284 thoughts on “Jack Mangans Deadpan #229: Kids Only, Part 2

  1. Crap joke for the day:

    My wife walked in on me blowdrying my penis.She said,”what the fuck are you doing?”Apparently heating up your dinner wasn’t the right answer.

  2. Good morning, guys and dolls. I’m finally back to the office today and ALMOST looking forward to it after the last two weeks of living out of a suitcase/sitting in a borrowed cubicle at Evil HQ/being in big fancy meetings with my grown-up outfits.

  3. Show Notes

    Jack Mangans Deadpan #229: Kids Only, Part 2

    The old people story

    Honestly, who didn’t know Jack was a He Man?

    The End of the Sidewalk


    Good Night Arrakis

    Twinkle Twinkle Little Star on the ukulele

    First day of school

    Stolen paragraph from How to Train Your Dragon

    More on the first day of school

    Ten Terrible Dinosaurs

    Send in content: 480-788-JMDP(5637) or e-mail: sphericaljackmatgmaildotcom

    Closing Music –
    You Are My Sunshine
    Mary Had a Little Lamb
    Re: Your Brains

  4. As seen on the Colbert show last night;

    Seems that the corporate meat puppets in the US Senate have decided to quietly slip an amendment into an unrelated bill … that would authorize the Keystone pipeline. The provision makes no attempt to address any of the concerns such as providing alternate routes. It just authorizes it as is.

    Here is a petition you can sign to stop this, that will be delivered in about 2 hours.

  5. Today’s movie is Chain Letter.

    The DVR write up: Jessie Campbell and her friends receive a threatening e-mail claiming they will die if they fail to keep e message circulating in this chilly twist on the familiar urban legend

  6. The Saw movies weren’t slasher films and it wasn’t just violence for the sake of violence. Well, the first couple weren’t. It really was screw with your mind horror. #justsaying πŸ™‚

    Hey, it’s Thursday! WOO WOO!

  7. I’m driving to California next week with the kiddos so we’ll be listening to both episodes en route. I think they’ll enjoy that! I don’t know how their Gramma will feel about it, but she can put on headphones if it bothers her!

  8. When Bunny said she was going to go read instead of doing the movie PBP, I was like.. oh she could do a book PBP… but then really, isn’t that what a book kinda is?

    Oof.. I fell and hurt my brain.

  9. Crap joke for today:

    I was having a full blown threesome with these two dirty young bitches at work today, the white one was taking it up the arse, and the black one was licking and slurping on my balls….

    Then the owner of the kennels came in and sacked me on the spot.

  10. W. H. Davies


    WHAT is this life if, full of care,
    We have no time to stand and stare?β€”
    No time to stand beneath the boughs,
    And stare as long as sheep and cows:

    No time to see, when woods we pass,
    Where squirrels hide their nuts in grass:

    No time to see, in broad daylight,
    Streams full of stars, like skies at night:

    No time to turn at Beauty’s glance,
    And watch her feet, how they can dance:

    No time to wait till her mouth can
    Enrich that smile her eyes began?

    A poor life this if, full of care,
    We have no time to stand and stare.

  11. Ack! I seem to have muffin crumbs down my pants. True, I had a muffin for breakfast but honestly, what’s that about? It’s not like my pants weren’t done up. Had to take my pants off and turn them inside out. I still feel little prickles.

  12. Today’s “US Economic Good News” is a toss up –

    You could go with
    “Buying a home is now more affordable than it has been in the last 20 years.”
    “According to the index, 75.9% of all new and existing homes sold during the three months ended Dec. 31 could have been comfortably purchased by families earning the national median income of $64,200.”


    You could go with
    “GM’s 2011 profit is highest ever, jumping 62 percent to a record $7.6 billion”.
    This is their first profitable year since 2004. It is another example of where a hugely unpopular bailout has worked.

  13. So a strange thing happens in regard to our computers, maybe someone can tell us why. If I’m playing a game on my computer, it doesn’t matter if the game is off-line or online, when hubby turns on his computer it doesn’t recognize the internet. I have to either back out of my game and he reboots, or I have to reset the router (not the modem. This is through a wifi connection, we haven’t tried it wired. Why is that? Why does his computer refuse to recognize the internet if I’m playing a game? If I’m doing anything else, the computer is fine. It’s just playing a game, any game, that his computer gets stupid.

    • TEB: It’s likely an IP conflict from using DHCP. You can run into it fairly often if you put your computers in suspend mode and your IPs expire on a daily basis. Check to see if your router configuration allows you to reserve IPs. Then assign one to each of your computers and leave the remaining pool for your guests. I help you with the details in a bit if you want.

  14. Could be an assigned IP ( from the router) conflict, but seems strange it only happens when playing a game.

    You could reserving different IPs on the router for each computer that connects to it (including your iPads and iPhones).

      • The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want
        He makes me down to lie
        Through pastures green
        He leadeth me the silent waters by
        With bright knives He releaseth my soul
        He maketh me to hang on hooks in high places
        He converteth me to lamb cutlets
        For lo, He hath great power, and great hunger
        When cometh the day we lowly ones
        Through quiet reflection, and great dedication
        Master the art of karate
        Lo, we shall rise up
        And then we’ll make the bugger’s eyes water

  15. Okay Deadpan, I’ve been looking for this short film for years!!!

    It’s called “12:01PM”.
    It is a BRILLIANT little sci-fi piece that will remind you of a VERY popular and lucrative feature film. Keep in mind though … THAT film came out 3 years AFTER this was released.
    It’s on Youtube in 3 parts and the quality is not great. The video tracking issues that occure in the first few minutes do go away though.
    Do yourselves a favor and watch this when you get a chance.


  16. The weatherman made a verbal slip he said, “if you got it off on Monday.”. I know he was talking about the holiday on Monday but his wording made my mind go there. …maybe it’s just me.

    • Ah, Van, you’re the gift that just keeps on giving. I may have to make you and honorary uncle for my kids with all the games you’ve introduced them to.

  17. Diary crap:
    Library, Fry’s, Target – – no one had the Chamber of Secrets DVD.
    No Netflix streaming.
    I finally did the direct “rental” from Amazon, which failed…. One customer support call later, and it worked perfectly. Got to watch Chamber of Secrets, then read the final chapter of Prisoner of Azkaban for my daughter. Pretty good HP evening!

    Goodnight :Sirius:

  18. Crap joke for the day;

    A Redneck walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. “I’ll make you a deal. I’ll open this alligator’s mouth and place my manhood inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. “Then he’ll open his mouth and I’ll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink.”

    The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his Johnson and related parts in the alligator’s open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and smacked the alligator hard on the top of the head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised.

    The crowd cheered, and the first of his free drinks were delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. “I’ll pay anyone $100 who’s willing to give it a try.” A hush fell over the crowd. After a while, a hand went up in the back of the bar. A Blonde woman timidly spoke up………. “I’ll try it – Just don’t hit me so hard with the beer bottle!”

  19. Hey pan. Busy day planned. First shopping (once hubby gets out of the shower) , then laundry, then we have to rearrange the basement to make room for this silly Bowflex we bought yesterday. The area where we want to put it is lined with 7′ tall book shelves which we have to shuffle around. Why is it, that whenever hubby makes a purchase it means extra work I have to do? Oh well, at least he’s home to help. When he got his last guitar, I had to clean out under the stairs myself

  20. So I watched Star Wars The Phantom Menace in 3D with CJ, and kids, today.

    The 3D effect seemed to be applied more to the background than center focus items, making it rather meh. I found it interesting that Lucas couldn’t resist the urge to embellish and added back in some shots. Most noticeably during the podrace.

  21. Crap joke for the day:

    I’m now getting to that stage when I have to use a lubricant before having sex with my wife………
    Usually about eight pints !!

  22. Speaking of the grand ol’ hockey game… I wanna congratulate everyone here who follows a team for having said team in playoff contention (you know who you are Mr./Ms. ‘Yotes, Mr. Leafs, Ms. Flames, Mr. Wings). I myself, would like to burn a certain local team to the ground and start over.

    Or at least use management for a pyre…

    • While we don’t own that game, we have played it with others. It was fun. We keep meaning to get it but other games keep showing their shiny whenever we are at the store

  23. CPIMM: Maroon 5 feat. Christina Aguilera – Moves Like Jagger

    AAARGH!! Make it stop!

    I need to get off my butt and burn some podcasts and audiobooks to CDs so I won’t just listen to the radio every day. πŸ˜›

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