” button. With all those hypothetical parameters, where would I find said button (said hypothetical company, just for reference http://www.facebook.com/tychebooks?fref=ts)

  19. Crap joke for the day:

    Scottish couple decided to go to Spain to thaw out during a particularly icy winter.
    They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier.

    Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules.
    So, the husband left Glasgow and flew to Barcelona on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day.
    The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife.
    However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

    Meanwhile, somewhere in Blackpool , a widow had just returned home from her husband’s funeral.
    He was a minister who died following a heart attack.

    The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends.
    After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted.

    The widow’s son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

    To: My Loving Wife
    Subject: I’ve Arrived
    Date: October 16, 2008

    I know you’re surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones.

    I’ve just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

    Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

    P.S. Bloody hot down here!

  20. Today’s movie is Inkubus

    The DVR write up: in this terrifying supernatural thriller, a demon enters a police station and confesses to a crime. But as the night stretches on, it quickly becomes apparent that he has a diabolical plan, and that no mortal can stop him.

    A joke for Van, a demon walks into a police station…

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