303 thoughts on “Jack Mangan’s Deadpan #119: The Pants, The Duck, and the Hooker”

  7. Heh! who you calling beautiful.

    That’s far too much pressure for a Thursday.

    Afternoon Pan, snow is falling, snow is lying, and I’m waiting for public transport chaos to start.

    I suspect I won’t be disappointed when I start work in a couple of hours.

  8. They are watching internet use much more closely at work. Which is somewhat easier now that we are an office of 13 down from 29. Apparently cutting the staff by 60 percent and decreasing the salary of everyone left by half isn’t enough to keep our rates competitive. Those five minutes you surfed are endangering the company. 15 minute smoke breaks are still acceptable however.

  16. And smoking will make you look cool.

    I second EssBee’s goodwill wishes for WNDR in Oklahoma.

    Thanks, Ed. It was a funny comment.

    Stay warm, Vanamonde.

    It’s looking like a quiet day around here. . .

  17. It is interesting how the monitoring the internet waxes and wanes. We’ve got the same thing where I’m at. But, when things were booming and companies were fighting to get people, monitoring was pretty much “nudge nudge, wink wink”. Now, with things slowing down and charges to projects coming under more scrutiny, the noose will probably tighten up.

  22. Yes CJ, you can haz a nap.

    We still get to surf over lunch. I remember one of the guys I used to work with at another office used to joke that he was considering taking up smoking so he could get a couple of work breaks during the day.

  24. Ed: Thanks for the link. I already knew about the ending, so I’m not concerned. My main concern was the acting, but it sounds like that isn’t really a problem.

    I already have a few good discussion points, I think.

  31. Talking of old, I once had this puzzle game where you had to guide a blob of mercury (the the metal) to the centre of a maze.

    I don’t think they would be allowed to sell them now…unless you know better.

  32. Talking of old, I once had this puzzle game where you had to guide a blob of mercury (the actual metal) to the centre of a maze.

    I don’t think they would be allowed to sell them now…unless you know better.

  39. ok, ok, ok.. a pair of pants, a duck and a hooker walk into a bar

    the bartender looks at em and says what gives wich yous?

    the duck says: lay off man, just serve the fraking drinks

    ummm.. that was lame. I can’t come up with anything

  42. Hi, Pan!

    Internet connection at my house is finally working again, so I’m back!

    I’ve sworn off what little web surfing I had been doing at work, since my program supervisor helped me realize that I wasn’t logging as many hours of actual work as I should have been. This week has been much better on that front.

    I’m a little over halfway through Watchmen, and enjoying it greatly.

  43. It’s a sad sad thing that Ferris Bueller knowledge now makes me old.

    Though, it makes me a geek that I can remember the character name from Star Trek: Generations, but not the one from Ferris Bueller.

  44. Had the 1st season of Chuck on Blu-Ray come in today from Blockbuster. Just watched the premiere episode again.

    Pure awesomeness. Actually better than I remembered originally.

  50. It’s not Friday here yet, but soon it will be. My Fridays are always the same. 8am play date and a quiet afternoon of whatever-the-heck-I-want.

    I’m looking quite forward to tomorrow. Friday is my favorite day of the week.

  51. My Friday gets morphed into Frisatsunday with brief nappings at random times. The family time thing is rough when they aren’t going to stay up all night with me and I’m not going to stay up all day with them.

    Rom got up at 3am Wednesday. !!! When I was his age, I slept for a good ten hours every night. I don’t understand kids these days…

  53. Had pretty excellent seafood enchiladas this evening in Tempe. /tweet

    Nomad, that’s my bad. I should have explained the rules…. I usually tell people to email me their predictions sometime before midnight (their time, my time – – whatever. We’re not that strict) on the Monday before the show or unshow is released.

    If you want to stick with that prediction, you can. Or you can email me sometime Monday with a different one. Completely up to you.

  59. I agree with Ed, the Mangan Effect turns everything to gold. ‘Cuz mine was a pretty boring comment until he read it… and then it was funny.

    Then again, saying eee eee eee eee is pretty silly. eee.

  74. I gave in this morning and called the doctor. Made an appt for this afternoon.

    I’m sure he’ll just say “just tough it out. you’ll be better in a few days” but maybe he can give me something for the nausea … and the ear ache … and the dizziness … and soar throat … and burning in my chest … and my complete like of patients and zero sense of humor.

  77. Feel better J0e. I hope you can get some rest and healing comes fast!

    All this time I thought I had a sore throat and it would appear I’ve actually torn the skin/muscle (what is that red stuff?) in the back of my throat.

    Guess I should stop swallowing those darned razorblades.

    Putting up a repeat of Mighty Mommy this week because it still hurts to talk and swallow. Stupid throat.

  82. Sorry to hear you’re sick, JOe. I wonder how the Bunny is doing? Cj, hope that heals fast — I bet it hurts!

    I am having a blue day. I’m feeling pretty disrespected at work, and stuck here because of the economy. Poor me.

    BUT, Dollhouse tonight has me pretty excited!

  86. I’ve been wondering about TEB.

    Here is something else to wonder about. I searched for werewolf early and am just know noticing that this ws one of the top results –
    http://tinyurl.com/aqbq6t

    racy, but work safe. Make sure you read (yes, READ) the text below the picture.
    I think it is humorous.

    Then again, my head is spinning.

  90. RP:
    Dwyck – Gangstarr featuring Nice and Smooth
    Last Train to Clarksville – The Monkees
    Stayin – Dimension Zero
    Bring it on Home to Me – Sam Cooke
    Chemical – UNKLE featuring Josh Homme

  95. Since you didn’t mention being hospitalised jj, that’s a good sign.

    Bah Humbug on the Valentine’s Day as it’s passed midnight here.

  98. Yikes. Nothing funny about that, Justa J0e. Seriously, feel better.

    It seems like there’s some virus out of The Stand going around. Time to be obsessive compulsive. Wash those hands and keep em off your face. Wear a gas mask and bring your own oxygen tank for social outings.

  99. Bridge – Loudon Wainwright III

    It’s that time of the month
    The month being the second one
    When hearts ache and bleed
    And old feelings aren’t reckoned on
    Remembering the first grade
    The sheer number of valentines
    Received from one’s classmates
    Too young to know their own minds

    Romance is no answer
    And a candle can’t conquer dark
    And in England
    A valentine is signed with a question mark
    They’re saying “guess who?”
    But also “who knows?”
    Those ambivalent Brits
    Their lower lip shows

    So on Valentines Day
    This year I won’t send you one
    Time’s healing the wound
    Though the scar still nasty one
    I’ll just send you a postcard
    Of a bridge we once crossed
    Some what singed it still stands
    Even though our loves lost

  103. eeek. I’m going to start the Vitamin C IV drip. Everyone watch out for that Capt. Tripps that’s going around.

    And enjoy the day, if possible. I learned last night that Burmese food is like a delicious mix of Chinese and Indian food (just avoid the python).

  105. Pingback: BrainWyrms » Blog Archive » Friday and Saturday

  109. John Hodgemen FTW! Without spoiling the show, was it well known that he was going to be making a guest appearance, or did that come as a total surprise to everyone? I certainly don’t remember ever hearing about it on Slice.

    And, now, all the pieces are coming together.

  110. Question for Deadpan International – it is a universal thing that people have middle names so that parents can let their children know when they are really really in trouble, or is that something unique to America?

  111. And finally, for now – best wishes to all you with whatever crud is ailing you. I have thankfully managed to avoid my annual week of getting sick with something so far this season. To be honest, it’s the first time in as many years as I can remember…..which means I’ve probably just jinxed myself now.

  114. Well I can’t speak for everybody in the UK, but in my family my parents never used middle names when any of their children were in trouble.

  117. My middle name was never used when mom was angry, more when being sarcastic or off the wall. My middle name of itself is pretty boring, but with my middle name, my name spelled backwards is pronounced “eel hair” so I got a lot of that.

  120. RE: Hodgeman
    Sorry to say that I found him a distraction. Not that he didn’t do his part well … but he is just so well known and familiar to me (especially in comedic rolls) that it broke down “the wall” that made that world “real” for me.
    I don’t want to be immersed in one universe and be distracted by thinking about another.

  121. Back. Have filled my larder, so my family won’t feel like they may starve for the next week.

    Shopping actually tired me out more than I expected. Obviously not 100% yet.

  126. Coupons are clipped. Heading to my Grandma’s to do her laundry – on the fun! (Reminder to self to make more laundry soap) and then grocery shopping fun! Anyone need anything? Too bad I can only deliver locally otherwise I’d bring everyone extra Vitamin C and homemade chicken soup!

    Stay healthy!

  127. This place was getting to be like the infirmary, with all the coughing and sickness. Glad to see you guys feeling better.

    Amy, I hope the dance was a fun time! And I hope you impressed them all with your breakdancing skillz.

  129. TEB: Yes, it was. We had our Valentine’s Day dance one day late for a reason I don’t know. Probably because our staff was less busy on Sunday afternoon than on Saturday afternoon.

    J0e: LOL!!!

    Jack: I did have fun at the dance. I impressed some of the people there with my YMCA and Electric Slide skillz, and I taught the latter to a few people. 🙂

    On another note, I finally saw the “Watchmen” trailers tonight (on both TV and YouTube). I am SO excited! I can’t remember being this excited about a movie since “Attack of the Clones,” which was seven years ago this summer (wow!).

  131. Morning Pan!

    Holiday Monday here in Alberta – Yeah!!!

    I tried to convince my husband yesterday I wanted a roomba. Being the joker that he is, he told me he didn’t want to take dance lessons.

    Silly man 🙂

  132. New silly book meme.

    Take your nearest book. Go to the page of your age.

    Go to the paragraph of the first digit of your age (in my case 4)
    Then the sentence of the second digit of your age in that paragraph (in my case 1) and type that sentence.

    Note: You don’t have to say your age (like I did) but state the name of the book. If your second digit is higher than the number of sentences in that paragraph (i.e. 9) then count down that many sentences starting with sentence one in that particular paragraph)

  134. In my case, pg. 41 is blank as the next chapter starts on the next page so I will be reading paragraph 4 sentence 1 of page 42

    “Baltimore was the only survivor of that mission.”

    Baltimore: or The Steadfast Tin Soldier and the Vampire

    (Again, you don’t have to state the age/page I just used mine as an example… and because I’m not afraid of my age)

  135. I wish, Jack. However, I’ve always been lucky in that I’ve never looked my age. I was carded until I was well into my thirties.

  136. My mother in law once told me (jokingly – we get along quite well) I was a sorceress because I ensorcelled her son and I never seem to age.

  142. I’ll go with the former. I have to really work at the weight thing.

    My hubby, however… at 120 lbs. forever I hate him… 😉

  143. The same principles apply, irrespective of whether the conduit is a vertical pipe or takes the form of a linear or circular fissure.

    -Volcanoes, earthquakes and tsunamis by David A. Rothery

  147. I don’t understand kids these days (now I’m sounding my age 🙂 )

    We have about 18″ of snow in the yard. There is about a 4′ snow bank between our yard and the neighbour’s yard. (this is where we pile the snow when we clear our driveway). Both my neighbour and ourselves keep our sidewalks very clear, though. So you would think, it would be easy to walk up the sidewalk to our neighbour’s mailbox, then back down, and do the same with us…

    But no…

    The silly kid who delivers our junk mail fliers, delivered fliers to our neighbour, then walked across his lawn (18″ of snow high), then through the 4′ snow bank, to get to our mail box.

    I still think it would have been easier to use the cleared sidewalks.

  154. “If painted on top of dry plaster, the result is called fresco a secco (‘dry fresco’); if painted on a thin layer of wet plaster laid onto the dry wall, the colors are infused into the plaster, and the result is buon fresco (‘true fresco’), one of the most permanent painting techniques.”

    The Great Courses: A history of European Art
    Course Guidebook (p. 41)

  155. Page 22 of my nearest book is blank (because the next chapter starts on the next page, same as with TEB’s book), so I’ll go to page 23, paragraph 2, sentence 2:

    “After a moment her eyes lit up.”

    -from Being White: Finding Our Place in a Multiethnic World, by Paula Harris and Doug Schaupp

  160. Serious comment:

    I’d like to get some sense of the scope of our upcoming Watchmania conference call. If you have any interest at all, then please make a comment on the Watchmania Discussion Points thread, with some indication as to the likeliness of your participation.

    Word.

  164. The book game sounds interesting, but I’ve put too much effort into actually forgetting my age to be worth while counting the years to figure it out again.

    I place too much meaning on the age I am, so I have taken the knowledge away from myself. Now I am more than 30 and less than 40. I doubt I will be able to get past 40 without noticing, but it would please me greatly if I did so.

    I’m not a pretentious fuck, really I’m not… HA!

  167. Morning Pan!

    At the downtown office for a few hours this morning,

    riding the train at 6:00 in the morning is kind of dark and depressing.

  168. Well, it looks like it’s going to be one of those mornings. Almost a thousand contracts weren’t rolled over. Looks like I’ll have to do the keychanges manually. Sucks.

  170. I work in a strange office.

    My co-worker (in Ontario), got a date wrong and set it for tomorrow. I was ribbing him on perfecting the time machine, his reply,

    “Don’t worry. One day computers will do everything with no human intervention needed. We’ll all be able to hook ourselves up to an intravenous machine and lay in bed all day playing video games while the machines run the world.

    The laser cleaning machines will allow us to remain in bed forever without ever having to change our clothes or bed sheets, even after a reverse meal.”

    “reverse meals” = eewwww.

  174. I think I’m encouraging my co-worker too much. In response to my “eeeww” he said,

    “It’s less disgusting than what a baby does before it’s born. They’re quite content to be floating in their own excrement.

    Perhaps the lasers could work instantly as items are released, before anything is visible. Now that would be the life! Wouldn’t you want one of those hooked up to you all the time? Always perfectly clean. No more showers and no more emergencies.”

    We’re obviously working really hard and not e-mailing back and forth on inane subject matters. uh-huh 🙂

  175. I’m rather fond of showers. I don’t think I’d want to give them up. I’m picturing all of the characters on the Axiom in Wall-E. That’s no way to live.

    Speaking of no way to live… I have a ton of work to do today and while I’m not sick, I am being stabbed in the head repeatedly with what feels like a hot poker. I have a migraine. Looking at this screen is actually quite painful, but I have to work. So, here I am.

  184. Can anyone tell me what magic setting causes iTunes to play ALL the songs in a playlist?
    At the moment it will only play the 1st song in the list or any song that I manually select but then it stops.

    I am trying to breath deeply and remain calm.

  187. Ok, quick poll. One of my co-workers says that all “Jennifers” are cute. It’s just some sort of law of the land that if you have the name Jennifer, you can’t be bad looking.

    I don’t know any Jennifers so I couldn’t comment on this. Anyone?

  191. Well, I think I’ve had enough of this place. I’ve rekeyed 300 contracts. I’m going to head home and do the rest from there.

    Later!

  193. Re: iTunes
    Okay it seems that you have to have the little “check box” beside each song checked if you want it to play. That is also what you do if you want a song added to your synched mp3 player … so, if you don’t want it loaded on your layer but you DO want it to play in the playlist, not so much.

  195. I think hotness is so subjective. I know a lot of Jennifers, and do find a few of them unattractive. However, I have been accused of finding ugly men hot, like Brigitte Silverbow from the WOT books.

  198. TEB – I firmly believe that there is something “cute” to be found in everyone, however, I have certain met at least one non-cute Jennifer (although I’m sure other redeeming qualities were readily available.)

    More importantly, I have never met a Jack that wasn’t cute. Therefore, all people named “Jack” must be cute.

  203. Well, I’m married to a Jennifer. I shall say nothing regarding the cuteness/non cuteness of all Jennifers as it will get me into trouble no matter what I say.

    That’s my story and I’m sticking to it…..for now.

  206. Your FB picture begs to differ Wolf!

    Well I woould hate to shatter your ideals Cj, so I will be keeping my webcam off this coming Sunday.

  207. Back home.

    J0e, not to rest, but to DO the rest… of my work. Luckily because my office is technically in Ontario, I can do most of my work from home.

  210. This is from “the Fix” by Paul S. Jenkins:

    Variant Frequencies for January offers us Jack Mangan’s “Creature of God”—a supernatural tale mixing gangland hoodlums with the metaphysics of theology. Guns and holy water combine in a high-octane underworld, both literal and metaphysical. Rick Stringer’s narration, plus a full-on production featuring guest voices from the world of fiction podcasting, create an ear-grabbing story of demons, uncertainty, and betrayal. At times the background music and effects verge on overpowering, but this adds to the tension of the story rather than distracting from it, and the whole thing leaves one breathless in its wake. An excellent example of a style of audio fiction probably unique to podcasting.

    http://thefix-online.com/features/from-the-podosphere-jan-2009/

  211. That is very excellent, Jack. I need to finish listening to that darnit.

    I actually just read Sixteen Pieces at a Time this morning.

    Seriously unproductive around here, but enjoying myself nonetheless.

  212. SIDE BAR –
    This should be where I make some low brow comment about that being the opposite of “being reproductive while letting someone else enjoy yourself”
    … but I just don’t feel quite up to it yet.

  229. Well… and… because of my morning migraine, I didn’t work out this morning, which really stinks because I just started this new routine.

    AND – I cut my gums while flossing and it hurts.

    but… I’m still annoyingly happy. I just can’t help it. That’s who I am.

  231. I only refer to myself as annoyingly happy because that’s how certain friends have referred to me.

    Not only am I almost always happy – but it’s generally my goal to make sure everyone around me is happy. This is where I believe I become “annoying” so I try to tone it down. . . . sometimes.

  232. Not so much blah, but thumb twiddling time as I seem to have done everything needed to do and got an attack of apathy.

    Ah well, the external battery for the phone arrived, will give it a live test tomorrow.

  237. Wolf, I’ve downloaded it. Thanks for the link. I’ll either consume it later for dinner (going out for a bit soon) or I’ll have it with breakfast tomorrow. 🙂

  244. I’m sure I’ve known more than one Jennifer, but the only one that I can remember had a sort of dirty cute face (punky brewster) and a unsettlingly mannish gait.

    Not sure if that adds to one side or the other of the “Jennifers are cute” debate.

  250. Good morning. I passed out last night and missed all the Woots.

    TEB – Good job! I’m delving into a new diet and workout plan over here so I’ll be feeling like I’m going to die right along with you! 🙂

  252. I will have a houseload of toddlers arriving in two hours for some music and dancing – then I’ll be taking my very ill Grandmother to a new doctor to, hopefully, find out how much is really wrong.

    Now… to pick some music. Daughter wants “B-I-N-G-O”

  261. tEB – WP loves you and wants to spend twice as much time with you. WP is a good parent and a bad stalker.

    … I’m supposed to be doing something. Something productive. … But I refuse, ha ha, take that!

  273. That is quite the 80s playlist you have there, Cj. Takes me back to Friday Night Videos.

    Speaking of 80s music – – did you know that Olivia Newton-John is physicist Max Born’s granddaughter? Is that the real inspiration behind “Let’s Get Physical”?

  277. I walk along the city streets you used to walk along with me…

    mmmm delicious!

    You think my iTunes is scary, you should see my collection of 45s. I have over 400 of them.

  285. I should have been to bed two hours ago. Instead I am installing XP service pack 2 on the kiddo’s new computer. I have to install the service pack so that I can install the drivers for the motherboard. wtf?

  296. Wanna know how to lose a day?

    Have your home brewing buddy show up about 9:30 am to help you bottle 10 gallons of delicious Hefeweisen. Then have the sun come out and there be “not quite enough beer to fill another bottle so we’d better drink it.”

    And then suddenly 4 hours are gone and you realize you could care less.
    🙂

  302. Well, if there’s a Death of Pans, I’m sure Viagra for pans is at least a possibility… 😀

    Rhettro: YAY!!! So glad to hear the good news! 🙂

    Okay, should really go to bed now. Night, Pan.

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