385 thoughts on “Jack Mangans Deadpan #289: The End, Part 4.

  1. Cheesey line #34

    On hearing a woman claim she had a lot of scars on her body I replied:

    ‘You are just a map waiting to be discovered’

  2. I have an 8.5 hour audio book I was editing. I ran it through the Levelator and discovered the Levelator only does about an hour and a half. I know the answer is to cut the book up, level it, then resplice it but I’m afraid one area may be levelled differently than another.

    Any suggestions

    • I have no experience with Levelator but my guess is that if you will break it into as large pieces as possible, there will be less variation between the average level of those longer sections than there might be over shorter segments.

      Then again I liked Southland Tales.

    • The difference should be slight, if it’s the same reader or readers on each segment, and you’re not also Levellating music or sound FX. I’d try 2 segments and see if it sounds good to you.

  3. It’s amazing how much travelling one letter will do.
    I have a letter going to Colorado. According to Canada Post and the USPS the letter started in Calgary. Went to Vancouver to to cross the border, and is currently in LA.
    I think my letter is more travelled than I am.

    • Well it makes sense cause, see, Colorado is located fairly centrally below Alberta (ok Saskatchewan really, but still) and therefore its actually quicker to go all the way to the southwestern tip of the US as opposed to be sent directly south. See and..cause… also..

      Oh I have no idea. I blame the Dakotas.

  4. Your crap joke for the day:

    Young people nowadays moan about having to work long hours for a pittance, but they don’t know the half of it.

    When I worked on the railways in the early 1940s, I put in 18 hours every day and got paid nothing. And I never complained once.

    If I had, the Japs would have shot me.

  5. In good news for work, our latest book, only released a week ago has already sold 200 copies on Amazon and is sitting at #10 in SF/F in US and 14 overall in Canada making it our 2nd best seller in that time period (one week).
    This is the same book I’ve been doing the audio for for the last month. It’s audio book goes on sale next week. We have high hopes.

  6. Catching Fire in T-minus 5 minutes.

    And Thank *you*, Asshole directly behind us, who brought their 4-yr ild to a midnight showing of a violent movie. On a Thursday night.

  7. While I can approve of Jennifer Lawrence . . . appreciation . . . I would like to remind my brothers that Katniss is a teenager, YOU PERVS.

  8. This is tonight’s Geeks Who Drink bonus question. i imagine Van wouldn’t have had to google:

    The first serial featured the Doctor and his granddaughter heading into the past with what two passengers?

  9. Oh and asked elsewhere:

    Other than Hong Kong Phooey and ‘Wallace and Gromit’, what other examples can you think of where the Hero is totally incompetent but the assistant/partner/pet arranges things so they never know that their are incompetent?

    Oh and Inspector Gadget of course….

  10. Your crap joke for the evening:

    One day The Lord came to Adam to pass on some news. “I’ve got some good news and some bad news,” The Lord said.Adam looked at The Lord and said, “Well, give me the good news first.” Smiling, The Lord explained, “I’ve got two new organs for you. One is called a brain. It will allow you to create new things, solve problems, and have intelligent conversations with Eve. The other organ I have for you is called a penis. It will give you great physical pleasure and allow you to reproduce your now intelligent life form and populate this planet. Eve will be very happy that you now have this organ to give her children.”Adam, very excited, exclaimed, “These are great gifts you have given me. What could the bad news possibly be?”The Lord looked upon Adam and said with great sorrow, “You will never be able to use these two gifts at the same time.”

  11. Since we’re not yet done with the Tennant seasons, and zonked from climbing a mountain this afternoon, I decided we’d pass on the Dr. Who 50th viewings. We paid tribute in our own way, watching two great season 3 episodes: “Blink” and the Ian Holm one.

  12. Hey, Deadpan!

    Visit from the parents has been awesome so far. Today we went to church, a volleyball game at one of the local universities, Olive Garden, then home, where we watched the 2009 RSC production of “Hamlet” via Amazon streaming video. Unfortunately, “the very ecstasy of love” for all these fun things caused me to completely forget about assigning Secret Santas. Sorry about that. I’ll get to it tomorrow.

    Good night, sweet Deadpan. Parting is such sweet sorrow. šŸ˜‰

    • “Therefore your sneakers shall be known as runners”

      Well, really, is sneakers supposed to be a more sensible word? While I don’t see myself adopting that one, runners certainly seems a better fit.

    • I have to agree with number 10 as well, Jack. Apparently New Yorkers must have a limited vocabulary if they’re not familiar with that one.

      But – boot? I thought everyone in the UK used that word for the back end of the car where you put stuff.

  13. Oh my God this person on the other end of the phone call i”m on is really stupid. I had to explain my problem several times. He then put me on hold. Came back, and asked me to do something I couldn’t because, that’s what my problem was. *sigh*

    • You had almost 40 minutes of soothing on-hold music, continuously looped in case you wanted to hear it again. Sounds like a relaxing morning to me!

  14. Your crap joke for the evening:

    Blind guy goes to see a prostitute , but as he cant see what he is getting and ends up with a pox ridden tart . They go upstairs and she undresses , he runs his hands over her spotty arse . Its ok she says its just a bit of acne . Thank fuck for that I thought it was the price….

    • Yeah, Brodeur, Scott Stevens, Trottier, Messier, and Brett Hull all need to be higher on that list. Cam Neely, Jeremy Roenick, Grant Fuhr, Jacque Lemaire(?), and Pat LaFontaine all seem to be missing too.

      Still, lists like this are always open to debate and disagreement. Overall, it’s pretty well done.


  15. Thanksgiving Week with the Parents, Day 2 was a success. Breakfast at a cafe in the morning, then grocery shopping, then to the post office, then to the movies to see “Thor: The Dark World,” which I really enjoyed. We had a simple supper at home, put my new bookcase together, and watched the first 3 episodes of “Slings and Arrows.” It was a very fun day. šŸ™‚

    Good night, Pan.

  16. Your crap joke for the day:

    At a medical convention, a male doctor and a female doctor start eyeing each other. The male doctor asks her to dinner and she accepts. As they sit down at the restaurant, she excuses herself to go and wash her hands.
    After dinner one thing leads to another and they end up in her hotel bedroom. Just as things get hot the female doctor interrupts and says she has to go and wash her hands. Once she comes back they go for it. After the sex session she gets up and says she is going to wash her hands.As she comes back the male doctor says I bet you are a surgeon.She confirms and asks how he knew.Easy you’re always washing your hands.She then says I bet you’re an Anesthesiologist…Male doctor: Wow how did you guess?….Female doctor: I didn’t feel a thing..

  17. Your thanksgiving crap joke:

    It was the first time the blonde was eating Thanksgiving dinner without her family. Trying to re-enact the tradition, she prepared a dinner for herself alone. The next day, her mother called to see how everything went. “Oh, mother, I made myself a lovely dinner, but I had so much trouble trying to eat the turkey!” said the daughter. “Did it not taste good?” her mother asked. “I don’t know,” the blonde said. “It wouldn’t sit still!”

  18. I forgot to tell you! The “slimed” divider sound effect in this week’s episode after Dr. Neil deGrasse Tyson said, “I don’t know” was a happy accident. One of the few times I’ve ever cracked up while putting the show together.

  19. Day 3’s activities: leisurely morning at home, art museum visit, light lunch at my favorite local cafe, afternoon downtime and work on computer stuff at home, then dinner and a walk through the local shopping district to look at the holiday window displays. I declare this day a success. I’m sorry it’s the last full day I’ll have to spend with both of my parents (tomorrow starts 4 days in a row of work), but I’m very satisfied with all the fun we’ve had these past 3 days.

    Good night, :deadpan:

  20. Hello, beloved friends. I miss you guys! Life, ammiright?

    I have simmered the brine, which is cooling, and am now making stock from the turkey necks left over from our super-fun Civil Union party this Fall. It smells yummy in here. My mom-in-law is about to make menudo and posole – the latter for me and my sis-in-law. Lawdy.


  21. I’m having my Thanksgiving at my godparents’ house for the second year in a row, with my parents and another friend of my godparents’. I’m looking forward to it. šŸ™‚

    Good night, :turkey:

  22. Went to this beer and tea shop (yes… I said beer and tea shop) in North Carolina when I was there on vacation. I’ve passed by it every year thinking it was a neighborhood bar. Turns out it is a house that someone converted into an astounding selection of beer and teas. I got off easy at about $30 for 14 beers. I’ve done much worse.


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