370 thoughts on “Jack Mangans Deadpan #245: I Got a Rock

  1. Alright, good peoples, you are going to have to step up to the plate this week. I’ll be heading out to get wet with the family for the next several days, so I won’t be able to make my massive contribution to the weekly post count. But, if five of you can answer the call and manage an extra post each, we should have no shortfall 🙂

    Oh, behave!

  2. Well I am back home for a bit now.

    Undecided about making the drive next weekend for a grave-side service. This is one of those deals where he & his wife (my relation) lived in St’ Louis for most of his adult life but HIS family wasn’t from there. So this is a service mostly for his family that couldn’t make it to St. Louis on such short notice for last Saturday’s service and to put his ashes in his family plot.

    I pretty well made my piece with loosing him a year ago when he could no longer recognize me. I really liked him but I felt last Saturday service said what there was to say.

    Lot’s of family pressure to go though.

    Family. Oiy!

  3. If my front door lock had Brocken at my last home, I would not be going to job #2 right now, instead, I would’ve been sitting in my living room with a .45 in hand.

    Thank goodness for nice neighborhoods and not hoods

  4. Just enjoying a new way of thwarting telemarketers.

    My phone service will only let me block 20 phone numbers and those slots are full. So now I am using the “selective call forwarding” to do the job.
    I simply enter a telemarketer’s number as the new number to “forward selected calls to” … and then when a telemarketer calls I add their number to the list of numbers to forward to the other guy.

    I wonder how much telemarketers will enjoy getting pestered by telemarketers?

    I hope they get caught in a do-loop.

  5. I once called a company (I forget which) and I hate IVR systems. Those are the systems (Press 1 to confirm you’re human and will wade through this list). This particular IVR system was stupid and after multiple presses to get to where I needed to go for help…I got dropped. For the fifth time. I got mad. I called in again. I hit 0 for operator (most IVRs have this but don’t list it). I got ‘invalid response’. So I hit #. Invalid Response. I hit *. Invalid response. #*#*#*#*#*#*####**0**#*#*#**#*#0*#**###*#*#*#****#*#*#*###*0#*#*#**#*#**#*#**#**#*# SCREW YOU! HANG UP!

    I called back. I got a fast busy. I thought… uh, that’s not good. I hung up, called again. Fast busy. I called an hour later. Fast Busy.

    I watched the news the next day. The IVR system for that particular company had something go wrong with their IVR system that shut it down for half a day while they tried to discover what went wrong. I’ve tried this with auto-calling telemarketers, but this doesn’t seem to work. I will continue to try though.

  6. Crap joke:

    Got a great deal off ebay the other day. An invisible baseball bat.
    The idiot next door won’t know what’s hit him !!

    • Basically it allows you to stream content from the iTunes store to display on your TV.

      More complicated explanations would involves apps for running on the Apple TV forviewing Netflix and YouTube. Also the ability to stream content from iPhones and iPads to the Apple TV over your wifi network via AirPlay.

  7. I’m reminded that there is no purpose in life other than to be a pawn in the grand sociological experiment that Justa Joe is performing….

  8. Your crap joke for the day:

    I was explaining to the wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow. I said your obviously not listening…

  9. Well Good Morning Pan! It’s time to play the exciting new game, “Word Shuffle!”

    It’s simple and fun. Just use the flowing in any order you want and then use your imagination to create humorous situations. Let’s play:

    The word items for this round are:

    “Coccoon” (the movie)


    “Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream (Rocky Road-ish & Super NY Fudge Chunck)

  10. I like my Ben & Jerry’s Rocky Road ice cream with chunks of fudge, but not with chunks of racoons and/or coccoons. Or Don Ameche for that matter. Time for a beer.

  11. Another crap joke:

    Teacher asked her class for 3 great kings that brought happiness to the world. A boy answered “Smo-King, Drin-King and Fuc-King”

  12. I need to convert several hundred image files from .tif to .bmp. Any good software out that will quickly and easily allow me to do this? I can use Gimp to do it, but it would be very time consuming as it seems that I would have to open each file in the original format and then export it in the other format. No the kind of thing I want to do several hundred times.

  13. Watched the first two Bond films tonight.
    “Dr. No” from a DVD and then “From Russia with Love” from an Amazon download to my HD Tivo.
    The quality of the downloaded film was really noticeably worse. I would say “bad”. Perhaps eve, A view to a swill.
    Sure, formats aren’t forever but this is for poor eyes only.
    I’ll never say never again but the quality is not enough.

  14. Today’s movie is Monster Brawl
    The DVR write up: Fightnfans from around the globe cheer on their favourite monsters in a massive battle royale staged to determine the mightiest creature of all

  15. Oh look. The first comment of this play by play eaten by wordpress. *shrug*. I knew it would happen. Makes for an extended edition when Jack releases the comments

  16. RE: the book list, I’ve read Gravity’s Rainbow and 1984, both in grad-level lit classes . . .

    I loved GR, and love Pynchon, but I know that’s a minority opinion.

  17. Ugh!

    I am sooooo tired on construction and not having our bathroom. Today starts day one of week three in this “week long” bathroom project

  18. I am trying to making chicken enchiladas for dinner. I am using the recipe on the can of Old Elpaso Enchilada Sauce.
    I apologize to our friends in the South West U.S. for calling these “enchiladas”.

    EssBee, if SlyBee felt a tremor in the force, it was probably this.:ermm:

  19. Politicians have really jacked with my hockey.

    Is nothing sacred anymore? Is nothing off limits from these greedy, power-hungry, narcissistic bloaters?!?!?!

    We just want watch our silly little sport & cheer for our favorite team & take our minds off the daily stressors of life with our family & friends.

    Enough already!

    *yells in my best I Want My MTV voice*

    “I want my Coyotoes Hockey!”

  20. I’ve looked at the tea leaves of twitter and it seems an interview with someone called Nicole is in the DP future.

    I’ll pass on the chicken entrails ..,

  21. I don’t know if someone specifically recommended Forbidden Zone to me or if it simply came up as a suggestion in Netflix. Regardless, the movie has now made several lists.

    Top 5 bizarre movies I’ve seen:
    1. Eraserhead
    2. Tetsuo: The Iron Man
    3. 200 Motels
    4. Forbidden Zone
    5. Human Highway

    Top 3 bizarre movies that I actually enjoyed:
    1. Forbidden Zone
    2. Human Highway
    3. The Happiness of the Katakuris

    • Not sure about my top 5.

      I’ve seen Eraserhead and Forbidden Zone.
      I enjoyed Eraserhead in that “creepy, weird dream that doesn’t quite make sense” sort of way.
      I found Forbidden Zone to be delightfully odd.

      I think Repo Man and Southland Tales would make the list but not exactly in the same league as the first two.

      I seem to recall “Mullholland Drive” as being pretty odd, “Blue Velvet” was not normal and “Lost Highway” was waay out there.

      Hmmmm. Based on sheer volume of output, David Lynch may be the king of weird movies.

  22. *sigh* The bathroom people emailed. Due to a tile shortage, they probably won’t be able to work on my bathroom at all today. I’m starting to think I’m going to ask for a discount for this “week long” project.

  23. The Nerdist podcast with Levar Burton and the one with Billy West had me laughing pretty hard. Both were NSFW, but good for the drive home.

  24. Hmmm. decisions. decisions.

    I have narrowed my Ear Buddies Song choice down to two songs. Very different. I dont know which one to send.

    its. too. stressful.

  25. CD: Makers Mark and RC cola. Followed by a strait shot of Makers Mark. Followed by a chaser of Miller High Life. Its always classy here.

  26. CD: Makers Mark and Colorado Cola

    There’s a blues street fair down the street. Music reverbing into the house. Hot summer nite. Glorious.

  27. We have perfect timing. Finished putting together out new shed. About ten minutes after we finished putting all our stuff in the new shed, it started raining. We were very happy the rain held off as long as it did

  28. A little Deadpan birdie told me there were birthday wishes for me here.

    Happy birthday to you too Bunny!

    Thank you 🙂 and sorry I am such a bad deadpanite that I don’t check in more often.

    I have a bit of exciting news to share with you all though:
    Managed to get 2 uber-cool photography gigs under my belt again. Working to get back up to my old grandeur.

    1. photo shoot for an upscale couture lingerie shop. They are a international company so this could potentially be HUGE for me. They want me to shoot art shots of girls in their outfits. NSFW: http://www.agentprovocateur.com/
    2. Shooting press photos for a monthly burlesque group http://www.vaudezilla.com/events.html

  29. A lazy, yet very productive weekend comes to a close.

    1. Excellent music
    2. Delectable foods and beers (new favorites and old ones too)
    3. Earbuddies sent and Palooza vote casted — DP duties done.
    4. Gorgeous stormy Arizona weather
    5. The BEST company and old friends be had.


    Say Good Night, Pixie

      • From what I hear, it is one of those books that everyone talks about only because they hear everyone talking about it and not because it is good.
        I do personally know two people who have read it and the consensus is that it is nothing more than “A bodice ripper with cable ties” … and not a very well written one at that.

  30. Morning, Pan.

    Has anyone here been to see “Ted?” What did you all think of it? What is the source of most of the humor? (Am I in for a two-hour-long episode of “Family Guy” if I go see it?)

    • I’ll admit it, I really want to see that movie… At this point I don’t care if the laughs are cheap. I don’t think I’ve so much as smirked at a movie since I saw The Room. Hall Pass and Hangover 2 made me cry for our species.

  31. Still no bathroom. What would they have done if I didn’t have a second one to use.

    I sent them a sternly worded e-mail asking for recompense for this, so far, four week long project that was only suppose to be a week or so.

  32. Over the next two weeks I’m going to spend way too much time travelling to and from the airport.

    This afternoon I take my Boo and her boyfriend, they are going to BC to visit hubby’s parents and my mom.
    I pick them up on Thursday.
    Saturday I take hubby to the airport so he can go to some conference
    I pick him up the following Wednesday.

    We live at the opposite end of the city than the airport so lots of time on the road for me.

  33. Got an e-mail back from the stupid bathroom people. Basically she said she understood my frustration and my bathroom will be finished as soon as possible. Since this is what I’ve been hearing for the last week, let’s see what they say when I decide payment will be made “as soon as possible”

  34. Your crap joke for the day:

    My boss pulled up in his brand new BMW today and I couldn’t help but admire it.

    “Nice car,” I said as he got out.

    “Well,” he said, noticing my admiring looks, “Work hard, put the hours in, and I’ll have an even better one next year.”

  35. Neil Gaiman drrrrrooooooooooollllll!!!!!!!

    I didn’t know they were holding this competition!!! OMG!! Course i am not a comic book artist, wouldn’t mean I wouldn’t of tried to enter 🙂 Dave McKean did a whole bunch of photo montages. I could of entered a photo montage. Sigh.


  36. Just had one of those summer storms where there was a solitary peel of thunder … then a downpour of large rain drops obscured visibility … for about 13 seconds. Then the sun emerged.

    I suspect if I were to venture outside I would find humidity thick enough to cut with a knife.

    I shall stay in.

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