349 thoughts on “Jack Mangans Deadpan #288: The End, part 3.

  1. Your crap joke for the day:

    A girl is driving along the expressway listening to the radio when she hears a song she really, really likes. When the song is over the announcer says the title of the record was, “Hot Lips and TenderKisses.”..When she gets home she’s very excited about the new song and decides to call her local music store to see if they have the record. Hurriedly, and excitedly, she dials the store’s number. But in her excitement, she unknowingly misdialed and got an auto repair shop instead….”Hello,” the mechanic answers…”Oh, yes! Do you have Hot Lips and Tender Kisses?” the girl asks.The mechanic was puzzled, but says, “Well, no, but I’ve got hot pants and seven inches.”
    “Oh, is that a record?” she says….”No,” he says, “but it’s better than average.”

  2. Does this really surprise anyone?

    Seems insurance companies sent out letters saying their policies were being canceled due to the affordable care act but they would roll them into another plan. Only it turns out the plan is more expensive then if they were to purchase one (with better coverage) through the AFA. One of the offenders … insurance giant, “Humana”.

    So canceled policies and blaming it on Obamacare is actually a pre-planned strategy for companies to “upsell” to unsuspecting people.

  3. Well that was disappointing. Spent an hour with my author (the one who didn’t show yesterday) and we couldn’t get his google+ to recognize his camera or mic. The problem is, he’s not very computer literate and he lives in a different town. He also uses a different version of Windows than I do (he uses Vista) so I can’t walk him through the process of checking his settings.

    We may not be able to do the interview on Saturday.

  4. According to an article in the New Scientist if you really want to freak your self out do the following:

    You will need a mirror large enough to observe your head from a distance of a metre.

    A darkened room, preferably at night, dark enough that you can barely see your reflection.

    Sit and stare at your reflection for ten minutes.

    Visually, weird shit starts to happen..

  5. Real Hockey: Flames at Avs tonite!!!

    Fake Hockey: Darksiders, you gotsta make some moves. Your team hath doth given up on you.

    AZ Derby Dames – For fucks sake, do NOT invite Owen Fyve for dinner, capisce?

  6. Hey, Deadpan! I wanted to make sure I got this announcement posted on episode #288:

    The Annual Deadpan Secret Santa Gift Exchange will continue!

    The Deadpan Secret Santa exchange has become one of my personal Christmas traditions, and I can’t see myself giving it up. Even though the Deadpan Podcast has now officially become two gross, the holiday cheer will continue. :happy:

    With Thanksgiving coming late this year, the deadline to sign up will be Saturday, November 23, which is two weeks from tomorrow. I will repeat this announcement at least once more before then, via email and/or on a future post on this site. As always, email me at (last name)1138 at yahoo dot com to sign up.

    Deadpan is the way! 🙂

  7. Your crap joke for today:

    Two police officers saw this old woman staggering down the street, stopping her they can tell she has had far too much to drink and instead of taking her to jail they decide to just drive her home. They loaded her into the police cruiser one of the officers gets in the back with the drunk woman. As they drove through the streets they kept asking the woman where she lived, all she would say as she stroked the officers arm is “Your Passionate” They drove awhile longer and asked again, again the same response as she stroked his arm “Your Passionate”. The officers were getting a little upset so they stopped the car and said to the woman, Look we have driven around this City for two hours and you still haven’t told us where you live. She replied I keep trying to tell you: “Your Passin It!”

  8. Your bonus crap joke:

    Our lass calls my cock “The Firework.” Not because it lights up her evening, but because she likes to keep it at arms length since it went off in her face!

  9. I dropped a glass bowl onto a tile floor this morning. It landed flat and the results were spectacular.
    The glass fragmented so completely, it looked like water as it flowed out across the floor. In all directions.
    Took me 30 minutes to clean all that up.
    – woot

  10. Tonight we are having some friends over to continue our adventuring. One of our players is amazing with beasts. A couple of months ago, he managed to tame a giant spider which we now have as a pet that helps us in battle. Last month, he tamed an ogre which we are adding to our party tonight. Our other player (a dwarf) asked for a horse as a reward for a battle we did (the same battle we picked up the ogre). We are getting quite the menagerie.

  11. It looks like we are getting water accumulation from the melting snow in front of our house. City water is working there. I hope that doesn’t mean they will have to shut down our water while they work on whatever it is that’s not letting the water drain from the streets. Whatever it is, it hasn’t backed up into our house so that’s something, I guess.

    • It’s brilliant!

      I also hadn’t realized the way debt collection worked.
      example – you owe 10k in medical bills. The collection agency who keeps calling you, bought your debt for around $500 and are now allowed to harass you for the whole 10k.
      If YOU had been allowed to buy it you could have erased your own 10K debt for $500.

      If the whole of the indebted public knew that this is how it worked it would totally turn the finance world on it’s ear.

  12. Your crap joke for the evening:

    Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?
    Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.
    Woman: Oh, I see.
    Officer: Can I see your license please?
    Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.
    Officer: Don’t have one?
    Woman: Lost it 4 times for drunk driving.
    Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
    Woman: I can’t do that.
    Officer: Why not?
    Woman: I stole this car.
    Officer: Stole it?
    Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.
    Officer: You what?
    Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

    The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car. A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.

    Officer2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!

    The woman steps out of her vehicle.

    Woman: Is there a problem sir?
    Officer2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.
    Woman: Murdered the owner?
    Officer2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

    The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.

    Officer2: Is this your car, ma’am?
    Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers. The officer is quite stunned.
    Officer2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving license.

    The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer. The officer snaps opens the clutch purse and examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.

    Officer2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
    Woman: Bet you the lying bastard told you I was speeding, too!

  13. Saw the dentist. Good news, I don’t have any cavities. Bad new, I still have to go in and get fillings. Apparently, a couple of my fillings are coming loose so they need to be redone. So, for me, not having cavities has the same end result of having them. *sigh*

    • I’m facing having a gap as one of the teeth under the dental bridge is rotten. No pain at the moment so I’m putting it off as long as possible.

      The dentist also told me the price of implants, maybe if I win the lottery…

    • There’s nothing I enjoy about this show right now. Really disappointing.

      On the other hand, Van, REEALLY enjoying Sleepy Hollow. You told me so!

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