Jack Mangan’s Deadpan #146: Theme and Michelle M. Welch

Lazy Theme Show Notes.

Also in this episode!
Duel of the Fates III battle: Jessica Rabbit vs. Bugs Bunny.

Jack Mangan’s Deadpan #146: Theme and Michelle M. Welch

Night of the Living Deadpan

Duel of the Fates – Bugs Bunny vs. Jessica Rabbit (pt. 1)

Interview with author Michelle M. Welch (http://mmwelch.wordpress.com/author-bio/)
Promoting her podcast anthology Theme and Variations (http://www.themeandvariationsanthology.com/?p=82)

Duel of the Fates continued
Special guest announcer – The Energizer Bunny

Michelle M. Welch continued

Paul Maki with last week’s Broken Lyrics Challenge winner.
Nobody got all the songs, but partial winner last week was:
Jack Mangan

Duel of the Fates concluded

Paul Maki with the Broken Lyrics challenge.

No Greasy Nipples this week but
First comment of the week was (oficially) by Vanamonde

Send in content: 206-350-Tomi (8664) or e-mail: sphericaljackmatgmaildotcom

Closing music recorded at Podcamp AZ.

703 thoughts on “Jack Mangan’s Deadpan #146: Theme and Michelle M. Welch

  1. OK. Now I’m the one covered in motor oil, but I think I fixed it.

    I predict a quiet Thursday, Van, what with us celebrating thxgvng in the U.S. – – but I’ll pop on at some point tomorrow.

    Goodnight, mashed potatoes.

  2. And now… Lo Pan will spend the early morning with Jack Mangan. Or at least his podcast. If I cant have you…. I dont want nobody else, babe.

    Crack open a beer, say “fuck you” to Thanksgiving… and listen to the Deanpan. No better way to spend time at 2am.

  3. Good morning.

    I’ve peeled potatoes, sorted the newspaper ads, watched some parade, and injected some coffee.

    Next I will assemble the green bean casserole, bake some cookies, bake some biscuits, clean the house, and try to find that darned tablecloth.

    Tablecloths are ridiculous. I hate them.

  4. Oh and last year I did the whole black Friday thing. I’m sure I talked about it here.

    This year, I have no income during this month, but even if I did, black Friday would not happen. I’ve had the experience, it wasn’t that great.

    I’m shopping online this year and/or making homemade thingies.

    Cj wonders aloud if Jack wants more Oreo Truffles this year………

  5. I can also make the truffles with Nutter Butters.

    I have a friend who has a caffeine sensitivity so almost every baking type recipe I have, I’ve altered in some way to avoid using any type of chocolate.

  6. That being said, I do have a cup of coffee in the morning and, usually a can of Coke Zero, but I’m not a big chocolate eater (ice cream, cakes, cookies, etc) and most of my teas are caffeine free. I definitely know if I’ve had to much, though.

  7. We were going to make pies last night, but tired washed over us, so we made them this morning. A cranberry pecan pie, and a pumpkin pie we are trying from a Paula deen recipe.

  8. JB, I have never used her recipe’s before but I have heard many good things about them. My wife and daughter made 2 win pies yesterday. cranberry pecan sounds awesome.

  9. I think this is our first adventure to Deen-land actually. The cranberry pecan is from the Byerly’s cookbook ( a fancy pants grocery store).

  10. We relied on tips from the food network for prepping the bird. Tivo recored as a suggested a turkey day tip show and we decided to stuff the turkey with 2 oranges 1 lemon and an onion than rubbed it with butter and poultry seasoning. hope it turns out good. I haven’t made a turkey in 13 years.

  11. Biscuits are going in the oven.

    Trying to keep children from consuming all the chocolate chip cookies I made.

    Two more people canceled. I have a 15 pound turkey to share among 5 adults and 2 children.

    Anyone locals want leftovers? We will have plenty!

  12. Between you (deadpan) and me (Cj) I’m not disappointed in the cancellations.

    I just became two people more relaxed. (insert face of joy here because 😀 just doesn’t cut it)

  13. Thanks, Bunny! I’m glad you liked the story. At least the moon was an ashtray, and not a spittoon.

    I hate to sound like a crank, but I never attended the parade in person when I lived near NYC, and I’m perfectly ok with that.

    All of the food preps sound delicious.

    I am running late and going to make everyone cranky, but – I hope everyone has a good, not-entirely-hectic day.

  14. Paula Dean cracks me up.. These are the biscuits I made, but the last comment she makes made me laugh out loud!


    I also made this cheesecake, but I used an oreo crust (sorry, Bunny, if I make it for you, I promise not to use oreos) and I added chocolate chips:


    I also made the standard green bean casserole on the Campbell’s can and I make my own mashed potatoes, but I don’t have a recipe for that.

  15. My mashed potatoes were teh awesome! OMG.. I’m impressed with myself.

    Everything everyone else made was amazing too. I’m ready for my nap.

    And, I didn’t escape without a war wound! I ran my arm across the roof of my oven at 500 degrees! I’ll have a scar on top of my arm to match the one on the bottom! Rawr!!!!!

  16. *gives Cj a virtual pat on the back for all her efforts today*

    Festivities are complete, guests are gone. I’m currently preparing a butternut squash casserole for tomorrow’s NaNoWriMo write-in and potluck.

    Also, now that it’s Thanksgiving, you know what time it is…

  17. Just listen the the episode and the only song i konw is the second one b/c my daughter loves the movie it is from. well she likes the remake my tim burton. I actually prefer the newer one also.

    it is sung by Gene wilder in Willy Wanka and the chocolate factory called Pure Imagination

    hope i got it right. i would feel like a idiot if i’m wrong.

  18. Time for

    The Fourth Annual Deadpan Secret Santa Gift Exchange!

    The Deadpan community has been doing a Secret Santa gift exchange since our very first Christmas together in 2006. It is my pleasure to announce the official opening of this year’s festivities!

    How to Play:

    1. If you would like to be part of the exchange, send me an e-mail (bowen1138atYahoodotcom) with your mailing address. Also, if you live in the U.S. and would prefer not to have to ship a gift to one of our international participants, please let me know then.

    2. The deadline to join in will be the time when I make the giver/recipient assignments, which will be at approximately 6:00 PM Pacific time on Saturday, December 5. This is so that an audio announcement can go out in next week’s episode or unshow.

    3. Look for an e-mail from me on the evening of December 5 with the name and address of the person to whom you are assigned.

    4. Buy a small gift. $10 or less, please.

    5. Ship your gift to the recipient whose name you were given in time for Christmas.

    6. Revealing what you gave and/or what you received and/or thanking your Secret Santa here on the comment boards is welcome, but not a requirement.

    Have a happy holiday season! 🙂

  19. Reaper gets the first BLC point this week. In fact it was a cover, but I can’t possibly expect people to get the covering artist based off original lyrics, now can I?

  20. So? I’m going to be at the mall anyway on Sunday. If I see anything that I think would make a good anybody gift, I’m likely to pick it up regardless. Even if I don’t use it for Secret Santa, it would still be given to somebody.

  21. My boss is making me take two weeks holidays around Christmas. Usually we’re allowed to carry forward one week of our holiday time, but this year we’re being asked to take all our holidays before year end or we might lose them.

    Sometimes it’s really hard to take all the holiday time I’m suppose to 😉

  22. Twice this week now, I’ve gotten Skyped by people trying to sell me software or drugs at “an amazing low price”. I’ve never been spammed on Skype before. It’s quite strange.

    I blocked both of them and reported them as abuse.

  23. My mom took me to see Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory when I was 5 years old.

    I had to be removed from the theater apparently I was screaming so loud and crying out in fear that I was disrupting the other movie-goers.

    It gives me nightmares to this day.

  24. Off for my novel-writing day of hopefully epic proportions. If it goes as well as I’m hoping (10,000 words, or at least, as many as I can write in the remainder of today), I will have officially made this a tradition. 🙂 I’ll probably check in periodically here and on Twitter with progress updates.

  25. Toooo much fun.
    Tpm is having a “Sex-Scandal, Haiku contest”

    Here’s the set-up:

    The Los Angeles Times notes that a text sent by Sen. John Ensign (R-NV) to his girlfriend is just one syllable away from being a haiku — the Japanese poetic form that consists of five syllables in the first and third lines, and seven in the second.

    Wrote Ensign to his beloved:

    How wonderful it is/ Can’t believe, it’s like a kid/ Scared, but excited.

    That prompts the Times to compose its own Ensign-based haiku:

    Dreading my next race.
    Can’t believe all the damage.
    Scared but … yeah, still scared.

    So TPM wants readers to send them our own (based on ANY political sex scandal)
    WE could so own this contest … if we weren’t all full of Turkey and booze and pumpkin pie and booze!

  26. Slumber party at my house.

    I have 3 6-year-old girls, 1 7-year-old girl, and I had 2 4-year-old boys but one of them was only being babysat and he went home.

    So, I have successfully loaded the children with pizza, popcorn, and cupcakes, brushed their teeth, and put them in bed.

    I can’t wait to see what happens next! 🙂

  27. Well, my epic day of writing wasn’t quite as epic as last year’s, but I did write over 6,000 words, bringing my total to 44,399 words (or 43,281 not counting leading quotation marks, which OpenOffice does and the word count validator doesn’t.)

    Good night, NaNoMush.

  28. Good morning, DP!

    I’ve worked out, cleared the dishwasher, and now I’m sitting with fresh coffee.

    CR: Proven Guilty, Book 8 (?) of the Dresden Files

    Saw you didn’t dig Dresden, Ed.

    Today, I need to dismantle and deep-clean the pellet stove. After coffee. Then, we’re headed back to Denver (just got home at 8 last night) for Sly B’s BFF’s daughter’s quincenera. Us=old.

    Have a wonderful day, all of ya!

  29. Good morning.

    One of my sleepover kids has a church retreat thingie so I had to wake her up early and we are having cocoa (her) and coffee (me) while we wait for her mom to pick her up.

    What a fun night 🙂

  30. Went out to Mr. Fabby’s in Waconia last night, watched Coraline w/ 3D glasses in the home theatre, and then dragged an air mattress in and Fox & Iris slept through most of Star Trek.

  31. jJ: Hey! We had a blast!

    I think the funniest part was when I made popcorn and all 6 kids were in the living room watching movies, playing with the Leapsters and the Nintendo DS and Dan took one look at the chaos and said, “I’m going to Target…” He left a puff of smoke in his wake as he ran out the door!

    My living room floor looks like a local movie theater floor right now. Spills of popcorn and hot cocoa. Really, it’s kinda awesome. 🙂

    My FAVORITE part is when the parents come to get the kids and every single one of the kids says, “I don’t wanna leave here!”

    I’m officially the mom of that house where the Kool-Aid pitcher runs through the walls…

  32. Afternoon pan, just got the snow blower ready for the season. hope it ends up being all for not, but I’m sure living in Wisconsin i will end up needing it.

  33. /me contemplates the absolute reversal of the meaning of “snow blower” in Arizona as compared to Wisconsin.

    Kinda like the difference between in and out.

  34. So, I took my kids to a birthday party this afternoon for one of my son’s classmates. He’s turning 5. They provided lunch, bounce house, and a pinata.

    My kids are entirely partied out at this point.

    I, on the other hand, am going to an all girl grown-up sleepover with a hot tub, chick flicks, homemade enchiladas etc… and some grown-up beverages.

    This is my big night of relaxation in preparation for my return to the 40 hour-a-week work force in an office which starts Monday. Tonight will be made of win.

  35. Reaper – I think of a “water cooler” …maybe verrrrrry tangentally, a hookah type pipe. This time of the year it might also be one of those decorative tree lights that bubble.

  36. I am more curious about ths sentance though –
    “I think the worsted one around here unthaw though.”

    Are we supposed to rearrange the letters until it forms words that mean something to us? That’s always dangerous in the Deadpan Bar.

  37. in Wisconsin a bubbler is a drinking fountain. everytime I hear someone say it I think of the beverly hillbillies. Mostly the part about the bubbling crude.
    I like Cj’s idea!!!!

    but please UNthaw. so put it back in the freezer? I know I sound like a moron now and than but com on! maybe I should unchill my food before I eat it.

  38. Had a fun day yesterday. Dragged hubby to MA yesterday where we watched a second level black belt testing. This was followed by out year end party.

    Hubby (and myself to a certain extent admittedly) was a little freaked when they pulled out a real steak knife to attack the guy going for his SDBB. He asked why they don’t use a prop knife for testing. My reply “they don’t use a prop knife in real life”.

    I have seen them training and they do use a prop knife when first learning knife defenses.

    After watching this though, it’s kind of scary. Glad I won’t be at that point for a while 🙂

  39. Van, while when I originally started MA the idea was for hubby to join too. However, due to time constraints he didn’t start then. Now I honestly think that time has passed. I doubt he’s going to start now. He just has to be ok with the fact that I can now take him down anywhere, any time 😉

  40. Went to the stores myself today to let the kids spend their birthday monies. The little dude bought himself this: http://www.yogee.com.au/images/91346_OptimusPrime_A.jpg

    And my daughter bought these: http://www.entertainmentearth.com/images/%5CAUTOIMAGES%5CMTN5669Alg.jpg

    I bought myself 2 new shirts and a pair of shoes for work. I realize that almost all of my shoes are very casual and open-toed and I need closed toed shoes for the job. Thank goodness for gift cards and coupons so I spent hardly any money at alll.

  41. I put up Christmas lights outside today. I may miss the snow and cold as a concept, but putting the lights up in a short sleeve shirt without having to stop every 10 minutes to thaw out my hands is pretty sweet. I’ll even be willing to take them down this year because it doesn’t mean trying to set a ladder up on an inch of ice.

  42. I’m hoping Dan gets the decorations up one day this week outside. I will probably start on the inside deco some time this week. I’ll have to move furniture to put up the new tree.

  43. EB – I’ll take an invite to Google Wave if you still have one. I’ve been meaning to try it out. I’m at usedhair at google dot com. Thanks.

  44. At last, I have returned to the board to find….no Deadpan in my Itunes 🙁

    Guess I’ll be doing the end run around Itunes this week and getting it from the site.

    Glad to read that most of Deadpan had a good holiday…or random couple of days at least.

    We’ve pretty much finished our shopping and today I got the tree and house all lit up. So, now I can relax and enjoy the season. Well, at least I will when my wife gets back from her business trip. Not much relaxing going on here when it’s me taking care of the kids on my own.

    And now, after a full day of running about, it’s time to settle in for the evening.

  45. I don’t understand why, but the last 2 deadpans never showed up in my iTunes. 🙁 I don’t like when that happens because I sync up and run out the door and booooo no deadpan.

    booo I say. Booo.

  46. All I want for Christmas is a recording of Christopher Walken, giving a dramatic recitation of Rodgers and Hammerstein’s “My Favorite Things”.
    That would be so wonderfully creepy.

  47. I only recall Fudge Tunnel from Headbanger’s Ball vids, they kinda sailed right past me. Good riffage on that tune right there, though.

    And speaking of good riffage – loves me some “Round Midnight”. Goodnight, Monk.

    (Sorry about the iTunes frustrations, folks.)

  48. Works for me, Van 😉

    We’ve actually been quite lucky. We had a dusting of snow in late September, but otherwise the weather has been pretty nice. it was 8C yesterday (approx 45F) and is only suppose to get around the freezing mark today, despite the snow warnings.

  49. Okay, DP friends, I’m bringing the serious for a minute.

    Opinion question: Should I participate in a company benefit that would be a nice, but not necessary, protection for me & Sly B even if I have to fill out an affadavit that my heterosexual work-mates do not have to fill out? Basically, do I set my politics aside to take advantage of a nice fringe benefit for my family? Isn’t the personal supposed to be political?

    Also, TEB said “get off”. He he.

  50. Wow, tough call EssBee. It’s hard for me to give an opinion, not knowing all the facts, or the legislation on this issue where you live (is filling out a separate form even legal where you live?), and what the workplace situation would be if you did/didn’t participate.

    If it’s not something you really, really need, I’d be inclined to stick to my guns, but again, not knowing all the facts, that’s the best advice I could give…

  51. I agree with both of you, thanks!

    It’s optional life insurance for Sly B. It’s a nice opportunity to get a $25K policy on her without a medical exam, which doesn’t come along often. But as I said, it’s a nice thing to have, not a necessary one . . .

    It makes me really mad!

    Wolf, loved the episode, and LOVED the Harry Potter song.

  52. EssBee – just my 2 cents. If it protects you and/or a person you love, I’d take advantage of the benefit. You know who you are and how you feel about it, and as much as the people who come up with that extra crap part of it are idiot morons, you are still who you are no matter what paper you do or don’t fill out. It’s not going to change their way of doing it.

  53. Essbee – that is tough. I am trying to put it in perspective. How would I feel if my employer said “We are going to give the same benefits to you that we give to your coworkers … but you have to fill out this extra form because YOU have let it be known you are Catholic (I’m not BTW, I’m just trying to wrap my head around the issue).
    On the one hand, they are a private company and if they want to give an extra $1 a week payraise to anyone with red hair … that’s their option.

    On the other hand, if I dress the same as my coworkers and talk the same and eat the same food and produce the same amount of work and frankly … if you didn’t know any of us and just walked in and couldn’t TELL which of us were Catholic unless you ask … and yet, I was going to be treated differently by the boss because I let him know I was Catholic … I think I’d be more then a little annoyed.

    I suppose, it depends greatly as to what was on that form I had to sign but … taking the long view – if “non-traditional” families get coverage through these sort of “singled out” methods … and 10 years go by and companies have data that shows it is no different then covering the “traditional families” then all the extra paperwork will become silly, burdened overhead and it won’t make financial sense to single you out anymore.

    Someones gotta lead the way. Tag, your it.

  54. Good points, JOe and Cj.

    One additional point – my insurance policy for Sly B is different than my married co-workers in one way: I have to pay the premiums after taxes.

    This is a hard decision! I have 7 hours to make it . . .

  55. The form, btw, is simply an Affidavit of Domestic Partnership that basically details that we are domestic partners and that we understand the ramifications of lying about it.

  56. I have to agree with Cj, and J0e (does that mean I change my answer). Based on what you just said, the form sounds pretty innocuous. However, if you have to pay fees and your fellow co-workers don’t, even after agreeing to sign the form, then you are still being singled out, regardless of what you do.

  57. Also, EssBee, its my understanding that Colorado law would make you fill a similar form out if you were trying to obtain benefits for your partner even if heterosexual. I have a buddy (the dead can have buddies too!) who is trying to obtain benefits from his job for he and his girlfriend together as she is pregnant. They can do it, but they have to fill out that whole “common law partnership” form that married folks do not. I know this isnt the same thing and I’m not sure if the form you have to fill out is 100% predicated on your sexual preference, but I know so many companies and insurance dealerships (as I call them) have to cover thier asses every way possible and theyre gonna tag everyone for it unless youre a “traditional” married couple. And even then they still try and fuck you with a cattle prod. My thinking – it sounds like a decent benefit to have without too too much backbending on your part, so unless you really feel youre being slighted here – which is possible – I’d do it. Especially considering who the hell knows what the future will hold. You never know what our awesome society will cry foul on. This opportunity for you could be yanked away one day. Lo Pan forbid.

  58. EssBee: a $25K life insurance policy is nice, but not great. It certainly isn’t a good enough policy, but it sounds like you already have that covered. While the form sounds innocuous, I do object to the ramifications. Personally, I would probably refuse the offer while still making noise about being discriminated against. If the company required all domestic partnerships to sign the form, I would have less of a problem with it.

  59. Yes you have, ditto!

    EssBee, I don’t have much more to add, but Cj’s statement matched pretty closely to what I was thinking. Lo Pan also makes an excellent point about taking advantage now, in case some uber-conservative movement manages to take away the opportunity in the future. As long as the extra form’s content isn’t insulting, then get the extra benefits now, take jobsafe actions to get equal treatment in the future. One thing I’m not sure about: is it state/federal law causing this? Or is it just some unnecessary company policy, like an extra $1 for red-haired employees (do you think Rick Astley works there now?)?

  60. Great quote:

    “You do something because you love it, and you do it with everything you’ve got. And then you die. What you leave behind doesn’t matter. How much money you make doesn’t matter. What people think of you doesn’t matter. The only thing that matters is how you spend every fucking day of your life, how you feel about yourself — and not in the narcissistic, egotistical way. It doesn’t matter how I’m remembered, because I’ll remember everything myself.”
    – Ralph Bakshi

  61. Essbee – If that is all the form is then IMHO your coworkers with “traditional marriages” have in fact filled one out in the form of a signed marriage While I doubt they had to bring that document in and show it to HR as proof of relationship … I’s bet they did check a box on a form that said they were married … and providing incorrect info there could be cause for termination or legal action from an insurance company.
    So yeah, once again IMHO your affidavit is like a marriage license.

    Now, the whole “not giving you the same financial consideration as your coworkers” is a different story COMPLETELY! I should think you could bring that up when it comes to talk of equal compensation.

  62. *drastic subject change*

    Read the first chapter of “Super Freakonomics”.
    The data indicates that you are more likely to be killed while walking home drunk from a party then driving home drunk. Still not safe to drive in that condition … but getting a cab seems the best option.

  63. Very interesting list, Jack. I’ve read most of those titles, and have heard very good things about Magic for Beginners — I believe that’s short stories.

    Waitin’ on the corner in Winslow, Arizona nickin’ Van’s table when he couldn’t see see see.

  64. I was ok with Jonathan Strange… but I didn’t find it quite worth the noteriety it received. Of course, I felt the same way about The Davinci Code. Both received a “meh” but still worth reading, I guess

  65. *While Van is showing his Castle Frenzy to JB and TEB, JAJ quietly gets up from his corner booth and moves Van’s table away. Again. JAJthen sits back down and resumes sipping beer and wistfully staring out the window. *

  66. Shoe fu:
    1 pair 20 hole Docs, three pairs (varying stages of despair) Magnum Stealth boots, 1 pair (detested) Sketcher safety toe shoes, and a pair of slip ons that I wear as slippers around the house because I almost never go without shoes.

    I have a pair of knee high buckle boots that I should either clean or toss. A pet ate one of the straps and I put them in the basement where an animal (mouse? cat? squirrel?) died in them and now I am grossed out by them but they were an expensive gift so… yeah.

  67. Nomad, you were missed.

    Do you know what is hard?
    I’m going to tell you.

    It’s hard to sit in a chair all day in front of a computer with internet access while not being allowed to surf the web.


  68. Hey Jack!

    My wedding, from June. Had to wear something respectable. I mean, I even got my parents to come to this one! Ha.

    Also *pat pat pat* Jack should stick to yummy vanillia ice cream for happyness. Just don’t be like me. Have some self control. =)

  69. Dan Shaurette and Nomad return on the same evening! Is it a coup?

    Wow, if only a young Hasselhoff could have been given a role in that film with Adam West and Shatner. . . .

    Good Knight, Rider.

  70. Hamster Hotel. *rolls eyes* Because there is nothing I have ever wanted in my life more than the freedom to constantly drop pellets as I trundle along before being cruelty flung into the air because some giant wants to smash me with their thumbs.

  71. Oh, while I was supposedly writing for NaNo, I accidentally watched an episode of Glee.

    I was riveted. It was horrible, fascinating, and awesome. I don’t think I could watch if anyone else was around.

  72. a deus-ex-machina descends at the end of every act to bestow peace and harmony, except the deus forgot to put on pants and everyone’s just standing around going “uhhhh…” and then the lights go out and the scene changes.


  73. Lo Pan imagines this headache (read:hangover) that Lo Pan feels would be similar to what it would feel like watching West/Shatner together. Thats glorious and painful all at once.

  74. On holiday so there will be no bleh from me 🙂

    at the cinema waiting for ‘Bunny and the Bull’ to start…from the guys behind The Mighty Boosh…which probably mean nothing to most if not all of deadpanites.

  75. Ed – the Christmas lights? Yeah, I saw them up on Walgreens before Halloween and full lawn decorations lit on houses the week after Halloween.

    I love the lights, but that’s ridiculous. If I can’t celebrate my birthday for two whole months, no one else can either.

  76. Out of curiosity… for those that write code, what’s your favorite language? Currently, mine is Python though I rarely have an opportunity to use it.

  77. As a wannabe coder, in the most pejorative sense, I heart PHP. My only exposure to Python was with a wretched training manual, so I can’t speak to that one.

    Java and her zealots can all go die. *stakes them all*

  78. Good morning.

    I will work on some spreadsheets tomorrow morning. This morning I had to go buy groceries and ran out of time. I now have to shower and go to work.

    See you all later!

  79. Jack: Kewl! I’ll check it out!

    TEB: lmao

    Nomad: I don’t tend to do web development, so I’m only passingly familiar with PHP. I also hate zealots.

  80. I got my first Christmas card in today’s mail. I haven’t even bought my cards yet. While I do the Christmas card thing, I still think it’s a little early. I mean, for me to get the card on December first means it had to have been sent in November. Much too early in my mind.

  81. We don’t do Christmas cards. Well maybe 4 or 5. I don’t bother with most of my family because they don’t care for me or my wife much. We don’t let some members of the family bully us like the rest of the family does, we also won’t sit by while other members of the family are bullied. I would be I get at least 30 of them but none yet this year.
    I like getting them at work though. often enough it is actually a package of cookies or something like that. being in a high spending low staffed department has advantages sometimes.

  82. I always do the Christmas card thing. Chances are, if I have your address, you’ll get a card.

    I also like to decorate my house and do lots of baking at Christmas. It may be silly, but I guess it’s the little girl in me.

    Although, I do have a friend who makes me come up with a specific date for baking and decorating because she too enjoys it so much she comes over and we create Christmas Joy together 😉

  83. TEB may appreciate the following bit from the Thog’s Masterclass in thelatest Ansible:

    Dept of Geography: The War on Canada. ‘To relieve even more of the population stress, the United States had invaded the much smaller country.’ (Junius Podrug, Feathered Serpent 2012, 2010)

  84. Wolf, weren’t you paying attention? The reason for Canada is because of all that wide open space to get a really good chase 😉

  85. Good afternoon, Pans and Panitas! (?)

    I return from the land of Tuscon Turkeys and Really Mucking Busy Workplaces, just for y’all.

    RE: Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory VS. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
    1.) Gene Wilder successfully pulled off Willy Wonka, and will live in my mind as the better portrayal. Intelligent Dementia come alive.
    2.) Oompa Loompa Doopity Doo
    3.) I wouldn’t trade having seen the Burning animatronic “Small-world” scene for all the tea in China. That was AWESOME.
    4.) Daddy! I want a SQIRrel!

    RE: “Bubbler”
    When I hear the word, I think “Drinking Fountain”. This is largely due to the fact that my mother is from Minnesota, and I lived there for five years. I also think that regional dialects, and location specific vocabulary are cool. (This will be a long nipple)

    TEB: RE: Cable People – Give them a break. Start low, go for the shins…

    EssBee: If it’s a perk your company offers and you qualify for said perk, I say go for it. It’s their policy/program, take advantage of it. (He says this with the full knowledge that he does not follow his own advice.)

    For the Record: I do not use iTunes to download Deadpan. I have not had a problem with iTunes downloading Deadpan for that reason.

    Yet another record: My in-laws gave me an iPod Shuffle for my birthday (they’re early, but I get to play with it now!). This thing is barely larger than a thumbdrive, and carries 4Gigs of stuff. Sort of simple operation though. It’d be great for taking on an airplane.

    Not your average human

    And with that, I’m all caught up!

    Time to go home.

  86. justa J0e, not sure we have only been to one competition so far and everyone was fine. at least at the games the cheer leaders can loose so you don’t parents yelling at their kids.

  87. No Yelling at Harold
    turns out my daughter has to be there @6 and the bumpers start at 7:30. i think we will wait till closer to the time the games starts to go.

  88. BLC Hint Night (Band Hometown & Album Release Date)

    1) Essex, England & Chicago, IL June 23, 1998
    2) Reaper got this one
    3) Brooklyn, NY July 13, 2004

  89. mmmmm win pie
    mmmmm win beer
    2 great tastes that taste great together
    BTW no cheer parents stormed the court.
    i would prefer they cheer for the high schools hockey team

  90. Essbee,

    RE: Life Insurance – I’ll steer clear of any socio-political aspects and stick to the economics. I’ve been looking at additional life insurance for myself of late, so I’ve been doing a bit of research. You may want to look at what is available in the open market for life insurance, especially if you want a term policy. Particularly since you are going to be using after tax dollars either way, there may not be much economic advantage to taking what your company is offering.

  91. reaper said:
    “I know chicken and rice is kinda bland to begin with so why can’t the microwave just leave my flavor in there.”

    Lo Pan said:
    “Nuke it once, nuke it twice?”

    Heeheehee! I get it! 🙂 And I, too, got why “NYAH!” got “Orinoco Flow” stuck in your head. 🙂

    JB, TEB: That’s correct. I’m assigning names this Saturday, probably in the evening.

  92. *waves at Jack* Hi Jack nice to… oh well, goodnight then.

    nomad: more sane is good. depending on how much stress driving the monkey on your back, more booze may be better. Are you listening to old shows, or reading over past comments for the month?

  93. “The Worst Decade Ever”? Thats more than a bit of an overstatement imo. There’s been plenty of bad things thise decade, but I’m thinking the 1930’s were much worse from the viewpoint of american history,and world history.

  94. More sane is good. Except that in some way the not-so-sane was walking, hand in hand, with the NaNo pressures. So I feel like I have a brain inside my skull again, which is nice, but I worry that it means my new habits are going to go away.

    (Catching up on both, actually. I didn’t realize my ‘catcher didn’t grab two of the three last episodes.)

  95. Ah, I hate it when my catcher misses a ‘cast. As for comment I have to admit I wimp out and write off comments on all shows before the most recent posted.

    As for stress and habits I’m afraid I can’t offer too much advice beyond the vague “pace yourself, and let yourself have a break to relieve stress.”

  96. I like the fact that the Time bit is just over the top in how baldly it overstates their opinions. Kind of like they don’t care.

    And after looking through all ten items, I can almost see where they are coming from. I’m absolutely no historian, but I can’t think of a time when our perception of ourselves as heroes of freedom has been more tarnished. We’ve gone from being the egotistical paladins to the bloated TV preacher boinking boys on the side.

    We are Rome and Nero is coming.

  97. Hmm, an interesting viewpoint, I guess part of my disaffection with the article is the feeling that they are trying to say “Look! aren’t you still shocked and offended by THIS! And if your not then you are an inhuman, unamerican conservative!”

    But then I was never very shocked over any event, surprised yes, but not shocked. And very saddened by several. But then I guess I’m above average on my grasp of history.

  98. Cj – I did black friday a few years back. I wasn’t hard core enough (meaning I got in line for the store to open 3 hours early, instead of 10 hours early) and missed all the super deals. It wasn’t an experience worth repeating.

  99. Nomad: Nothing of importance. And oreos are made of win, so sayeth the lost.

    CJ: I think I’m more scared of your daughter’s toys than your sons. It’s the heads, anything with that big of a cranium cant be trusted.

  100. Congratulations to all those who completed NanoWriMo. You are far far braver than me. CJ I hope your first week at work has been going well.

    Nomad: It is a pain being the goto fixer. Although kinda nice for the ego.

  101. Movie update: B5 movie is over, and since fatigue is creeping up on me, and alcohol :), now on to something less cerebral. Matrix: Revolutions, pretty explosions and enjoyable explosions. I’ll continue with deadpan during the garbage dialogue.

  102. well the war is over so time for me to sleep good nap mush. And remember nomad they cant break the computers if you unplug them 🙂

  103. Was that really a TIME article? Felt more like something the Huffington Post would have dreamed up as I read through it. It’s almost insulting that Time expects people to have such a shallow feeling of history as to eat something like that up.

    Glad to see other Deadpans getting a more skeptical vibe. Seriously, this decade vs. the 1930’s? vs. the 1850’s?

    Besides, this is the decade that saw the rise of Deadpan. That pretty much automatically disqualifies it from nomination for worst decade 🙂

  104. Thanks, Ed.

    I did decide to buy the Evil, Inc. policy for Sly B since we didn’t have to undergo a medical exam. I’m still really disgusted by the entire exercise, and blogging about it a bit (more to come on that).

    It’s snowing in Longmont, and I dread the slide into work. Lo Pan, how’s the snow in your dimension?

  105. I was going to ask a serious question and then realized that I was asking for a serious response. I thought about what that meant and decided I didn’t want to do that.


    Besides the whole walkies thing, is there any actual reason for an intelligent person to prefer a dog to a cat?

  106. We can pretty much agree that stress shortens life span, yes? And maybe lack of stress could lengthen life span? I know I’m reaching, but wouldn’t that explain why staring at boobs would prolong life? Take away the stress of fighting against doing what comes naturally….

    Like killing people so you can eat their beef.

  107. NS, “…picture that has obviously been clicked to many time.” I never though it was possible for a web site to have ware marks but if you look close…

  108. Lo Pan can use his darkest magic to make we all forget this decade ever happened. Thats assuming Lo Pan didnt use his darkest magic to CAUSE this decade to happen

    *old man laughter*

  109. Urp.
    Nomad, I can see why that artical would have you reaching for the Tums. All fluff, no substance. It was like a version of the article I read … only dumbed down for the ADD, post-music video MTV generation!

  110. For me, iTunes stopped catching new episodes after “Really Big Unshow.” I’ve been downloading them manually.

    Nomad Scry: According to someone over at the NaNoWriMo discussion boards, every time you begin a new paragraph with a quotation mark, OpenOffice Writer counts the quotation mark as a word. I don’t know who thought of that, but it was very annoying because NaNoWriMo’s word counter script, of course, doesn’t count them. I had to write well over 51,000 OpenOffice words to get the certificate.

    Also, here at the Deadpan, BFP = Boob Face Plant.

    Lo Pan: Thank you! 🙂

  111. I’ve mostly lost the ability to focus.

    Ralph, thank you for the job well wishes.

    I wish I had more to say, but honestly looking at a computer screen for 8.5 hours each day has me avoiding my screen at home. I did read all the comments, but I haven’t the energy to uhm.. ya know.. what’s that word?

    I gotta go back to my daughter’s school now.. it’s volunteering day, then gotta pick up my son from school, then off to work I go again. Then when I get home at 9pm tonight I get to write my weekly show and start on spreadsheets.

    /me collapses into a heap of burning eyeballs.

  112. Ed: I agree about the Time article. Still, media tends to be rather myopic about history and it isn’t anything new. Some articles in the past are hilarious. It has been a tumultuous decade but worst ever is an enormous stretch.

  113. Cj: “but honestly looking at a computer screen for 8.5 hours each day has me avoiding my screen at home”
    I agree. There is only so much the mind can take. But I do try and come back here as often as I can.

  114. I think I caught up on the comments. You guys were busy. Just two things,

    Cats: 1) Don’t have to walk in -30 weather: 2) Easier to clean up after (no cleaning the yard or teaching them to go on a paper) 3) they tend not to slobber on you. 4) generally lower maintenance, especially if you spend the day away at work or something like that. 4) purrs are good for the soul

    That’s not to say I don’t like dogs. I’ve had and am perfectly happy around dogs. I’m just more of a cat person.

    The other thing I picked up on…

    Did Cj say she wanted to see me suck on a lollipop?

  115. Amy – That’s ridiculous (if true.) That would have added a huge amount of fake words to my count, since I seem to have primarily written brief dialog exchanges. I ended up doing the majority of my work first in AbiWord and then finishing the later half of the month in Google Docs. The final word counts between gDocs and the NaNo evaluator were within 100 words of each other.

  116. Wolf said BFP was but I thought he was pulling my leg.

    Does a BFP require a partner? Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Boob is good, but face plant is bad and together they are…?

  117. So far, out of the best worst movies, I’ve only seen Butterfly Effect. Though, in my own defense, I was getting ready for work and didn’t actually watch the whole thing. Also, I cannot seem to differentiate between that and the also amazingly craptastic 23. Which means that in my mind, Jim Carrey is Ashton Kutcher. o.O

    Now onto the second page…

  118. So, it is that time of year for us to share favorites. Or not, if you wish. So, to start things off: What was your favorite book that you read this year, and why? It can be anything; novel, manga, podiobook, whatever. But you had to read it this year. And no top X lists. Think about it a bit and pick your favorite if you can.

  119. in the plant today part of the floor was scrubbed and it looks almost brand new. for about 20 minutes till a forklift drove over it again. Guess they must have used a rubber solvent (hehe)

    *singing* I don’t want to grow up I’m a…

  120. And on the second page, I’ve only seen The Happening. I like Wahlberg. I hated the movie. I wrote a “scathing” review of it on epinions. (*ding*) I can’t even remember why I hated it, but I’m getting angry trying to remember. So I won’t.

    I hated Crossroads because the title is too similiar to a little know movie called Crossworlds. (I think. I should get up and double check the title.)

    I hated Battlefied Earth as a book when I read it as a teenager, just because it was the longest book I had ever seen. I did lots of stupid things then.

    I actually enjoyed DreamCatcher as a book, though I was thoroughly disgusted and am now timid around other works by King. I decided I didn’t want to see the movie because of the squickness.


  121. ditto: My favourite book I read this year was Pillars of the Earth by Ken Follett.

    It’s not genre, with is unusual for me. Actually, this book was tough to read. Without going into spoiler territory, Mr. Follett kept throwing bad things at the main characters. At one point I asked my husband (who read it first and recommended it) if it was going to get better/happier – the answer was sort of/maybe. Which is correct. While not a happy, cheery book, it was definitely a good book in my mind.

    The worst book I’ve read (so far) was Anathem by Neal Stephenson. That book I found to be quite a slog. Although I’m currently reading Witches of Eastwick by John Updike and having to really push myself to finish is.

  122. Joe: I like that idea! I’m not sure the number I have is right since the messages I’ve left don’t seem to be making it to Jack, though it has been a while since I called.

  123. Hm. Finished first epi of Reise and … I think I’m done. 9 minutes to show a wounded fighting chick with a wolf companion who is being tracked by a clockwork golem and… the end.

    Pretty trees though.

  124. TEB: Thanks. And I like the addition of worst.

    My favorite was really hard since it was a toss-up between a graphic novel, a non-fiction book, and a genre book. The genre won out but just barely.

    My favorite was “Santa Olivia” by Jacqueline Carey. This is a stand-alone book that is completely different from her Kushiel series. “Santa Olivia” is about a town that has been forgotten, as it was trapped between walls constructed to keep dangerous elements of Mexico out of the US. The town is also occupied by the US Army. The hero is a young girl whose father was a genetically modified soldier. In some ways, it is a typical coming-of-age story, however, the major twist is that boxing plays a primary role. It was shocking that Carey made me care about boxing. I think that’s why it stood out compared to the other two books and wins as my favorite.

    The worst book was “What-the-Dickens” by Gregory McGuire. I hated everything about this book and that is exceptionally rare. I couldn’t even get through it, so I resorted to scanning the rest to see if there were any redeeming qualities. There weren’t.

  125. I think a BFP simply requires B and F, I would recommend two people, or three. Whatevs.

    Best book I read this year: Inherent Vice – Thomas Pynchon (non-genre)

    Worst book I read this year: Anne Rice’s Jesus Book. I didn’t technically read it, so much as scanned 20 pages, barfed, and tossed it in the trade-in pile.

  126. So the TIME article is basically saying “Fuck 2000 thru 2009?” Yeah, I mostly agree.

    And I’d say that the 2000s appear to have been more damaging to the U.S. than the 1930s — although, as Ed points out, the 1850s were probably the most devastating.

  127. Thats why Lo Pan once whispered the word “Isolationism” into Woodrow Wilson’s ear. He blew the whole thing!!!!!!!! Had Woody heeded Lo Pan’s advice this country would have statues to Lo Pan in every square and pavillion.

  128. Generally I like Neal Stephenson too, but this book was tough. He could have easily cut a third of the book without killing the story. My husband read it after I did and very much agreed. In fact, the only reason he finished it was because it was up for a Hugo and he read all the Hugo nominees. There are some good parts to it, but it’s tough going to get to them.

    That being said however, I have found, in reading reviews, that you either love this book or hate it. There seems to be very little in between.

  129. I enjoyed Assassin’s creed 1 and have pre-ordered AC 2 on PC, although it’s not supposed to come out until sometime in January 🙁 Damn console users get their game first. 👿

  130. I like Neal’s earlier works best. The tomes he has taken to writing have put me off a bit. It is like he gets a bit carried away with his ideas since he focuses on ideas and not characters. Some people really enjoy that, put I much prefer character-driven books.

  131. CP: Scott Siglers Laughing in the face of Death.
    I love the line “Every family has an idiot. If you don’t know anyone in your family who is an idiot, than guess what it’s you”

  132. The plant floor scrubber just when by our door and I think I figured out has rubber solvent it uses. Alcohol. It has to be. It works so well on wallets…