Posted on September 24, 2008 Shows Jack Mangan's Deadpan #106: Three Stories http://jackmangan.com/show-files/JM_Deadpan_Ep106.mp3Podcast: Play in new window | Download
508 thoughts on “Jack Mangan's Deadpan #106: Three Stories”
Disclaimer: I’m not actually calling anyone a nerd in this episode. 🙂
Next comment is real firsties.
Not a nerd? How insulting…
DP the Third.
An early DP….
/faints in shock
It’s not a conspiracy but a conjuring trick.
Just looking at the writeup makes me feel sad:
Latest to the latest DP at high speed, TEB and Essbee sound very cute at such a high pitch.
I think I’ll have a six.
Well a busy day of leisure ahead, off to see Righteous Kill at the cinema and then this guy in concert:
Eight is enough.
Morning! It is my Friday! yeah…
now to disappear.
TEB sounds adorable at normal speed when she records lines for Questors, IMHO.
Morning, Pan! Must run errands this morning before work.
Unrelated (to the above) Thought: Yesterday, I made my very first commute in my new car. I really need one of those radio-transmitter iPod accessories. Now, I finally have an opportunity to catch up on all the awesome podcasts I’m behind on.
YOU’VE BEEN CLIFFHANGERED!!!!
Brilliant editing decision there, Jack. That was the perfect place to cut Questors #2 in half. 🙂
Sunny but cold today.
Wow. I really like the bar story JB.
lmao. Contents of Al Capone’s vault.
Yes, cheers to JB, Amy and all the guest voices. It was a treat to listen to DP on the drive in.
Rhettro: Looks like you got past the witch.
And cheers to ditto, I made it past Matriarch Benezia. I could tell that
Marina Sirtis did the voice work for her. LOL
Yep. She’s got a great voice for being bad. 🙂
Nice Episode Jack and the Jackettes.
Righteous Kill – a mediocre film saved somewhat by the last 15 minutes.
Can blokes be ettes?
Just heard the episode. I forgot that I slept at the foot of Amy’s bed. Does this say something about me or Amy?
TEB – Do you have a foot fetish? or maybe Amy just wants bunny slippers…
Fur slippers, that way lead to madness Wolf.
Think I’m going to pass on the new Knight Rider.
I’m not interested in giving the new Knight Rider a chance. 🙂
While the pilot showed a slight bit of promise, I, too will be passing on Knight Rider. I don’t spend as much time in front of the TV as I used to – much more on the computer. So, I have become pretty choosy about what I watch.
And, it was indeed a fine episode this week. Both stories are coming along nicely
I ended up watching the first pilot of Knight Rider because there wasn’t anything else on, and based on the lameness of that, I won’t be watching anymore reboots. Sorry Michael K.
My wife loves to watch television, so by default I end up watching more than I would normally. But with the DVR it makes it possible to stay current with a lot more shows. My wife and son are going to be out on a trip this weekend so I will be spending time with my daughter at the park during the day and playing Mass Effect on the 360 at night.
Listening to the episode now.
Van – swoon! You should read more anything.
Yes, more Van readings. Hell I need to contribute something soon.
CP: Notice Me — Taxi Doll
CP: Anticamere — Table
CP: Three Hits — Indigo Girls
Now heading into conference call hell…
CP: Coverville #509
So many versions of Stairway to heaven so little time…
This should be an interesting experiment for Good Magazine:
Thanks for the kind words about the episode, everyone. And thanks Amy. I thought that would definitely be the most agonizing cut point 😉
marlodianne, you were either up really late or really early.
These links are mainly for Jack.
There’s this guy over at the Six String Bliss forums that posts Youtube videos of his guitar playing. It’s pretty interesting what he can create using a simple loop machine and an acoustic guitar.
Really late, Jack.
I didn’t turn off the comp until after 5am, and even then I couldn’t sleep. Most of the time, the pain makes it really hard. The rest of the time, the pain and the anxiety make it flippin impossible.
Captain Jack Sparrow has signed his contract. We’re getting more pirates. Yea!!! Wait. I mean, Arrrrrrr!
Irony note: I almost had my surgery moved up, but I was sleeping when the call came in.
So, 130 days wait for me….
CP: Bittersweet — Fuel
CP: A Passage To Bangkok — Rush
CP: Moonage Daydream – David Bowie
Does anyone actually dislike Bowie?
I find this very funny:
Q. Why did the semantic web cross the road?
A. @#$% you.
Jack: My Spousal Unit hates Bowie.
Since Bowie is my absolute favourite, the S.U. claims to be exposed to a large amount of unwarranted torture.
I insist the retaliation of bad 80s metal and pseudo-teen slut pop more than evens it out.
Oddly, we do agree that Freddie Mercury is the greatest vocalist that ever lived.
ditto: that is hilarious!
Don’t let me hear you say life’s
taking you no where
Lets hope they have a good hunt round for a decent plot for the next POTC movie.
Gig was good, JD is an excellent slide guitar player.
Streets of London – Ralph McTell
Have you seen the old man
In the closed-down market
Kicking up the paper,
with his worn out shoes?
In his eyes you see no pride
And held loosely at his side
Yesterday’s paper telling yesterday’s news
So how can you tell me you’re lonely,
And say for you that the sun don’t shine?
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
I’ll show you something to make you change your mind
Have you seen the old girl
Who walks the streets of London
Dirt in her hair and her clothes in rags?
She’s no time for talking,
She just keeps right on walking
Carrying her home in two carrier bags.
So how can you tell me you’re lonely,
And say for you that the sun don’t shine?
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
I’ll show you something to make you change your mind
In the all night cafe
At a quarter past eleven,
Same old man is sitting there on his own
Looking at the world
Over the rim of his tea-cup,
Each tea last an hour
Then he wanders home alone
So how can you tell me you’re lonely,
And say for you that the sun don’t shine?
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
I’ll show you something to make you change your mind
And have you seen the old man
Outside the seaman’s mission
Memory fading with
The medal ribbons that he wears.
In our winter city,
The rain cries a little pity
For one more forgotten hero
And a world that doesn’t care
So how can you tell me you’re lonely,
And say for you that the sun don’t shine?
Let me take you by the hand and lead you through the streets of London
I’ll show you something to make you change your mind
For dinner tonight: Bierocks
CP: Queen & David Bowie – Under Pressure
I have to admit, I like Bowie, even his cheesy stuff, even Tin Machine.
CP: Matthew Good – In A World Called Catastrophe
CP: David Bowie – I’m Afraid of Americans
CP: My Chemical Romance – Teenagers
I recently watched the Classic Albums: Making of A Night at the Opera dvd. Fascinating. I guess it’s no surprise that “Bohemian Rhapsody” was entirely Freddy Mercury’s baby.
Love that semantic joke, ditto.
Can I get a meh?
Meh for Jack.
CW: World Series of Poker
A round of Meh! on the house.
After living through it and seeing the effects of businesses making no money for weeks because they can’t open, I believe in this one even more than before:
And, when I say believe, I mean that I believe Bastiat’s view.
I love this!
CP: Cleaning Apartment — Clint Mansell & Kronos Quartet
Requiem for a Dream Soundtrack
I don’t have that, Ditto, but I do have the “Requiem Remix” album…
CP: Gin Blossoms – As Long As It Matters
CP: Ugly — Violent Femmes
JB: What’s that like?
Yea me! I met a crazed deadline and sold more artwork.
Morning Pan, congratulations marlodianne, the weather report is good and today I may reach my Vitamin D requirements without pills…
Today’s retro game is Farmer Jack-Treasure Trove:
Well retro in that it’s written for old hardware even though the game itself is new. A pacman clone with a twist of strategy.
You can learn something from the French after all:
Ditto- Pretty good, some creative mixes in there, though many lean more club, bigger beats, etc.
Why does one wake up with a headache. meh
congrats on the art sale marlodianne.
Van – this is scary as well.
Way to go marlo!
Couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy: Jack Tompson disbarred!
I read that yesterday ditto. Pretty interesting.
Yep. The system works, slowly, but it works.
Gah! Software sucks.
Crap joke warning:
How many software developers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, it’s a hardware problem.
The Reps are on TV right now trying to paint the bailout (which was conceived and ask for by the administration) as a Democrat plan which they are trying to protect us from.
I must admit I kinda admire the alternative crackpot scheme, which was instead of giving 700 Billion to the failing banks, give 400,000 dollars to every adult over 18 years of age. But like most crackpots, their math sucked. It’s closer to 4,000 dollars. LOL
I liked the idea that included putting the Bank executives who approved the purchase of all that “bad paper” on a U.S. Tour. Putting them in public squares in stocks and letting taxpayers tell them exactly what they think of their greed.
I can tie in 2 of this morning’s topics: the deuchebag lawyer and hte deuchebags who drove us into this problem.
In both cases, the evildoers will face zero consequences. In both cases, the evildoers end up stupidly wealthy as a reward for their sleaze. Even if any of the bank criminals do a Martha Stewart term in Club Fed, they will still be stinking rich when all of this is done.
Wow, Jack, that’s uplifting.
Conference call hell = where I currently am.
Conference call hell = where I soon will be.
Sorry for the downer 🙂
But really, I don’t have time to post comments or do debates or make Letterman appearances because of the economic crisis.
Well you could always sell one of your spare houses. At least McCain has that option. 😉
The rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
You know, what really galls me about this is that efforts to put any kind of punitive measure, such as compensation limits on the execs who screwed these banks up in the first place, are being resisted by Paulson and Bernake. They say if the government ties the bailout to such conditions, the banks wouldn’t participate.
Which leaves me to wonder – WHERE THE FUCK ELSE THEY GONNA GO? Do they think they stand a better chance going bankrupt and facing lawsuits and probably lynch mobs?
One thing I try to instill in my kids is that actions, even accidents, have consequences. For these asshats who’ve been paid millions for their supposed big brains to have the gall to do anything other than grovel for mercy is truly amazing.
Because of the financial crisis, Ed and JOe have suspended deadpan.
Just gimme a sec so I an find my hammer and sickle…
Just to be certain everyone understands …
These “compensation limits” they are talking about aren’t for every corporation out there … it is ONLY for the companies that the government will be giving this cash to.
They are saying … we agree to buy all of these worthless assets from you to give you some cash to do business with … but in turn, you can’t use that money we just provided you with to give yourselves multi-million dollar bonuses.
Does that sound so unreasonable? I THINK NOT!!!!!
Ed: totally agree.
On a more trivial note, the coward’s wet shaver:
Which I’m finding works rather well.
Essbee – .. we’ll have to be careful, last thing we want is a government take over of the Deadpan.
If you suddenly see a corporate logo appear at the top corner of the page then you know it has happened.
Have we now passed into a world where the megacorps call the shots?
It seems so at times.
JOe, I’m not advocating a bailout of The Deadpan. I was more noting a suspension of tone, and enjoying it!
(This nipple has been sponsored by Vivendi Inc.)
(Before reading Rhettro’s comment, why not enjoy a refreshing PEPSI?
Yes PEPSI the taste that won over internet slackers the world over.)TM
I’m in full agreement Ed.
Greed Spirit. Too true!
This post brought to you by SkyNet ™: Pay no attention to the robots. We are here to help.
Superscript…now that is just showing off.
The comment brought to you by Apple Corp.
Please transfer 1000 dollars for the 3.1 reality upgrade.
Thanks all. 🙂
And I am totally enjoying this reasonable rage.
Now, if only you weren’t the minority…
I wish this would happen but only in my dreams:
There should be a law that any time the company asks for massive bailout it immediately nullify his any golden parachute contract. Any departing CEO or or other such executive only gets the pension and benefits package of someone that makes just $100,000. No multimillion dollar golden parachute with extra stock options. A like them to all have job retraining classes at a local community college. This would accomplish two things.
1. Corporations will be less likely to bother the American people to fix their mistakes.
2. The overall cost of these bailouts would drop dramatically.
Why should I be debt, individually, a few thousand dollars to make sure some one that screwed up doing their job gets the live more comfortably than I ever will in my life.
I’ve been mulling a Deadpan rant about our robot overlords.
I, for one, look forward to their take-over.
Beef. It’s what’s for dinner.
Good points all around. I forgot the reason I came by here:
The song starts about 47 seconds in…
Companies shouldn’t be bailed out, they should be bought, period.
Being under new management, they require new management, so the execs get the boot. Unless you’re Uwe Boll, you don’t profit from failure, especially if someone else is going hungry, so they don’t get to walk out with a paperweight, let alone a buck.
Why is this considered complicated?
Looking at the comments on boingboing, that’s the second time I’ve seen the 85 billion divided among 200 million Americans. Sadly, our education system has degenerated to the point that it doesn’t strike most people as strange that it would be $245K/person instead of the $245 that it actually is. Fortunately, there are still a few with some number sense.
Still, what was it, $300/taxpayer for the “stimulus package” that came down a few months ago? 700 billion into 200 million is $3500 in cost per taxpayer. I’m sure I could do a lot better with an extra 7 grand in my account rather than some Wall Street guy who just fell off the FAIL train.
Ed, fell off? Wasn’t he the one the driving the train? And into the rest of us?
For Watchmen geeks:
I think I just stumbled into moderation hell. Ugh.
And marlodianne’s watchmen post is free!!
I must insist that you watch the Youtube video I posted earlier, if you have not yet.
And while you’re at it — This is interesting for US residents: http://www.electiontaxes.com/
Accurate? No idea. I’d pay quite a bit less under Obama, according to their algorithm.
CP: 1000 Words — Scroobius Pip
Getting ready for a new museum tour tomorrow. Lots of writing to do…
CP: H O O P S Yes! — Polyphonic Spree
CP: Headlines — One Be Lo
Anyone remember that headache I woke up with this morning?
(scan back a bunch of comments)
Still got it and it has been a bitch.
jj: sorry to hear that.
CP: Rings — Toad The Wet Sprocket
Ryah and WNDRWolf, re: bunny slippers: LOL!!! The truth about that detail is much more prosaic than that, I’m afraid. Ryah’s a rabbit, so I didn’t think she would need a whole bedroom to herself.
JohnBoze: I, too, really enjoyed the story you contributed to Deadpan #106.
CP: Running Up That Hill — Placebo
I prefer the original, but this one is pretty good.
Stay on target…
CP: Send Me a Sign – Gamma Ray – unplugged version.
Actually this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9HKsvHgs8Q
send me a sign – caffeinated version.
CW: Mistake – HorrorPops
CW: Where You Can’t Follow = HorrorPops
CL” Balrog Boogie – Diablo Swing Orchestra
CL: Wedding March for a Bullet – Diablo Swing Orchestra
CL: Ragdoll Physics – Diablo Swing Orchestra
CW: Summernight City – Therion
CW: The Rise of Sodom and Gommorah – Therion
Night ditto. 🙂
CW: Heaven’s a Lie – Lucuna Coil
CW: The Game – Lacuna Coil
CW: The DVD trailer for “The Year of the Yoyager” – Nevermore
Yes it gave me chills, yes I will be buying. 🙂
“To see the last survivor fall
To see their bastards sons against the wall
To see the emptiness as we decay
I see the world is dead,I am betrayed
Dead heart in a dead world”
Morning Pan, last work day before a weeks holiday (yah!), but it’s going to be a bitch cos the weather is going to be good.
Okay in an effort to reach that nipple total this week, some lightbulb jokes:
Q: How many thought police does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None…. There never *was* any light bulb, don’t you remember?
Q: How many Marxists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None: The light bulb contains the seeds of its own revolution.
Q: How many nuclear engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Seven: One to install the new bulb, and six to figure what to do with
the old one for the next 10,000 years.
Q: How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it almost all the way in and the other to give it
a surprising twist at the end.
Q: How many existentialists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two: One to screw it in and one to observe how the light bulb itself
symbolizes a single incandescent beacon of subjective reality in
a netherworld of endless absurdity reaching out toward a cosmos of
CW: Tear’s Don’t Fall – Bullet for my Valentine
Morning? I was thinking of going to bed. LOL
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One. Only ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don’t even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the
dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn’t be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact
that they’ve been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT’S A WONDER WE HAVEN’T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS… I’m sorry…what did
you ask me?
Q: How many shipping department personnel does it take to change a light
A: We can change the light bulb in seven to ten working days, but if you
call before 2 p.m. and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed
Q. How many historians does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. I dunno – not my period.
Q: How many singer-songwriters does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: One. They hold the bulb and the world revolves around them.
CW: Debonair – Afghan Whigs
Q: How many senior Presidential Aides does it take to change a light
A: None. They’re supposed to keep the President in the dark.
A’ : One: to award a billion dollar sole-source contract with
Halliburton to replace it.
A”: thirty-eight: One to say that no one could have foreseen the bulb’s
burning out, one to spin stories for newspapers that the President’s
bulb-changing program is working well, and thirty-five to go out on talk
shows to accuse the Democrats of being weak on light, and one to deny
rumors that it’s still dark in there.
A”’: sixty: thirty to bribe staffers to write letters telling everyone
how wonderful it is to sit in the dark, and thirty more to bribe
newspaper editors to publish those letters.
A””: The Administration will defend its policy of warrant-less
surveillance of all Americans suspected of supporting foreign terrorist
bulbs entering this country.
Q. How many voyeurs does it take to change a lightbulb?
A. Only one, but they’d much rather watch someone else do it.
Q: How many Bush Administration officials does it take to screw in a
A: None. There is nothing wrong with the light bulb; it’s condition is
improving every day. Any reports of it’s lack of incandescence are
totally unfounded, and the result of delusional “spin” assaults from the
fanatic, elitist, liberal media. That light bulb has served honorably,
and anything you say undermines the lighting effect and dims it’s ego.
Why do you hate freedom?
Q: How many economists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. If the light bulb really needed changing, market forces
would have already caused it to happen.
A: Two. One to assume the ladder and one to change the bulb.
A: Two. One to assume the latter (a pun) and change the bulb.
A: None. If the government would just leave it alone, it would screw
Q: How many social scientists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: They do not change light bulbs; they search for the root cause
as to why the last one went out.
Q: How many anarchists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them.
What was really sad is that the webpage I’m grabbing these from feels the need to explain what anarchy is.
Q: how many vietnam vets does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: YOU DON’T KNOW! YOU WEREN’T THERE, MAN!!! YOU’LL NEVER KNOW!!!!!
Q: How many seventies disco dancers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Two. One to boogie up the ladder and one to say “Get daaowwwwn !”
Q: How many amoebas does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: One. No, 2. No, 4. No, 8. No, 16. No, 32…….
Q: How many paranoids does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: WHO WANTS TO KNOW?
A: JUST EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN BY THAT? HUH? HUH?
Q: How many people with multiple personality disorder does it take
to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but they’re really three.
Q: How many archaeologists does does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Three. One to change it and two to argue about how old the old one is.
Q: How many science fiction writers does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Two. One to screw in the light bulb, and one to say, “In 1876, Jules Vernehad the first intimations that electrostatic power was a viable energy alternative. Hitherto, the only sources …”
A: Two, but it’s actually the same person doing it. He went back in time and met himself in the doorway and then the first one sat on the other one’s shoulder so that they were able to reach it. Then a major time paradox occurred and the entire room, lightbulb, changer and all was blown out of existence. They co-existed in a parallel universe, though.
Okay that’s it, off to work, you can come back out now..
CW: Forsaken – Dream Theater
Enjoy your day at work Van.
Okay I’m going to bed. Night all.
Wow. I’m kinda scared by Van’s collection of lightbulb jokes.
CP: Heart of Darkness — Headstones
… and Van has made me feel enlightened!
CP: Be The One — Hootie & The Blowfish
Yes, yes, I went there. 😉
CD: Sipping a hot chocolate in a coffee shop.
CL: N 54.997131 W 1.430878
OMW to the museum.
Darcy is working on her latest Steppingstone Theatre costumes for the show “The Rainbow Crow.”
I am Fox-wrangling.
Ah awake again. Kinda. *yawn*
Have fun Fox wrangling JB. I’m in a similar situation today. Teresa and Levi our out planting shrubs around the Grand Canyon as part of National Public Lands day. I’m here watching my daughter. 🙂
Well, not knowing anything about Jack’s tax plan link, and without breaking out the tax records, it looks like I get equally screwed by McCain and Obama. Both are within a couple of hundred of each other.
And, it looks like I’m going to be limited on the comment front this week. My computer decided to give up the ghost this morning. After some trouble shooting, I think it’s most likely the board. But, that machine is about three years old, so, it’s as good an excuse as any for an upgrade. Spent the morning with Newegg and I should hopefully have the natural order restored by Friday. What will really suck is not getting any fresh podcast content for a week as I can’t do media at work.
So, looks like Tee gets another reprieve 🙂
Nice find on the Watchmen wallpapers, btw. Most excellent. Now, hopefully we’ll get to see more than just the trailer. I find it amazing that a studio can get all the way through making a movie before another one comes to try to block it. Insane!
Finally, RIP, Paul Newman. I had no idea that he was married to the same woman for 50 years. You don’t hear that kind of Hollywood story very often.
Yeah, that was said about Paul Newman. Here’s to the other Luke of importance.
So whatcha gettin’ from Newegg Ed?
The BBC ran the Newman news:
He did many good movies, but does anybody remember the rather silly Quintet?
Might be a good suggestion for a palooza…
Yes come on Ed, give use some tech porn…
Wow, a lot of comments since my last visit. . .
I’d just started to watch The Verdict, so I guess this makes that even more poignant. RIP Paul Newman. Can’t say I’m familiar with Quintet.
Meh, got nothing really to say.
Happy Weekends to everyone.
So after watching episode 3 of Fringe, I have to wonder if the script writers are aware what Haem stands in haemoglobin…or did they not think Iron was a metal…
Fair enough, here’s your tech pr0n goodness:
Intel Core 2 Duo E8500 3GHz processor with 6MB of Cache (I can’t believe I’m getting a processor with more inboard cache than the total RAM of my first three PC’s combined)
Asus P5Q Pro moboard
4GB OCZ DDR2 1066 Ram
Windows Vista Home Premium w/SP1
I was actually looking at a lower processor, but when I went to look a motherboards, they offered a combo deal that effectively got me the E8500 processor for the cost of an E7200.
I think this is going to be quite a jump from the Athlon 64 X2 4600 that I’ve been running with. I stumbled and bought a prepackaged HP desktop instead of building my own box last time. I had been hoping to wait for the Core 2 architecture back then, but my previous machine had also crapped out on me and I could hold off no longer.
After some rebates, I’ll have all of this shipped free for about $400. Not to bad for an upgrade.
My wife and I caught the premiere of the new series “The Mentalist” about a….well, I guess he’s some sort of special agent. Anyway, he apparently is highly perceptive to the point that people think he’s psychic. Mostly, he’s an ass, and not in the fun way that House is. I don’t think I’ll be keeping up with this one.
You know, as far as Democrats go, I think Nick Lampson, whose currently my congressional representative, is generally a pretty good politician. I think he’s spot on here, particularly having seen first hand how things are going in the wake of Hurricane Ike. Here’s a recent email that he sent out to those of us in the district who subscribe to updates:
Congress is out of touch and I am fed up. For the past week Congress and the White House have debated the best way to give a handout to irresponsible Wall Street firms while tens of thousands of Americanâ€™s struggled to get meager aid to rebuild their lives, destroyed by Hurricane Ike.
The solutions to the financial crisis need to focus on the people who are victims of it, not the executives on Wall Street who are responsible for it. Sticking the bill to bailout Wall Street risk takers on people who have worked all their lives responsibly to provide for their families is outrageous.
Treasury Secretary Henry Paulson has proposed a no-strings-attached $700 billion bailout for Wall Street that may or may not have an impact on the marketâ€™s volatility. Meanwhile, many Texans are hoping to receive the maximum $28,800 in federal aid to rebuild their homes and lives after Hurricane Ike destroyed both. This proposal stinks!
Americans are struggling to keep their houses, get a small business loan, or pay for everyday expenses in this troubled economy. It is absolutely unacceptable for our answer to the American people’s hardship be a blank check to those who put us there.
The root of the current crisis lies in the subprime mortgage market that intensified due to a lack of regulation and oversight. Any solution must help taxpayers and local communities keep their homes, grow their businesses, and recover from the economic struggle of the past.
Taxpayers are not responsible for Wall Street’s misdeeds, and they cannot be required to be held accountable by the United States government. Our priority should be helping our citizens not letting CEO’s walk away with golden parachutes.
Rock on, Nick!
..and another one is saved by the UK government:
Re: Paul Newman movies – I’ve always had a special place for “The Sting”
Haven’t seen that one since I was too young to appreciate it.
The Hustler is probably his best that I’ve seen.
Show of hands … who here would have gone all goofy at the chance of being a “hanger-oner” with Paul Newman for an afternoon! *raises both hands*
Does that count as a “man crush”?
Ed – I said this after Katrina and I’ll say it now … if the government wanted to stimulate the economy and help American’s they would start a “WPA” type program to fix the gulf coast states.
Offer to bus anyone who wants to work to the areas needing clean-up and rebuilding.
House them in military tent like facilities (Did you guys know those things are air conditioned now-a-days).
Buy all the neccesary materials from local hardware store, Lowes and the like.
How much would it cost? Surely less then the 1 billion a week we currently spend in Iraq and a damn site less then the 700 BILLION they want to give to the greedy investment firms.
In this case though, the cash goes directly to American taxpayers and to all the businesses that would be supporting them.
Does it smell of socialism? No more than the Wall Street bailouts and at least “we the people” would get to see some direct result from all the cash being spent.
*steps back away from the mic*
Questors status update:
I wrote a fairly large chunk of Episode 3 today, and had fun doing it.
Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid for me, although I have a soft spot for that movie where Newman starred alongside Bruce Willis.
Morning Pan, off to York today, going to give the GPS tracker a workout.
Good news Amy, I’m looking forward to the conclusion of episode 2.
CL: N 54.969063 W 1.616000
Waiting for a train.
CL: N 54.777969 W 1.582916
CL: N 54.514847 W 1.554108
CL: N 53.956940 W 1.085999
York I am
I’ll be travelling for work this week so I won’t be posting much. Have a good week, everyone.
be safe ditto.
CL: N 53.953934 W 1.106979
There seems to be a works party from a bank I used to use on this train.
CL: N 54.777191 W1.584686
CL: N 54.967133 W 1.625540
Home, home on the range…
CP: Slice of Scifi #180
Another useless tip:
If you find an old opened packet of sugar free chewing gum in the pocket of a coat you haven’t worn in months, do not be tempted to consume any of the gum. Unless you like getting gunk on your hands.
As discussed, I rebroadcast Fractura to my podcast. I editted out some of the DP stuff. Hopefully I did a decent job; Audacity was fighting me (alignment and speed). Thanks for allowing me to share.
This freak to the living crap out of me as a kid!
It probably explains much of my twisted sensibilities now.
Thanks again for all compliments on the latest “Tales of the Deadpan Bar.”
Of course, all text in that one was originally posted stream-of-conciousness-style right here on these very comments pages.
Meanwhile hear my debatably-insightful fan commentary on the latest Sofadogs podcast.
Here’s an enthusiastic w00t to Cynful for re-podcasting “Fractura”. http://acynfulmind.libsyn.com/index.php?post_id=385454
WTG on your Sofadogs appearance, JB.
Trucker – I remember that freaky counting face too. *shudder*
Well I thought I was alone at the Deadpan bar, but it looks like Jack is up late too.
Morning has broken…
I’m always up late, which is early for Vanamonde.
Games Radar has a top 10 tricks for the Xbox 360 that MS won’t tell you:
Okay, ripped from another conf, corny jokes:
Q: How did Bob Marley like his doughnuts?
A:Wi Jam in!!
Q. whats orange and sounds like a parrot
A. a carrot.
Q. What’s red and bad for your teeth?
A. a brick.
Q.Whats brown and sticky?
A. a stick.
Did you hear about the scarecrow that won an award?
He was outstanding in his field.
Q.Whats green, has eight legs, and would kill you if it fell on you from out of a tree?
A. a snooker table.
“007, you’ve been our top spy for 40 years and your hair is beginning to turn grey.”
“What are you telling me, M — do you expect me to start wearing a wig?”
“No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to dye.”
A guy goes into a bar and goes to get a pint, but the barman’s busy. so he decides to nibble on some peanuts in front of him, but just as he’s about to eat a handful, all the peanuts start telling him how great he is…the barman’s still busy so the guy walks over to the fruit machine and sticks a couple of coins in, but the fruit machine starts giving him loads of crazy insults. then the guy walks back to the bar and tells the barman about what happened, and the barman says: “The peanuts are complimentary, but the fruit machine is out of order.”
Q:What does E.T. stand for?
A:Cause he can’t find a chair.
And now, my week wandering in the podcast free desert begins. I’ve got a few leftovers from last week and the first three of Indiana Jim’s new story….but it likely won’t be enough. I may actually listen to some music at work this week 🙂
Q. why was 6 afraid of 7?
A. because 7 8 9
Can I just groan once for the entire collection?
‘Mummy, Daddy’s gone out!’
‘Well pour some more petrol on him then and light another match’
Why podcast free, Ed?
Q: What do you call a man holding a shovel?
Doctor, doctor I have a strawberry stuck up my nose.
Don’t worry I’ve got some cream for that!
Chuck Norris once told Chuck Norris a Chuck Norris joke. But Chuck Norris didn’t laugh. Because Chuck Norris jokes aren’t funny.
What’s Dracula’s favourite song?
Fangs For The Memories!
Q. Whats pink and hard in the morning?
A. The Financial Times crossword.
Two are biscuits trying to cross the road, one runs out into the traffic and gets hit. The other one shouts “Crumbs!”.
Two cows are standing in a field. One says “Moo!”, the other says “Oi, I was gonna say that!”
Ah, Ed, I remember now…
I was going to tell you all a really good joke I heard about a high wall.
But you’d never get over it.
An 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a check-up. A few days later, he was seen walking down the street with a gorgeous young woman on his arm.
A couple of days later, the doctor spoke to him and said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”
He replied, “Just doing what you said, Doc: ‘Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'”
The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said, ‘You’ve got a heart murmur; be careful.”
A man and his wife are in bed. At 3am, there’s a loud banging on the front door. The man answers the door and a voice calls to him ‘I’m can’t get started, can you give me a push?’ The man sighs, closes the door and goes back to bed.
His wife asks who it was. The man says ‘Oh, just some idiot asking for a push’. The wife says ‘Remember when you were stuck a few weeks back in the pouring rain? You really should help him, you know.’ Grumbling, the man gets dressed again and goes to his front door.
‘Hello’, he calls out’ ‘Hi’, replies the voice. ‘Are you still stuck?’ says the man, ‘Do you still need a push?’ ‘Yes please!’ replies the voice.
‘Where are you, I can’t see you.’ says the man.
‘I’m over here on the swing.’ replies the voice.
Some people are like Slinkies….not really good for anything but they bring a smile to your face when pushed down stairs.
After hearing that her granddad had died, Katie went to comfort her 95 year old grandmother.
When she asked how he died, her grandmother said he’d had a heart attack on Sunday morning, whilst they were making love.
Horrified, Katie said that two people nearly 100 years of age having sex was just asking for trouble.
‘Oh no,’ said her grandmother, ‘Sunday morning was the best time to do it. We’d do it in time to the church bells….it was just the right rhythm, nice and slow…nothing too strenuous. He’d go in on the Ding, and out on the Dong…’
She paused, wiped away a tear, and continued ‘He’d have still been alive too, if a bloody Ice Cream van hadn’t driven past!’
Got three points on my driving license yesterday for driving fast down the middle of the road. Copper asked me why I was doing it and I showed him the bottom of my license and it clearly says ‘tear along the dotted line’
I’d like to die like my grandfather, peacefully in my sleep. Not like his passengers, all screaming in terror.
How do you keep an idiot in suspense?
How many psychics does it take to change a lightbulb?
My mate is addicted to brake fluid.
But he reckons he can stop at any time.
What did the buffalo say to his little lad when he had to go away?
A man is waiting for his eye test results at the opticians, a few minutes later the optician approaches him and says “Sir, I have to tell you that you have got to stop masturbating.”
The man says, “Why? Will I go blind?”
And the optician says, “No, but my other patients really don’t like it.”
A stranger was seated next to a little girl on the airplane when the stranger turned to her and said,
‘Let’s talk. I’ve heard that flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger.’
The little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said to the stranger, ‘What would you like to talk about?
‘Oh, I don’t know,’ said the stranger. ‘How about nuclear power?’ and he smiles.
‘OK,’ she said.â€™ That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff – grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?’
The stranger, visibly surprised by the little girl’s intelligence, thinks about it and says, ‘Hmmm, I have no idea.’
To which the little girl replies, ‘Do you really feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don’t know shit?
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other, “Does this taste funny to you?”
A man was drowned yesterday in a bowl of muesli.
He was pulled in by a strong currant.
A man walks into a bar with a lump of tarmack under his arm.
He puts the tarmack down, turns to the barman and says “I’ll have a bottle of lager, and one for the road”.
Last and certainly least:
Q.What do you call a man with three balls?
A. a juggler.
I don’t think there is enough soap in the world to get me clean after posting that lot…
Well I’m off to see Appaloosa, a new western..will wonders never cease.
This one supposed have been said by Agatha Christie:
An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her.
Very funny, Van.
Good morning, Deadpan!
Van gets the TEB award this Monday. LOL
Well Appaloosa was well acted but rather slow paced. I suppose it was realistic but the gun fight scenes were over in flash.
Things are staying on their “meh” trend for me.
I have to buy a new camcorder.
Anyone have an electronics place (on-line or 1-800 type) that they really really like?
‘realistic’ is only a compliment for science. for just about everything else it’s an insult.
Huh. I hope Amazon’s ‘search inside’ is highly inaccurate.
Van, is that the new flick starring Ed Harris?
CP: Josh Joplin Group – Here I Am
It seems we had a morning of Vanned up comedy.
CP: Josh Joplin Group – Camera One
CP: Josh Joplin Group – I’ve Changed
Doesn’t it suck when you’re not getting replies to email, so you’re left wondering if everyone has gone rude / gone cranky / gone into crisis, or, if the tubes are broken? Ugh.
That’s the one Essbee, Ed Harris and Viggo Mortenson.
For online electronics, I typically shop at Amazon.com. I also go “ba-ba-ba” like a sheep, so keep that in mind.
Of course one could be fatalistic and assume that they will no replies to emails. Then when you get one it will be a pleasant surprise..unless it’s spam.
Rhettro, that was awesome 😀 For full disclosure, I’ve been fighting vomming for the last hour, so I didn’t expect a snort of laughter.
I get my geek on at Future Shop and EB Games. The smart sheep go where the grazing is…
CP: Blues N Roots *160
So as I sit here munching on some dry flakes of Sultana Bran I can’t help but wonder if the cardboard box it came in would taste better.
Van, well, it’s one thing when your friends have gone transparent ie. been disappeared. Depressing. But my work is all online freelance, and I’m getting the silent on work contracts too. :/
CP: If That’s Your Boyfriend – Me’Shell Ndegeocello
JOe, can you translate for us what just happened w/ the House voting NO on this bailout and the stock market taking a dump?
Keep fighting the good fight Marlo! 🙂
Jack – I don’t think I said that the drunk redneck patriots was scary as hell.
Rhettro – THAT’S IT!!! I knew there was something I found strangely attractive about you.
Joe – ewe.
EssBee – Chaos.
I really don’t know where to begin.
There is some remarkable politics going on.
random thoughts …
This bailout goes beyound what the “sheeple” of America were willing to silently standby and take.
Does something need to be done? Yes. These companies took these risks because the figured they were to big to be allowed to fail. They are betting that the American people (who won’t even give up gas guzzleing SUV’s at a time when we go to war to secure oil from the middle east) won’t be willing to chew off their own leg (actually both legs) to free themselves from this situation.
Letting these guys go under will be reaaaaaaallly painful for the bulk of us.
Although maybe that would eb the ONLY thing that keeps it from happening again.
It happened with the S&L’s in the 80s and the tax payers bailed them out and the Gov’t promised all sorts of measures to ensure it wouldn’t happen again … only it happened again and a zillion times worse.
I wonder if we are watching the death of (or maybe that’s too soon — maybe we just found the big ass tumor) capitalism.
The vote – this is political posturing. Our congressman have had days to work for a meaningful solution. Personally I think “fixing” the problem should take months of defining a solution … but a short term band-aid could be fashioned to stop the bleeding.
If they are worried about their rich friends they could just shove it down our throats. If they are worried about the populist uprising that seems to be stirring they could have fashioned a temp fix that would have appealed to the voters.
What they are doing instead is standing on the edge of the abyss and playing politics.
If these guys were on the Titanic the would still be trying to cover their asses as the ship pulled them under.
Essbeee – re:capitalism.
Naw, capitalism is unkillable. As long as you have something that others want … and killing you would make that thing unavailable – then capitalism will flourish in some form or fashion.
What we just MIGHT be seeing (but I wouldn’t hold my breath) is an economy that re-focuses on providing consumers with the goods and services they want to consume … rather then one focused on the capital gains that it makes for it’s investors.
There was a time when “The economy is strong” meant that good paying jobs were plentiful and the tax payers had money to spend.
The last decade or so “The economy is strong” has meant that Wall Street was making huge profits for it’s investors, based on paying less to fewer workers and taking advantage of all sorts of financial trickery with legal loopholes.
Corporations and the heads showed ever increasing profits, even as the American worker had less money to BUY from those corporations.
Doesn’t take a prize winning economist to see that this couldn’t go on forever.
I believe that the NO vote means bad tidings for the immediate future, but perhaps in a couple of years we’ll be in a more stable (but smaller) economy. It scares me a little frankly. As a commercial architect, the demand for my services are directly related to the activity of developers. If people are pulling back on spending and developers can’t get loans for projects that’s a sort of one-two punch for me. Most likely I will have to find a firm that specializes in health care or assisted living. But the competition for those jobs will be intense.
meanwhile I gotta consume a new camcorder. $%^#&*&!!!!!
I see JOe hit all the points better than I could, but that’s absolutely right, share holder standings instead of consumer stability was the wrong benchmark.
Rhettro is correct.
One of the things these companies (the ones looking to be bailed out) did was lend money to large corporations to make their payrolls and buy the materials needed for making their widgets. Cost money to make widgets that you don’t get paid for until they sell. So Ford or Amana borrows a million (short term) to over costs – makes the product, sells it and uses some of the profit to pay back the loan.
No short term loan means no money to make the widgets – means layoffs.
I think this will all clear up in 9 months or so … but till then it could be most uncomfortable.
On the bright side I would expect gas to get a lot cheaper. LOL
I think the bailouts SUCK. The question is, are you and I willing to have a very lean year in order to show the people who have been playing “fast and lose” with our financial system – some tough love?
BTW – the current theme song for my retirement account is “I’ll stop the world and melt with you.” 🙁
very painful day
JOe, for my part I am willing to have a very lean year. I can’t imagine what all of my neighbors who are losing their houses have been going through. If I have to tighten my belt a little, so be it.
Ya, same here. I ready to go through a lean year with the promise of better opprotunities ahead.
It’s the possibility of hyper inflation that worries me, my meagre savings could become worthless overnight if that happens.
On a much more trivial note, cool Star Wars homage in the Simpsons season premiere.
But I will cry into my mug if any replies contain the words ‘long’ and ‘face’.
Speaking of Star Wars, I managed to rip my DVD of A New Hope to a PSP compatible format.
On a completely trivial note –
Does anyone else think of a small, 4 door sedan when they hear the word “quandary”?
As in “The new Chrysler Quandary … let us put you in one today!”
Sounds like an overpriced brand of ice cream bars to me JOe. “The rich, sweet and cold taste of a Quandary Bar.”
I’ve done too many geology courses, I was getting it mixed up with a geological time period…
Were you thinking of the Marzipan Era?
The Quandry Bar, do you lick it and risk the melt down or just bite in and rick the brain freeze? Hmmmmmm what to do? The Quandry bar.
I’ll get my coat.
I’ll get my coat…
The Quandary Period is now!
‘He gazed up at the enormous face. Forty years it had taken him to learn what kind of smile was hidden beneath the dark moustache. O cruel, needless misunderstanding! O stubborn, self willed exile from the loving breast! Two gin scented tears trickled down the sides of his nose. But it was all right, everything was all right, the struggle was finished. He had won the victory over himself. He loved Big Brother.’
-1984 by George Orwell
‘Carson managed a sickly ghost of a grin, for it would be days before he’d be over the impact of his experience, but the captain wasn’t watching.
‘Yes, sir,’ he said. Common sense, more than modesty, told him he’d be branded as the worst liar in space if he ever said any more than that. ‘Yes, sir, too bad I missed all the excitement….’
-Arena by Fredric Brown.
Looks like my son made an impression on the volunteer group for “National Public Lands Day.” LOL
‘Krag was waiting for him on the island raft. He threw a stern glance at Nightspore.
“Have you seen everything?”
“The struggle is hopeless,” muttered Nightspore.
“Did I not say I am the stronger?”
“You maybe the stronger, but he is the mightier.”
“I am the stronger and the mightier. Crystalman’s Empire is but a shadow on the face of Muspel. But nothing will be done without the bloodiest blows…. What do you mean to do?”
Nightspore looked at him strangely. “Are you not Surtur, Krag?”
“Yes,” said Nightspore in a slow voice, without surprise. “But what is your name on Earth?”
“It is pain.”
“That, too, I must have known.”
He was silent for a few minutes; then he stepped quietly onto the raft. Krag pushed off, and they proceeded into the darkness.’
-A Voyage to Arcturus by David Lindsay
Wander Wolf was ROBBED of the Chico’s bag!
Chico? What about the man?
Damn that Brad P!
Well, even if WNDR lost out on Chico, I hear he gets the Man’s bag as consolation.
At the end of a long night, the writing phase of the production of Questors #3 is complete. Regular cast members, look for your scripts in the next day or two.
Good night, mush.
Irregular cast members tend to have to wait a little longer. *rimshot*
In that case I’ll hit the bran extra hard in the AM…
Dammit J0e, I only just noticed that we both made the same “Chico and hte Man” joke at the same time.
Whooooosh! as the chico reference passes way over my head.
Morning Pan, rain, rain, and more rain. These boots are made for walking.
‘A thousand miles below, he became aware that a slumbering cargo of death had awoken, and was stirring sluggishly in it’s orbit. The feeble energies it contained were no possible menace to him; but he preferred a cleaner sky. He put forth his will, and the circling megatons flowered in a silent detonation that brought a brief, false dawn to half the sleeping globe.
Then he waited, marshalling his thoughts and brooding over his still untested powers. For though he was master of the world, he was not quite sure what to do next. But he would think of something.’
-2001 a Space Odyssey by Arthur C Clarke.
Jack – *rubs hands together* Perrrrrfect!
My “mind meld” program is coming along nicely. Bwahahahahahahahah!!!
XTC playing in the background at Starbucks.
‘With an asbestos glove, he tremblingly reached into the still hot kiln and brought out the tall, now blue and white pot. His first pot. Taking it to a table, under direct light, he set it down and took a good luck at it. He professionally appraised its artistic worth. He appraised what he had done, and, within it, what he would do, and what later pots would be like, the future of them lying before him. And his justification, in a sense, for leaving Glimmung and all the others. Mali most of all. Mali whom he loved.
The pot was awful.’
Galactic Pot-Healer by Philip K Dick.
I’m not even going to pretend to read the last four days of comments 🙂
There were some nice posts about Paul Newman.
Some Economic Updates.
… and Van was trying to find himself. Repeatedly. While apparently on a train.
I hate it when I misplace myself…
there’s a song by Lother and the Hand People.
One of the lyrics are
“you hide, and try and find yourself… and I’ll do the same”
lother – lothar
So how was the convention TEB?
lothar needed Van’s GPS
I’ve never thought of TEB as conventional.
Convention’s not til the end of October, Van.
Just life is getting quite busy leading up to it. Having meetings and doing other stuff almost every day now to put last minute stuff in order.
(Also month end at work now… no time for myself)
Right, getting my dates mixed up.
On an up note, I now know 7 different self defense moves as well as several kicks 😉
Many scripts for Questors #3 have been sent out. This has been a good morning. Off to run errands, and then tutoring time.
Well that should get Wolf shaking in his boots TEB.
Oh an a /swoooooon from me.
I shall now growl at my keyboard..grrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
Van – Am I supposed to be Skeered of a pair of Slippers??
On a rare jaj positive note – my neighbor and I cooked up a batch of “Big Dog Barely Wine” (beer) last Sunday and it is happily bubbling away in the fermenter! In three months or so it will be a tasty treat!
Our October Fest beer is in it’s secondary fermentation stage and will be ready for bottling this weekend. Sadly, I won’t be able to help with that stage as I am going out of town for a week. (I will be scarce around here to)
The Oct Fest should be ready to drink in about 2 weeks!!! mmmmmm.
Well when the slippers know ‘7 different self defense moves as well as several kicks ‘ that would be a yes.
Hey Wolf, just heard your cast. If you need anybody for your story, let me know.
*flips Wndr to the floor*
‘My daughters are here with me now. They look beautiful by the sunny window and I tell them so. Seeing their pretty faces, I want to tell them that life is a journey of joys and wonders in a world of glorious possibilities, but I don’t believe a word of that. The terrible truth is that the world is an unsolvable deathtrap, full of willful predators and malicious fatal coincidences. Life within it is a series of losses, tragic accidents, and near misses, until you finally break down and become the next anonymous tragedy in the infinite march.
I want them to leave, so that they’re not here when the men come for me.
I smile and keep all of these thoughts to myself.
I wonder if today will be the day.’
The Unsolvable Deathtrap by Jack Mangan.
You do realise TEB that soon you will embody the ‘cute but deadly’ tag…
*woosh of air escaping the lungs*
CP: Big Dumb Rocket – Our Lady Peace
Shoot me an email. I’ll get you on the list.
*winks at Vanamonde*
Responded – Thank you.
Heroes = pretty good
Chuck = rocked!
An interview that I did (over a year ago) finally has posted…
I don’t remember what I said in it…
BT is being very slow today…sigh.
Well I found out I’m being reduced to four days a week at work, because of our continued slow business. This does not bode well. I’m taking the necessary precautions, but my free time to post here is going to get sketchy fast.
Wow – Good luck to you Rhettro!
Hopefully things will go alright for you.
I’m hoping, been feeling like I’m living on borrowed time lately. So now the alternative / part time job search goes into full drive.
Woke up to no power. No heat and no internet. Guess which one I cursed over first?
Good luck with the job search Rhettro.
‘”They’re gone, Evie,” he said to the burro, “all gone.” He put his arm affectionately around her neck. “I reckon it’s up to me and you agin. We got to start all over.” He stood back and gazed at her with mild reproach. “I shore hope they don’t favor your side of the house so much this time.”‘
And All the Earth a Grave by Carroll M Capps
While 4 days a week is better than no days a week, I think most people would be doubling up on resumes. The gong of doom has sounded.
Good luck, Rhettro. May you have some irreplaceable niche skill set that gets you snapped up like the last cookie.
‘”Maybe. What’s it mean to you?”
“Night-hunting predator accustomed to dropping upon it’s victim from above. No other type of creature ever has had the vertical slit. And Tanub said himself that the Delphinus was hidden in the est place in all of their history. History? That’d be a high place. Dark, likewise. Ego: a high place on the darkside of their moon.”
“I’m a pie-eyed greepus,” whispered Stetson.
Orne grinned, said “You probably are … sir.”
Missing Link by Frank Herbert.
‘But Spur had stopped listening. He rubbed the shroud between his thumb and forefinger, thinking about how he and the Joerlys used to make up adventures in the ruins along Mercy’s Creek when they were children. Often as not one of them would achieve some glorious death as part of the game. The explorer would boldly drink from the poisoned cup to free her comrades, the pirate captain would be run through defending his treasure, the queen of skantlings would throw down her heartstone rather than betray the castle. And then he or Vic or Comfort would stumble dramatically to the forest floor and sprawl there, cheek pressed against leaf litter, as still as scattered stones. The others would pause briefly over the body and then dash into the woods, so that the fallen hero could be reincarnated and the game could go on.
“I want to go home,” he said, at last.
-Burn by James Patrick Kelly
‘Shattered, I sit down at the computer to email my brother about what’s happened. When I try and hit the space bar, one of my thumbs is missing. And I can’t remember how to spell “Matthew.” I scratch my head and can feel an incision all the way around my scalp, just at the hairline.’
Mementos by Richard Kadrey
Laughs are pretty scarce at the mo, but this should help:
If Amazon can be believed, my name pops up twice in The Year’s Best Fantasy and Horror 2008. I assume it’s a misprint.
CP: Jason Mraz – You and I Both
‘A flicker too bright to see, propagating faster than the signaling speed of nerves, punctuates their conversation. Seconds later, the mach wave flushes their cinders from the bleached concrete of the bench. Far out across the disk, the game of ape and ant continues; but in this place and for the present time, the question has been answered. And there are no human winners.’
Missile Gap by Charles Stross
‘She didn’t fight my kiss more than a couple of seconds. Then it was a pure case of self-preservation for me. This girl was a tiger. Looks can be awfully deceiving. But she broke away from me.
“Tex!” she gasped. “Stop, honey! Suppose somebody walks in.”
“A PC like you never gets that kind of surprise,” I lied valiantly.
“Am I?” she whispered. “Am I really a PC?
“That’s why you locked the door,” I said. “Remember?”
-Card… Trick by Randall Garrett
CP: Kurt Nilsen – Breathe You In
‘”Federal Bureau of Termination,” said the very warm voice of a hostess.
“How soon could I get an appointment?” he asked, speaking very carefully.
“We could probably fit you in late this afternoon, sir,” she said. “It might even be earlier, if we get a cancellation.”
“All right,” said the painter, “fit me in, if you please.” And he gave her his name, spelling it out.
“Thank you, sir,” said the hostess. “Your city thanks you; your country thanks you; your planet thanks you. But the deepest thanks of all is from future generations.”‘
2BRO2B by Kurt Vonnegut
Bloody spider/ zooming across the carpet as if on speed/ creeping me out/
BTW: I’m honored to have been amongst the quoted, Van.
Thanks everyone, I shall persevere.
Today’s awful title, from new books @ the public library:
Barbie in the Christmas Carol
Gateway techs give me the grrrrs.
Personal laptop went uh uh this morning. Translation: power refuses to come on. Gateway techs charge you $30 to say take it somewhere locally. Mind you, I fought with it an hour myself before resorting to “professional” help. So, while I wait for a nice local guy to show up, I’m typing this on the work computer. Shhhhhhhhhhh.
Here’s hoping October is a better month for us all.
Received today – my signed, limited edition hardcover of John Lenahan’s Shadowmagic. Listened to his podiobook version of it last year after meeting him at DragonCon 2007. I highly recommend it as a fun fantasy yarn.
I can’t believe how fast this year has seemed to pass, October now and xmas coming in a rush.
‘They knew this was the fulfillment, by the powerful Psammead, of the last wish of the Phoenix, and that this glorious and delightful box of treasures was really the very, very, very end of the Phoenix and the Carpet.’
The Phoenix and the Carpet by Edith Nesbit.
. . . . …..driVE-BY COMmen….. . . . . . . .
Good luck w/ the puter, Cynful. Thanks for the recommendation, Ed.
Did anyone else see Jack fly by?
Was he (giving) a bird?
Raw recording of the first 7 minutes or so of Questors #3 is complete. Bedtime soon.
I think there was actually a Doppler shift in Jack’s post.
Which was the blue end?
Morning Pan, a day for pottering around and not doing much.
Pottering? You mean moping and riding a broomstick?
I think I’ve found Joe a Guru.
Tough love, but probably the right call.
Not everything with a potter in relates to JKR incorporated.
I wish I could potter around and not do much today 🙁
So I’m in the cinema waiting for a movie called Red Belt to start and I’m all ALONE!
I’m the only one in the cinema I mean.
Was the movie that good, Van?
Behave yourself, Van.
CP: Bernadette – The Four Tops
this is actually done by a gaming company to promote an upcoming game, but it’s an amusing commentary on the history of gaming
Ed – While I think that the guy may be write about “tough love”, most of his premise is fundamentally flawed.
He is trying to pin this mess all on Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac – while in fact those two institutions were small potatoes in this mess and aren’t even included in the 700 billion bailout is being offered to.
He is trying to pin this mess all on Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac – while in fact those two institutions were small potatoes in this mess and aren’t even included in the 700 billion bailout is being offered to.
This guy also makes the ludicrous comment, “with policies like the Community Reinvestment Act that pressure banks into subprime lending.” – FAIL.
That act makes allowances for only a tiny percentage of the number of bad loans that were written.
This guy is trying to “back-handedly” absolve greedy investment bankers and loan agencies of their sins.
The Government’s share of the blame in all of this was the removal of many banking regulations and the failure to enforce the ones that remained. Writing BAD subprime loans lays SOLELY at the feet of those mortgage professionals wrote them.
So any opinions on a new computer? I’m honestly torn between a new lappy and a new desktop. I’m leaning toward the lappy since that’s what I’ve had.
Results from yesterday: motherboard went t.u.
What do you use if for, Cynful? I use a laptop exclusively. I’ve got it topped out though as I do a lot of gaming. I find that it works just fine (although I did need to add a cooling pad to play some of the higher end games).
I play LOTRO and SL a bit. My main storage is music and podcasting schtuff. So yeah, gaming/entertainment/online communication are my main uses.
PC Gaming did a recent article on laptops to fit both your needs and your budget
Well the film was interesting but got a bit silly at the end.
I’m into netbooks at the moment, I like the small size and low power requirements.
Not so good for modern games though.
Thank you TEB. I was kinda looking at the Dell XPS. The article definitely helps.
I use a Dell XPS. I just bumped up from the standard (512 graphics, 4g memory, etc)
ZP disses Mercenaries 2:
‘While she was wondering what to do, and blaming herself for not breaking the spell before it was too late, he was agony of self loathing. Then he started to use his technique upon himself, so that no more harm should be done. It was more difficult than he expected; for soon as he began to lose consciousness he also lost his grip on the operation. But he made a desperate effort of will. When Helen, noticing his stillness, knelt down by him, he was dead.’
A Modern Magician by William Olaf Stapledon
‘The cat miaows faintly and hands me something red. An old plastic ball with toothmarks, smelling of the sun and the sea, with a few grains of sand ratting inside.
“Thanks,” I say. The cat says nothing, just opens a door into the zeppelins skin. I whisper a command, and the master is underway in a neutrino stream, shooting up towards an island in a blue sea. Where gods and big dogs live forever.
We dive through the door together, down into the light and flame.’
His Master’s Voice by Hannu Rajaniemi
…and now for some more crap jokes:
For decades, two heroic statues, one male and one female, faced each other in a city park, until one day an angel came down from heaven.
“You’ve been such exemplary statues,” he announced to them, “That I’m going to give you a special gift. I’m going to bring you both to life for thirty minutes, in which you can do anything you want.”
And with a clap of his hands, the angel brought the statues to life. The two approached each other a bit shyly, but soon dashed for the bushes, from which shortly emerged a good deal of giggling, laughter, and shaking of branches.
Fifteen minutes later, the two statues emerged from the bushes, wide grins on their faces.
“You still have fifteen more minutes,” said the angel, winking at them.
Grinning even more widely the female statue turned to the male statue and said, “Great! Only this time you hold the pigeon down and I’ll shit on its head.”
An inmate on death row was scheduled to be put to death by firing squad the following morning. One of the prison guards asked the inmate if he wanted something special for his last meal. The inmate declined the offer.
Later, the prison guard asked the inmate if there was something special he wanted to do on his final day. Again, the inmate declined the offer.
The following morning, as the inmate was being put before the firing squad, the guard asked him if he wanted a cigarette and a blindfold. “No,” the inmate said, “just get it over with.” “Well, is there anything that I can do for you before you go?” asked the guard.
The inmate thought for a moment, then replied, “Actually, music is my life. One thing I would really like would be to sing my favourite song, from beginning to end, without any interruptions.”
The guard nodded and agreed. “Go ahead,” said the guard.
The inmate started, “One billion bottles of beer on the wall…”
A man walked into a bar, sat down, ordered 3 shots of whiskey, drank them, then left. This continued daily for several weeks. Curious, the bartender asked him one day, “Why do you always order three shots of whiskey?”
The man answered, “Because my two brothers and I always used to have one shot each, and since they’ve both passed on, I’ve continued to order the three shots in their honor.”
The bartender thought that this was a very noble thing to do, and welcomed the man every time he visited the bar. Two weeks later, the man walked into the bar for his daily visit and ordered two shots of whiskey.
Surprised, the bartender asked him why he only ordered two when had had always been ordering three.
The man answered, “Oh, I’ve decided to stop drinking.”
A little fella walks into a bar. Unfortunately, there is a pile of dog shit just inside the door, and he slips in it and falls over. He gets up, cleans himself up and walks to the bar and buys a drink.
A great big man then enters the bar. He slips in the same pile of shit, falls, gets up, cleans up and buys a drink.
The little guy turns to the big guy and, trying to strike up a conversation, points to the pile by the door and says, “I just did that.”
The big guy punches him in the mouth.
Two Scottish nuns have just arrived in USA by boat and one says to the other, “I hear that the people of this country actually eat dogs.
“Odd,” her companion replies, “but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do.”
Nodding emphatically, the mother superior points to a hot dog vendor and they both walk towards the cart. “Two dogs, please,” says one.
The vendor is only too pleased to oblige and he wraps both hot dogs in foil and hands them over the counter.
Excited, the nuns hurry over to a bench and begin to unwrap their ‘dogs.’ The mother superior is first to open hers.
She begins to blush and then, staring at it for a moment, leans over to the other nun and whispers cautiously, “What part did you get?”
Two missionaries in Africa get apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, build a huge fire under it, and leave them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries starts to laugh uncontrollably. The other missionary can’t believe it! He says, “What’s wrong with you? We’re being boiled alive! They’re gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?”
The other missionary says, “I just peed in the soup.”
The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room.
“A football player,”
“A race car driver.”
Everyone that is, except Tommy. The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still. So she said to him, “Tommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?”
“Possible” Tommy replied.
“Possible?” asked the teacher.
“Yes,” Tommy said. “My mom is always telling me I’m impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible.”
So according to the new episode of Life, the Canadian thing is to be happy for now reason.
Any comments from the DP Canadians?
‘The higher sky, as we crossed the range, was surely vaporous and disturbed enough; and although I did not see the zenith, I can well imagine that its swirls of ice dust may have taken strange forms. Imagination, knowing how vividly distant scenes can sometimes be reflected, refracted, and magnified by such layers of restless cloud, might easily have supplied the rest – and, of course, Danforth did not hint any of these specific horrors till after his memory had had a chance to draw on his bygone reading. He could never have seen so much in one instantaneous glance.
At the time, his shrieks were confined to the repetition of a single, mad word of all too obvious source: “Tekeli-li! Tekeli-li!” ‘
At the Mountains of Madness by HP Lovecraft
Back from lunch, doing WF stuff, etc.
Van, what’s wrong with being happy? You got something against people being happy? THAT KIND OF THINKING MAKES ME ANGRY!
Happiness is so depressing.
Safety Razors were a wonderful invention.
Which game of Van’s should I play….
First a quote from the book I’m currently reading…
“Try it once more, without contact,” he said to the others. The buzzing chant rose from their mouths like a swarm of black flies. Antronos convulsed with pain as the sound pervaded his mind and the twisting, grey tentacles pushed against his will, into his head. The attack was more brutal than any he had felt in his office, at the docks, even most recently at the top of the stairs, but is was somehow tangible, lacking the insinuating liquid form of Jait’s mind, and Antronos was able to resist it. The chant grew louder, more persistent. Some of the creatures hedged toward him, and with closer proximity, their assault grew more intense. He felt them seeping through his skin, slithering up his legs like coiling ropes of sand, but this was surface magic, and he was a child of the Desert. He could fight this. He knew the very source of their power-
The Longevity Thesis by Jennifer Rahn
Thirsty jokers can be seen waiting in the punch line.
If you have a joker your family, just remember, he is jest having fun with his elations.
Are the jokes from painters off-colour?
Are jokes about cooks tasteless?
When a hangman tells a joke is he cord-ial? Or does he just string you along to the punnish line?
A frog telephones the Psychic Hotline and is told, “You are going to meet a beautiful young girl who will want to know everything about you.”
The frog says, “This is great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?”
“No,” says the psychic. “Next semester in her biology class.”
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. “In the last 15 races, I’ve won 8 of them!”
Another horse breaks in, “Well in the last 27 races, I’ve won 19!!”
“Oh that’s good, but in the last 36 races, I’ve won 28!”, says another, flicking his tail.
At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. “I don’t mean to boast,” says the greyhound, “but in my last 90 races, I’ve won 88 of them!”
The horses are clearly amazed. “Wow!” says one, after a hushed silence. “A talking dog.”
Phew TEB, I was getting lonely…
Did you hear the joke about 288 eggs?
I’d tell you but it’s two gross.
A blind man with a seeing eye dog at his side walks into a grocery store. The man walks to the middle of the store, picks up the dog by the tail, and starts swinging the dog around in circles over his head.
The store manager, who has seen all this, thinks this is quite strange. So, he decides to find out what’s going on. The store manager approaches the blind man swinging the dog and says, “Pardon me. May I help you with something.”
The blind man says, “No thanks. I’m just looking around.”
That’s it for me. Gotta go!
See ya tomorrow:)
‘But the room was empty. And when I looked back at the window, there was only me, my mouth open, my right hand frozen in mid-air, still reaching out to greet her.
I told Leon, “Alright. I’m ready now. Let’s go.”
The next ship came in two days later. I crunch across the ice crystals in Astor Place, and shivered in my thin shirt.
I lit a cigarette.
It was a habit, but one she’d started; and I lit it, like a candle, to my memory of her.’
The Corner of the Circle by Tim Lees
Was the goal 499 this week?
Yes Van it is… 499
Thx Wolf, well in for penny, in for a pound.
‘Guitierrez pushed up from his chair. He waved to Tim and Lex, playing in the pool. “Probably they will send the children home,” he said. “There is no reason not to do that.” He put on his sunglasses. “Enjoy your stay with us Dr. Grant. It is a lovely country here.”
Grant said, “You’re telling me we’re not going anywhere?”
“None of us is going anywhere, Dr. Grant,” Guitierrez said, smiling. And then he turned, and walked back toward the entrance of the hotel.’
Jurassic Park by Michael Crichton
‘And even, finally when his face plate cracked from the heat, his smile didn’t because the wave was lifting him up, up toward the blue planet, toward the planet, up and over and down and under into the star-flecked, foam-speckled blackness.
Wipeout. . .’
Dark Star novelisation by Alan Dean Foster
‘I thought of the first day and Pyle sitting beside at the Continental, with his eye on the soda-fountain across the way. Everything had gone right with me since he had died, but how I wished there existed someone to whom I could sayI was sorry.’
The Quiet American by Graham Greene
‘As an aside, story of sole survivor, Mr. Piscine Molitor Patel, Indian citizen, is an astouding story of courage and endurance in the face of extraordinarily difficult and tragic circumstances. In the experience of this investigator, his story is unparalleled in the history of shipwrecks. Very few castaways can claim to have survived so long at sea as Mr. Patel, and none in the company of an adult Bengal Tiger.’
Life of Pi by Yann Martel
‘Marlene snorted. “You want mental transparence? Did I ever tell you about the underwear model I dated?”
“I thought you liked men who worked with their hands.”
“Don’t make fun. It ends up being a more interesting story than you might think….”‘
Wrong Number by Alexander Jablokov
I want to know WHAT Marlene snorted.
Where did she get it?
Did she bring enough for everyone?
It’s ok if we don’t hit the goal. A valiant effort hath been made.
‘DiBella shook his head and smiled. He didn’t have a partner just now and he didn’t want to dance. All the same, old Sam was right. Dancing had a limited shelf life. The sell-by date was already stamped on most human activity. Someday his mother’s generation, the largest demographic bulge in history, would turn eighty. And Henry’s choice would have to be made yet again. How would it go next time?’
The Erdmann Nexus by Nancy Kress
I have the bit between my teeth.
I just never got the hang of making noises like a horse.
‘There was a thunderous rattling clattering mechanical roar behind him. He ducked instinctively. A Sea King helicopter roared out over the cliff-top, flying low, heading out into the bay.’
Listening for Submarines by Peter Higgins
‘Look, Barnes told him, still with that strange expression on her face, and he approached me, peered into my face. Yes, he said happily, the tear ducts work perfectly.”
Sleepless Years by Steve Utley
‘I think that word “safe” was the trigger. I did the giggle of embarrassment and fear. I drank sweet water and then followed. We found writing, and here it is.’
Days of Wonder by Geoff Ryman
‘A young woman in a little black dress-accent on little-sashayed upto Richard. “I’m bored by lawyers and executives and our hostess tells me you’re a hotshot physicist. Can you dumb it down to weather girl level? I’m Ellie.”‘
GoingBack [in] Time by Laurel Winter
‘Nothing erases the past. There is repentance, there is atonement and there is forgiveness. That is all, but that is enough.
-The Merchant and Alchemist’s Gate by Ted Chiang
‘But then he muttered, “It’s just that … if at the end of the day, if I can save just one child….”
There was a long pause.
Then that sick young man dropped his gun, and screaming softly to himself, he ran up path and out of sight.’
If We Can Just Save Just One Child… by Robert Reed.
‘As the horizon slowly brightened, a cold misty rain began to fall. It splattered against tow lonely figures standing far apart on a rusty plain no longer home to anything merely human. Both had survived to gaze at another wondrous, mystical Martian dawn.
But the eyes that looked out over the dawn were no longer innocent.’
The Last Temptation of Katerina Savitskaya by Stanley Schmidt
*wonders if we’re going to have to write literary essays*
Still me memory did linger, bright and vivid as a rose petal, as a drop of blood, as even the fire to come. Held tight so the intoxicating sweetness of what had been could in some way still endure.
The Fourth Thing by Stephen L. Burns
‘She looked again at her drawings. The image of a mite that humanity hadn’t noticed for millennia. And the image of her own planet.
An image that Boeykens hadn’t noticed for days.’
Invasion of the Pattern Snatchers by David W Goldman.
Okay, time to dredge the bottom of the barrel, the true horror that is the knock knock joke:
Police let us in; it’s cold out here.
Doris locked, that’s why I had to knock!
I love who?
I don’t know, you tell me!
Yo momma, who?
Seriously, it’s yo momma, open the damned door!
That was one crap joke too many. Some Haiku:
Burned poetry runs.
The green stanzas fall then the birds set a shadow.
A smooth apple wakes.
Boats sometimes stop the papers.
Autumn startles truth.
Jungles catch children.
Greenly, lakes talk but breasts work.
A flower returns.
Huge, hard asses clash.
Men wisely turn apathy.
Earth moves the short cats.
A poison loiters.
A star works yet frogs break.
Leaden apples melt.
For some variation, a tanka:
A lemon sets leaves.
Burned girls admit huge shadows.
Fluttering ice plays.
Small water works for boats melt.
The children splash happiness.
Boats break but winds fall.
Softly blue, small green mud walks.
Water admits poetry.
Heaven fairly bites asses.
That last line shows why computers are very bad at certain things.
Back to haiku:
rich mask scrambles, tame
boulders resonate, aching
immoral sour hive
flailing, hungrily, unborn
pygmies wailing, sadly, leaf
sobbing numbly, short
white masquerade vanishes
ghosts embrace, dolphins howling
face roams, lithe barren
Read carefully marlodiane, you will be tested later…
This might also be a good time to admit that having a holiday without a plan is almost always a bad idea.
Here’s something cool:
One for the list Ed:
The scrubbing street of the fisherman
The rusty-shuttered horses in flesh,
Trotting by the savagely playful saucebottle
For dreamt fishwives cover
With no more goosefield than the starfall
Which is supposed to be like Dylan Thomas.
I was shamed heartily
By the nannygoats of the fishwife
Scrubbing solemnly on the moonless goosefield
On thoughts of cobblestreets
Where birds lie lazily
And all the dogdayed farmhands live and hang
the idea instead to And
being of monkey we instead
sceptical we a efficient so
And monkey poem we amuse
the Dylan born. And monkey
amuse random ourselves. was Dylan
Still better than going to work.
And quickly he goes dying
Into the jolly girls,
Raving while they cover
Impatiently in the beef-red street
And proudly the horses of the kings
Blaze hazily in praise of the bottle
Waiting while they rave
Mildly into the crowblack leaves
The lazy rodgered bird
Falling by the saucebottle,
With the savagely warm leaves
Kissing while the barge-booted washerwoman
On the blind goosefield rarely
Goes to speak against the moonless night.
I was drowned harshly
By the shame of the morning
Streaking quietly on the thin bones
On thoughts of horses
Where farmhands lie loudly
And all the barge-booted cobblestreets walk and live
shadows flow quickly
hissing necromancers fry
blazing clean jackknifes fret, dark
horseflies fly sadly
faintly fitful mean
deaf melodies forget, pigs
pause, melodies shine
bear retreating sweltering
rattling casket wails
patient shining burnt eunuchs
Time for bed, night pan.
I did content for the Deadpan last week…
But this week I put my production skillz toward a Musically Challenged for Coverville…
Hmm, just missed the van…
Hi pan, how is everyone???
I was happy that our 2 Chicago baseball teams made it into the playoffs (or whatever they are called) because I hadn’t realized at the time that now Hugh has to watch EVERY fucking game.
Now I’m not so happy about it 🙂
and there isnt even any good eye candy cuz you see this really hot guy and then next thing you know he is spitting every 5 seconds.
whats with the spitting? So NOT sexy
Tell it like it is sista!
Ed – re: Falkirk Wheel – now that IS sexy!
Spitting and/or “rearranging the furniture…”
Yeah, I’d rather the White Sox weren’t in, personally.
I’m reading about tomorrow nights V.P. debate.
Expectations for Palin are so low, she could come away the perceived “winner” by simply being able to remember her name and by not drooling on herself … much.
I think I remember this scenario from a “West WIng” episode but I can’t remember how it turned out.
Three more episodes of Charlie Jade remain. After all the hype from Slice of Scifi, I must confess I was kinda put off after the first several episodes. But, I kept the subscription and every week it shows up on the DVR. Now, the story has gotten interesting, but I do think the presentation suffers from an amatuerish over use of camera tricks – kinda like writing a letter in Word and using a different font for each sentence because you’ve got 10,000 fonts available.
Anyway, I read up on the Wikipedia entry that the writing staff completely changed after the eight episode. I definitely agree it was a change for the better.
Sadly, after the final three, it looks like there will be no more Charlie.