Deadpan Unshow 40: Now with Content!

40 days and 40 show notes.

(Show Notes this week by Cj of Love Long and Prosper – thanks so much, Cj!)

Deadpan Unshow 40: Now with Content!

40 days and 40 show notes.

Is it an unshow if it has content?

2001: A Space Odyssey It was cool, so Jack made a poll and here are the results of the poll:

8 Different ways the film 2001 could be sped up and made more appealing for the short-attention-span contemporary audiences.

1. Replace lead character Dave Bowman with Bobcat Goldthwait or Hamlet

2. Replace Dave’s 4 doomed astronaut companions with John Cleese, Eric Idle, Michael Palin, and Graham Chapman

3. Replace Hal with Bender from Futurama

4. Replace the monoliths with giant D 20’s

Nipple Break

2001 Theme on the Kazoo by Lejon and This is Bob from Chandler

2001 Random Comments

Lejon says, “I will not go insane now, I will not go insane now, I will not go insane now…”

Cj says, “I love pumpernickel.There might be a new episode up in the next 24 hours, Lejon. You have been warned.”

Justa J0e says,
“/drive by
It was … adventurous. – Overnight rainstorm. stayed dry – Yea!
– Ticks.
– Wasp up the pant leg. (bit me 3 times before I killed him.)
/drive by”

The Energizer Bunny Says, “I think my feet are getting cold too. I might wait another 1/2 hour, then climb into bed and snuggle up to him with my cold feet and shoulders. That’ll teach him.”

(Jack alludes to the fact that The Energizer Bunny’s comment is evil)

ditto says, “CP: Ball the Wall — Professor Longhair”

Nomad Scry says, “That pie fight is epic And another movie I’d never heard of.”

2001 Theme on the Kazoo by Lejon and This is Bob from Chandler (Jack has permission to play this original score

5. Musical Score Redone by Queen

6. Replace the Primates with Tribbles, Borg, Smurfs, Jenna Jameson Tied

7. “My God it’s full of Stars” replaced with “All your base are belong to us.”

8. Change ending to Dave emerges from the monolith back at his regular job in the housewares section at S-mart.

More content is always welcome.

You can send more Horrible lyrics, Lyrics you like, and Naughty Lyrics.

A surprise lyrics request may be coming on a future episode.


UnShows with Content are the Way

Thank you again to the Touching the Monolith guys!

326 thoughts on “Deadpan Unshow 40: Now with Content!

  1. My gramps had a Timex Sinclair. And the ram pack and printer. The printer was so tiny. The whole thing makes my netbook look oversized.

    Then again, that was running at a clock rate of 3.25 MHz, compared to the 1.6GHz in my wee eee.


  2. I’m sure I’m not the only one who read that as

    “…compared to the 1.6GHz in my wee wee. ”

    Which would have suggested some sort of career in the adult entertainment industry.

  3. Good morning, DP!

    Today is the 1 year anniversary of my very dear friend’s death. I wasn’t sure how I would feel this morning. I’m okay. Just remembering.

    You are not the only one, Ed. Yow.

  4. Hi All!

    Hubby brought his computer so I’m writing while he’s in the shower getting ready.

    Thanks Cj for doing the notes!

    Now a brief blog:

    We got in about 5, checked into the hotel about 6pm and then went over to the convention centre and checked into the con.

    We then met up with some friends and went into old Montreal for dinner.

    One of the 2011 World Con bid groups was having a party so we checked that out. The mentality of convention goers never cease to amaze me. I was hit upon with my husband standing right beside me.

    Went back to our room whereupon I spent pretty much the entire night sick with, I think, a touch of food poisoning. I thought the food was undercooked but, by the time we ate, it was past 8pm Montreal time and I was tired and hungry. I know you’re supposed to get very little sleep at these things, but I somehow thought it was for a different reason.

    Now I’m REALLY tired and hungry and am waiting for hubby to finish getting ready so we can go downstairs and I can try putting some toast in my tummy and see how well that sits.

    Later Gators!

  5. On the sitcom “Newhart” the last scene of the series finale was Bob waking up next to Suzanne Pleshette in a close approximation of the bedroom set from “The Bob Newhart Show,” thus implying the whole Newhart sitcom was a dream…

  6. Well, I didn’t catch the Newhart reference (thought maybe it was a reference to Dallas)

    But, I did bust out laughing when John Hodgman was brought up to replace HAL. That was brilliant!

  7. Nice site, but his writeup of the ZX81 is a bit suspect, the guy who left this in the comments sections says it better than me:

    I have to take exception to this comment, slow is a subjective and relative term, at the time it did not feel slow at all. Also it was certainly not difficult to use, in fact, it was very, very easy to use. Considering the number of ICs on the board it was and still is an example of beautiful engineering. The keyboard wasn’t that difficult to use, most people had a habit of pressing the keys so hard that they did not last very long, if used properly it did the job just fine. I actually miss my old ZX81.

  8. CP: Evil Woman — ELO

    Stupid compilers. I shouldn’t have to trick them to compile legal and correct code.

    Now where did I put that sledgehammer.

  9. Shocked! Shocked, I say! Who would think that Microsoft would do such a thing. I bet they even tell you the wrong pronunciation of Linux!! 😉

  10. ditto: Yeah, I can’t really bring myself to say “Leenuks” very easily, even if that’s how Torvalds pronounces it.

    Rhettro: Excellent, happy anniversary!

  11. Over the mountain watching the watcher.
    Breaking the darkness, waking the grapevine.
    Morning to birth is born into shadow
    Love is the shadow that ripens the wine.

    Set the controls for the heart of the sun.

  12. I’ve got a bike, you can ride it if you like.
    It’s got a basket, a bell that rings
    And things to make it look good.
    I’d give it to you if I could, but I borrowed it.

    Not the deepest Pink Floyd lyrics, really….

  13. I just re-heated some leftover homemade banana pancakes I made. I was having a bite with blueberries and a drizzle of honey on top, when I started reading the new messages. I think that machine would take all the fun out of pancakes. I like to make them in different shapes and add fruit, oatmeal, fiber, etc. to make them healthier. Also, flipping is just darned fun. I love love love making pancakes by golly! That machine is clearly the enemy.

  14. jJ – You come to me. I’ll make you pancakes anytime.

    I’m not a big fan of pudding. I have my reasons.

    I was going to say that Jack is the 5 of clubs, but then I realized, he’s a Jack and it didn’t make any sense anymore. Not even a One-eyed Jack. Jack of Clubs?

    I’m leaving now. I have things to do. Like my hair.

  15. ditto: I caught one episode of B5 when it was first running (Season one, I believe.). It left me unimpressed. But I’m sure one episode isn’t a fair chance. I’m looking forward to watching. Of course, my father had a couple Amigas. They were used for the CG in that series (I don’t know if it was for the entire series.). Not his, you understand. Other ones. Anyhow, that part was impressive to me.

    ditto part 2: Code Monkey is quite the funny tune. If I could hear more I’d consider buying his disc.

  16. I’m with EssBee.

    Interestingly enough I’m being told my last nipple is being held, awaiting moderation. That I don’t quite get.

  17. Vanamonde: Sadly, no. I think I would’ve kicked their collective asses in either Combat or River Raid, though.

    jJ: Sage words.

    jackmangan: Thanks much!

  18. I wonder if they checked people who read from right to left to see if there was a difference. Chinese or Hebrew individuals might perceive time in a reversed manner… Of course, I’m not scientist, and why would I equate a loss of time with reading…

    Oh… Good morning, Pan… A rare Saturday appearance for me…

  19. I agree, Jack. How did we not know? My gaydar is scary-accurate and I didn’t know!

    I’m sitting in a Star-yucks waiting for Sly B to finish her meeting. We’re off to visit my parents and check up on how mom’s doing. We’ll probably work in a nice meal as well.

    Last night, our assface neighbor set his own tree on fire with his homemade fire pit that is situation about 3 feet from our cedar fence. I called the fire department (not 911, just the office) and left a message. I need some intervention. The guy is a piece of crap – no job, mistreats his wife, mistreats his son, gets drunk and high with friends every night and light a fire. Grr.

  20. I’d refer to my neighbor as an assface, but it’d be hard to narrow down which of my neighbors most deserves the title.

  21. Sounds like you got a bad case there, JJ.

    I suggest cleansing the mind with something from “The Muppet Movie”

    “moving right along……”

  22. It’s only a matter of time before Facebook pisses me off enough to leave. It shan’t be a big loss when that time comes.

  23. For anyone who take’s advantage of BING’s shopping search, they are running double the normal percentage of cash back from most of their retailers.

    They’re probably prejudiced against non-Americans, but i can’t say for sure.

  24. I can’t seem to face up to the facts
    Cat’s made me tense and nervous
    and I can’t relax
    I can’t sleep ’cause that cat’s on fire
    Keeps pouncing me, Its a real live wire

    Tycho Kitty
    Qu’est-ce Que C’est
    Meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow meow then you
    Run run run run run run run away

    I start a newspaper I can’t even finish it.
    You’re meowin’ a lot, but you’re not sayin’ anything.
    When I have something to do, you want in my lap.
    Cough up something once, why eat it again?

    Tycho Kitty
    Qu’est-ce Que C’est
    fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far better
    Run run run run run run run away

    oh oh oh oh oh oh oh oh….

  25. I’ve had workman here cleaning the exterior of my house today.
    It has been everything I expect in “hired labor”.

    Now my head hurts and my stomach is spewing acid like a volcano.

    I’m going to go pick up the bleach bottles, chewing tobacco cans and pop bottles from the yard now.

  26. Whew! I am finally moved in to my new house in Orlando. Internet has been obtained, computers have been set up and I have just now caught up on deadpan comments (left off around a week ago). Sorry I missed the 2001 stuff. That sounded like fun.

  27. The time perception article is interesting. Hate to be a buzzkill on this one, but it is in my direct field of study.

    Lejon: As to the time perception article testing direction of reading. The authors are well aware of the issue. The phenomenon they are testing revolves around the fact that attention moves from left-to-right in English speakers. The phenomenon is almost definitely related to reading and changes according to the participant’s language. They were interested in the concept that time and spatial attention are related. To me, the results are not all that surprising, because nearly everything in cognition is related in some way or other. I don’t focus specifically on eye movement studies, but the amount of milliseconds of the time shift seem to be almost direct multiples of the amount of milliseconds of saccades (minute eye movements), indicating to me anyway that the prismatic lenses could be affecting the way the eye moves rather than an actual perception of time. Even if the authors are right, the “perception of time” in their study is related to a specific task and lasts about 100 milliseconds. So I wouldn’t go out and buy prismatic lenses to make those boring meetings seem to go by faster (unless your meetings are soooo horrible that 100 milliseconds is worth losing).

    On the other hand, the study itself is unique and and elegant in it’s design. The fault lies more in the hands of the pop news article claims than in any claims of the researchers.

  28. Word press finally got me! I pasted my last comment and tried to post too quickly. I finally understand all the comments about Word Press. Woo hoo!

  29. Usedhair and LeJon: I missed that link. Please repost.

    (Also, I just read the comment out loud to a coworker. He says he is not smart enough for the Deadpan. I assured him we are not usually this high brow. I do not think he believes me. Because I am an asshat, this delights me.)

  30. Usedhair: Comment Buzzkill? That fluffed my ego to no end.

    If I had a little more gumption, I’d have probably gone into some sort of science. Unfortunately, it probably would have been nuclear physics and not developmental psychology or optics. Fortunately for me, the military didn’t seem like a good fit, so I went into selling popcorn and wasting my time in community college. I woudn’t call it history, but that’s how it is.

  31. Well you’ve just turned it in history LJ by recording it. Otherwise it would just be a series of events in a linear sequence.

    Morning Pan, a maths plateau and professional astronomy is not a happy combination.

  32. I’m meeting my daughter’s kindergarten teacher for the first time today. I have no idea why I’m nervous, but I am.

    If anything, SHE should be nervous about meeting me. *twitch*

  33. Lejon: fluffing your ego, eh? Just don’t tell my wife. *cough*

    Also, I just noticed in Unshow 40 that your name is pronounced as Jon with a french-ish Le in front of it. I kept reading it as the biblical Legion (as in “My name is Legion: for we are many.”) or as in Gamera vs. Legion (infinitely better than the bible).

  34. Preparing myself for day 2 of “hired labor pains”.

    These guys woefully underestimated the size of this job and they will spend today trying to make me feel like an asshole for having them deliver as they promised.

  35. JOe, give em hell!

    I’m up, worked out, and waiting for the coffee (HURRY!!!!).

    I must get to Evil, Inc. early today. Lots to do, lots to do. We have another big meeting, this time hosted by the new overlords in Dallas, next week to prep for.

    Hope you all have a great day!

  36. Good luck with the evil meetings EssBee.
    Please take notes. Publish book upon your retirement.

    My “crew” brought an extra guy with them today. Guy? Let’s say “kid”. Looks like he should be in High School (which started back yesterday.).

    I just don’t want to know .

  37. So talking with my Mum about her trip across the USA, she described Texas as “very green”, almost Hitchhikian in it’s brevity.

  38. Also wanted to send out a congrats to Usedhair on the new home!
    And I looked for your lost comment in the spam filter. It’s utterly vanished. Sometimes, dead is dead.

    Van: the northern tip of Texas (nipple?) is sometimes called the panhandle. That is a brief car ride – and green. The Highway 40 east-west slog is a few days of repetition.

  39. Can’t figure out if this nauseated feeling in the pit of my stomach is actual illness or emotional stress.

    It’s just one measly teacher who is going to be responsible for my precious little angel for a mere 7 hours per day. Right? *sigh*

    biting nails
    scratching head

  40. UsedHair: Regarding the pronunciation of my name:

    There’s really no wrong way to say it:

    Immediate Family Pronunciation: Leh-zhahn

    Maternal Grandpa’s Pronunciation: Lah-John

    Usual any-Joe-on-the-street Pronunciation: Lih-jon

    One peculiar high-school English teacher’s Pronunciation: Lay-Hohn

    Good Friend’s pronunciation after I told him about the English Teacher: Lay-Hohnny

    Swedish pronuncation (this is an assumption, as “lejon” = “lion” in Swedish): Lay-OHN

    And so on… I’ll answer to just about anything now…

  41. Oh, I left out the high-school history teacher who actually did call me “legion”.

    I went to a parochial high-school. Life was more interesting in that class.

    And, of course, there’s the occasional “Lee-John”, but I can’t remember who usually used that…

  42. Oh and for the record, I met the teacher and I didn’t cry… much.


    Actually, it was great. I’m feeling much better about the whole thing now!

  43. Lejon: I try not to call you LJ because

    That’s what most people call LiveJournal,
    Quoth Evo Terra, “LiveJournal is for emo pussies.” (no offense, JohnBoze 😛 )

    Not the association I figure you’d really want. . .


    Cj: Most kindergarteners cry the first time they meet their teacher.

  44. Le John for me.

    I’ll remember to bite into an onion the next time.

    Morning Pan, strange things are afoot at work, I’m off to Borders to have a relaxing afternoon browsing.

  45. Those pics were pretty cool, Jack. Although, the notion that Rowan Atkinson has produced an album was probably the most disturbing thing on that page.

    I can’t imagine that voice, excellent as it is in Black Adder and such, trying to carry a tune.


  46. Good morning, DP!

    Our neighbor situation has escalated. I turned him in to the city after a huge fire and party Friday night (and they lost their 3.5 year old son for about 5 hours). The fire department came yesterday and made him dismantle his “fire pit” that was 2.5 feet from my fence, and 5 feet from his home. He is livid, and spent most of last night ranting about his “idiot neighbors” and “fat cu@%s” and “throwing black cats at” people and “shooting fat cu%@s” if he had a gun. So . . . maybe I made it worse. The saddest part of the situation for me is that his wife is pregnant again and they are already so neglectful of their little boy.

    When I think about it, I get so pissed off that anyone on earth can have a kid yet people get all excited about queers getting married and Obama’s birth certificate and fake crap about the health care plan. What about that little boy, and what he’s going to grow up to be?

  47. EssBee – I hate it for you. I have had bad neighbors before as well.
    All I can say is that in situations like this … the surreptitiously placed video camera is your friend.

    Make copies of any footage of him being/saying threatening things and then anonymously leave those tapes with the police and your local councilman. Make sure your image or voice is not included in the recording. Include a note with each that says who all has received a copy so that no one can claim “they knew nothing about this.”

  48. BTW: “August 14 – Jupiter at Opposition. The giant planet will be at its closest approach to Earth. This is the best time to view and photograph Jupiter and its moons.”

  49. EssBee, that totally sucks about your neighbors. I’m sorry you are in that situation and I totally agree with you about the kid thing. It makes me crazy when people are negligent with their children. Sadly – it’s stories about those kids that prevent me from watching the news.

    To quote Keanu Reeves from Parenthood

    “Mrs. Buckman, you need a license to buy a dog, to drive a car – hell, you even need a license to catch a fish. But they’ll let any butt-reaming asshole be a father. “

  50. And speaking of kids… in 37 minutes, my daughter will be attending her very first kindergarten class.

    I better go take some pictures of her before she turns into a teenager!

  51. EssBee – I also agree that your neighbor situation sucks. Unfortunately, asshole licenses are freely available to everyone.

  52. Debbie! We’re having a bit of a quiet week around here. You’re always welcome, though. I just received an email from someone who wants to give you a hug.

    (That’s Spellwight Evo@11 Debbie from East Mesa, folks. Not the evil one.)

  53. Wow. Strangely – the search term “deadpan” gets us no love on google today, old or new algorithm. That wasn’t always the case.

    We’re still near the top on bing, however.

  54. I have to admit that I love the fact that if you type “cherylyn jones” into Google (old or new) I AM the first one that comes up.

    I’m trouncing someone who is actually in IMDB.

    All because I authored a couple measly video game manuals.

    Go me.

  55. So this shouldn’t have to be said but apparently IT DOES.

    There are NO “Death Panels” in the White House’s health care bill.
    There is a provision, originally sponsored by a Republican Senator from Georgia, that would have Medicare provide someone who could explain and make available a “living will” to any senior that requested such information. It’s just a service that would be offered to an individual on request. Now of course, Sarah Palin and her ilk have been on a media blitz, scaring people with talk of death squads for seniors.
    The supporters of the status quo have to wage a relentless war of frightening and outlandishly false statements in an effort to keep the public from actually discussing the facts.

  56. In other news –
    I bottled 5 gallons of “Oktoberfest” beer today that should be ready mid-October and 5 gallons of Hefeweisen that should be ready in November.
    THAT is MY health care plan! 🙂

  57. and in other OTHER news,
    President Barack Obama presented the Medal of Freedom to Stephen Hawking today.
    For you “out-of-towners” that is this country’s highest civilian honor… apart from being made a fool of on American Idol, apparently.

  58. Thanks Amy. The new place is great, but the move itself was pretty crappy (both the process and having to move in general). All told I’ve taken the whole thing like a surly teenager. My company may have forced me to move to a fantastic location with tons of things to do, but dammit I was happy in my sleepy little upstate NY town. …Not that I have lost sight of how fantastic it is that I have a really good paying job in a crappy economy.

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