651 thoughts on “Jack Mangan’s Deadpan #215: Life, the Deadpan, and Everything

  1. Hey Van and Cynful, hope this week’s episode is coming down the pipe for you. I’m currently downloading it. It’s always the slowed to download of all the podcasts I listen to.

  2. One of the first comments of the day:

    “The Energizer Bunny
    September 1, 2011 at 4:51 am · Reply

    I’ve said it again and I’ll say it again, I found …And Another Thing very meh.”

    Unfortunately, I agree. There were some near-LOL moments, but overall… No.

  3. Stat’s Time!

    Aug 2011 had 2,003 comments. Down 23% over the same period last year. Partly my fault as I was pretty busy in August. I plan to make up for in in Sept.

    • Yes I admit, I already forgot about last week’s show. Yes you recorded before I was in Arizona but I hadn’t heard it until last week.

      • I have problems remembering what I had for breakfast, so I wasn’t polishing the axe to stick it in your back TEB, apologies if it cam across that way.

  4. He focused on the tree tops that were not only many miles away from
    him, but also far below. He wasn’t beside the mountain, he was on the
    mountain. Being so single mindedly intent on his path he hadn’t
    bothered to look back, until now. Juan sighed, turned and sat upon the
    smoothest rock he could find. The clouds began to dissipate and the
    summit of the mountain started to reveal its form . Juan glanced up from
    his makeshift seat. The mountain wasn’t much more than a bluish profile
    through the haze, but his spirits lifted at the sight. “Not much further.”

    As priests go, Father Alverez wasn’t that unusual. He was a balding,
    somewhat portly man of about 40 years of age. Generally well liked for
    his charitable nature but always watched with a cautious eye for his habit
    of calling in “favors.” Alverez was doing God’s work after all and he didn’t
    have the patience for people who would rather stare at the ground and
    do nothing. If they wouldn’t decide for themselves to be useful then he
    would set them running. However this day, Father Alverez had
    effectively set ever idle soul he saw to better means. The weather was
    drying out, the air was clean and the splendor of creation was laid out
    like gems on a table. The intense green of the jungle and the towering
    mountains beyond were quite a sight. “I suppose I could stare at my feet.”
    Father Alverez chuckled to himself. No, he thought he may take
    advantage of this moment to indulge his passion for lore and history. He
    started off toward the Shaman’s tent, which was situated at the far end of
    the camp. The priest walked past stacks of boxes piled up like small
    pyramids. A few soldiers milled about setting up tents and discouraging the
    tribal youth from getting to close to them. Alverez noted that the camp
    seemed fairly quiet, the rest of the squad must be back at the beach, still
    unloading the ship. Looking to the east, he could see the grey shape of
    the ship’s mast. The Spaniards had set up camp where the beach sand
    gave way to tall grass, some 500 feet from the ocean. Another 500 feet
    to the west the grass gave way to the jungle. The tribal village built their
    huts under the protective canopy of trees in a very linear fashion along
    the jungle edge. Amongst this row of huts one structure stood out.
    Umbitu’s tent was slightly larger than the grass huts of the tribal families.
    It was also the only one covered in animal skins and brightly colored
    canvas cloth.

      • Well, maybe. The story is still a half baked notion in my head. I can see about four scenes ahead, but I don’t see a conclusion. I wouldn’t want to commit to a production until I had it fleshed out a little more.

    • Raiders of the Lost Ark is mine. Two and Four didn’t happen (except for the occasional “no time for love Doctor Jones” – which somehow got bastardized in my head to “no time for love Ianto Jones”, but I am a cruel person). Three was good, and importantly, fun, but there’s just no comparison to Raiders. It’s a different movie than all the ones that follow it, and I think it’s because three guys sat down at a table and said “lets make a movie with a whole bunch of stuff in it that we’ve always wanted to see in a movie”, and then they made that movie.

  5. Funny, my wife recorded all four a few weeks ago during some channel’s marathon weekend. By coincidence, I refused to watch either two or four. We introduced the kids to 1 and 3 and that’s good enough 🙂

    • Since the definition of sentience is sort of ambiguous, I don’t know if I can agree with you. I don’t know if I could prove that I’m sentient, although I believe myself to be so. At the same time, I do believe in the food chain, and that I’m at the top of it, and cows are somewhere down below me. Thus, I would have no problem raising a cow and then killing and having it butchered by someone actually skilled in such practices.

      I only spent two years in Iowa, but I understand the loathing one can have for that land and their freakin’ chickens and cows.

      Cow & Chicken, yeah, Cow & Chicken, yeah, Cow & Chicken, yeah!
      Whoa… that was a bad Cartoon Central flashback…

  6. As a city kid, I don’t know how I’d do with raising animals and slaughtering them, but I have no moral qualms with the practice, nor do I find it sociopathic behavior to be an omnivore.

    I do think I’d have a hard time working the slaughter house. Have you seen “Fast Food Nation”?

  7. I was raised a vegetarian, so my time on the farm was a little less bloody than what y’all seem to have experienced. I think, perhaps, I got the better deal in that respect. Aspect? Whatever, you know what I mean.

  8. Juan stopped, turned back and took a few steps and stopped again. “Is this the trail’s end?” he wondered. The path Juan had traveled so far had become steeper and his footing had been made more treacherous by loose chunks of gravel. It had been close to an hour since he had seen the last painted stone. He now stood on a flat outcrop of rock littered with small pebbles. “If this is the site, then I’ll have nothing to show Father.” Juan thought. Father Alverez had told him to sneak away from the camp, before any of members of the tribe awoke. Umbitu said that the mountain was full of treasures, but now the mountain was cursed. “None will stop you from going to the mountain, but they will think of us as foolish for trying,” Father Alverez had told him. “Better to be discreet, for now.” Then the priest reached into his pocket and into Juan’s hand he placed a metal object. It was the size of a coin, like a triangle with its tips cut. In the middle of the object was a deep groove and it had markings like crescent moons etched around it. “Is this a silver coin?” Juan asked. “Platina del Pinto, platinum” corrected the priest. “It is very rare. It has been said that fire cannot melt it. Umbitu said that the mountain contained the vast treasures of his ancestors and he didn’t mean just these. He meant knowledge too, knowledge of medicine, of crops. We could feed more people; heal more people with the knowledge of this tribe’s forbearers.” The priest’s eyes gleamed as he spoke. “But Umbitu thinks a false god cursed their land and stole their inheritance. It’s been ages since any tribesmen set foot on the Mountain. Umbitu’s great grandfather’s father hadn’t set foot on it. If we, Christian men, could show them they had nothing to fear from their false god we could get them to repent and convert. Then we could all share in the bounty of these lost treasures under God’s grace!” the priest enthused. Juan cast Father Alverez a skeptical eye. “False god, a demon you reckon?” Juan asked. The priest shook his head. “He said a dark god died on the mountain, his blood cursing the land. If it was a god, how could it die?” the priest laughed. Juan wasn’t so sure; his mother had always told him that demons were not to be trifled with, although she was a scared woman. Anything she didn’t understand scared her. “And she understood many more things than these tribe people,” Juan smiled to himself. “Take the coin. If you find anything like this that you can fit in your shoulder bag bring it back. Umbitu’s kin don’t have books.” Father Alverez paused. “Wait,” the priest scurried about his tent, opening a few of his trunks Juan had unloaded for him just a few days before. “Ah,” the priest exclaim, “he they are.” Father Alverez came back with a large sheet of parchment paper and a piece of charcoal. “Any writing, engravings you find, imprint them on this and be careful not to smear it. We need something that proves you traveled to the mountain” said the priest. “Am I looking for a cave?” asked Juan. “I don’t know, he wouldn’t tell me. There could be a cave, a shrine or a collection of totems up there, but there must be something. Go now and don’t mention this to the Captain, he wouldn’t understand and wouldn’t take kindly to me distracting you from your duties. Don’t worry, though. Once we have undeniable evidence of the treasures of this land, he will be pleased. He will be pleased.”

  9. The silver chain sat loose on her neck, it’s job now finished. Only time would tell if I’d chosen the right tool for the right girl. She lay there motionless. Such a waste of good flesh. I wonder if she’d ever known love. Doesn’t matter. The evil that she represented demanded action. I looked back to the chain again. The links networked in a pattern of crosses that interlinked in a clever ring-in-cross method. The jeweler must have been a genius as well as a sorcerer. Daybreak would come soon, and then I’d know for sure. I’d know if I’d rid the world of a demon or killed an innocent. She’d called me “sweetie” like it wouldd endear me to her. The blonde curls around her forehead tossed in the breeze as the sun rose slowly over the horizon. I felt more for her now than last night. Silver tendrils of smoke rose from her skin as dawn broke her. A demon after all. Instinct won over evidence. I hate what I’ve become.

  10. Home now. Liver is a bit fatter and eyes opened a bit wider. Every time I go to that city I have new experiences and find new reasons to keep going back. It’s indeed a hell of a town.

    Shit I have to do dishes…

  11. Ed: Happy birthday!

    Thanks for the cool stories, Rhett and Lejon. Rhett, I really want to see more of that one. I encourage you to keep writing. If you do decide to do an audio production when it’s done, I’m down for voice acting or any other help I can offer. 🙂

  12. Good morning chicken eaters and fruits! We are enjoying the hospitality of my parents

    Pictures forthcoming, Jack. I’m sure I could post the fb link on my phone but there isn’t a teen here to help me.

  13. Coppercon weekend has brought an awful lot of cuteness and fun – – from the masquerade to the live Pokemon.
    Annnnd that’s what I got.
    U.S. holiday weekends tend to kick up the tumbleweeds round here. Everyone enjoy and try not to go into Labor.

  14. I hope everyone is enjoying their holiday weekend.

    It was a busy day yesterday. I catered TCat’s birthday party (big event) and it was a big success, as well as a lot of fun. Now we are just kicking back and enjoying the day.

  15. Had dinner with neighbors and did a “beer tasting” of my beers.
    We sampled the “L Fin Du Mond”(Belgium), a nice Boch and a light sucking Porter with the name “Midnight Beatdown Porter”.

    Oh … dinner was good too. Grilled Pork tenderloin, chicken, rice other stuff … BEER.

    Now I am home and eying the liquor cabinet.
    Ahh, the fine art of “Buzz Maintenance”.

        • LOL !

          I watched one of the scenes and will have to say that it isn’t a fair comparison.
          In that case the fan made a fight scene more elaborate … and longer. Was the re-edit good? Sure it was.
          The original editor(s) though, had a major restriction that this fan didn’t … “Total Running Length”.

          From my personal experience I can say that quite often the original editors cut of a scene might have been really kick ass … but once they put all those “kick-ass” scenes together it turns out the film is 5 and a half hours long! This is where the REAL job of editing comes in.
          How to take a scene that seems perfect … and cut it in half without loosing any of the pertinent information or being left with something that feels “flat”.
          Being able to do THAT is the difference between being a professional editor and just being a guy who knows how to use editing software.

          It’s also why so few really good films are edited by the director. Generally speaking, Directors make lousy editors because they can’t part with a frame of anything they shot.

  16. There’s interesting buzz on the internet’oblogs that, since Lucas’ ex-wife owns half of the Star Wars rights, its she that is demanding all these changes in order to ensure healthy DVD/BlueRay sales. I find that a little conspiratorial and George-saving… but its interesting nonetheless.

    • So George is not only a has-been, attempting to continually relive his former Star Wars glory, but he’s whipped as well. Sounds about right to me.

  17. Holy overload… only Boris could release 3 full length albums and an EP in the SPAN OF 4 MONTHS. Whats more, they are all so different in style and composition that it makes ones head spin. Theyre also the only band currently that I know of that will release an album on vinyl only and not bother with CD or digital. Theyre why I bought a record player again. And with a catalog of nearly 100 releases, its a pleasure every time I re-dive into it. Always something new to discover.

    Like this gem from 2003

  18. I celebrated labor day by removing the toilet to replace the broken mounting bolts. Of course, I managed to drop one of the new bolts down the waste pipe.

    *spoil your dinner alert*

    Oddly enough, I find the wax seal is actually more disgusting than excrement. Gag.

  19. uh-oh.. is this whole podcast about hitchhickers guide?

    Hugh and i hated that book

    I know that makes us unpopular

    Hugh sez: Dre’s brother fucking loved that book

    we couldn’t get into it at all. Tried to read it cuz he loved it

  20. Rhett is only 1/4th into the book

    He will be the laugh track

    I remember when it was a big deal. It wasn’t only my brotehr who had read it that we knew

    Hugh sez: it was big back in the day.

    I didn’t know he wrote/worked for Monty Python/Dr Who/BBC

  21. I don’t remember the radio play at all

    ooo, ice clinking in someone glass

    Lots of kids today have not seen Star Wars. It is so so sad.

    If we had kids we would of forced them to know all that is Star Wars

    Hugh sez: and dammit our kids would of liked it!!!

  22. I remember my brother freaking out about this book and Hobbit and i just didn’t get it

    I turned to Orwells books at the time

    Hugh sez: Holy shit i remember that

    LOL. Yeah remember?

    Like in a row 1 summer i read Farhenheit 451, 1984, and Animal Farm over and over again.

    Alan Rickman IS so hot. I agree. LOL.

    Hugh sez: You were very gloomy that summer

    It went with my goth-ocity

  23. Hugh sez: We were very gloomy angst ridden teens

    we were. What a waste!

    Hugh sez: we were punk rock fabulous

    LOL. we were. I used to sort my shades of black clothes.

    Hugh sez: 1 pile was black concert shirts, 1 was back jeans

    and black under things

    Hugh sez: swooon!

  24. You know I had no idea there was more than 2 books. I remember seeing a couple books laying around the house. I had no idea it had more than that

    Good you can re-read a book after so many years and still love it

    Hugh sez: 1984, Animal Farm and Farenheit all are still good when you read them

    Jack and Rhett=cute


    what is BBS-ing? was that what she said? BBS-ing?

  25. I had no idea they did a BBC series. where was I when this came out. I will google it

    but first I need to know what Jack’s Madonna slam was

    no one can slam Madonna on my watch!!!

    Hugh sez: oh boy Jack, you’ve done it now!

  26. Jack sez: she was so Madonna 1983

    he did not actually totally insult Madonna so he is forgiven. I will let this one slide

    Hugh sez: dude you are so lucky

    shut up Hugh!

    Hugh sez: Yes ma’am (someone help me!!)

  27. But YES I do have to agree that although I love Tom Baker, yes, recommending someone to watch him would just be odd

    Remember when you and I were laughing our butts off about Fawlty Towers that 1 time, and the people we were with wanted to watch it and you and I were like.. oh..errr..ummm not sure if you guys should watch it. We didn’t want anyone to watch them and think we were nuts

    Hugh sez: we werent nuts we were just high

    lol.. we were so high. But Fawlty Towers was funny not high too

    Hugh sez: we should watch that again now

    katy perry + russel brand deserve each other. Both of them are equally icky

  28. I love when people have discussions that involve sentences that start with: Kids today…

    but so that series came out in jan 1981
    I was 8
    Hugh was 11

    awww.. little 11 year old Hugh

    Hugh sez: oh boy here we go

    what? You were a very cute kid

    Hugh sez: well of course I was

    rolls eyes. oh boy.

  29. awww I remember when my dad wouldn’t let us watch Benny Hill before Dr Who came on. He said if we could stay up late enough we can stay up to watch Dr who but when I was really little many times i fell asleep before Benny Hill was over

    Hugh sez: awww baby dre

    lol. you stop!

    Hugh sez: you can dish it out babe

  30. Does anyone have any thoughts at all

    Hugh sez: I have many thoughts

    we can’t share your thoughts with polite company sweetie

    Hugh sez: 🙁

    Jack sez: “thanks for all the fish*


  31. I took the night off. The neighborhood was hosting a street fight with shooting this evening, so….

    Yeah. I’m trying to figure out if I can legitimately pack my family up and ship them south.

  32. My fav tweet of the day, from comic book girl:

    Got a new PC laptop. Considered a Mac, but I lack the time and energy to continually talk to other Mac users about how smart and hip we are.

  33. Yeah for the Hugh-n-Dre Play-x-Play! I’ve noticed that the other podcast I listen to is starting to bore me. It just doesn’t hold up like the Deadpan. So what’s a person to do? I decided to go back and listen to every DP episode to date. Finished DP #2 this morning. Awesomeness.

  34. While Juan had performed many tasks for Father Alverez that he considered fickle, he hadn’t considered that this one would be entirely fruitless, especially as emphatic as the priest had been. But that was a possibility Juan would now have to consider. The trail had ended on a flat platform of rock that’s footprint was too close to round to be a natural formation. Juan walked up to the edge and kicked a few pebbles. He watched them as they fell, rotating around one another until they bounced of the cliff face and out of sight. “I should head back. Father will be disappointed and Captain Cisneros will be angry. Well, more than usual.” Juan’s joke didn’t have the calming effects he had hoped for. He took one last glance around the precipice; he saw nothing but shrubs and rock. His eyes rose up tracing the remainder of the peak and then… “What’s that?” he saw the profile of a structure 100 feet above him. “A shrine?” Juan saw a smooth oval shape nested further up. It rested at an angle so steep; it appeared as if it might come tumbling down at any moment. If it was a shrine, the natives didn’t build it to last, and yet here it still was and according to Father Alverez it had been here a long time. “A long time,” the words echoed in Juan’s mind. Juan looked again at where the base of the outcrop met the mountain slope. It couldn’t be discerned through the thick growth of bushes. Juan dropped to his stomach, looking under the enormous shrubs. He strained to see the edge of the mountain beyond, through the shaded leaves. “Not close enough, I can’t see rock,” he thought. Juan grabbed one of the thicker lower branches of the shrub and pulled. He skidded along the dirt and a twig scrapped his neck. “Dammit!” he winced and shook his head. In a surge of rage he grabbed the next branch he could reach and he pulled hard. A few birds cried and sped out of the bush at the intrusion. He was now lying on his back, completely inside the shrub. He arched his head back trying to make out anything. As his eyes adjusted to the dark he saw the outline of a large pointy stone. He rolled on his side to see that the stone was actually part of the mountain, it stuck out a couple of feet and rejoined on its right side. To the left the stone protrusion seemed unconnected. Juan crawled toward the left side of the stone. The branches of the shrub at the mountain base grew sparse here. There was enough space that he could get to his feet again although he still crouched to avoid the branches directly above him. He advanced again toward the left side of the outcrop of stone where he saw a pile of leaves collecting in the emerging crevice. Juan started to look for the outline of a cave entrance, but instead he found stone steps unveiled from the top of the leaf pile. Juan had found the continuation of the path. There were steps cut into the crevice of the mountain that lead the rest of the way to the shine, Juan had guessed. He squeezed through the remaining edge of the shrub onto the stairway; the branches clung to him like the arms of an unwanted lover, beckoning him to stay. Four large strides and Juan was free from the canopy of the shrub, blue sky above him. The crevice was fairly deep, Juan couldn’t see over the granite edge to his right. To his left, of course, was the wall of the mountain itself. Juan noticed that there were symbols carved into the side of the mountain, figures of men and insects from the jungle. Juan paused to unpack the parchment Father Alverez had given him, but then he thought the better of it. “I can take an impression on the way down.” He was impatient to see what lie at the stairs end. Juan again peered upwards; his neck grew sore from his constant craning. Juan could see that the stair cut back above him terminating at the shine. “What an odd color,” mused Juan. The edge of shrine loomed above, it was black, but it gleamed with a green, mother of pearl effect where the sunlight hit it.

  35. Today’s movie is Kennyville

    The DVR writeup: Kennyville is terrorized by. A scientist who’s amassing an army of brainwashed female assassins for a mysterious corporation

    Really, who doesn’t want an army of brainwashed females?

  36. WTF!!???

    Violence, coarse language and sexuality only? If you’re brainwashing females, why is there no nudity?

    You’re right Jack, this movie hasn’t even started and I’m already disgusted.

  37. So my biggest problem with this movie was that it was based in Canada. When I think evil government brainwashing plots, the last place I think of is Canada.

    That being said, still not the worst movie I’ve seen. Not the best by a long shot, but not the worst either, I’d give a three, maybe even a four. Maybe I’ve just become jaded to these type of movies

    • Dead Island has some interesting multi-page print ads in both PC Gamer Magazine and XBox Magazine. They start off as a regular tropical resort ad then sort of degenerate into something more.

  38. It reminds me of the guy living across the street from us. He has a Porsche he brings out in the summer. It is the worst sounding thing you’ve ever heard. It stalls, it backfires, etc, because he can’t afford to maintain it but… HE HAS A PORSCHE!!! At least, that seems to be the attitude I get off him. Hubby and I just laugh at him through the window whenever we hear the thing being pulled from his garage.

  39. I admit that one “reality” series I watch is “American Chopper.” They’re going to build a Gears of War 3 themed bike next week. 🙂

  40. I decided to be productive. In the last hour I had lunch, made puffed wheat squares and made a marinade for my chicken, which it is currently sitting in.

    Now to reward myself br curling up with a book.

    CR: All Clear – Connie Willis

      • Yea. I just hate the uncertainty. Everything has been in turmoil here for the past couple of months, and now this. With no timetable for the “changes” and no idea on what will happen afterwards, I’m left in limbo.

        Since there isn’t much I can do about it, I’ll do my best not to worry about it.

  41. In official news, I have not been hired by GoDaddy.com. It’s official.

    I withhold any expletives, as I’m sure that Mr. Daddy.com and myself are both adult enough to accept what a cruel mistake this is, and that we know that we’re both better off going our separate ways. I’m mature enough to move on. Let’s hope he is also.

        • I think he means a scheme (or caper)involving some sort of questionable backed goods that will backfire and result in most of us (those that survive the comedically black (think Coen Brothers), shoot-out in the warehouse) being sent up for a life term in prison.

          • backed = baked

            (A bit of confusion caused by the fact that he tricks Dick Cheney into backing this whole deal. Thus the shoot out when DICK finds out he has been scammed. He bursts into the warehouse with an automatic shotgun and bellows “NOBODY doesn’t like Sarah Lee, mutha FUCKERS!!!!” before blasting away.)

  42. At the dentist waitin to finish up paperwork. My regular dentist is on mat leave and as far as I’m concerned she can stay there. Her replacement is very easy on the eyes

  43. Here is how stupid work is. I’ve complained a few times this morning I’m unable to connect to the system. I finally got back on after several hours. Once I was connected I was able to check my e-mail – where there was a message saying there were connectivity issues. Well Duh! Good thing they sent me an e-mail about the system being down that I couldn’t see because the system was down