368 thoughts on “Jack Mangans Deadpan #280: Vigorously and Without Mercy

    • *he* apparently has some sort of lock on the system. *he* even got the first spot when the show tended to be posted around 3am and I was all exited to be working in Saudi where I would actually be awake when the show posted. I checked every minute, and by the time I saw the show had posted, *he* already had a comment listed. I’ll just never have the dedication to Deadpan that *he* has :jealous:

      • UH you really think *he* has a lock on the DP website?

        You didn’t think that the time difference and the time Jack posts an episode was a simpler explanation?

        • I’m sure that how *he* got his lock on the system, sure. Not that it should have mattered when I was two time zones ahead of *he* and checking every minute. Maybe the simplest solution is a psychic connection with :Jack: so that *he* always knew the exact time the episode would post.

          And I don’t think the lock was on the site, so much as on the ability to get firsties. Not like I think *he* was specifically blocking others from posting, just &$%#ing good at getting there first.

  1. Congrats, Rhett!!

    DP, I’ve seen a few episodes of Covert Affairs and do like! I have it on my list to watch while on the elliptical (CW: Lie To Me)!

  2. Today’s show notes
    Jack Mangans Deadpan #280: Vigorously and Without Mercy

    Because he won the hockey pool, Brad P will be doing an upcoming unshow.

    The final episode(s) will be a Duel of the Fates. Get your Deadpan related character choices in now. Be prepared to record your choice in the five categories.

    Amy Bowen’s airport update

    Greasy Dining Conversations
    Justa J0e
    Used Hair
    Desert Pixie
    Amy Bowen
    Lo Pan
    The Energizer Bunny
    Ed From Texas
    Tony Mast
    Vanamonde (first of the week)

    Amy’s airport update continues

    Jack looks at both the past and the future.

    Amy’s airport adventure comes to a close

    Send in content: 480-788-JMDP(5637) or e-mail: sphericaljackmatgmaildotcom

    Closing Music

  3. Yesterday I played the part of an electrician.
    The key is to go slow and pay close attention and then you get to go home when your done.

    Today I am playing the part of I.T. Department.
    I think I prefer the possibility of sudden painful death.

    • “If I lived in the Wild West days, instead of carrying a six-gun in my holster, I’d carry a soldering iron. That was if some smart-aleck cowboy said something like, “Hey look. He’s carrying a soldering iron!” and started laughing, and everybody else started laughing, I could just say, “That’s right, it’s a soldering iron. The soldering iron of justice.” Then everyone would get real quiet and ashamed, because they made fun of the soldering iron of justice, and I could probably hit them up for a free drink.”

  4. Your crap joke for the day:

    My girlfriend came home grinning from ear to ear.

    I asked her “why are you so happy”.

    “I jogged home behind a bus and saved $1.95” she said.

    Bloody idiot, if she had jogged behind a taxi she would have saved $14.00…

  5. So today has been a wonderfully shitty day of waiting on other people to get network/disk issues fixed so they stop corrupting my databases.

    My rebellion? I just bought 2 Kip Winger solo albums. That’s how I roll, Mutha Fuckas!

    • “Contrary to what most people say, the most dangerous animal in the world is not the lion or the tiger or even the elephant. It’s a shark riding on an elephant’s back, just trampling and eating everything they see.”

    • I’m going to have to put this list in front of Holden. He loves to read as long as he finds it himself. Suggest a book to him and you can guarantee he won’t pick it up.

      We finally got him to read Harry Potter by taking away all screens except for his Nook… but only so long as it had a book on it and not a game.

      He plowed through all all 7 books in 6 weeks. (The first couple of weeks were during Christmas Break). I bet he’d enjoy a good number of these books.

  6. Morning Pan

    Later today we are having friends over for dinner and gaming. We will probably play some Mice and Mystics, then move to some D & D (Which, I know, is basically what Mice and Mystics is but with less visuals)

  7. So you know how most phone services now have a “Call Forwarding” feature? That’s the one where you can set up a list of numbers and if any of those numbers call you they can be automatically forwarded to some number OTHER than yours.

    With my system it is easy to add the “last number that called you” to that forwarded list. This makes it real convenient to add telemarketers to the list. If they call more than once (as frequently happens) they simply get directed somewhere else.

    Where to send them?

    It occurred to me that since congress actually installed loopholes in the “Do Not Call” registry to allow this scum to bother us, Congressmen must LIKE these calls. So who am I to deny them of their joy?

    My congressman has a local office. With a local phone number.
    That’s all I’m saying about that.

  8. I bottled my first batch of beer last night! It tasted great – I’m so happy!

    ditto/JOe: do you have any recipes to share that utilize Amber extract syrup? I got a 6# can of it along with my kit, so want to use it before I go out seeking other recipes. I prefer ales, because my house is HOT.

  9. Your crap joke for the evening:

    An old couple is in a taxi in America.The taxi driver says “So which part of England are you folks from?”The old man replies “From Yorkshire”..The old lady says “What did he say?”The old man says “He asked which part of England we are from and I said Yorkshire”..The taxi driver says “I’ve been to Yorkshire once. I stayed with an old couple. The woman was horrible, a right bitch, it put me off going to England forever.”The old lady says “What did he say?”The old man says “I think the driver knows you!”

  10. Rhettro: Congrats on the great news! :happy:

    Wow. This is episode #280.

    Really looking forward to Duel of the Fates. I think it’s a great idea for the grand finale. πŸ™‚

    Good night, mush.

    • “Videodrome” was available for free streaming on cable this month. It made me think that if a remake ever got made it might create a modern revival of the “hallucinating giant vaginae on your stomach” genre.

  11. Well, I finally got around to reading “Old Man’s War” this past week. It’s a fairly short book, but a most impressive yarn. Now working my way through the sequel novel.

  12. And now for one of my favorite bits of crap engineering humor:

    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer wait for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumes, “What’s with these guys? We’ve been waiting for 15 minutes!”

    The pastor says, “Hey, here comes the groundskeeper. Let’s have a word with him.”

    “Say, George, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?” the doctor asks.

    The groundskeeper tells them that the other golfers are a group of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving the clubhouse from a fire and that they come and play for free whenever they want.

    The group is silent for a moment.

    The pastor says, “That’s so sad. I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”

    The doctor says, “Good idea. I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”

    The engineer says, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”

  13. Ok peeps, you were warned.
    Today’s movie is House at the End Of e Street
    The DVR write up: I this chilling tale of horror, a recent divorcee discovers that the house next door was the site of a double murder, and the sole survivor of the killings soon takes an interest in her daughter

  14. Crap joke for the evening:

    After landing my new job as a Walmart greeter, a good find for many retirees, I lasted less than a day. Here’s what happened:

    About two hours into my first day on the job a very loud, decidedly unattractive, woman walked into the store along with her two kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

    As I had been instructed, I said, pleasantly, “Good morning and welcome to Walmart.”
    I then said, “Nice children you have there. Are they twins?”

    The ugly woman stopped yelling long enough to say, “Don’t be fucking stupid. Of course they aren’t twins. The oldest one’s 9, and the other one’ s 7. Why the hell would you think they’re twins? Are you blind, or just stupid?”

    I replied, “I’m neither blind nor stupid, Madam. I just couldn’t believe someone fucked you twice. Have a good day and thank you for shopping at Walmart.”

    My Supervisor said I probably wasn’t cut out for this line of work.

  15. Hey guys. I got around to seeing my only film of the summer in the theaters. Iron Man 3 is still relevant, right guys? Guys?

  16. On his hatred of deer…
    β€œI would happily blow 20 guys in an alley with bleeding dicks so I could get AIDS and then fuck a deer and then kill it with my AIDS. I would do that in a second.”

    I love Louie CK so much. So. Much.

  17. Crap joke for the day:

    A man was walking along the beach at Malibu when he found a bottle. He looked around and didn’t see anyone so he opened it.A genie appeared and thanked the man for letting him out. The genie said, “For your kindness I will grant you one wish, but only one..”The man thought for a minute and said, “I have always wanted to go to Hawaii but have never been able to because I’m afraid of flying and ships make me claustrophobic and ill. So, I wish for a bridge to be built from here to Hawaii.”The genie thought for a few minutes and said, “No, I don’t think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved with the pilings needed to hold up the highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. Think of all the pavement that would be needed.No, that is just too much to ask.”The man thought for a minute and then told the genie, “There is one other thing that I have always wanted. I would like to be able to understand women. What makes them laugh and cry, why are they temperamental, why are they so difficult to get along with? Basically, what makes them tick?”The genie considered for a few minutes and said, “So, do you want two lanes or four?

    • I’m going to eat you little fishy
      I’m going to eat you little fishy
      I’m going to eat you little fishy
      Because I like eating fish

  18. Well I shall try and have a lie in tomorrow so somebody else can tickle the fancy of the deadpan lock by inserting themselves in a gentleman (or gentlewoman) manner..

  19. Essbee – don’t know if you have tried “Cabin in the woods” yet but I’d vote YES!
    It is worth the handful (?) of moments where a squeamish person might want to avert their gaze, in order to immerse yourself in all of the Joss Whedon creamy creative goodness!

    Also, (trying not to venture to far into spoiler land) … it is sort of the punctuation for the entire genre’. So if you have ever seen any “handful of youths get isolated and (fill in the blank)” films, you owe it to yourself to see this one. It is the punchline.

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