Deadpan Unshow Fifty-Two


Deadpan Unshow Fifty-Two

Greasy Nipples
Nomad Scry
Johnny Null
DJ Bunny
Ed From Texas
Cj (first of the week)

Thank you newbies.

Thank you Deadpan community

Musical project coming soon

Thanks Dan & Cj for BBQ (

Remembering a lost friend

Send in content – be creative: 206-350-Tomi (8664) or e-mail: sphericaljackmatgmaildotcom

Jack said ho (tee hee)

556 thoughts on “Deadpan Unshow Fifty-Two

  1. I disagree about pictures of food and scenery. Not that I take pictures of my tuna sandwich from the deli down the street, but I do have a nice collection of pictures of food made with beer that I have consumed (including beer filled chocolates). And scenery is just fucking cool. I rarely take pictures of myself. No need to remember how much better I looked at 20 or to freeze in time the fat bastard that I have become. Better to take pictures of the natural wonders around me.

  2. I don’t agree with The Oatmeal. Without bar photos, it’d be like the night never happened. Food can be beautiful and it can be grotesque, running the whole gamut of life in a microcosm. The most beautiful natural photographs I have seen are of the scenery. I won’t go on because my arguments get progressively weaker from here on down. πŸ˜‰

  3. I have … er… several thousand pictures in my Flickr feed and I do go back and peruse them. However, I have an abdominal memory, so that may change my usage patterns.

    Yes, I know what I said. It funny!

  4. drive by commenting
    i don’t agree with the oatmeal on this one either. maybe most people can take a pic to save there lives so just don’t share them with me. and learn your strenght and weaknesses when it comes to picture taking
    /drive by commenting


    Then again…restraint might… .no… no!!! DON’T DO IT….. must hit send… now….

  6. The use of ‘seems’ always conjures an image of a pyschopath in my mind.

    Susie seems a nice person until her small shoe collection was discovered…

  7. I watched one episode of Haven and I didn’t like it. To much forced sentimentality and the most goofy, off the wall explanations of things were tossed about without batting an eye. The serious tone and super campy plot lines just don’t mix for me. Eureka does a much better job with the camp, and Fringe does a much better job explaining the far fetched ideas.

  8. ” “As far as I’m concerned, this is a mess I made and they are having to spend good money on cleaning it up and I just feel bad for it,” Hilton said.”

    Oh oh I highly doubt that, prick tease.

  9. Aww Thank you, Jack. Everyone had fun and Fletcher slept until almost 8:30am… he was exhausted!

    PS. Nice job using your super-power once you got it activated. That was electrifying!

  10. I wasn’t aware of what previous download numbers were so I can’t make any comparisons. And I am PAINFULLY unaware of just how the listener number statistics are calculated and how accurate they are expected to be. I used to subscribe through iTunes, but now I subscribe through DoggCatcher on my Droid. I think DoggCatcher goes straight through the web site because I had to physically type in the url to get it to find the show.

  11. I also use iTunes to download all my podcasts, since I bought a 3rd gen ipod many years ago and don’t really care to switch to different mp3 player manufacturer.

    Lo Pan: Sure thing, that was beer number three and I’m about to crack open beer four.

  12. *sigh* Beer. My 3rd is a Harvest Moon Pumpkin Ale. Not a real fan of pumkin but this one pours strong and smooth and has almost stout like qualities.

    Tell me bout the Monongah….

  13. It’s a good beer not really to style since I didn’t hit the right efficiency with my mash so it’s on the thin side for an APA. Stong hop flavor and aroma, but no real malt flavor.

    This bottle was actually almost over carbonated, so that I got excess foam when I poured. I think may need to switch from table sugar to bottle prime back to corn sugar. I seem to be getting inconsistent results.

  14. Do you mean this particular beer or brewing in general?

    Either way I think I need alot more work. I’ve only been doing all grain for about 6 months, plus I’m almost constantly upgrading my equipment at this point so it’s hard to lock down process and recipe. That being said this particular APA is close to being “done” as in a recipe I can be proud of and submit to competitions. I just need to get the malt backbone developed to the right point.

    Also I’m looking into working at a craft brewery as soon as I can pry myself into an opening. I’ve been homebrewing for a couple of years and I’ve developed enough of an interest to want try and go pro.

    Huh, apparently I’m a talkative drunk tonight. Plus you hit the “Talk about beer button” a sure fire way to get me babbling.

  15. I get my Deadpan via the tachyon probes inserted sub-cranialy by aliens from teh Outer Space when they abducted me from the beach one night many years ago.
    Or maybe it was the CIA. Frankly, I’m not convinced they aren’t working together.

    Well, that’s when I got the probes.
    The downloads occurs when I simultaneously make coffee, watch CNBC and polish my gazelle (which is of course just a euphemism for waxing my sea lion).

  16. JJoe: Do you have their phone number? I think I want to request that those be inserted into my brain, also can you recieve other podcasts the same way or just the all important Deadpan?

  17. Ah, time for another beer…

    CD: Turtle Tipper
    This was meant to be a homebrew super saison. It doesn’t do well as a saison being far too malty, and not having the right fermentation character. Although it does decently for the super category coming in at 8.3% ABV

    CL: Alice Cooper – Poison

  18. I didn’t mean to start a thing with the downloads, but since with FPM, we have the direct dload numbers right out there for all to see, I thought I oughta address it – and own up to my ignorance re: the whole tracking system. I suppose I could get 100% trustworthy numbers through FPM, but I think I’ll pass.

    I’m cool with where Deadpan is, and that’s about all I have to say on the subject.

  19. Once I started to simply over-look the “everyone is innocent of the crimes their super-powers are committing” thing, I really enjoyed Haven. I liked the chemistry between the characters.

    Though I wish they had kept the very awesome Canadian non-troubled girl and the cranky-yet-sweet medical examiner.

  20. Does anyone speak enough Japanese to recognize this, phonetically:

    Meh da ta shi meh da ta shi


    I’ve got it translated as “All’s well that ends well”, but I can’t figure out how to anglicize the spelling.

  21. Damn sinuses. I’ve been awake for two hours already. Good thing it’s a short work day. I predict much drug induced sleeping for me this afternoon.

  22. I don’t think 100% reliable download numbers are possible. How could you tell if someone downloaded the show twice and hence two downloads really counted as one. How could you tell if one person downloaded it and then shared the file with other people. Again, painfully ignorant, but I would be curious to know how the number are tracked and just how reliable they are expected to be.

  23. I thought, and I may be utterly wrong here, but I thought that the DL numbers reflect people who actually clicked the play button on the website or clicked the download button or the play button on the website. Anyone grabbing the show via Feedburner (RSS feeds) or iTunes wouldn’t show up there.

    Taking into consideration that my (defunct) crap popcast had 15 DLs on an episode, I find it unbelievable that the Deadpan would have 200 DLs. I’m just guessing, but I expect that Touching The Monolith (which is also a rather niche podcast) has more than 50 listeners… and they’re still newbs. No offense Lejon and Master Bob.

  24. IMHO – the success of a podcast isn’t in it’s download numbers but in the responses it gets. If the podcaster get’s frequent e-mail or posts from listeners (positive or negative) then it is successful.

    If a podcast can actually result in a “community” forming around it then it attains the next level, a “made it” level of success.

    The next level is a podcast that can actually generate revenue … but that’s sort of a mythical thing, like unicorns or indestructible dog toys .

  25. I would add …
    I had about as many downloads with my podcast as Jack reports getting … but I would have been happy to have had half of that many downloads if I could have even reached that “first level” of success.

  26. NS: I think those are Sony ads. They are well-known for making very weird images.

    As for the other question, it reminds me of mukashi mukashi, which means a long time ago, or once upon a time. I’m looking to see if I can find anything that means all’s well that ends well.

  27. Ralph I was asking about the Monongah specifically. If you wanted that to be your masterpiece. Either way youre sending me a “yeast sample” when its done. And not the dirty panty type. I have enough of that

  28. Good morning Deadpan.

    Lo Pan and Essbee: I’m hoping the next DPmmmeetup I’ll be able to come out and I’ll have some beers to show off. In the meantime the Colorado has plenty of great breweries.

    JJoe: I think I like the 2nd kitty pic the more than the other.

  29. Snow!! We’re supposed to get it Tuesday, and your weather always informs me of what we’re gonna get, Bunny.

    I’m ready for the snow. The extended summer has kind of been weird.

  30. Very cool… :looks at it sideways: I don’t how to use it, but very cool.

    Yeah, I really enjoyed the snarky meta-commentary and burgeoning relationship between Okami and Ryoko. And the stare fear, that just sealed the deal for me. Hehe.

    Medetashi medetashi. ????????

    Excellent, thank you!

  31. Sorry to hear it, Van. Things are scary at Evil, Inc. also, but I won’t be directly affected.

    I don’t think Bunny tweets, NS. I have an account, but find Twitter very hard to keep up with, so never log in.

  32. ditto: GASP! No twitter!?

    EssBee: I think of Twitter as a stream. I dip in and out of it, but I can’t possibly stay up with everything that everyone says all the time. So I don’t. =) And I’ve got you in the DPITW.

    Van: That stinks. Hope you are safe.

  33. Well, the network at work is borked so I’m effectively stymied. Looks like it is an early lunch to pick up my copy of How To Train Your Dragon.

  34. Van: goodluck

    Ditto: Agreed on xkcd, it’s the last panel that puts it over the top.

    NS: Went ahead and added you and the DP list in twitter and this will probably be the last time I log into twitter this year.

  35. I’ve often considered RTing random comments here on my twitter account, since I don’t often tweet – – or even setting up a second “S%#t Deadpan Says” kind of Twitter account. Maybe someday I actually will.

    I hope everyone’s work stress changes direction.

  36. I have a Twitter account, but mostly I use it to follow celebrity tweets, like Nathon Fillion, Wil Wheaton and Felicia Day. I reserve most of my actual comments for the Dead Pan. πŸ™‚

  37. Oh yeah, good luck Van. I feel your pain. The money I make right now is less than what I made directly out of college 17 years ago. We’re just barely paying our bills. But on the bright side, Teresa’s prospects for a new job making quite a bit more money are good, and my prospects for some additional part time work appear to be good as well. It’s not ideal, but still better than a lot of families. Hopefully everyone else’s financial situations will start to stabilize as well.

  38. I usually just lie at this point.

    “Yup, shutting it down. Hold on, it’s taking a minute to go down. Hmmmm. Okay, now it’s off. Turn if back on, okay, give me a minute… dah dah dah, god this thing is slow. Okay, logging into my computer an….d…. so… slow…. okay, loading the desktop. And I’m up.”

  39. CP: The Past Is a Grotesque Animal — Of Montreal

    The mousy girl screams, ‘Violence, violence’
    The mousy girl screams, ‘Violence, violence’
    She gets hysterical ’cause they’re both so mean
    And it’s my favorite scene

  40. PSA – courtesy of my crazy brain:

    I got my fudz from lunch.. brought to my desk and I was cold.
    then thought.. I don’t wanna be cold AND I dont’ wanna mess up my shirt for tonight – new shirt.. so I put on my hoodie to be warmer and protect me from fudz.. and spilled soda all down my front

    You should always wear protection I say.

    This has been a public service announcement.

  41. No idea when I started type fudz.. someone at work does it and I picked up the bad habit.

    apparently it’s a “cutesy” “flirty” way of saying food.

    I won’t do it anymore.

    Now I feel dirty.

  42. CW: Latest Fringe

    Okay, still loving Fringe, but weren’t the shapeshifters new forms unstable in the last season? they guy with the family had been in the same form for 5 years…

  43. Its good to know how and when Colorado turned evil. First state in the nation! (Which btw… was in the cases of rape, incest, or if the mother was in danger). But why put that on the ad? Me and EssBee know we’re all baby killers. Stay away everyone!!! Coloradans coming for your first born, bitches!!!!!

    Fuck them. Fuck them hard up the ass with a baby on a stick.

  44. OOOOOOH wait tho. We take a back seat to New York, who was the first state to legalize abortions just for the hell of it.

    Anyone wanna rack a baby?

  45. Im in love with high school Christina Hendricks.

    Wait…. not now. I mean I would have been. Er.. in high school… uh…. LOOK OVER THERE!

  46. Some people may be of the opinion that I’ve watched Kill Bill too much, seeing as how I can quote the movie almost line for line.

    Re: Christina Hendricks, I’d be ecstatically happy with her right now.

    Damn, I’m craving a good red wine, don’t have any in stock and all the liquor stores are closed. I might have to jump to bourbon.

  47. I’m just having a little “bump” myself. My version of the “Slippery Nipple” which would normally be 1/3 shot glass of Baily and the rest of the glass with vodka.
    In this case it is an irish cream knock-off and orange flavored vodka. Taste like a “dreamsicle”

  48. NS: No, I don’t recognize that phrase phonetically. Sorry.

    LostRalph: Your bringing homebrew to the next Deadpan MMMMMMMeetup would be most welcome. πŸ™‚

    Good night, Paniacs.

  49. Good morning.

    I got to work yesterday by 5:30am, went straight from work to a work-related event and got home at 10pm and now it’s 5:55am and I’ve been at work again for over 20 minutes already.

    I miss my kids and apparently they missed me too because when I woke up this morning, they were both in my bed.

    Yes. I haz tired.

  50. Best dialogue in Thankskilling:

    Sheriff: God damn Cheryl, that coffee tastes like shit. What’d you do, take a dump in it?
    Cheryl: As a matter of fact, I sure did (swirling coffee pot with crap in it). I want a fuckin’ divorce.
    Sheriff: (quite calmly) Allright then.

    in conversation with daughter 30 seconds later:
    Sheriff: (cheerful) Oh, by the way, your step mamma left me.

  51. Jack, in an unrelated note, you asked for a review of Kraken. I’m about half way through the book and am quite enjoying it. It was a little jumbled feeling at the beginning but I think that was deliberate

  52. So, I’m listening to Pandora.. and this song comes on that I’ve never heard before… and I like it… I’m kinda rockin’ out a little at my desk.

    I’m thinking, I should see what that song is…

    I click over to Pandora

    Oh the anticipation… who could it be? I really like the song…

    Then, I kinda wanna die of humiliation.

    Anyone wanna take guesses who the artist was?

  53. I gotta pee.

    That’s not a hint.

    it’s just a fact.

    But… the bathroom here is like… colder than the glacier that the Titanic bumped into .. I’m pretty sure.

    And I didn’t bring a parka.

    I don’t even really know what a parka is.

    oh.. yeah.. that’s what I need for the bathroom breaks here.

  54. Well, I think this movie has bit the dust for us. We’re going out to spend money at The Sentry Box.

    Cj, I expect to have that song posted by the time I get back because it’ll bug me all day otherwise :happy:

    Later Panites

  55. And this is where Lazy Show Notes come back to bite me.

    Does anyone recall a piece I read a lonnnnnng time ago on Deadpan, which was a brief scene set in a diner? Not quite a story, slightly wannabe Tom Waits-y?

    I just can’t find the episode with that piece. Goshdarnit.

  56. CR (Currently Reading): The textbook for the A+ exam. I think a detailed guide to configuring Windows 2000/XP kinda qualifies as a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore. :biggrin:

  57. K, I don’t want to be a liar. I am having coffee. I intended to make tea, but there was some yummy vanilla coffee in the breakroom, so one more coffee.. then I will have rose tea – I brought some bags to work so I could enjoy the yum all day!

    It’s freezing in here as usual so I’ll have to go get my jacket outta the car. Forgot it. Oops.

  58. So rummaging around my old Xbox and 360 games, I realise I never finished Halo 2 and Halo 3 (in fact for some reason I never did the first level on H3), so this weeks project is to complete Halo 3…

  59. I won some contest at work and I’m getting a free Gears of War 2 for the Xbox. Whatever that is.

    I mean I know what the Xbox is. and I know Gears of War 2 is a game.

    And I’m getting one.

    The Gears of War 2 game… not the Xbox.

    Oh never mind.

    You and all your questions!

  60. Re: Tonights “Mad Men”

    I mean … this whole season has been about him reaching rock bottom and then learning and growing and … and then the writers suddenly decide on THIS ?!?!?!?!

    come ON!!!!

  61. Monday morning catchup.

    Jack: Congratz on your short story publishing.

    CJ: Congratz to your podcast nomination. πŸ™‚

    Van: I haven’t finished Halo 3 either. Still stuck on the level that looks like the interior of a large intestine.

    Wait, Jack posted something on Jeff Loomis? Must.. fight.. urge… to not… write… novel…… AAaaaaa….

  62. “The president said last year that students should be recognized for science achievements in the same way the White House has historically honored American sports teams.

    Professional and collegiate athletic champions are routinely invited to the White House for ceremonies celebrating their wins.

    Mr. Obama has made science, technology, engineering, and math priorities in his education platform.”

  63. I passed the exam I took this morning! I am now 50% of the way to being A+ certified! YAAAYYY!!! :biggrin:

    Jack: There were actually a couple of questions on the test about Vista, which I knew the answers to based on my memories of using it for two and a half years.

  64. Well, we’ve been on a bit of a roller coster here the last few weeks, but I think everything has finally come together. In about six months we expect to be moving into a new home.

    I had planned to do this a few years down the road, but opportunity that we have come across to build a plan we really like a new community is making too much sense to not go for it.

    I have a mixture of excitement and blind irrational panic.

  65. Well, until a few weeks ago, neither was I. We had been slowly working down a different path, but that door closed itself on us as a practical assessment revealed it was something we just couldn’t do.

  66. Wow, lots of congrats to be given today. Here goes:

    Congrats to Cj for her big win
    Congrats to Jack for his big win
    Congrats to Amy for her big win
    Congrats to Ed for his big win.

    Did I miss anybody?

    Anyway, big hugs to all.

  67. A new classic…

    demoncat said:
    ron should get a shirt just for getting in trouble over a picture of E.t crying over the crusifiction plus also having star wars characters take their fight to Narina. combing two franchises that are never ment to be together. though every one picked should be happy they got to show their creativity and came close to getting the t shirt.

  68. Treemendously disappointing ditto.
    I’m sorry they could not just leaf you alone.
    I hope that when they get to the root of the problem you’ll find what it stemmed from.

    I’m going to borrow Van’s coat now.

  69. Tomorrow my next Netflix will arrive: The Paul Lynde Halloween Special.

    I think I shall have to Live Pan it when I watch it, don’t you?

  70. I was actually kinda disappointed in the Wassail, I speed chilled it for tonight so I’ll try another bottle in a day or 2 that has had better chance to chill in the fridge. Maybe that will give a better showing for the beer.

  71. LostRalph, I’m not sure of your preferred styles, but I highly recommend Oak Creek Brewing Co’s stuff, if anything is available where you are. Their Hefeweizen is excellent, their Amber is nice, and their Nut Brown is probably my favorite.

  72. Its a good thing yearly performance reviews here are a joke. My “boss” didnt even show up to mine yesterday. Its good times.


    Van: Whos Kip”?

  73. Good morning, good luck with your review TEB.

    Jack: Thanks for the recommendation, unfortunately it looks like I’ll have to wait until I get to Arizona myself before I can try any of their beers.

  74. lmao.

    The Glastonbury music festival has been canceled for 2012. The reason? There are no porta-pottys available since the London Olympics will be using them all.

  75. Headlines(as written by 12 year olds):

    “Glastonbury music festival pissed away.”

    “Glastonbury music festival Craps out.”

    “Music festival sees no relief.”

    “Olympic sized dump buries Festival”

  76. Witches working on their PR, give Paul 3 wishes. First wish, he wants to be a trucker, with CB and rhinestones. Tim Conway is a fellow trucker.

  77. Good evening Deadpan,

    Ed I hope that cryptic statement means the new house adventure us going well.

    CD: Unibroue’s Ephemere, which is an excellent beer made with apple and spices. I don’t know if I can give a better review than that, but still I highly recommend it, especially for hot weather.

  78. Just found (and watched) last year’s “Glee” season finale on my Tivo.
    If you took all the best bits from this season and put them in one episode, it still wouldn’t be half as good as that episode.
    They must have ditched all their writers from last season or something.

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