Kingdom of the Crystal Scroll

There are some bad moments on the other pages, but they’re all still pretty enjoyable. This one is by far the worst.

Except for that thing with the refrigerator.

981 thoughts on “Kingdom of the Crystal Scroll

  1. Today: home in bed finishing House of Cards. I had lots of projects planned for this work holiday, but cough, hack, wheeze…

  2. It’s been over 3 decades since I last bought an issue of 2000AD, bought the latest issue today.

    Ummm, yeah comics are still not good value for money.

  3. Your crap joke for the day:

    A fellow in a bar notices a woman, always alone, come in on a fairly regular basis. After the second week, he made his move.“No thank you.” she said politely. “This may sound rather odd in this day and age, but I’m keeping myself pure until I meet the man I love.”“That must be rather difficult.” the man replied.“Oh, I don’t mind too much.” she said. “But, it has my husband pretty upset.”

  4. Started reading this
    http://www.doctornerdlove.com/2015/04/reclaiming-manhood-detoxifying-toxic-masculinity/
    which linked to this
    http://blip.tv/foldablehuman/s4e8-fight-club-7105117
    But finished neither. Sleep has won the hour. Seems like some refreshingly balanced thoughts on masculinity and what it means in this day and age. Some statements here and there gave me pause, but I’ll reserve judgment til I’ve finished reading / watching.

    Some other time. Goodnight :Hemingway:

  5. Pixie stares spacey-ly onto the operating field. Mumbles of words are bring said, the sound of sucking fluid and “Lucky Star” over power my brain.

    I’m hungry

      • I dont know, man. Meat and seafood isnt like grabbing a shit ton of candy and Little Debbie snack cakes via stamps. That stuff is what poor choices are made of.

      • I have a problem with this. The issue is that “steak” and “seafood” are very broad categories, the latter being quite extensive. You realize that making food from ingredients is cheaper and healthier than pre-packaged food, right? Why isn’t there a ban on pre-packaged foods? You also know there’s a huge range in prices depending on what you buy, right? So, while I don’t think people should buy King Crab Leg or Filet Mignon with food stamps, buying imitation crab or a cheap sirloin on special is not a bad thing. Why isn’t pork tenderloin banned? This goes beyond poorly thought out.

        And as the article states, the instances of abuse are not as wide spread as some would lead you to believe. This just seems to be another easy political “issue”, where a problem isn’t being solved. The only thing accomplished is we are painting the poor as too stupid to know how to live. And politicians are gaining cheap political points.

        • Excellent points, ditto.

          Any decent society should have reasonable, fair safety nets for the unfortunate. With reasonable limitations, I should be free to blow my entire check on high-end cigars, Bubbleicious, Garth Brooks tickets – – whatever. If I spend that limited handout unwisely and have nothing left for necessities, then that hurts me, not you.

          • We get the poor bashing in the UK as well. The media concentrate on the benefit fraudsters and polls show the public think the rate of fraud is sky high when the government own figures show it is not.

        • Seems to me that instead paying for the overhead of policing this sort of thing, it’d be better to have the funds available for food. Less government, more deregulation, etc. Seems like there is a political party that champions less government interference.

        • I’ll chime in late with this thought –
          I don’t know how “food stamps” work as far as how many you are given and what their exchange rate is but I do know from what I have looked into, that sort of assistance simply does not add up to enough to live “high on the hog”. I object to the way opportunistic politicians are clearly saying here (in a passive aggressive way) that people who qualify for assistance are living the good life at our expense. While you might find a handful out of the MILLIONS that qualify for food stamps who have found a way to game the system, there simply isn’t any evidence that indicates this occurs enough to even equal the amount that one defense contractor overbills for a weekend conference. (Hows that for passive aggressive?)

          The other thing that bugs me … this person that was seen buying “good” food with the help of food stamps, does anyone know their story? Could it have been a dad who scrimped and saved for a year to have enough of these stamps left over, to by his kid a steak for his birthday or for his wife on their anniversary? Isn’t that possible? Do people do that sort of thing anymore ?

          … and FINALLY – I am actually all for limiting access to tobacco, alcohol and junk food for food stamps, but then … we have a moral responsibility to make sure that “GOOD” food is available and affordable to folks on assistance.

  6. Rhettro: YES!!! I am very much interested in playing the next Edge of the Empire module. I’ll go along with anything the group wants to play, though.

    Re: food stamps: First of all, they’re administered on a per-state basis. When I was in AmeriCorps in Florida, we were encouraged to sign up, so I have firsthand experience. To the best of my recollection, you absolutely could NOT buy cigarettes or any alcohol whatsoever with those funds. You couldn’t even buy hot, prepared foods from the supermarke deli section. (Cold sandwiches were okay, though.)

  7. I’m not sure how it happened but hubby and I seem to have turned into the cool kids everybody wants to hang around with on Saturday night. We haven’t decided if this is a good thing or not. On the one hand, we’ve never been the cool and popular kids so it’s neat being so now. On the other hand, hubby and I like our us time and usually guard it jealously. It’s hard to have a weekend to ourselves when everybody wants to come over.

    • A big step in the right direction, however, that we would not have seen from President McCain or President Romney, and that will not be respected by President Jeb Bush or President Cruz. I don’t know how President Hillary Clinton or President Rand Paul would handle this.

      • I”d edit out the “big” above. I mostly agree otherwise. Too much personal and much bigger harm to just kinda say “yep I think this is bad.” As president, call for some action or something. At least lose the word “therapy.”

    • I’m going to be in Artesia, NM in a few weeks. Seems to be enough of a nowhere place in the middle of the desert that I should try looking up at the sky in the middle of the night. It’s about 40 miles away from Roswell so I should be ready to duck if a flying saucer comes whizzing past my head.

  8. Back from lunch :cheerful:

    I did a quick look at my calendar for the next six Saturdays…
    This Saturday, friends come over to game
    Next Saturday, Calgary Comic Expo
    3rd Saturday, Daddy in Law in town.
    4th Saturday, more friends, more gaming
    5th Saturday, Spamalot
    6th Saturday, Arizona

    I’m tired already. :sleeping:

  9. I’ve decided hubby is as bad as me for overstocking when we have company. We are expecting one person over tomorrow to game. One. He felt the need to purchase two boxes of beer yesterday (12 packs each). I have a feeling there will be much left over.

  10. Thank you to the cute girl at Qdoba who hit on me today. Made my entire week!

    Future dumb ass memory: my response to her = “how old are you?”

  11. JW: Atari: Game Over

    I had never heard of the ET game myth before and this was a bit of fun pop culture to watch with our own household gamer.

  12. Well after watching three episodes of Daredevil, I’m still enjoying it.

    If they stick to the comics, dark times are a coming.

  13. CW: Mommie Dearest

    two fun facts!

    1. Henry Mancini wrote the musical score. I loved his stuff!
    2. I went to high school with the boy who played Christopher Crawford in the movie.

  14. Your crap joke for the dAy:

    A precious little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp, “Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep widdle wabbits?” As the shopkeeper’s heart melts, he gets down on his knees, so that he’s on her level, and asks, “Do you want a widdle white wabby or a thoft and fuwwy bwack wabby or maybe one like that cute widdle bwown wabby over there?” She in turn blushes, rocks on her heels, puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice, “I don’t fink my pet python weally gives a thit.”

  15. So the verdict on The Lizzie Borden Chronicles, ep 1: Suitably creepy, just enough history to be intriguing but not historically correct as far as Lizzie. Christina Ricci does creepy well. I gotta turn off my accuracy alarm on this one.

  16. RE: Music telling us we’re old

    While flipping through radio stations in my car on a short drive that I was too lazy to hookup my Ipod…I land on the “Easy Listening” station

    “I Love Rock and Roll” – Joan Jett and the Blackhearts

    Just let that one sink in.

  17. Speaking of music that makes us feel old….

    My ipod just spun “Spring Love” by Stevie B.

    Mr. Mangan was not amused, but his facial expression was classic.

  18. Crap mini joke:

    A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.

    Judge says, ‘First offender?’

    Woman says, ‘No, First a Gibson! then a Fender!’

    • There should be Mad Men bingo. Some suggested squares:

      -Someone praises Don’s looks.
      -Someone praises Don’s talent.
      -Don says the word “work.”
      -Pete raises his voice.
      -Someone praises Joan’s looks.
      -You’re bored to death by scenes involving Don’s ex-wife.

  19. If I was in a ranty mood I would rage against the masses and their stupidity in preordering Apple watches, but then I looked at my phone and decided to shut up.

    • I’m pulling for Ovechkin to get a Cup victory this year, but yes, an all-Canadian Final would be awesome to see and terrible for ratings.

    • ‘If a man is calm 100% of the time, like so calm that he’s mostly dead, and he only gets boners for his job, because he loves his job so much and he’s always sitting at a desk or standing with a phone doing his job, but then all of a sudden he can’t stop getting boners for one specific woman and he’s mad at her from how much she’s distracting him from his job, which has never happened before, because he’s literally never been attracted to even a single woman in the history of being alive in his own body until right now and he’s going to straight up murder you with sex because it turns out all that sedate studiousness he thought was his personality was actually the calm before the dick storm’

      HAH!

  20. And since I do this every year for the NHL playoffs.

    NYR – PIT — PIT in 7
    MTL – OTT — MTL in 5
    WSH – NYI — WSH in 7
    TBL – DET — TBL in 6

    STL – MIN — MIN in 6
    NSH – CHI — NSH in 7
    ANA – WPG — ANA in 5
    VAN – CGY — CGY in 7

    I don’t believe half of my own predictions.

    (Would people like this to have its own page, as a separate place for everyone to make predictions?)

  21. SO many good albums already this year. Local H just dropped their new one today and jesus, it sounds as urgent and pummeling as As Good As Dead did back in 1996. Truly one of the more underrated rock bands of the 90s, Aughts, and TentyTeens

  22. First Hypertension review coming up at the end of April, oh the joys of getting older.

    Yeah I know, it still beats the alternative.

  23. Well I had my folk fix tonight going to see Kate Rusby in concert.

    My Orkney trip may have to be cancelled though as the friend I was going to go with eyesight has deteriorated far more rapidly than he expected (cataracts).

  24. I’ve been enjoying withing documentaries lately.

    I have forgotten the first series I watched that started this, but I have watched The Roosevelts, the Rise & Rise of Bitcoin, and the latest, Vietnam in HD!

    Does this make me old?

    Get on my lawn!

  25. Wednesdays are typically worse than Mondays.

    It’s hump day and you have to go “UP” the hump before you can enjoy the slide back down.

  26. Alvie might be the only person who cares but:

    I noticed tonight that S-K has changed their “I wanna be ur Thurston Moore” lyric to “I wanna be ur Kim Gor-don”

    /I am such a gossip

    • That sucks. Dont get me wrong of course I love Tennant but I would have loved to see a couple more seasons with Eccleston. He was great

  27. Public Service Broadcasting are playing locally on April 30th and I’m on a late.

    This people is why working shifts sucks balls.

        • From the Gamespot article:

          “They did, however, clarify that Battlefront will not be an online-only multiplayer game. So-called Missions will be playable not only solo, but also in two-player cooperative mode, both online and in offline splitscreen. Missions sound like more-directed experiences that take place within the settings of the multiplayer maps. Again, the devs were short on details about progression, length, and how many missions will be available, but it’s good to know there will be options for offline play.”

          So, don’t be too dissappointed. :)

          • Yes, I saw that, but it will be a smaller part and not the focus of the game, which is multiplayer. I guess I shouldn’t have said “only multiplayer”.

            Anyway, perhaps when more information comes out, I’ll change my mind, but it sounds much like Destiny-like game with a Star Wars skin. Yet another game I’m not playing.

  28. You know (other than disagreeing with you on a lot of things) I don’t hold anything against you if you are right wing, but if you are moaning about people being on welfare best not to use a case from the UK whilst mentioning US constitution…

    • That Timothy Olyphant is a cool drink of water…

      I loved all of the hillybilly, backwoods, dumb redneck shit those characters gave us all of those seasons.

  29. Agents of SHIELD is starting to feel more like an alternate X-Men universe, rather than Avengers…

    Has that always been the case, with the comics?

  30. Wisdom from Twitter:

    @ccfinlay: Ello is like when you dated that person, and it was nothing special and you drifted apart, and then they started emailing you ALL THE TIME.

    • Balls werent kind today

      And I the the Oil will go ahead and waste another top pick. Seriously how many have they had the past 5 years?

    • FF was also my comic of choice when I was a kid. I feel the superhero fatigue big-time with this trailer, but it doesn’t frighten me away. I expect I’ll see it with low expectations.

      • I agree. It’s an improvement over the previous movies. I’ll wait to see what the reviews are like, but at least the warning bells are not going off. Yet.

        • Its certainly not as bad as the “Do you bleed” trailer that shall not be named. But still, just give FF back to Marvel and go away.

  31. Ah Amazon reviews you do make me laugh;

    This review is from: The Holy Bible: King James Version (Paperback)
    For those of you who don’t know, this is God’s second novel after the Old Testament. It’s a marked improvement, in my opinion. He got rid of a lot of his previous angst and scorn, and has really begun to show some of the maturity present in his later works. He’s become a much more loving and kind God, and, noticeably, he doesn’t throw nearly as many tantrums as he did in the first book.

    That said, there is still vast room for improvement. Plot wise, there isn’t really much suspense, and the story can be incredibly repetitive. In like four chapters, he just rewords the same basic story over and over again. To top that off, he puts those chapters one right after the other. Like we wouldn’t notice! I like the whole Jesus character, but let’s face it, the whole good guy martyr thing has been done before. There was no need to devote so much of the book to that guy.

    If you’re really looking for a good God read, check out the Koran or the Book of Mormon. They’re much more polished. Plus, the storytelling in the Book of Mormon is wild. Some people say it goes too far and point to it as evidence that God’s over the hill, but I beg to differ. Just read it. God’s like a genius or something. I mean, magic spectacles! Tell me that isn’t awesome. I don’t know how he dreams up some of this crap.

  32. Watched 3rd Ep of DD last night.
    The show itself is solid but I find the gratuitous use of “splatter violence” to be … gratuitous. Close-up shots of bones breaking, spikes through eyes … I find these things un-neccesary and in fact distracting to the show itself. I do not need these things to “get” that these people are violent and dangerous. When I have to cringe and look away, or mute the audio … it really takes me out of the show.
    meh

    • But, sadly, I think you just sold me on giving the show a try. If only I still had Netflix. I’ll eventually get back around to it.

    • Thats the stuff I really enjoy because thats how it WOULD BE if ‘superheroes’ were a real thing. If youre squeamish by ep 3 Im not sure if I’d continue.

      • The thing is, I get the “violence” … I just feel like the splatter and close up shots of gore are there because some executive thought the show wouldn’t be taken seriously as an “adult” show if they didn’t add those scenes. It sells the rest of the production short because I totally get the violent darkness they are portraying with out that the “extra” gore. To me, them throwing in that stuff is like the guy who always feels like he has to explain a joke after someone tells it because he thinks you don’t get it.
        I get it.

    • It would bother me for a lesser show, but I think the story and the characters draw me in enough that the harsh violence doesn’t detract or distract too much. We’re only on # 7, but I’m enjoying it more and more with each episode. Matt Murdock is such a a fascinating character, and they’re definitely doing him justice.

      Definitely not a show for kids, though.