552 thoughts on “Unshow 89”

  11. Saw ‘The Purge’ with nephew today.

    A nice idea spoilt by dumb dumb dumb execution.

    The children were really stupid and annoying.

    Even a token black guy (with a twist at least).

  13. Strange dream last night. I dreamt I attended the Cirque du Soleil naked, with a woman sitting on my lap. Perhaps my subconscious was telling me that is how Cirque du Soleil is meant to be experienced.

  15. Had my first taste of almond ‘milk’ tonight.

    That is not an euphemism.

    It wasn’t too bad.

    I still prefer cow’s milk

  27. I watched the Season 5 premier of The Venture Brothers last night. I still maintain that it is, without a doubt, the best show on television. There are no equals.

  37. On the ‘couldn’t have been more wrong’:

    Film director D.W. Griffith predicted no TV: ‘I do not foresee the possibility of instantaneous transmission of living action to the screen within 100 years. There must be a medium upon which the dramatic coherence can be worked out, and the perfected result set firmly, before the screen will be permitted to occupy the public’s attention. In the instantaneous transmission, there would be entirely too much waste of the public’s time, and that is the most important thing – time.’

    Nicked from the latest Ansible.

  40. Crap joke for the day:

    A man met a beautiful lady and he decided he wanted to marry her right away. She said, “But we don’t know anything about each other.” He said, “That’s all right, we’ll learn about each other as we go along.” So she consented, and they were married, and went on a honeymoon to a very nice resort. So one morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 Meter board and did a two and a half tuck gainer, this was followed by a three rotations in jackknife position, where he straightened out and cut the water like a knife. After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel. She said, “That was incredible!” He said, “I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we’d learn more about ourselves as we went along.” So she got up, jumped in the pool, and started doing laps. After about thirty laps she climbed back out and lay down on her towel hardly out of breath. He said, “That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?” “No.” she said, “I was a hooker in Venice and I worked both sides of the canal…

  43. I subscribe to ifit. What they do is give me custom workouts for my elliptical. I usually pay for this service. I was suppose to renew by the end of May but their on line registration kept giving me errors. I just called them. They were aware of the problem with their international customers so they renewed me for free. I was quite willing to pay but… That kind of customer service makes me want to give them all kudos I can

  45. Tonight I realised that the first time I must have seen Robert Forster in a movie was not Jackie Brown but in ‘The Black Hole’.

    Doh!

  47. All I remember of that game is falling into a pit, and never being able to get out. Ironic that all of the unwanted cartridges ended up buried in a giant landfill.

    Goodnight :Ell-ee-ott:

  49. I was eating dinner at Colorado Fondue when I head some young guy at the table next to me say “There was a Star Trek animated series, but it was definitely made for kids”. At that point an article in the next day’s newspaper flashed into my head… Geek fight breaks out the Colorado Fondue – Witnesses say they heard a cry of “You take that back, take it back right now”. It was all kinds of hot cheese and chocolate flying everywhere in the ensuing pandemonium, one witness said.

      • Strangely this is one year I really don’t want any of the teams in it to win. Would have been nice to see Jerome get one, but not in Pittstown.

        • I’ve rooted against the Pens my whole life, but I’d adopted them this year, solely for Jarome Iginla’s sake. (And I also feel that the general anti-Crosby sentiment is unfair and unwarranted)

          Looks like the Unshow will down to either Desert Pixie or the winner in the West; Rhettro or Brad P from NJ.

  55. Crap joke for the day:

    Three mice are sitting in a bar in a pretty rough neighbourhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are.The first mouse pounds a shot of scotch, slams the glass onto the bar, turns to the second mouse and says, “Whenever I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it twenty times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese.” The second mouse orders up two shots of sour mash, pounds them both, slams each glass onto the bar, turns to the first mouse and replies, “Yeah, well when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it up into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day.” The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, “I don’t have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and screw the cat.

  172. I know Van and Lo Pan can totally identify with this statement:

    I HATE it when I forget to bring a hair tie to work and have to go all day with my hair down.

  175. This is a question for JB. Does the Ghostlight podcast have an RSS feed? I’d really like to subscribe via Podkicker on my phone. 🙂

  176. Hubby may not be at home but I’m not sure he’s really working that hard. We’ve been texting back and forth for the last half hour

  177. When hubby started at this school system, the principal at his school was named John Picard. It turns out Picard is moving to the high school (hubby’s school) in September. We both laugh.

    Unfortunately, hubby learned early on this Picard knows nothing about ST. Once Hubby tried to get him to say, “Make it so”. Apparently this Picard just looked at him in confusion.

    We still think it’s funny

  182. Dear avid Pannite Readers… Anyone read and/or reading the Rho agenda Teilogy by Richard Phillips?

    I can actually read them for free and Im curious.

  190. Unverified fact of the day-

    Beer Fact of the Day: The White House Brews Its Own Beer

    That’s right.. the leader of the free world gets his own fresh White House brewed beer. Who knows how many major cultural and world changing decisions it may have been responsible for. Obama personally pays for the equipment and ingredients and White House Honey Ale is brewed by the White House chefs. Obama busts it out sometimes on the campaign trail and is the first President in history to brew his own beer…

  198. earlier, I meant to type… The Rho Agenda Trilogy Books by Richard Phillips.

    Anyone read these? Or is Richard Phillips an Indie Author, who no one has really heard of and Jack’s assessment was correct.

  199. I am CR: the Brandon Sanderson Mistborn series currently. I’m about mid-way through book 3 and would recommend them to anyone who liked Robert Jordan. It was a slow start, but book 2 was excellent and book 3 has been also.

    He did slip a bit in a part I read this morning. One of the heroes was talking to his wife, also a hero, and was listing the 3 people she’s killed and said it was a “homicidal hat trick.” Boo. Earthly sports terms in epic fantasy kinda don’t work.

  209. I partook (partaked?) in today’s celly of National Doughnut Day with a chocolate iced Krispy Kreme.

    I recommend each of you go and grab yourself ine.

  213. Hey advertiser. I’m sure that shirt is clever, but I can’t read all of it due to the model’s extremely large breasts.

    I know this boobsploitation is your plan, but I wanna see the whole shirt…

  215. I am currently on the second book of the Mistborn series. Someday’s I wonder if EssBee and I are really two different people.

  216. Well, now that Sidney Crosby is no longer playing hockey, he can get back to his Night’s Watch post on The Wall.
    (Tell me he doesn’t look just like Jon Snow with his scraggly playoff beard)

  217. Crap joke for the day:

    On their first night together, a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom showered and wearing a beautiful robe. The proud husband says, “My dear, we are married now, you can open your robe.” The beautiful young woman opens her robe, and he is astonished.”Oh, oh, aaaahhh,” he exclaims, “My God you are so beautiful, let me take your picture. Puzzled she asks, “My picture?” He answers, “Yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever”. She smiles and he takes her picture, and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and the new wife asks, “Why do you wear a robe? We are married now.” At that the man opens his robe and she exclaims, “oh, OH, OH MY, let me get a picture”. He beams and asks why and she answers, “So I can get it enlarged!

  226. Crap joke for the day:

    Couple sat watching telly, husband keep flicking channels,
    Golf,
    Porn,
    Golf,
    Porn,
    Golf,
    Wife says “for fucks sake leave it on porn, you know how to play golf”

  227. My geek moment of the day, in the coffee shop, using the free wifi, but securely reading the DP over a VPN link (Tunnelbear).

    Oh and It fools Netflix into thinking I’m in the US and can access the US Netflix catalogue.

    Ummm, I need to get out more.

    • The good news is that there is an abandoned site that I have direct experience with:

      http://liparanormalinvestigators.com/hauntedLI.shtml#chandler

      The bad news is that this (and several other sites claiming that the Chander Estate is one of the most haunted locations on Long Island) are full of crap. I lived at the Chandler Estates when I was an undergraduate back around 1990 or so. In fact, part of my wedding reception in 1993 was held at “the big field” at the Chandler Estate. I rented my room from “old lady Chandler” herself. From the horses mouth I have it that the place started out as a girls camp in the early 1900s and that it was a summer resort at the time that Marylin Monroe and Arthur Miller stayed there (not lived there as the article claims). At the time I was there she rented out studio apartments in “the lodge” at astoundingly low prices to those that she felt most deserved it. She would only rent to college students and people with psychological disorders. Stories of the schizophrenic woman across the hall from me were numerous and quite entertaining amongst fellow students that stayed there over the years… but that is another story. I must tell you though that there is no thrill so great as staying in a single room with no heat to speak of on the coast of Long Island in the middle of February. Suppose that’s why I live in Florida now. But I digress.

      Anyway, to make a long story short (too late), at the time I lived there, there was never any urban legends or talk of the place being haunted or (even though it was technically behind a graveyard off the side of a road). I have a friend that still has a house on a piece of the property. After Mrs. Chandler died the lodge where I had once stayed became deserted and overrun with teenagers looking to cause trouble. Someone started the haunting rumors and the problem got worse. So the town bulldozed the majority of the property and made a park out of it. The response from the haunting crowd was to nickname the park “the devil’s trail”. Stupid idiots.

      Sorry for the rant. Was bored and decided that writing something would help. It did. Thanks.

  241. In line with today’s conversation, I finally went through with the vegemite experiment last week. I’d never tried the stuff, so I bought an $8 little jar.

    Holy shit.

    WTF is wrong with Australians?

  248. “Hello. Your Disney DVD is equipped with Fast Play. With Fast Play, you will skip to the start of your movie.”

    Me: “Cool.”

    DVD: — just played about six movie trailers. WTF

  253. The google doodle today is for Maurice Sendak. The album Really Rosie by Carole King based on several of Sendak’s books was and still is a favorite of mine.

  269. Crap joke for the day:

    A very tired nurse walks into a bank totally exhausted after an 18-hour shift. Preparing to write a check, she pulls a rectal thermometer out of her purse and tries to write with it. When she realizes her mistake, she looks at the flabbergasted teller and without missing a beat, she says:’Well, that’s great….that’s just great……Some asshole’s got my pen!

  287. Your crap joke for the day:

    These three lads are drinking in a pub when this bloke comes in and starts drinking at the bar. After a while the bloke goes up to the group of lads, points at the one in the middle and says, in a drunken slur, “I’ve shagged your Mum.” The three lads look bewildered and the bloke goes back to drinking at the bar. Ten minutes later he comes back and announces, “Your Mum has sucked my penis.” The three lads try and ignore him and he goes back to the bar. After another ten minutes he comes back and shouts, “I’ve had your Mum up the arse.” By now the lads have had enough and the one in the middle stands up and says, “Look, Dad, you’re pissed. Now fuck off home.”

  288. I’m thinking Brian Brown ought to pay a visit on Deadpan as one of the last round of interviews. And not even to rant, unless he wants to. I just think a good snarky session between him and Jack would be epic 🙂

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