363 thoughts on “Jack Mangans Deadpan #249: Contessa Hazelnut Catpuchino”

  12. So there was a call for another ear buddy, then a response, then a call for several in this week’s episode but I’m not sure how that syncs up with what went on in the comments. Thus, I’m a bit confused. Is there still a need for more ear buddies? I will be happy to continue to participate if anyone feels brave enough to partner up.

  36. From the latest Ansible:

    ‘You will die, sir, in the most abhorrent manner conceivable to an appalling infantile imagination. I promise you.’ (Rex Stout, The League of Frightened Men, 1935)

  49. Crap joke for the day:

    I was in my local post office, I asked the young girl behind the counter “Do you keep stationary?”,

    she replied “Only to begin with, then I go like a fucking rabbit

  56. Rather ironically (after slagging it off in the past), I’m getting addicted to Dr Pepper.

    Sorry Lo, I don’t think that is going to work with Bladerunner….

  63. Well, hubby went over to the dark side. His android phone’s calendar stopped working and the phone itself would reboot every other day or so for no apparent reason. He is now the proud owner of an iPhone 4S. He’s already much happier.

    (disclaimer, I have been a member of the dark side for some time so it was meant as a good thing)

  64. I have to say I’m loving my Samsung Galaxy S2 from T-Mobile, even after my intial hiccup. I upgraded the firmware to the Android 4 operating system and later discovered I no longer had a data plan. Turns out someone at T-Mobile didn’t flip a switch or something as they forgot to carry the data plan over when we upgraded. So the problem wasn’t with my phone but with my carrier. T-Mobile did fix it quickly when I brought it to their attention. It’s slick, fast, reliable and I don’t need to run any Apple proprietary software to move data between it and all my PCs. 🙂

    • I find the most reliable metric is whether or not words are coming out of their mouths. If so, they are probably taking advantage of you (or at least trying to)

  95. Your Crap joke for the day:

    A man goes to the doctors and says “everytime I masturbate I shout come on Coyotes!!!”

    The doctor replies “don’t worry most wankers do”

    I’ll get my coat.

  97. For reasons I can’t explain, I’m craving twinkles. I was upset my local Mac’s didn’t have any. Is there something wrong with me?

    And NO! I am not “with child” you can have cravings without that other issue, you know

  98. This weekend I plan to at least write if not record my Earbuddies Forever Commentary for my outgoing track, and also (if I get the song) the incoming track as well.

    And I will also be in the middle of 12 straight shifts.

    OT yay!?

  99. *hugs all around gratefully accepted and returned*

    Today was rough on me, too. Starting the process of registering a car in a new state during your lunch break = ugh. Thankfully, my new manager is really cool and said it wasn’t a big deal that I was 10 minutes late getting back.

    Bunny: You and your hubby are so cool for having taken care of KJA and Rebecca, and so lucky that you got to hang out with them. 🙂

    • There is NOTHING on this list that I wouldn’t eat. Then again, I’m a fat bastard. Beyond liver, beets, and mushrooms there are few items that don’t get sucked into the black hole that is my stomach.

      The thought of a Yosemite SAMwich (Spicy taco meat on a sesame seed bun with BBQ sauce, nacho cheese sauce, bacon bits and crispy onion tangles), Spaghetti Sticks (Spaghetti noodles, sauce, mozzarella and parmesan cheese all wrapped up in fresh-baked pizza dough and served with a side of spaghetti sauce), Cereal Killer Ice Cream (Soft ice cream that tastes just like the milk left at the bottom of your breakfast cereal bowl), Duke’s Poutine (Freshly cut french fries topped with piping hot gravy and squeaky white cheddar cheese curds) and Scone with Sausage Gravy (A buttermilk scone covered with traditional southern gravy and sausages) make me near sick with hunger. OK… when it comes to Lamb Fries (Traditional Middle Eastern dish of lamb testicles marinated with Holy Land spices) I’m not sure if I’m more turned off by testicles or just WTF “Holy Land Spices” might be… but I would still eat them. Mmmmm.

  108. Your long winded crap joke for the day:

    A man walks into a bar, notices a very large jar on the counter, and sees that it’s filled to the brim with $10 bills. He guesses there must be at least ten thousand dollars in it. He approaches the bartender and asks, “What’s with the money in the jar?”

    “Well, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money in the jar and the keys to a brand new Lexus.”

    The man certainly isn’t going to pass this up, so he asks, “What are the three tests?”

    “You gotta pay first,” says the bartender, “those are the rules.”

    So, after thinking it over a while, the man gives the bartender $10 which he stuffs into the jar.

    “Okay,” says the bartender, “here’s what you need to do:”

    “First – You have to drink a whole quart of tequila, in 60 seconds or less, and you can’t make a face while doing it.”

    “Second – There’s a pit bull chained in the back with a bad tooth. You have to remove that tooth with your bare hands.”

    “Third – There’s a 90-year old lady upstairs who’s never had sex. You have to take care of that problem.”

    The man is stunned! “I know I paid my $10 — but I’m not an idiot! I won’t do it! You’d have to be nuts to drink a quart of tequila and then do all those other things!”

    “Your call,” says the bartender, “but, your money stays where it is.”

    As time goes on, the man has a few more drinks and finally says, “Where’s the damn tequila?!”

    He grabs the bottle with both hands and drinks it as fast as he can. Tears stream down both cheeks — but he doesn’t make a face — and he drinks it in 58 seconds!

    Next, he staggers out the back door where he sees the pit bull chained to a pole. Soon, the people inside the bar hear loud growling, screaming, and sounds of a terrible fight — then nothing but silence!

    Just when they think that the man surely must be dead, he staggers back into the bar. His clothes are ripped to shreds and he’s bleeding
    from bites and gashes all over his body. He drunkenly says, “Now, where’s that old woman with the bad tooth?”

  111. Rainy day here in Omaha. Got my nightstand and chest of drawers delivered this morning. Just signed up for my first volunteer opportunity here in my new city, and bought myself a ticket for next week’s fashion show. Off to the post office now.

  115. We’re going to be brave and order from Domino’s Pizza tonight. The reason it’s brave is the Domino’s in our neighbourhood always screws up something on the order. We tend to go years between orders, then say, “oh, it’s been a long time, I’m sure they’ve fixed their issues by now” and then get disappointed. I’m prepared for disappointment. Hubby, however, is a little more optimistic.

  116. Hubby is making me watch episode two of the original a team. In this episode, face suddenly changes from the actor who originally played him to dirk Benedict, in the middle of part two of a story line

  134. Just started LA Noir on PC. I suck at driving. I have no idea what’s going on. The mouse buttons they tell me to push are opposite to what I actually need to push. So far, I’m enjoying it. Is that strange or what?

  138. Well I read the Hunger Games quite some time ago, and taken in the context that it is young adult fiction I thought it was pretty good.

    Best book ever? Not really. But nice to see a female character aimed at young girls other than the Bella in Twilight variety.
    The lack of strong female characters in my early reading made me kinda glad girls today had better female characters to read about then I did.

    But I do agree the movie was meh, although they did pretty good not twisting the book around too much (unlike Abe Lincoln vampire hunter where the book and the movie were 2 completely different stories)

    • Considering the hatchet job Hollywood normally does to book adaptations the film was very faithful to the book.

      Look at that, not a cough in sight.

  145. In other news, I went to a fund raiser last Friday evening at a large house perched on the edge of a mountain. Of note was the host’s “Star Trek” media room, complete with an honest to goodness, Star Trek, sliding door that automatically whisk open as you approached. They did have the wrong sfx though. When it opened it made the transporter sound instead of the door sound. Don’t know how they could go to that much effort and get that wrong but I wasn’t going to say anything. The inside of the room was like a set. It had the back lit structural ribs and 2 observation windows with orbital views of a planet. Overhead was a window with a starfield view.

    *sigh* want

    • Odd to hear “real” and “Twinkie” together in the same sentence. There was a Twinkie scare when Hostess declared bankruptcy, but I believe they were bailed out somehow or other and the world’s strategic supply of spongy goodness was secured. Not sure how that affected any presence of Hostess in Canada, but I still see them in the stores here.

  150. We watched The Hunger Games this morning. Both my daughter and I read the series earlier this year, but never got around to seeing it in the theater. Overall, I think it was faithful without being as badly locked to the book as the first couple of Harry Potter movies were.

    Definitely not a substitute for the book, though. There were lots of things cut/changed that, while not absolutely vital to the movie, do greatly enrich the overall story as presented in the book.

  155. A relative is having a major op today. Lots of health problems make this op riskier than usual.

    I tend to emotionally shutdown while I wait for news, so today will be flat.

      • We’re suppose to reach about 30C today (about 85F). I know it’s not hot by some Pannites standards but by Calgary standards it’s scorching. Also, we’ve had this temperature for well over a month. What’s that about.

        We were at Banff/Lake Louise the last week. It was 27C. The information board at Lake Louise said the average August temperature is 13C. Climate Change has really take hold here in the great white north.

        • I know exactly where you’re coming from TEB. I’m in Florida now, but I grew up in NY and I deal MUCH better with cold than I do with heat. 90-95F (32-35C) is the standard here in the summer (a cool day to those in AZ). I have a hard time just walking around (let alone mowing a lawn or biking) in that kind of heat, but people here do it all the time. Maybe in December or January I can start trying to ride a bike to work. Right now, I don’t even enjoy walking half a block to the gas station down the street for a cup of coffee.

  165. Somehow I missed that Horshack died.

    I saw it when I realized Phyllis Diller died today 🙁

    Then, I made everyone in my office watch a YouTube video of Welcome Back Kotter

    Because apparently, I’m old. . . and saying “ohh ooh oooh Mr.. koootttteeerr” didn’t make sense to anyone but me.

  166. “Because apparently, I’m old. . . and saying “ohh ooh oooh Mr.. koootttteeerr” didn’t make sense to anyone but me.”

    Now I feel old.

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